“Our moral economy went bankrupt long before our financial one.” 

-Steve Maraboli

-

"Janet, what's a hedge fund trader?"

NOW, before you start harping on me about not knowing what a hedge fund trader is, I knew the general bits about being a hedge fund trader...I just wanted to know the specifics. Janet went on to explain what a hedge fund trader was and what they did. As soon as she finished explaining everything, she turned and looked at me.

"Why, are you thinking of dating a finance boy?"

"Yeah, actually, I am."

Janet looked at me, and then started laughing. "Well, good luck to you, then."

"What do you mean?" I asked, instantly, giving her a look back. What was she talking about...JFK was PERFECT. He and I were destined to walk around in Lincoln Park together, he would wear a Ralph Lauren plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of shorts from J.Crew, and boating shoes. I would wear a sundress from Anthropologie, with Tory Burch sandals, and a cute bag from Kate Spade (Fordham Court Marielle, perhaps?)

"Finance guys....let's just say they're their own type of people. They are always busy, always working, and they work hard, play hard." She said it in such a warning kind of way that it made me nervous. I quickly typed it into Google, and found TONS OF ARTICLES warning me about Finance guys and the dangers of falling into their traps. I quickly envisioned The Wolf of Wall Street, and then took a breath. Could JFK really be that bad? Was he secretly The Wolf of LaSalle Street? I ignored the premonition, and continued just living my life and sitting at work, drinking my Pamplemousse La Croix.

I had gone through JFK's profile at least five times ("Chicago, NYC, and Boston. Hedge fund trader, world traveler emeritus, and industrial tourist.") before I came to the realization that he had not messaged me back yet.

-

A summary of our conversation:

Blair (around the time I got off of work yesterday): Why'd you come to Chicago?
JFK (7:23 PM): I didn't choose Chicago--Chicago chose me!

He used an em-dash. How intellectually sexy.

JFK (7:23 PM): (jk)
JFK (7:23 PM): Chi wasn't a natural place to move but I had a very compelling job offer here so it seemed like the right call
JFK (7:23 PM): What about you? Are you a bonafide native?
Blair (7:46 PM): My family lives in the suburbs, and I've always loved Chicago since I was a little girl so it made perfect sense to move here for college! So I guess I'm a native hahahah

And then, in a Tavern at the Park food coma, I did something, in a moment of weakness (and fullness from risotto). I double messaged him.

...I know, save the lecture.

Blair: Where are you from?

I decided that it was fine because he had previously sent me four messages in a row.

It would not be until 6:24 am the next day when he would answer me, something that I found strange within itself. He was twenty two- did he really not check his phone except for six in the morning? Why is he awake at six in the morning? Was Harvard being bombarded by so many women that he just didn't know what to do?

JFK (6:24 AM): Yep I would say that counts...native status is now yours!

Um, okay, am I playing a video game and unlocking accomplishments? I guess dating could be considered a game, in a strange kind of way. Except it's one where you never win!

JFK (6:24 AM): (unfortunately in this case I do not think it comes with any special preferences for hiring, university admission, etc)

In the case of me dating him? In the case of us talking to each other? In the case of me moving to Chicago to go to college? Why did he talk like an old entitled white man, and what on earth is he babbling about? Was he going to be like this on our date?

I decided to give him a pass, although he did have hours to come up with something witty to say back to me.

JFK (6:24 AM): I grew up in DC and went to school in Boston, and my spiritual home is New York although I reside here
Blair (7:52 AM): I've never been to DC, but I have a couple friends that grew up in that area! I also love San Francisco and Dallas-Fort Worth feels like a second home, although I would never live there (my grandmother does and I visit a couple times a year when she's feeling sick and for holidays)

-

It was noon now, and I had heard nothing. Was my response weird? Was I not Ivy League enough to date JFK, who spoke with the tone and dialect of an older Southern man (imagine Jody from The Mindy Project)

I texted Rafael, in an attempt to distract myself.

Blair: Are you really going to pretend like you don't know my name? I was just trying to be nice.
Rafael: Blare. I know your name, idk why I didn't just ask that
Blair: Savage AF, I was about to say. Blair.
Rafael: My bad, it autocorrected.
Blair: It's okay, that Mexican boy from Tinder
Rafael: That's me. So what's up, why did you just text me?
Blair: I was at the bars and my friend mentioned "that guy from Tinder with kidney problems" and I felt bad for being a bitch

Total lie. Complete and utter lie. But Rafael didn't need to know that.

Rafael: Turns out my kidneys are good.
Blair: I'm glad, that day of fasting and date cancelling didn't go to waste
Rafael: Yeah I'm glad I got that check up lol
Blair: What have you been up to?
Rafael: Not much. Working, chilling, how about you?
Blair: Working, drinking La Croix, school, PCATs. I blog now too.
Rafael: Fun fun fun

Was I really going to do this?

Blair: Read at 2:07 pm

-

It was now fifteen minutes before I would leave work, and as I realized that Audrey cancelled plans with me, I took a deep breath. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad... falling into the rabbit hole, that is. I swallowed my pride, and I sent Rafael a text.

Mrs. Blair Harvard

“Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.” 

-Julie Spira, The Perils of Cyber-Dating

-

Karley Sciortino. Sinderella. All the fearless, bold, effortlessly chic and sassy women out there who blog about terrible guys that they date. And of course, yours truly.

After a weekend in the suburbs, an accidental haircut, a new Kate Spade purchase, and a spontaneous break up, I knew that my rom-com was just beginning. Cue Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. After making a Tinder, deleting it, and then remaking it again, I promised Matthew and myself that I would keep it for at least a week. After finally leaving Chuck behind (translation: I tried to be cute, I realized that he was still being a stupid little bitch, and then text-yelled at him and accidentally butt dialed him twice, then proceeded to post a cryptic Snapchat), and embarrassing myself with Rafael and Jason (translation: I tried to text them both being cute, Rafael was confused because he had long deleted my number...and Jason didn't text me back) I realized that I needed to expand my horizons.

Despite my fear of guys with Asian girl fetishes and weird finance guys, I downloaded Tinder and told myself that I wouldn't delete it after a week. I mean, I haven't had the worst experiences...right?

Um, besides Jason Cross, Johnson Baker, Ted Chang, Jake Reagen, Rafael Mancila....every guy that I've met on Tinder.

OKAY, Jake Reagan was not that bad! Except for the part where he broke my eighteen year old heart into pieces and then moved to Milwaukee, never to be heard from again.

Okay, you guys, if I had gone to U of I instead of staying that weekend where Chuck showed up drunk, things could've ended up not completely terrible! I could have been one of those Buzzfeed listcle people, and talked about how I met the love of my life on Tinder, again. Or I would have gone back from U of I, and realized that Chuck and I were meant to be (at that time).

Okay, I fucking admit it, I have met some shitty guys on Tinder. But I've met some shitty guys in real life too! It doesn't take an app to date terrible men, although people might think otherwise.

I was trying to be a better person, I mean, you get what you give, right? I had decided to let go of the fact that I had sacrificed and did so much for Chuck, only to have him treat me like complete and utter shit. Karma could do my dirty work for me, as I was focused on being positive, happy, and kind.

Rafael: I'm confused lol but alright
Blair: I'm pretty sure if you remembered who I was you'd be like, "what the actual fuck?"

Mostly because I yelled at him and called him a schwag fuck boy- but he deserved it! He lied about kidney failure and I had to go and buy Plan B by myself! AND PAY FOR IT BY MYSELF. It wasn't like in Master of None- no Martinelli's was given to me! I did not receive an Uber ride home courtesy of a nice Indian actor man. I mean yeah, he was an asshole, but I was trying to be cute or something when I texted him.

Rafael: I'm already thinking that because you have my number, know who I am, and I don't lol
Blair: I figured, and I actually hit you up because I felt bad for being such a bitch about everything...my ex and I broke up like a few weeks before we met and I acted ridiculous. I'm really not terrible! And you get what you give, right?
Rafael: Lol are you that asian girl from tinder?

-

"But didn't you guys know each other?" Audrey asked, as we walked around City Target. I had decided to not respond to Rafael, because I was trying to be a good human being, and the only response I could think of was, "You know damn well that you know my name, asshole."

"YES, Audrey, we did know each other. For fuck's sake, the two of us talked for like a week before we had sex! And how many Blairs exist in the city of Chicago, come on."

"Maybe he for-"

"AUDREY, he knew my name, we talked and flirted and it was like a week and a half of build up before the sex! He even knows Chuck's name. He's just being a little piece of bullshit because he is a fuck boy."

"Maybe he's heartbroken because you think he's a fuckboy and he genuinely had feelings for you."

I burst out in laughter, laughing uncontrollably in the middle of City Target. "Yeah right, Rafael?" As I took another step towards the chocolates and candies, my phone went off.

"UGH, it's probably another match." 

I had agreed to keep Tinder for a week, and it wasn't a terrible idea. The dating pool in my social network seemed to be non-existent, considering that I can't date any of the med students at my school after the whole Louis, Johnson, Jason, St Baldrick's thing, and because all the guys at my school seem to know about the Chuck Cuevas and Blair Bui romance....and every guy in this zip code. I needed to expand my horizons, and keep an open mind. I couldn't help but fear what psychopath Tinder had in store for me...

Johnathan. Harvard. Hedge Fund trader. Twenty two...and ridiculously handsome. As I mentally imagined that our relationship would be like, Audrey interrupted.

"Blair, he has pictures with Korean BBQ, maybe he has an Asian fetish," Audrey said, bursting my bubble.

I gave her a look, and shook my head, "Audrey, don't burst my bubble, Harvard and I could be soulmates!"

"He seems too good to be true, he might be a Catfish."

I typed in 'Johnathan Harvard' into Facebook, and he popped up immediately.

"Johnathan Fa-Kassam."  He was definitely hot enough for me to throw on a little green dress and some wedges...but would he be fun enough to stick around past the third date?