Maybe one day I can have a reunion with myself. 

-Sebastian Bach

-

Before I blogged on Cliches in Chicago, I blogged on a tumblr called Sass of Chicago. I unfortunately, and stupidly deleted all of the writings on that blog, in a moment of dramatics. I cursed that blog, and my previous single life, because I was sooo in love with Chuck Cuevas. Now, as a quasi-adult, I understand that you should never give anything up, especially your poignant, beautifully written and hilarious blog about your adventures in dating (okay...maybe kissing..) terrible boys. But now I'm an adult, and I know to never delete your blog for anyone. 

I have a story for all of you. In my fit of annoyance/fed uppance with Chuck, I signed up for Tinder. I remember my fondest foray into Tinder, meeting Jake Reagan and becoming completely infatuated with him. And of course, I remembered my worst- meeting that stupid architect Ted, that called that painting crispy and having him annoy the fuck out of me.

When I downloaded it, of course I wasn't serious about it- I was just curious. I mean, can you blame me? I had the earth shattering realization (once again) that Chuck Cuevas was a fucking asshole, and was completely embarrassed that I thought for even a split moment that things would be sunshine and rainbows. And the realization that regardless of how long we've been together or how much fun we have, Chuck may never stop spontaneously disappearing. And can you imagine that? ME, ELIZABETH LEONA BUI dealing with this bullshit when I have kids with him or something?

"Sorry, kids, your dad just disappeared because he can't deal with shit...again."

My daughter would look back at me in her Kate Spade for girls dress, and throw her mini Maisie bag on the fucking ground. As my son sits there, in his J.Crew button down and bright Chubbies shorts and baby Sperries. They'd be like, "Um, mom, are you really putting up with this bullshit?"

And as I sat there, I realized, "HOLY FUCK, I've been through a lot with Chuck."

Yeah, he was all, "We're going to be okay, we're going to get through this, there's going to be good times and bad times, but we're going to get through this. We're going to be fine," but holy fucking shit, this MF has a lot of fits. And I understand, there's been times when I get mad or upset, but I've never just disappeared or not talked about it.

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyways, so I made a Tinder, and then promptly deleted it.

Blair: What kind of tacos?
Guy on Tinder: It's a simple recipe. I just wrap a tortilla around my dick and stick it in your mouth until the secret sauce comes out, most girls find it delicious ;)

EW.

BOY, BYE.

Maybe the universe just wants me to be alone forever, and to be in Chuck Cueva's crazy limbo. Just watch, guys, I'll be fifty years old and Chuck will still be telling me, "I need you to wait two years for me."

Okay, I feel like my life has the makings of a romantic comedy- I've met so many guys in quasi-cute ways, and spontaneously. It just is missing the part where I fall in love and meet the perfect guy. In my romantic comedy, these meet-cutes end in me going on a date with them, finding out that I don't like them at all in about .26 milliseconds, and then having the date end in them begging me for a second chance or another date.

I've been reunited with a guy from three years ago, I've been asked out randomly in Target, I've even met a guy on a fucking elevator (and we have had MANY moments in said stupid elevator), but this is real life. In real life, perfectly handsome guys aren't everywhere, and in real life you go months without having sex or going on a date. And when you do go on a date...it's definitely not like you thought it'd be like.

And as I sat there reminiscing, I couldn't help but wonder...what exactly have these guys been up to?

-

Haz- He is on my Do Not Social Media Stalk list- he is probably still living with the girl he dated as soon as we broke up, who he claims he's super in love with. Yes, he did confess his undying love to me like two years ago while they were dating.

Tom- He and his girlfriend recently broke up, and he's just been posting pictures of him being alone or with friends, broing it up. How awkward.

Bill- Has a girlfriend as awkward, condescending, and fake artsy/wannabe hipster as him.

Sexy Drake- Oh my gosh, why is he still super freaking hot. It's okay, guys, I'm just going to keep reminding myself about how he tried to do butt stuff with me, and that he's not that super hot (but he is)

James- Still dating this girl, is going to be living with Chuck... whatever.

Alejandro- Oh my god, even this thirsty MF has a girlfriend...what the hell?!?

Luke- HOW ARE ALL THESE GUYS GETTING GIRLFRIENDS?!?

Johnny- In Peoria for his residency, pining after Elizabeth Bui. Just kidding guys, he's in residency and probably macking on nurses.

Jake- Living in Milwaukee, being stupidly charming and handsome.

Toronto- I don't even need to Google this one- he has a girlfriend now too! I see him all the time when I go to work, because his job is working facilities in the building where our office is located. He actually is the only guy on this list that I'm on great terms with!

Chuck- I refuse.

Louis- He's busy wearing stupid J.Crew cardigans and dressing like a Kennedy while being an asshole and offending people, probably.

Ted- Besides creeping on my Snapchats, who knows? Probably still desperately searching for love.

Rafael- Probably out banging half of Chicago- without using a condom.

Ezra- Probably still heartbroken over his ex- but I heard he's transferring schools!

Target Guy- Who knows, and who cares?

Johnson- WHERE ARE ALL OF THESE TERRIBLE MEN FINDING GIRLFRIENDS?!

Jason- UGH, he still looks stupid handsome too. I ran into him last week while I was buying tacos and I walked away.

Carter- Still dealing drugs, and showing up in Blair's summer classes.

Derek- Still single, and still not getting back with his three year ex girlfriend even though he clearly loves her.

Nash- Still creeping on Snapchat, and hoping that Chuck and I don't get back together.

-

And the person I know you're all curious about...

Blair- Living life, working towards her goals and being undeniably sassy. Still going on adventures, still dating terrible men, and still blogging about it.

Plus One

"To be an ideal guest, stay at home."

 -E. W. Howe

-

"Are you coming to the dessert party my wife is throwing?" my boss asked me, as I walked into his office.

"Yeah, of course!" I said, as I realized that I had completely forgotten about it. My boss was a rich older man who lived right across the street from Millennium Park. His building was full of basketball players and celebrities, as he was basically loaded. His wife was the typical successful older lady as well, throwing fancy parties and events to network and impress people.

One of them being this dessert party, with prosecco and wine.

"You know you have a plus one, right?" He said, eyeing me carefully. I looked at him awkwardly, and nodded. He made a small face before saying his next response.

"But you don't have to bring one if you don't have one."

I stood there, awkwardly. His response to this could have been one of two things-

1. Blair, you bring a different boy to every event.
2. Blair, last time you brought a plus one, he ran away.
3. Blair, you are lonely AF.

"I'll bring one," I said, adamantly, as I walked off. My red ballet flats tapped across the surface of the wood floor, as I scurried off to my desk.

"FUCK, BLAIR, why did you say that?"

-

Blair, you bring a different boy to every event.

To be fair, there have only been two big work events that have occurred, and the boy I brought to the first one I thought was going to be my plus one for life. I literally thought that Chuck and I were going to be forever, because I was young and naive, and I thought that he was going to be my plus one from then on forward. To infinity and beyond.

And okay, I kind of, sort of thought that the second boy that I took to the second work event was going to be attending a couple more, but then he ended up running away! Not my fault.

OKAY, and I'm twenty and relationships aren't forever, so no one should really be expected to bring the same person, unless it's their spouse, to every single freaking event. ESPECIALLY if they're months apart!

Blair, last time you bought a plus one, he ran away.

I'm going to make this as painless as possible, by stealing the little snippet of a story from a previous blog post. I'm not going to go into crazy detail- I think if I do, it'll make me want to throat punch Louis Romney.

*coughs and opens up storybook (aka blog archives)*

I ended up taking him to this fancy work event, and as we all sat there in Carnivale, casually enjoying our dinner, Louis decided to offend a lot of people. He acted super classist, super sexist, and well...super conservative. He asked people if they were lower level employees, and it was just a huge mess overall. 

Louis is... ultra conservative. He only cares about the economy, hates poor people, hates Hispanic people, doesn't believe in feminism, He is actually Romney and Trump in twenty nine year old youngish man form. 

Anyways, we were all somewhat casually enjoying this nice dinner, when suddenly, Kayresia turned to Louis, and asked, "Louis, what are your intentions with Blair?"

A gut wrenching feeling hit me, as I turned and looked at him, noticing that he looked like Kayresia just smacked him in the head with a frying pan.

I didn't need for Louis to say that he wanted to be with me forever, I just needed him to not care that she did that, but instead Louis got up, and ran away. Louis completely disappeared, and then reappeared twenty minutes later with two HUGE drinks. In front of my entire staff.

And to this day, I don't know what was more embarassing about that incident...him running away in the middle of dinner, or him acting ultra conservative during dinner.

Everyone at work laughed at the fact that Louis ran away, and thought that he was an asshole. That's how that saga ended. No one ever said anything to my face really, except Cora when she said he was a fucking asshole. But I'm sure everyone talked about it plenty behind my back, all, "Poor Blair."

Blair, you are lonely AF.

Okay, first of all, I am not lonely AF. I am living a good life where I watch Grey's Anatomy and eat kale in my bed. And where I hang out with my friends, drink beer, and do Pilates. I just have no boyfriend or romantic prospects (although people would tell you otherwise), and I'm single AF.

I scanned my brain, and ended up going through every guy I've been on a date with in the past six months.

Chuck Cuevas:

I shook my head immediately. That can't and won't be happening. Because then the two of us would laugh and reminisce about the last time we went to a fancy rich people party, feel the feels about the good times, and then things would be messy and weird. And also, my coworkers would tell him that they've missed seeing him around, and they would assume that we are getting back together.

Plus, even though most people think that Chuck is skinny and awkward, not the hottest, and kinda gross, there's just something about him in nice clothes that makes me weak at the knees, and think, "DAYUM." I can't explain it, for whatever reason, I think Chuck Cuevas is a hottie.

Louis Romney:

Hell to the no, did you not read that previous story? Plus, besides the fact that he is an asshole, he's been pretending that he doesn't know me, because I was the side ho when he had a med school girlfriend.

I am still convinced that he has a wife and kids.


Ted Chang:
People joke that I dumped him because he didn't know what a painting was, but in reality we had absolutely nothing in common, he was weirdly in love with me, and a complete neanderthal. He was SO incredibly stupid, and also short. No way in fuck am I ever talking to him again. He was also incredibly cocky and really weird and annoying, entitled as well.

Sometimes I wish I had told him the truth and that I couldn't stand his ass, instead of chickening out and saying that it was because I still had feelings for Chuck.


Rafael Mancilla:
God, he's sexy. But also a twenty three year old fuck boy. So, pass.

Ezra:

Literally went on one date. No thanks.

Target Guy:

He told me that he banged a fifteen year old when he was twenty two, and then friend to bang me...no thanks.


Johnson:
There are sooooo many reasons why this is an immediate no, besides his annoying gremlin man-child ways, the fact that he's short, and that he's absolutely entitled and crazy. Also if I can't stand him at a nice brunch place, no way in fuck is he going to a fancy AF party at my boss' condo. I can't have him asking me what petit fours are. SORRY NOT SORRY.


Carter Chavez:
He would probably show up high, and then I would slap him across the face, and then he would be sexually aroused by that. I don't really want to be seen or associated with him, and also he's basically classless.


Jason:
Ugh, he's hot. But he also talks like a 70's frat star and is kind of an asshole.

Derek:
Also into me, definitely not into him. No thanks.

Maybe I needed to put an ad out or something.

WANTED: a plus one for a fancy party that my boss is throwing that will impress and dazzle everyone, and more importantly not embarrass me. The last guy I brought was embarrassing, my coworkers are still laughing about it.

You:
-are smart, educated, and intelligent
-have culture and class
-but can also joke around, be funny or a little ridiculous
-have a good career (or path)
-are funny, charming, and a great conversationalist
-taller than 5'9 (I'll compromise)
-do not have any glaring problems
-are not an asshole or Neanderthal

Me:
-is 5'5, 105, and adorably petite
-drinks beer, does Pilates, and is chill AF
-Asian American (but looks ethnically ambiguous)
-is clever, funny, and a pretty great conversationalist
-has hilarious and ridiculous stories
-watches the same terribly funny tv shows you do
-dresses fashionably and very well, has refined style
-will laugh at your terrible jokes
-sassy, brazen, bold, and sure

Pros:
-delicious desserts
-alcohol
-great networking and conversation
-potentially fall in love....or make a great friend (I'm a great wing woman!)

The Shy Guy

“But she wished she had had the guts to go up to him and say hello. Or possibly break his legs, she wasn't sure which.”

-Stieg Larsson, The Girl Who Played with Fire 

***The following post continues from the previous post regarding Carter.

"No, she's talking about the shy guy!" Serena said, on the phone.

"You forgot about him!"

 "Guys, I haven't even gone on a date with him!"

 "You might as well put him down," Kayresia said, with a laugh.

 "I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted. And to be completely honest...I did too. 

-

ONE MONTH AGO:


I had been texting Ezra, and as I walked to visit Regina at work, I stopped completely in my tracks. Sashaying towards me, was Louis Romney.

"Was he always that short?" I thought to myself, as he walked closer. It was unmistakably him, Republican navy v-neck sweater, slacks, grandpa loafers, and all. Did he ever dress just casually?

He spotted me, said hello, and then turned around, stopping to talk to me. I looked at him, side eye and all, it was only until he was standing right in front of me that I realized that this idiot was holding a fucking banana. A FUCKING BANANA.

"Hey, Blair, how are you?" He asked, as he shoved the banana in his mouth.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

And then suddenly, I remembered something.

"Your friend's cute, set me up with him!" I said, looking at Louis. He looked at me, shocked, and I swear you guys, he nearly choked on that banana chunk in his mouth.

"Who, Muhammad?" Louis laughed awkwardly after that, as I probably made an involuntary bitch face.

"No, the one in your picture!" I took out Facebook on my phone, and showed him.

"OH, you're friends with Jason?"

Could he not understand English, or what?

"No, he's cute."

"OH, so you want me to set you up with him," Louis said, while completely judging me in the process. What did he care? He missed his chance to date me, and his friend was really cute and single.

As we said good bye, he gave me a judgy look, and then walked away.

-

I was casually scrolling on Facebook, when I saw a familiar face. I clicked on it, and Jason's profile pulled up instantaneously.

"Mutual friends," I thought to myself, "Johnson Baker (Tinder Guy #3), Azeem Awani, Louis Romney, and....JOHNNY BELCHER?!"

Blair: HOW DO YOU KNOW JASON?

I waited in anticipation, and was playing Neko Atsume, when suddenly,

Johnny: His brother is an M4.
Blair: Introduce me.
Johnny: I don't really know him that well. Just add him on Facebook!
Blair: No, that's what weirdos do! 

Okay, we can ignore that I did that to Louis Romney like, four months ago?

Johnny: Guys don't really care about things like that. Just add him, Blair.

So, somehow, I channeled my inner Kayresia, and I added AND messaged him.

Blair: Hey! We matched once on Tinder, but my friends got drunk and they unmatched me!
Jason: Haha now why would they do that?

I left out the part where we met a couple times in passing and that he was friends with my ex boyfriend. We talked for a little bit, and made some small talk...but he didn't make a move. And so, somehow, Louis Romney actually proved himself useful, and provided me with some pretty vital information.

"So, I'm trying to talk to your friend...is he usually shy and kinda awkward?"

"Yeah, he is. That's just his personality."

And so, in that case, I decided to take the initiative in this situation.


Blair: Okay, so, I'm gonna leave my number, because I'm definitely a lot more funny and cute in person- I'd love to hang out some time! And if you're not up for it, you don't have to say anything and I definitely won't take it personally. 630-555-1416! 
Jason: Hey thanks, sounds good. This is kind of a busy weekend for me but we'll find a time!

And so, we texted a tiny bit, and ended up making plans for later that week.

-

"I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted.

"I do too, it's a strange kind of feeling."

"He might just be exactly what you need."

The Day After Valentine's Day

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

-Marilyn Monroe

"What did you text him?" Johnny said, as we stood in the lobby of our building. The poor girl at the front desk just stared at us, enthralled by my story.

"I said, 'Romney, you're an asshole and old and I hate you.' and then, I said, 'I've been day drinking.'" I admitted, as I shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh my god, Blair, holy shit," Johnny laughed. "And what did he say to that?"

"He was like, 'Blair I'm going to have to ask you to stop messaging me.' And I said, 'I understand that I was immature but I was drunk. I'll be polite to you in the building, but I don't really want to be friends with you because you suck.'" Johnny's jaw dropped to the ground, as my answer came out.

"Holy shit."

"So, needless to say, Romney and I are not going to talk to each other anymore."

"Okay, so what about that date?"

"Basically, we met up, he ate 1/3 of his meal, stared awkwardly and waited for me to finish. Then, when I asked him what was next, he responded, 'Back to my place.' I said, 'I don't think so.' And he said, 'Let's just go.' He came off like a fuck boy, and as soon as I got up to leave the restaurant, I texted Casey and Zayn to call me, and get me a way out. Casey called pretending that her boyfriend cheated on her, and for the entire walk home I stayed on the phone with her. And then when we got to his lobby, I was like, 'Fuck! What if he tries to kiss me?' So I called Casey back, and when she didn't pick up, I called Chuck and he pretended to be Casey."

"How did he come off like a fuck boy?" Johnny said, looking at me. He has always thought that I was extremely picky, and I knew this was coming.

"He told me he fucked a sixteen year old when he was twenty two."

Johnny's jaw nearly fell off.

"WHAT?!"

"Johnny, he-"

"He just brought this up? You guys weren't talking about sex or anything?"

I gave him a look. "NO, he told me this story." I proceeded to tell Johnny all of the smarmy details, and he shook his head.

"I'm sorry your date sucked....but mine went really well!"

-

"Wow, why do you keep going on all these weird dates? The only normal date you've told me about is the one where you and that guy had no chemistry and you laughed and went to 7-11," Zayn said, as I sat in his apartment.

"Yeah, I don't really know, Zayn. Why don't you find out and you can tell me. I'm a lonely bitch, and I'm going to eat carbs by myself and watch Netflix, because I am perpetually single." I said, as I looked over at the heels on the floor.

"Oh COME ON, Blair, you've been single for like what, three months?"

I nodded.

"When was the last time you were single- not talking to a guy or ANYTHING?" Zayn asked.

"Last week."

"NOPE, because you gave up on Rafael and met Ezra the exact same day...WHAT!"

We hung out, as in we scrolled through Tinder and laughed, laughed at my OK Cupid messages, and honestly, just hung out. Zayn was a cool guy.

"Aren't you supposed to be in your yoga leggings and comfy right now?" Zayn asked, looking at me.

"I already am," I pulled up my top to reveal the aqua and coral floral print band. "I literally put no effort into this date," I admitted, as Zayn and I laughed. "You know, you're one of the few guys I can hang out with without them trying anything weird."

"But I would try something weird, Blair, the two of us would be in my room, and I'd be like, 'Blair, I'm going to change into something more comfortable,' and I'd come back with like, more clothes on, or like my Batman onsie, and you'd be like, 'Zayn, why are you so weird?'"

I laughed, and smiled. "Yeah, but you wouldn't try anything like, sexual," I said.

Zayn and I had met last year when he was Chuck's supervisor, but we had grown closer in recent months. He was genuinely a good friend, and I was learning more and more about him, since we had become friends.

Friday Night

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.”
-Marilyn Monroe

 As I walked into Zayn's apartment, he looked at me, slightly laughing at my flustered state.

"I'm going to take my heels off now, and tell you about everything that's been going on."

-

The beginning of this saga starts at a 7-11 a block from Ezra's apartment, after a completely failed date. We had no chemistry, and as he offered to walk me down to the lobby, I pulled my shoes on.

"Uh, it's okay, I can walk myself down," I said awkwardly.

"Are you sure? I mean I can-"

"No, it's fine, I got it." I pulled my boots up higher and got up. "Can I have my coat?"

As Ezra awkwardly walked back with my coat, he stood, held my coat, and looked at me, seriously.

"I don't want to lead you on or anything, but I just don't feel anything romantic, like you're really attractive and nice, but I don't feel anything."

"Good, because I feel the exact same way," I said, flipping my hair a bit. He looked at me as if I had completely broken his confidence, and let's face it, I probably did. He thought that he was this bad ass guy for "rejecting" me, and he didn't- we both weren't into each other.

I stood up, slightly tooching my booty and giving him my best seductive look, "We can still be friends though, of course, I just don't think we'd work out. Our personalities are too different," I said, coyly. I had stolen this break up right from under him.

"You're really nice and-"

"Just stop right there," I said, giving him a look, and interrupting him. "That's the speech you give ugly girls, and we both here are just not interested in each other."

"NO, no, you're really attractive, trust me, you're like super attractive. I don't even know how this happened," he said, gesturing at the two of us.

He took one step closer, "I still think you're really hot though," he said, awkwardly.

Was he really trying to fuck me?

"Well, I think it's time for me to go," I said, as I grabbed my coat and my purse.

"I can call you an uber or something," he suggested.

"It's okay, I got this."

I decided after that terrible date, that snacks were needed. specifically, gelato and flaming hot cheetos with nacho cheese. I called Yael and told him about my terrible date, and Johnny too.

-

I went over to Johnny's apartment after, and after an extremely terrible sexual encounter, we decided that the whole friends with benefits thing is no more, but we still are of course, very good friends.

"Blair, I love talking to you, because every time I do, I think to myself, this girl is going places, and I respect you as a friend, not just as a hot girl," Johnny said, as we sat on his couch.

"That's so sweet, but we are definitely not having sex," I said, as I fell asleep on his couch.

Bananas

"This shit is BANANAS. B-A-N-A-N-A-S."
-Gwen Stefani

I had been texting Ezra, and as I walked to visit Regina at work, I stopped completely in my tracks. Sashaying towards me, was Louis Romney.

"Was he always that short?" I thought to myself, as he walked closer. It was unmistakably him, Republican navy v-neck sweater, slacks, grandpa loafers, and all. Did he ever dress just casually?

He spotted me, said hello, and then turned around, stopping to talk to me. I looked at him, side eye and all, it was only until he was standing right in front of me that I realized that this idiot was holding a fucking banana. A FUCKING BANANA.

"Hey, Blair, how are you?" He asked, as he shoved the banana in his mouth.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

And then suddenly, I remembered something.

"Your friend's cute, set me up with him!" I said, looking at Louis. He looked at me, shocked, and I swear you guys, he nearly choked on that banana chunk in his mouth.

"Who, Muhammad?" Louis laughed awkwardly after that, as I probably made an involuntary bitch face.

"No, the one in your picture!" I took out Facebook on my phone, and showed him.

"OH, you're friends with Jason?"

Could he not understand English, or what?

"No, he's cute."

"OH, so you want me to set you up with him," Louis said, while completely judging me in the process. What did he care? He missed his chance to date me, and his friend was really cute and single.

As we said good bye, he gave me a judgy look, and then walked away.

"Regina did you-"

"Blair, I watched you guys in the reflection of the windows and eavesdropped on everything, and when he walked past here I wanted to throw a stapler at him."

"I know, I'm a savage bitch," I laughed, pulling out my phone from my bag. Another text from Ezra.

"I don't blame you, his friend's hot."

Fuckboys and Thots

“Now he was nothing to her, just a lesson in time, a wicked boy-man, incapable of wealth or prestige.”

-Coco J. Ginger 

-

 Let me tell you something about Rafael, guys. Rafael is 5'9, super hot, quite lazy, and frankly, kind of an asshole. And for whatever reason, I will admit that I am somehow attracted to this douchebag. To this guy who uses the word "shwag," can somehow barely take care of himself, and is honestly, completely refreshing. Rafael is a no bullshit, completely honest kind of guy, and he can take me being a sassy bitch, and asking loaded questions.

Not too long ago, I dated this architect that I kept trying to convince myself was going to be the perfect boyfriend. And then, reality hit, and I realized that he was honestly really meh and kind of a fool, and also that I just liked his car and the stuff that he got me. He was too clingy, too attached, and too fucking weird. Not to mention that I took him to The Art Institute and he didn't know what pointillism was. 

I also dated this one guy who was twenty nine, in med school, and thought he was going to be the most bombtastic surgeon in the entire mother fucking world. But he was weird, and also super Republican, super conservative, and honestly, a complete fucking asshole. He mentioned my age, probably, fifty times per hour, and instead of just shrugging it off and saying "what up, bitches, I have a young, hot girlfriend," he just hovered on the fact that I was twenty and exceptionally more mature than he was.

Rafael and I had been texting since the whole kidney problem thing, after his crazy weekend in Champaign where he partied his balls off. We were still in the process of negotiating our second "date," and I had to tell myself a couple times, "Blair, you are not sleeping with him again, make him fucking work for it."

You know, being kicked out of your ex boyfriend's place with Saturday's hair, and yesterday's makeup really is a wake up call. Highly recommended for your single friends who are lost in the sauce. 

"WAIT, you were in my building last night?!" Yael said, as we walked down the street.

"Yup, and that's when Chuck kicked me out." I admitted, as we passed another pedestrian. "JUST LIKE LAST NIGHT'S CHEAP ONE NIGHT STAND." 

An elderly lady looked at me, giving me a dirty look. It wasn't that I was salty that Chuck had essentially told me to get the fuck out—okay, that was it. I was salty that he had kicked me out. I didn't expect him to be all, "Blair, I love you again let's fall in love together," but I definitely wasn't expecting him to be like, "Blair, go home. Get the fuck out."

...Okay, I paraphrased what had actually happened, but still! TF?

Blair, how are you ever going to be a writer if you write about everything so crudely?

It honestly blew my mind, how that happened, it was as if we had not spent a year and a half together, but maybe twenty seconds, before he kicked me out. I hadn't texted him, and hadn't talked to him. It had been a weird night, in general, and  was frustrated with myself for even thinking that there was maybe a chance that Chuck had grew a heart, and that he had regretted ending things like that.

But anyways, back to Rafael. We had been texting like normal, and then suddenly, as I sat in my Physics lecture, I realized something.

RAFAEL WAS FUCKING GHOSTING ME.

He had not texted me back in 24 hours, and we did not make definite plans for a future date. He was fucking ghosting me. It didn't devastate me, but it wasn't a great feeling. I had been interested in him, and Rafael was actually pretty damn cool. You know, minus the whole fuck boy thing.

I walked out of class, to see Kayresia talking to a boy.

A cute boy. The three of us talked for a while, before I had to go off. He was cute, an old-timey dapper kind of cute.

Blair: He was cute
Kayresia: He said hit him up, he single
B: Give him my number. He's taller than me right? IS HE TALLER THAN ME?

Priorities, Blair.

Priorities.

And lo and behold, later that day-

Ezra: Hey Blair! It's Ezra. Kayresia gave me your number earlier in Physics class and told me to text you.

I stared at my phone, blankly.

Blair: YAEL WHAT DO I SAY
Yael: "Hi Ezra. I'm going to need you to rate yourself from 1-10. 1 being a fuck boi to 10 being a hopeless romantic." If he says 6-9 he's a keeper.

I had been texting Ezra a bit when Kayresia walked into my office, I had asked her everything that happened.

"....and then I was like, 'Blair's a thot. And then I was like, 'Blair's not a thot, she's just having a little trouble finding the right guy.'"

"YOU SAID I WAS A THOT!? I'M NOT A THOT!"

Kayresia looked at me, her eyes squinting. "And how many guys have you been with in January?"

"Romney, Ted...maybe Rafael." I said, adamantly.

She looked at me, "Really? What about, uh, Johnny, and Chuck?"

"Johnny is my friend with benefits, so he doesn't count. And Chuck and I dated already."

"Girl, that's how you know you a thot! You've got a friend with benefits. Anyways, tomorrow we're studying for Physics in the library, and he's going to be there! So there you go."

"He's probably only talking to me because you said I was a thot!"

"No, Blair, he's actually a really nice guy."

And as she walked out, I came to the realization that yeah, maybe it's been a crazy month, and yeah, maybe I'm not even remotely close to meeting the perfect guy. But that's okay, and it's not my fault, because there are so many fuckboys around here it's not even funny.