“There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”
 -F. Scott Fitzgerald

-

My friends always tell me that I'm being too picky--and I know I've said this five hundred times, but there's just this spark that has to be there. I'll stop myself here, because I've talked about what I'm exactly looking for, in extensive detail before (WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR, EXACTLY).

And sure, maybe my standards are high, but they don't call it one in a million for nothing. It's not easy to find, and even though some days I just want to give up, and be a millennial spinster that bakes oatmeal cranberry chocolate chip toffee bit cookies all day and watch Netflix, somehow I keep on going. It's probably because past the spicy, sassy, loud, brazen, bold as fuck, no nonsense, boss ass bitch exterior, there is still that girl who believes in soul mates and forever. Deep, deep, deep inside. Like, waaaay deep.

And it's also probably because minus the bad parts, I've met some pretty great guys. In the least embarrassing way I can phrase this, there's three types of exes you can have. There are guys like Haz, where you have just completely forgotten about them and their existence, and only remember them if they're brought up for some reason. There are guys that you think about regularly, individuals that have profoundly touched you (maybe physically if you get all sexually, but mostly emotionally- ha!) and that you share fond memories with. And then there's the assholes like Chuck Cuevas that are pieces of shit, and never deserved your attention or love. Assholes.

And the people that made you so happy, that you drifted away from, and weren't total shits are the best. They're the best because you can remember the fond memories you shared, and the unique experiences that you had with them. Kind of like that old grandma at the end of Edward Scissorhands. Or the old lady in Titanic.

God, I just cringed for a brief moment imagining myself as a grandmother in a floral cardigan telling my grandkids about the time Jake Reagan showed up with a six pack of PBR, and how we laid and talked and got drunk. And then later, Kayresia called me as I was getting smashed from behind!

The weekend that Chuck showed up drunk and projectile vomited everywhere, the infamous weekend where he became my boyfriend... that weekend almost didn't happen. Instead of staying home that weekend, I almost went to Milwaukee to see Jake. Sometimes, I wonder what could've happened, what should've happened, and what almost was. Especially now that I know what happened instead.

I try to convince myself that things would have been the same, and that Chuck and I would have gotten together, even if I had left that weekend. But who knows? And sometimes when I wonder, it scares me. It scares me because of what happened with Derek, and how the fantasy was far better than the reality--and it also scares me, because I could have been madly in love with Jake and been hurt fifteen times worse (although nothing in my entire life hurt as much as Chuck did--that hurt more than anything I could have imagined or wished upon my worst enemy).

This doesn't mean that the time Chuck and I spent together meant nothing, or that I didn't love Chuck. I did--just in a different way than I loved Jake. Sometimes I'm scared that I'll always love both of them a (tiny, tiny, tiny) little bit, more so Chuck. But the thing is, the two types of love I had for both of them were completely different, because they're so completely different.

I fell in love with Jake Reagen spontaneously--it was all at once, and completely unexpected. I fell in love with him, the way he laughed, and the way he looked at me, as we talked all night until the crack of dawn. I fell in love with him fast as hell, and I dove straight into it, fearless and carefree. I didn't worry about my heart, or the walls I had put up, I just let myself fall, and go all in. I loved how spontaneous he was, and how everything with him was always carefree. I loved how he called me Smalls, and how he was just so easy to talk to, and so easy to spend time with. How he was always full of energy, and full of life. He was crazy and ridiculous, but he was always real and genuine.

I fell in love with Chuck in time, more and more each and every day. I discovered new things that I loved about him each and every day, and he made me feel safe and secure. He always could tell if something was bothering me, and he always knew how to make me laugh. And even though he was a sociopath and liar with narcissistic tendencies that emotionally manipulated me, and treated me like shit, in the beginning he was my favorite person in the entire world. He was my world. I usually don't think about it, but I sometimes I wonder how someone that made me feel so safe and secure, someone that I trusted so much, could be the person that let me down the most, and hurt me more than everyone else combined.

The last person that I felt sparks for was Rafael--not the Rafael now, but the Rafael that I first met. The one who wasn't a total shit and a complete asshole.

When Rafael and I first matched, we clicked. We talked nonstop and he made me laugh. He was sweet and funny, sarcastic and stubborn, and somehow we just complemented each other. Of course, he's still funny (sometimes), and always sarcastic and stubborn now, but it's different now. Now that we've gotten to know each other, I'm just not romantically interested in him, and he's also not sweet or that funny anymore. But when I first met him, there was instant chemistry and instant sparks, which is also why he is the last person I slept with, that I actually do not regret.

Of course now, he's just a booty call, but it's crazy to think that at one point I really saw Rafael potentially being my next boyfriend.

So yeah, it's been a while--but I definitely know what I want, and I know how I'll feel as soon as they're apparent.

And do you know what other gut feeling is undeniable to me too?

Whenever I feel like it isn't the end. Sometimes, there's just this crazy gut feeling telling you that it isn't the end of the story between you and that person, even if you really, really, want it to be. Sometimes, the universe has more in plan for you, and you're destined somehow to see each other again. Whether you say hello and move forward, or you end up taking an Uber to 3950 for a spontaneous casual romp--it's up to destiny. And that gut feeling telling you that it's not the end, sometimes it can be the actual worst.

Sure, sometimes it can fuel hope--but I'm not that type of person.

I'll never forget, how months ago, I said that there was this terrifying gut feeling that things weren't done between the two of us.

"My heart felt heavy for a moment, as I analyzed all these situations inside of my head. And as much as I wanted to pretend that this was still an option, I knew in my heart that the ending with Rafael had disappeared long ago, when that book closed. But, truthfully, a gut feeling inside of me told me that this wasn't going to be the end."

-THE END OF RAFAEL

And I was thinking about it recently, because I have that terrifying gut feeling that it isn't the end of Chuck and I. I definitely want to avoid him for the rest of my life, and never want to talk to his whack end, but there's this horrifying gut feeling that says that we're bound to run into each other again. Not necessarily that we're going to fall together--but definitely that me never talking to him isn't the end.

Trust me, it's terrifying.

Almost as terrifying as the thought that I might never feel sparks again.

Tremendously Unbreezy

"So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
-Monica Geller, Friends

-

In one episode of Friends, Monica (me AF) says that she is "breezy" when she leaves her ex boyfriend a voicemail, even though she was conspicuous as fuck. Urban Dictionary defines breezy as "acting cool and aloof so the person you're talking to doesn't think you're trying too hard." I am not breezy. I am not aloof. I am extremely obvious, ridiculous conspicuous, and tremendously unbreezy. I drink La Croix for god's sake, even my water is trying too damn hard.

But we aren't talking about ex-boyfriends (he shall not be named after he pissed me off... The time in July, not the time every other month he's made me want to claw his eyes out), we are talking about my awkward attempt at casual sex. You see, every time I've been in a casual sex relationship not relationship situation, the guy has always hit me up (Johnny) or he showed up when I told him to (Jake). So when Rafael completely ignored my question about the dirty picture I had sent him, and then proceeded to NOT make future sex plans with me, I was honestly floored.

I mean, it's not like I was naming our future children or planning to leave tampons and thongs all over his apartment-- the only thing I needed from him was for him to have fucking toilet paper and to stop waking me up at two in the morning for absolute nonsense! AND for him to tell me what his roommate was cooking in that stupid crockpot at three in the morning. And I thought Chuck's friends were weird!

Was I approaching things the wrong way? Maybe in my attempt to NOT date him, it had completely deterred him from wanting to ever see me again. I mean, I wore sexy as hell underwear (although that's never stopped a boy from dumping me... *cough* friendsgiving 2016), I was funny and chill (or at least what I thought was funny and chill), I was casual and indifferent about him, and I left in the morning and didn't demand him to pay for my uber, walk me out, or order me breakfast. And I didn't even text him or say anything until the next time I wanted to smash... Wasn't this how booty calls worked?

Why on earth would I be extra nice, extra sweet and flirtatious, try to trick him into relationship things, and text him regularly? I did that already--and it led me into being fooled for the ten millionth time by Chuck! All that wasted energy could have gone into something useful, like learning to play the piccolo or perfecting risotto.

You know, I went to the Taste of Chicago with Yael, and he told me that Chuck wrote in his staff yearbook thing (I don't even know, Campus Housing is weird), "Even though Blair got custody of you, we still have to hang out." YEAH FUCKING RIGHT. Yael risk his life and hang out with my ex boyfriend/archenemy? I don't know what possessed Chuck to write that, he should have just written the truth, "Yael, I want to pretend to be a good person to spite Blair, because we both know she's annoyed as hell that after our breakup everyone thinks she's the Asian spawn of Satan and that I am a Latino Angel."

Yael, also, after hearing about why I'm done with Chuck (this time), said, "How do you deal with this? I would have been so done."

ANSWER: I don't. I don't talk to him and I don't deal with the shit.

But I digress.

I thought that I had done everything right, I had acted sexy, but cool. Casual, but kind (okay, maybe I was kind of a bitch, but he deserved it!). Wasn't this what guys wanted? A carefree, independent, hot girl that would be willing to have regular sex with them, without commitment.

"Have you thought that maybe he likes you?"

And I've gone over this, for the ten millionth time. Chuck will probably be in a relationship before. Rafael will ever, Rafael is far too busy having irresponsibly casual sex with random girls. He's less serious than a mullet, more careless than a biker without a helmet. He literally gives no fucks, and he's not going to give that up for anyone. He's Rafael- asshole extraordinaire and player.

Even my regular sex commitment that I wanted was probably too much for him.

With Chuck busy making flow hoods and stupid lamps, and Rafael off fucking all of Chicago, I was exhausted and tired of all the nonsense. I was overworked, stressed as fuck, and way too busy with everything going on in my life. Maybe I was a fool to think that things would come easily- that Chuck and I would get back together and live happily after, or that Rafael and I would get under each other until I lived happily ever after. Finding someone isn't easy, even if you're trying to have casual sex.

But that's why they call it one in a million--because it's rare and extraordinary.

Sometimes people think that they should go back to their ex because they feel lonely or comfortable with their ex, but that doesn't mean that you should stay... It means that you haven't found the right person yet. You can't settle for comfortable or base your decision on what previously worked or previously made you happy. Because it's the present now, and this is when you make decisions for the future. And maybe magic will come soon, or maybe it will come years from now. Regardless, you can't just give up the hope that there's someone phenomenal out there.

So yeah, maybe I hadn't found the guy or the booty call of my dreams, but I was healthy, happy, and surrounded by people that I care about. I was moving forward and meeting new people, exploring new things and places. And I was going to be perfectly fine.

Boss Ass Bitch Blair Condoms

"The key Mindy, is to find a man who you are attracted to, but don't respect and can't see a future with."

-Dr. Jeremy Reed, The Mindy Project

-

Rafael and I had ended up texting for a while, after I sent that text. After flirting, some back and forth banter, and the acknowledgement that neither of us had plans for that night, I agreed to go see his new place in Lakeview.

That is, after I went to Target.

Rafael kept trying to tell me that there was a Target in his area and that I should just come over, but I had to make him walk. Plus, full disclosure, I was kind of sweaty and gross from walking to get Mario's Iced Lemonade, then waiting in line amongst the college boys trying to impress girls and suburban tourist families. By the time I walked to Target, my messy waves had collapsed and I was sweaty and gross. My chic floral printed loose romper, green Tory Burch inspired sandal ensemble was no longer as chic as I had intended. Mostly because the model was now sweaty and gross.

As I walked into Target, I threw my hair into a messy bun as it cooled off from the humid air outside. I ran around the beauty department, throwing a mini Dove deodorant in my cart, and hurried, until I realized that this time, Rafael was waiting on me. I took my time walking around Target, picking up a lip and cheek stain, some Listerine strips, and as I passed the condoms, I paused for a moment.

Did I need condoms?!

A million thoughts ran through my mind, in approximately this order:

• Are you going to have sex with him, Blair?
• Didn't you learn last time that having sex on the first date is a relationship killer?
• Like it totally kills any chance of a relationship.
• BUT WAIT
• I don't want a relatonship...especially with Rafael
• I mean he's super hot and tall and hilarious, but he's also a total asshole
• A really, really sexy and super confident asshole
• I'M GOING TO DO IT
• I'm going to have casual sex
• Blair Bui, you are killin' it at this single thing
• Oh my god
• Oh my god, I'm Mindy Kaling in that one episode where she tries to have casual sex
• She says to choose someone that's super hot, but that you don't respect....THAT WOULD BE RAFAEL IN A NUTSHELL
• Wait doesn't she fall in love with that guy she hooks up with?
• And he leaves her for a super hot small Asian woman?
• But I'm a small Asian woman!
• OKAY, Blair, focus. Condoms.
• Oh my god, this is the condom aisle that Chuck was in the first time I asked him to buy us condoms.
• That was actually kinda cute, he was soo nervous that he stood in the condom aisle for twenty minutes because he just didn't know. And he bought the max protection!
• Oh my god, why are these condoms $4 for a three pack?
• Do I really need to buy condoms?
• I mean, he's a guy, he should have condoms, right?
• Blair, you shouldn't assume that he's just going to have condoms...
• Wait, should I even be assuming that we are going to have sex?
• How many women buy condoms? Is it sexist to assume that the guy should get the condoms?
• Okay, well... just buy the damn condoms. Knowing Rafael's ass, he won't have condoms.
• Condoms are $4, Plan B is $40....children are like 250k total to raise according to that article on Jezebel.
• Oh my god, 250k. 
• I could buy so many Kate Spades.

I threw the condoms in my cart, and vowed that they would now be the Boss Ass Bitch Blair Condoms, and not the Chuck condoms. In order to get rid of some bad memories, you gotta make some good ones, right? I walked around a bit, taking my time, until Rafael texted me, asking if I was coming still.

Blair: Let me pay for my shit at Target, damn.

I called the Uber, and it eventually arrived. A bitchy girl with a Whole Foods bag was in the car, and we picked up a girl with a bright indigo Rebecca Minkoff Mini Mac, Whole Foods had judged me hardcore as I tried to resurrect my melted hair, and throw some cheek stain on my cheeks. I put on my current favorite lipstick (Rapture by Urban Decay, it's a pinkish berry color), and secretly put on the ninety nine cent mini deodorant that I put in the back of the car.

The ride was so long, and we passed so many Taco Bells that I began questioning my life decisions and was highly tempted to ditch Rafael for a beefy crunch burrito. We drove down Irving Park road, towards Rafael's building, and as we got closer, my heart beat a bit faster in nervousness.

I hadn't had casual sex in a long, long, long time.

I'm not going to count Johnny, because I was so sad and heartbroken over Chuck, but the last time I had casual sex was with Toronto...and with Jake Reagan. The thing with them though was that they were charming and very nice guys, Toronto more of a friend, and Jake a guy that I thought I loved when I was eighteen. Rafael, however, was not charming, nor my friend, nor lovable. He was Rafael.

To recall: 

February 2016, Rafael: And yes, you can be mad at me all you want. The funny thing is that I never planned on ignoring you and not hitting you up. I was gonna honor the whole date thing. Why not? But then you send some psycho ass text. And continue to text me shit insulting me. Whatever though, thanks for letting me know I dodged a bullet from the beginning.

(He totally planned on ignoring me and never hitting me up. He was not going to honor the whole date thing.)

Rafael was twenty three, ridiculously handsome, and full of cockiness and swagger. He knew how to charm women and how to manipulate them, he treated women that he slept with as if they were expendable, as if they were used tissues. He reeked of secret resentment, and I think he became that way because some girl smashed his heart to bits, and created this monster that lives off of casual sex and that coasts through life.

Which is what Rafael had been doing- he had a steady (but not permanent in any way, or serious) job, he had partied and slept around with women (more on this later), and he had coasted through life on good looks and confidence. But even though he was sailing through life, he didn't know what he was doing or where he was going, he had no destination. And it was clear looking at him that he didn't want anyone with him for the journey.

The Uber dropped me off in front of the massive complex.

He lived in 3950, which was a nice looking building with doormen and security- far more impressive than my student staffed University owned apartment. I was impressed at the upgrade in housing that he made, considering that he used to live in the boondocks in a frat boy-style housing situation. Maybe in the months since Rafael and I spoke, he grew the fuck up.

I walked into the cream and beige metallic themed lobby, where a doorman sat at a desk.

"I'm here to see Rafael in 214," I said, smiling politely. The doorman scanned me from head to toe, taking in every detail about me. I wondered for a brief second if Rafael had said something about me, if he had made some remark or told crazy stories about "that Asian girl from Tinder." He gave me a small nod, and then asked me to sign in, before buzzing me into the building.

As soon as I opened the door, with each step I took, my heart beat faster, until I turned the corner and saw him staring right at me.

I was in for trouble.

Mrs. Blair Harvard

“Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.” 

-Julie Spira, The Perils of Cyber-Dating

-

Karley Sciortino. Sinderella. All the fearless, bold, effortlessly chic and sassy women out there who blog about terrible guys that they date. And of course, yours truly.

After a weekend in the suburbs, an accidental haircut, a new Kate Spade purchase, and a spontaneous break up, I knew that my rom-com was just beginning. Cue Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. After making a Tinder, deleting it, and then remaking it again, I promised Matthew and myself that I would keep it for at least a week. After finally leaving Chuck behind (translation: I tried to be cute, I realized that he was still being a stupid little bitch, and then text-yelled at him and accidentally butt dialed him twice, then proceeded to post a cryptic Snapchat), and embarrassing myself with Rafael and Jason (translation: I tried to text them both being cute, Rafael was confused because he had long deleted my number...and Jason didn't text me back) I realized that I needed to expand my horizons.

Despite my fear of guys with Asian girl fetishes and weird finance guys, I downloaded Tinder and told myself that I wouldn't delete it after a week. I mean, I haven't had the worst experiences...right?

Um, besides Jason Cross, Johnson Baker, Ted Chang, Jake Reagen, Rafael Mancila....every guy that I've met on Tinder.

OKAY, Jake Reagan was not that bad! Except for the part where he broke my eighteen year old heart into pieces and then moved to Milwaukee, never to be heard from again.

Okay, you guys, if I had gone to U of I instead of staying that weekend where Chuck showed up drunk, things could've ended up not completely terrible! I could have been one of those Buzzfeed listcle people, and talked about how I met the love of my life on Tinder, again. Or I would have gone back from U of I, and realized that Chuck and I were meant to be (at that time).

Okay, I fucking admit it, I have met some shitty guys on Tinder. But I've met some shitty guys in real life too! It doesn't take an app to date terrible men, although people might think otherwise.

I was trying to be a better person, I mean, you get what you give, right? I had decided to let go of the fact that I had sacrificed and did so much for Chuck, only to have him treat me like complete and utter shit. Karma could do my dirty work for me, as I was focused on being positive, happy, and kind.

Rafael: I'm confused lol but alright
Blair: I'm pretty sure if you remembered who I was you'd be like, "what the actual fuck?"

Mostly because I yelled at him and called him a schwag fuck boy- but he deserved it! He lied about kidney failure and I had to go and buy Plan B by myself! AND PAY FOR IT BY MYSELF. It wasn't like in Master of None- no Martinelli's was given to me! I did not receive an Uber ride home courtesy of a nice Indian actor man. I mean yeah, he was an asshole, but I was trying to be cute or something when I texted him.

Rafael: I'm already thinking that because you have my number, know who I am, and I don't lol
Blair: I figured, and I actually hit you up because I felt bad for being such a bitch about everything...my ex and I broke up like a few weeks before we met and I acted ridiculous. I'm really not terrible! And you get what you give, right?
Rafael: Lol are you that asian girl from tinder?

-

"But didn't you guys know each other?" Audrey asked, as we walked around City Target. I had decided to not respond to Rafael, because I was trying to be a good human being, and the only response I could think of was, "You know damn well that you know my name, asshole."

"YES, Audrey, we did know each other. For fuck's sake, the two of us talked for like a week before we had sex! And how many Blairs exist in the city of Chicago, come on."

"Maybe he for-"

"AUDREY, he knew my name, we talked and flirted and it was like a week and a half of build up before the sex! He even knows Chuck's name. He's just being a little piece of bullshit because he is a fuck boy."

"Maybe he's heartbroken because you think he's a fuckboy and he genuinely had feelings for you."

I burst out in laughter, laughing uncontrollably in the middle of City Target. "Yeah right, Rafael?" As I took another step towards the chocolates and candies, my phone went off.

"UGH, it's probably another match." 

I had agreed to keep Tinder for a week, and it wasn't a terrible idea. The dating pool in my social network seemed to be non-existent, considering that I can't date any of the med students at my school after the whole Louis, Johnson, Jason, St Baldrick's thing, and because all the guys at my school seem to know about the Chuck Cuevas and Blair Bui romance....and every guy in this zip code. I needed to expand my horizons, and keep an open mind. I couldn't help but fear what psychopath Tinder had in store for me...

Johnathan. Harvard. Hedge Fund trader. Twenty two...and ridiculously handsome. As I mentally imagined that our relationship would be like, Audrey interrupted.

"Blair, he has pictures with Korean BBQ, maybe he has an Asian fetish," Audrey said, bursting my bubble.

I gave her a look, and shook my head, "Audrey, don't burst my bubble, Harvard and I could be soulmates!"

"He seems too good to be true, he might be a Catfish."

I typed in 'Johnathan Harvard' into Facebook, and he popped up immediately.

"Johnathan Fa-Kassam."  He was definitely hot enough for me to throw on a little green dress and some wedges...but would he be fun enough to stick around past the third date?

The Sass of Chicago/Cliches in Chicago Reunionish Special

Maybe one day I can have a reunion with myself. 

-Sebastian Bach

-

Before I blogged on Cliches in Chicago, I blogged on a tumblr called Sass of Chicago. I unfortunately, and stupidly deleted all of the writings on that blog, in a moment of dramatics. I cursed that blog, and my previous single life, because I was sooo in love with Chuck Cuevas. Now, as a quasi-adult, I understand that you should never give anything up, especially your poignant, beautifully written and hilarious blog about your adventures in dating (okay...maybe kissing..) terrible boys. But now I'm an adult, and I know to never delete your blog for anyone. 

I have a story for all of you. In my fit of annoyance/fed uppance with Chuck, I signed up for Tinder. I remember my fondest foray into Tinder, meeting Jake Reagan and becoming completely infatuated with him. And of course, I remembered my worst- meeting that stupid architect Ted, that called that painting crispy and having him annoy the fuck out of me.

When I downloaded it, of course I wasn't serious about it- I was just curious. I mean, can you blame me? I had the earth shattering realization (once again) that Chuck Cuevas was a fucking asshole, and was completely embarrassed that I thought for even a split moment that things would be sunshine and rainbows. And the realization that regardless of how long we've been together or how much fun we have, Chuck may never stop spontaneously disappearing. And can you imagine that? ME, ELIZABETH LEONA BUI dealing with this bullshit when I have kids with him or something?

"Sorry, kids, your dad just disappeared because he can't deal with shit...again."

My daughter would look back at me in her Kate Spade for girls dress, and throw her mini Maisie bag on the fucking ground. As my son sits there, in his J.Crew button down and bright Chubbies shorts and baby Sperries. They'd be like, "Um, mom, are you really putting up with this bullshit?"

And as I sat there, I realized, "HOLY FUCK, I've been through a lot with Chuck."

Yeah, he was all, "We're going to be okay, we're going to get through this, there's going to be good times and bad times, but we're going to get through this. We're going to be fine," but holy fucking shit, this MF has a lot of fits. And I understand, there's been times when I get mad or upset, but I've never just disappeared or not talked about it.

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyways, so I made a Tinder, and then promptly deleted it.

Blair: What kind of tacos?
Guy on Tinder: It's a simple recipe. I just wrap a tortilla around my dick and stick it in your mouth until the secret sauce comes out, most girls find it delicious ;)

EW.

BOY, BYE.

Maybe the universe just wants me to be alone forever, and to be in Chuck Cueva's crazy limbo. Just watch, guys, I'll be fifty years old and Chuck will still be telling me, "I need you to wait two years for me."

Okay, I feel like my life has the makings of a romantic comedy- I've met so many guys in quasi-cute ways, and spontaneously. It just is missing the part where I fall in love and meet the perfect guy. In my romantic comedy, these meet-cutes end in me going on a date with them, finding out that I don't like them at all in about .26 milliseconds, and then having the date end in them begging me for a second chance or another date.

I've been reunited with a guy from three years ago, I've been asked out randomly in Target, I've even met a guy on a fucking elevator (and we have had MANY moments in said stupid elevator), but this is real life. In real life, perfectly handsome guys aren't everywhere, and in real life you go months without having sex or going on a date. And when you do go on a date...it's definitely not like you thought it'd be like.

And as I sat there reminiscing, I couldn't help but wonder...what exactly have these guys been up to?

-

Haz- He is on my Do Not Social Media Stalk list- he is probably still living with the girl he dated as soon as we broke up, who he claims he's super in love with. Yes, he did confess his undying love to me like two years ago while they were dating.

Tom- He and his girlfriend recently broke up, and he's just been posting pictures of him being alone or with friends, broing it up. How awkward.

Bill- Has a girlfriend as awkward, condescending, and fake artsy/wannabe hipster as him.

Sexy Drake- Oh my gosh, why is he still super freaking hot. It's okay, guys, I'm just going to keep reminding myself about how he tried to do butt stuff with me, and that he's not that super hot (but he is)

James- Still dating this girl, is going to be living with Chuck... whatever.

Alejandro- Oh my god, even this thirsty MF has a girlfriend...what the hell?!?

Luke- HOW ARE ALL THESE GUYS GETTING GIRLFRIENDS?!?

Johnny- In Peoria for his residency, pining after Elizabeth Bui. Just kidding guys, he's in residency and probably macking on nurses.

Jake- Living in Milwaukee, being stupidly charming and handsome.

Toronto- I don't even need to Google this one- he has a girlfriend now too! I see him all the time when I go to work, because his job is working facilities in the building where our office is located. He actually is the only guy on this list that I'm on great terms with!

Chuck- I refuse.

Louis- He's busy wearing stupid J.Crew cardigans and dressing like a Kennedy while being an asshole and offending people, probably.

Ted- Besides creeping on my Snapchats, who knows? Probably still desperately searching for love.

Rafael- Probably out banging half of Chicago- without using a condom.

Ezra- Probably still heartbroken over his ex- but I heard he's transferring schools!

Target Guy- Who knows, and who cares?

Johnson- WHERE ARE ALL OF THESE TERRIBLE MEN FINDING GIRLFRIENDS?!

Jason- UGH, he still looks stupid handsome too. I ran into him last week while I was buying tacos and I walked away.

Carter- Still dealing drugs, and showing up in Blair's summer classes.

Derek- Still single, and still not getting back with his three year ex girlfriend even though he clearly loves her.

Nash- Still creeping on Snapchat, and hoping that Chuck and I don't get back together.

-

And the person I know you're all curious about...

Blair- Living life, working towards her goals and being undeniably sassy. Still going on adventures, still dating terrible men, and still blogging about it.

Fuck Chuck Cuevas, Actually

“You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!”

-James Dashner, The Maze Runner

-

Days until Chuck comes back: 4
Amount of denial Blair is in about her feelings: more than how deep she is in social media stalking her exes

-

I'll tell you what I did this morning. This morning, at six am, I dragged my hungover ass off of Matthew's couch, called an Uber, and awkwardly got in with last night's smudged makeup, and sweat infused bright bodycon dress. I sat in said Uber, looking like I was one hundred percent doing the walk of shame, hurried to my apartment, washed my face and brushed my teeth, threw on clothes, deodorant, and sunscreen. I walked to Starbucks, where they messed up my venti Shaken Passion Iced Tea mixed with a Cool Lime Refresher, and then hauled ass to class, where he did not give us participation points. I turned around, and then nearly dropped my drink on the ground, because out of all the classes, out of all the lecture halls, Carter Chavez was sitting behind me.

And as I sat in class, I couldn't help but wonder what my other previous flings had been up to. Not Louis Romney and Jason- I didn't give a fuck about them, I literally saw Louis Romney in an elevator a couple weeks ago in a tacky pair of Hawaiian shorts. And I saw Jason when I was walking down the street (mint green dress with floral print, which made my boobs look phenomenal, and my hair looked good!) a couple days ago when I was going to get tacos.

And as I googled, and googled, I nearly went Rebecca Bloom on Jake Reagan's ass until it hit me- you're just annoyed that Chuck is M.I.A. and you're trying to distract yourself 

Fuck, did I drunk text him? It's okay, even if I did, I was drunk, so it doesn't matter.

-

Days until Chuck comes back: 3
Amount of denial Blair is in about her feelings: more than how mad she is that Chuck is mad

-

OKAY, I can't be that cool breezy girl that doesn't give a fuck, I can't. Why is this boy so freaking mad right now. WHAT DID I DO? I mean, it's not like I didn't explain myself and tell him that the "oh okay" literally meant "oh okay." It's not like I didn't say I was sorry (even though I don't fully understand why the fuck he's even mad).

WAIT.

DID I JUST SAY THAT I WAS FUCKING SORRY FOR SOMETHING WHEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID?

Holy fuck.

OKAY, UNIVERSE, I ADMIT IT. I admit it. I like Chuck Cuevas. I like how stupid annoying he is, and how he manages to annoy me in ways that I can't even fathom, like when he gave me back that blue hello kitty and wrote that passive aggressive ass message on the back of it. I like his broken nose and his beard scruff, his awkward attempts at flirting or international sexting. How he makes me laugh uncontrollably and smile like a little loser baby. How he always knows what to say, and what I want, and how we always have fun together, and just having him around. And how, despite the fact that he is an asshole, annoying as hell, and a pain in the ass, he can be extremely considerate and sweet.

...but this doesn't change the fact that this is fucking bullshit, and that I texted him this morning trying to find out what the fuck is going on all cutely, and he's been radio silent. I mean, for god's sake, I just apologized for no reason- THIS ISN'T WHAT BLAIR BUI DOES. Okay, it's embarassing, because I could've just kept avoiding him and being this boss ass bitch- but I didn't. I apologized and asked what was wrong, and all of that embarrassing bullshit.

And this is fucking bullshit and total nonsense, because we were having a perfectly nice time and having so much fun.

So fuck Chuck Cuevas, actually.

Blair: You know what, whatever

-

Days until Chuck comes back: 2.5
Amount of denial Blair is in about her feelings: more than how mad she is that Chuck is mad

-

I'm sitting at my desk at work and I'm fueled by menstrual emotions and the fact that despite all the nice Blair that came out, I literally said, "you know what, whatever."

Whatever to stupid Chuck Cuevas, and whatever to this bullshit. I know it seems like something silly to be mad about, but I'm so annoyed. I'm annoyed because I feel like I'm so tired of this random spontaneous shit. Like holy fuck, how many times have things been great and fun, only to have Chuck get spontaneously weird?

1. Blair and Chuck are having a fine time dating for like a year and a half, Chuck spontaneously dumps Blair while she's straddling him in a lace bra.
2. Blair and Chuck are having a fine time hanging out when still having feelings for each other, when Chuck spontaneously ignores Blair's last chance attempt to get back together. Blair then dates Louis Romney.
3. Blair and Chuck are having a fine time acknowledging their feelings for each other and potentially getting back together, when Chuck spontaneously ignores Blair's attempts at trying. Blair then gives up, and hooks up with Rafael Mancilla.
4. Blair and Chuck are having a fine time hanging out when still having feelings for each other, when Chuck spontaneously ignores Blair when she really needs him to be there for her. She then decides to never talk to him again.
5. Blair is having a fine time never talking to Chuck again, when Chuck spontaneously gives back Blair's blue hello kitty with a passive aggressive message written on the back. Blair tells him she's not ready to be friends with him.
6. Blair contacts Chuck when she needs him to be there for her, when he reveals that this whole time he's wanted to be with her but just isn't ready. Blair and Chuck continue hanging out.
7. Blair and Chuck are having a fine time hanging out when still having feelings for each other, when Chuck spontaneously acts like a fucking asshole and disappears. Literally, he was just bricklaying all day.
8. Blair is having a fine time ignoring Chuck, but drunk texts him... when Chuck reveals that he literally disappeared AGAIN because he was stressed. Blair and Chuck then text on and off.
9. Blair accidentally texts Chuck after ignoring his whack ass, and they start talking again regularly.
10. Blair and Chuck are having a fine time talking when still having feelings for each other, when Chuck spontaneously gets mad for no fucking reason, and ignores Blair's attempts at being a mature adult human.

Maybe this time is different, maybe it's not. I thought it was, until this whole spontaneous fight thing happened, I really did. I thought that Chuck was past this childish nonsense, and I thought he had grown out of acting like a little shit. I thought that he was done with spontaneously disappearing and being a terrible communicator, and I genuinely believed that he was over all of this.

And now it's made me take twenty steps back from forgiving him fully and letting him in, because even though we were having so much fun and everything was going so great, he still somehow found a way to act like such a fool. And I just can't be fearless and reckless with my heart like I used to be, I just can't.

I know he's in rural Mexico and doesn't get messages half the time, and I know that he has feelings too, but it doesn't change the fact that I went out of my comfort zone and apologized, and that I tried. And I know we were having so much fun, and I know that he's been great (minus the bullshit), but it doesn't change the fact that he disappeared again. And I can't be that girl that gives her heart away easily and I can't be that girl that's reckless and fearless with her heart, because I've been that girl before, and it's just ended in a heartbreak. I have to be that girl that protects herself and looks out for herself- and with his whack ass getting randomly mad over petty shit, can you blame me?

The Moments

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” 

-Amit Ray

-

Days until Chuck comes back: 5
Amount of denial Blair is in about her feelings: more than she loves the macaroni salad from Aloha Eats

-

In the series premiere of Private Practice, Addison Montgomey (my favorite character on Grey's, FYI. Wait, no, Christina Yang is too. Shit. Well...regardless, they're both boss ass bitches) dances to Scissor Sister's I Don't Feel Like Dancing after she moves from dreary AF Seattle to sunny, bright and feisty Los Angeles. I mean, she dances naked and gets spotted by her best friend's ex-ish husband, but regardless, that new beginning and the whole dancing around thing, it really motivated me to get the hell out of my bed, to put the homemade Hawaiian-style macaroni salad away, and to get out of my apartment.

Sure, I wanted to sit in bed and stress about classes while doing online homework and hacking away at the massive amounts of PCAT preparation that I had on hand. And I wanted to eat my macaroni salad, and watch Netflix, but as I looked into the mirror, right across from my bed, and saw myself sitting there, I couldn't help but see how badly this stress was deteriorating me.

There used to be this girl with long, shiny, beautiful silky hair, with dozens of bright colored lipsticks, that was fearless and confident, restless and savvy, flirtatious and free-spirited. She laughed without a care in the world, had boundless energy, and was always down for adventure. She lived for the moments that would be unforgettable.

...she also was really naive, occasionally reckless, got inappropriately drunk, and dated questionable guys.

Not that I don't still date terrible men- but it's different now that I'm older, now that I'm older I go on dates with guys that seem quasi-normal that end up being terrible and weird. When I was younger, there were signs that they were assholes...I just didn't care!

Because they were really cute.

To be honest, now, looking back, Young Blair actually dated really, really terrible guys.

Haz- My first college boyfriend, we basically dated without labels, and he always talked about how he saw other hot girls, which of course made me feel extremely insecure. He was in a metal punk rock band, and there was this groupie who was highkey obsessed with him named Mandy. He ended up cheating on me with her, and he also had this extremely weird fetish with Asian girls. Was also a super entitled pretentious hipster asshole, and ended up confessing his undying love to me like, six months after we broke up.

Tom- Looked like a sexy, young version of Tom Cruise. He also had a thing for Asian girls, and invited me over to his dorm room where he got me drunk off of box wine, and his friend third wheeled. For whatever reason we went drunk bowling, where he snapchatted me, "dayum that ass is banging." He was too tired to wait for my drunk ass to walk home, so he fireman carried me and sprinted, and took me upstairs to his room. He carried me from the living room to his bedroom, where his roommate and another girl were. I guess Sexy Tom Cruise had dibs, because his roommate got the fuck outta there, and he took his shirt off. He had these ridiculous abs, and held me up against the walls when we made out, which made me swoon. And then he told me that he was on the top bunk (um, my drunk ass did not want to climb up there), and he had an extremely small penis. And he woke me up at like 3 am asking for head.

Bill- We met in freshman year General Chemistry, we went back to my place to work on a lab report, and then ended up making out while watching Archer. I got down to my undies, we were making out and he was doing things to me, and I told him to spank me- and then he lost it and told me he couldn't keep going because it was too much. I went to Chemistry lab the next day, and found out that he was my lab partner. We flirted for the rest of the semester, and the beginning of the next, but I stood him up and went on my first date with Chuck instead.

Sexy Drake- Met at Alejandro's party- god, Sexy Drake was so incredibly sexy. His friend was all over me that night too, as was Alejandro, but I went home with Sexy Drake that night. We only made out, but he definitely tried to do butt stuff with me, and was kind of sleazy. But I didn't notice any of it, because he was sooo cute. He never contacted me again.

James- Chuck's best friend that I fooled around with previously. This story has been told SO many times that I refuse to go over it, it ends up with JD and James telling everyone in our residence hall that I was a fucking slut, even though James had a girlfriend and cheated on her. AND ALL WE DID WAS MAKE OUT.

Alejandro- Disgusting guy that was high key obsessed with me, and told my friends that I was his girlfriend. One time he snapchatted me a picture of my residence hall and told me that he was "in the neighborhood" at 11 pm at night. I told him to go home, and that I was studying for a Biology midterm.

Luke- Stereotypical Jewish boy I thought I was dating. He went to Columbia and tasted like nacho cheese. He was really awkward and spoke with a thick New York accent- he ended up leaving for New York for the summer, saying absolutely nothing to me. He used to be in a ska pop punk band when he was like sixteen and got mad at me when we found out that he was in it. Like, REALLY mad you guys, he claimed that I humiliated him.

Johnny- Fuck, do I really have to tell this story? Okay, I was eighteen, he was twenty six, I was fooled and charmed by the fact that he was a med student. And this was back when he was attractive- he used to be really handsome and have a six pack (shut up, don't laugh, I swear he used to be really hot). Anyways, he high key stalked me after I started dating Chuck, and after I rejected him so many fucking times he would just flat out ignore me and not say ANYTHING. ANYTHING. After Chuck dumped me and he heard, he texted me and tried to talk to me. EW, Johnny.

Jake- The nerdy sexy, smart, and witty marketing intern that charmed me while we were drinking PBRs and having late night talks the summer before my sophomore year. He broke my heart and went back to Champaign for college. There was a brief moment when something could have happened, when I was supposed to go visit him at U of I, but instead of going I stayed home that weekend, and that was ultimately the weekend that Chuck would show up at my door drunk, and then confess his feelings for me.

Toronto- This never happened.

And yeah, some of them were terrible, but the stories are fun, and the memories are fun. And that's what it's all about- the moments. So, as I paused Netflix, I got up out of my bed, walked on over to my closet, and pulled out the bright blue bodycon that I haven't worn in ages.

Ninety-Nine Cent Strawberries

“Expectation is faith in motion: you expect the things you hope for to happen.” 

-TemitOpe Ibrahim

I want to tell you all that since summer's started that I am a bad bitch and that I have been slaying all across Chicago. But, that's not really the case, I actually may have lost my sanity, as I texted both Jason AND Louis Romney. Of course, they didn't say anything back, and I wouldn't either if I were them... maybe after today I'll be banned from the campus of the College of Medicine. I feel like Johnson already has gotten me banned, although I should really ban him, as he followed me twenty blocks asking me why I wouldn't date him. But all of that is just a tiny blip on everything that's been going on in my life.

Everyone keeps dip-setting and getting fired at work, I would be surprised if we have at least two staff members in our office by the end of this month. It's been stressful going to work, because of all the spontaneous meetings and all the ambiguity everywhere...especially since my manager is dip-setting and she's chosen to do absolutely no work until her last day. Honestly, it would have been more helpful if she had just left already. It's been stressful because things keep happening, surprises keep happening...and it's just been so much shit happening. I feel like things can't stay the same for even a millisecond, and it's making me wonder what's going on, and it's been making me question myself. A lot of things recently have been making me question myself- but on the work front, I feel like everyone is get boosted except for me, which is a little bit frustrating, to be honest. Maybe it's just annoying because even Chuck's ass is moving up...and I truthfully believe that good shit just keeps on happening to him, without him even trying.

I mean, look at our relationship- AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING. Chuck's been a fucking asshole, I'm not even talking to him right now. His ass has been completely MIA, and he acts like he's super fucking busy and like he's got so much to do, but all he does all day is fucking lay bricks. OKAY. And he has no idea what's been going on in my life, or what I've been up to, and how stressed I've been- he hasn't been there for me in a long ass time. And he tried to be all, "Blair, why am I your only fucking support system." And he's not- no one is. I've learned to be independent and take care of my own damn self!

WHY ON EARTH WOULD I HAVE A PERSON WHO ONLY CARES WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT BE MY SUPPORT SYSTEM? GET THE FUCK OUT, CHUCK.

He hasn't even done anything! And that blew my mind- that he thought he was doing so damn much for me. And I'm not that girl anymore, I'm not that girl who wants Chuck Cuevas to tell her that she's pretty, and wants to go home at the end of the day, and tell Chuck why she's sad, I'm not that weak ass little girl, I've gone through so much, and I climbed out of that ditch he threw me in, and over that mountain, and ultimately, I didn't do all of this to get the short end of the stick. The girl worth having waits for no one, and I'm a girl that's worth having. And so, I made the decision to just ignore his whack ass, much like I did in February.

It's not like I'm going to ignore him forever (probably), and it's not even like I'm really ignoring him...his ass has been laying bricks and being an asshole. Hell, it makes me want to lay a brick on his smug face! Anyways, I walked out of work, ready to meet Audrey. I was wearing a dark mauve-y plum lipstick, dark skinnys, wedges, and a chic blouse. I had on the sunglasses that I had picked up in a Wicker Park boutique, and I was feeling like a bad bitch. Of course, I was carrying my Kate Spade crossbody.

"Whatever happened to Jake Reagan anyways?" Audrey asked, as we walked through Wicker Park.

"He moved to Milwaukee, and we haven't talked since." I knew she liked Jake- after all, I was dating him when I had first met Audrey. There was just something about Jake Reagan. Matthew once told me that he had this one ex, where if he asked him to meet up, he wouldn't be able to resist- that's his Jake Reagan. We haven't spoken in months... to be honest, we haven't spoken really since I made the choice to hang out with Chuck instead of taking the train down to U of I to visit Jake...

Sometimes I wonder what could've happened, and like I told Audrey that day, there's just something about him that makes me feel like we have unfinished business.

But that just might be because I'm mad as hell at Chuck, and I'm wondering how things would have turned out if I had never dated his whack ass.

"These strawberries could be GMO," Audrey said, pointing at the strawberries on sale. I gave her a look, and shook my head.

"Audrey, they're literally ninety-nine cents, just buy the fucking strawberries." We got into line, and as I looked towards the check-out line, I noticed a pretty cute cashier guy. Immediately, I flipped my hair a little, stood up a little bit straighter, and looked in his way.

I walked up to the register, as he rang up my ninety-nine cent strawberries, making eye contact and looking at him alluringly. I probably looked incredibly stupid to everyone surrounding me, but I'd like to think that I looked so sexy and bomb that he stopped in his tracks, and our grocery store surroundings faded around me into a glowing light that made me radiate of hotness. You know, like in the movies.

Except I was buying ninety-nine cent strawberries and a box of pasta.

"Can you pretty please give me a bag with a handle?" I asked, smiling coyly.

"Yeah, sure, but I'm going to need a little favor from you," Jewel Osco boy said, with a wink.

Audrey looked at him, expectantly. This was going to happen, this was going to be a really cute story that we met in Jewel Osco when I was buying ninety-nine cent strawberries, after Chuck Cuevas pissed me off and I was trying to distract myself with a Wicker Park adventure.

And that this was definitely not the first time a guy was going to ask me out on a date in a grocery store, although the first time was a bit of a mess... (in case you didn't know, this guy asked me out when we went to Target, and he told me he fucked a fifteen year old)

"Alright, the favor I'm going to need from you is," he leaned in, and smiled at me, "is that I'm going to need you to take this survey for me," he said, holding up a piece of paper.

I turned to Audrey, who stared back at me, jaw dropped on the ground. Yes, the Jewel Osco check-out boy did not ask me for my fucking phone number, but to take a fucking survey for him. A SURVEY.

This was what my love life had amounted to, flirting with a Jewel Osco boy for a bag with handles, only to be asked to take a fucking survey. I am sure that everyone in the store pretended that I didn't just get brutally rejected like that.

"He looked like he was getting really shy and nervous," Audrey said, as we walked to Jeni's Ice Cream. It was totally and perfectly okay, because all I really wanted was a Lavendar Wildberry, Lemon and Blueberry Buttermilk Yogurt, and Pear Riesling Sorbet scoop into a cup. And truthfully, this whole single Blair thing is kind of exciting.

That Awkward Indian Boy

“We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it.”
-Nicholas Sparks

-

Almost two years ago...

"I don't need a boyfriend," I laughed, flipping my collarbone-length lob, and putting on another layer of fuchsia lipstick. "I'm living a very happy life right now," I said, looking over at Miguel.

"Mhm, hooking up with guys and going out and partying and what not," he said, giving me side eye. "You don't ever think about settling down or anything?"

I shook my head. I had dated Haz for half of my freshman year, and after spending the entire summer being single, hooking up with Johnny and having a fling with Jake Reagan, I had the realization that I didn't need to be in a relationship, nor did I want to. Relationships were messy and complicated, you put yourself out there only to have yourself smashed to pieces, and before all of that, all you did was walk around with something being tremendously cheesy and tremendously embarrassing. I didn't need to care about anyone- I could take care of myself, and I didn't need to waste my feelings on anyone, except for myself.

We had continued talking, until we ventured to the subject of alcohol. I held up my iPhone 5, and showed Miguel the giant margarita that had given me the hangover of my life.

"I didn't even finish it," I said, "I drank half of it, and then threw up everywhere."

"What a waste," a voice said. I turned to see one of the Peer Advisors standing there, looking at me. He was awkward and lanky, skinny and scrawny. His nerdy t-shirt was paired with engineer jeans and Nikes. He was thin, awkward, and looked like he regularly tripped over himself, due to his long limbs and stumbly personality. Charlie Cuevas, the most awkward, and nerdiest boy that I had ever met in my entire life, he looked like he had never even touched a woman (even accidentally) in his entire life, and his disheveled everything showed that all he did was probably play video games and do other nerdy shit.

He and I had run into each other a couple times freshman year, the most notable experience was when I threw a building pool party, and as everyone lounged casually, his nerdy ass jumped into the pool and was embarassing.

"Excuse me?" I said, looking at him. "Have you even drank before?" I gave him a glare, awaiting his response.

"Yeah, I drink all the time," he responded, awkwardly. Miguel just sat there in the background, loving all of this.

"Oh really?" I scanned him again, from head to toe. He looked like someone who had never been in the same room with alcohol, let alone someone who "drank all the time." I knew he didn't go to parties, and that his friend group wasn't one that drank. "Where?"

"In like, Mexico, and stuff."

Why was this awkward indian boy lying to me?

"Okay." He actually thought that I was going to believe him?

Somehow, he and I kept talking. The two of us kept talking, and for some reason, I found myself actually enjoying the conversation. We kept talking, and he surprisingly was actually fun to talk to, not that I would ever tell anyone that. It was weirdly easy to talk to him, even though we were total strangers, and even though we had talked for the first time minutes before, it didn't feel like it.

"OH MY GOD, I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME!" Chuck yelled, as he looked around rapidly, and then ran off, awkwardly.

"He likes you," Miguel said, as soon as Chuck had ran off.

"No he doesn't," I said, going back to my Instagram. There was no way that Awkward Magee would be remotely into me.

"He does, and he thinks you're super pretty. It's so obvious. You should talk to him."

I looked at Miguel for a second, and then burst out laughing. "ME? AND HIM? He's so awkward and skinny, no way."

"Blair, he's a really nice guy, you should give him a chance," Miguel said, looking at me.

"Maybe," I said, looking away. And I don't know what possessed me, but I did.

-

Blair: Your favorite desk worker works today!

Miguel had told me to try to talk to him, and that was that I did. I sent him that message a couple days later after meeting, and lo and behold, he casually showed up during my shift. He walked up to me, and as he got closer, I kind of looked at him, noticing things about him. Chuck was actually kind of cute, and stuff. Sure, he was still extremely nerdy and awkward, but he was cute.

The two of us talked, as Regina sat there, and a few of my other friends.

"So how are you going to to get it to me?" I asked Chuck, as he fumbled around with his phone.

"Oh, er, well, I could um, bring it when you work or something," he responded.

"How are you supposed to know when I work?" I laughed, looking at him. Come on, I had to be pretty obvious at this point that we should swap numbers. He looked at me, blankly.

"I dunno."

Regina stifled a laugh, as Miguel turned around to hide his grin.

"I could give you my number?" I suggested, as Chuck was processing what was happening.'

"Oh! Yeah!" He took out his phone, and handed it to me, I held on to it, and punched in my number, as he stopped me.

"Put in your first and last name," he said, nodding.

"What the hell is wrong with him? There's no way in hell that he knows another Blair," I thought to myself, as I typed in the i.

As Chuck left the room, I turned to face Regina.

"Do you think he likes me?"

"That awkward Indian boy? Definitely."

-

As I opened another text message, I couldn't help but smile.

"You like him," my roommate said, looking at me. "You're smiling at these texts and laughing like I've never seen you laugh before. You like him."

"No I don't," I said, looking at her.

Blair: What are the ideal characteristics of your perfect partner?
Chuck: Fun and easy to talk to, good sense of humor, smart and funny, pushes me out of my comfort zone

"That's you," she said, looking at my text. "You're that for him, and you obviously like him."

As soon as I said that, my phone beeped with a notification.

Johnny: Come over for a sleepover?

"You're going to go?" She looked at me, "What about Charlie?"

"Charlie isn't my boyfriend, and he probably doesn't like me, and I'm not going to fawn over his texts like a little girl," I commented, as I headed to my room to change into leggings and a crop top.

-

I laid in Johnny's bed, as he started to fall asleep. I reached over, and grabbed my phone, reading the text that Chuck had sent me, and couldn't help but smile, and laugh a little.

"What is it Blair?" Johnny asked, sleepily. I held my phone in my head, and kept typing a response to Chuck's message. I looked over at Johnny, who looked at me, confused. And all at once, this feeling came rushing to me, overwhelming me, and making me question what exactly I was doing.

"You're not this girl, you like Chuck, and you know it. You want something real."

I got up out of bed, and grabbed my clothes.

"What are you doing?!" Johnny yelled, as I pulled a sweater over my head.

"I'm going home, I don't want this." I started walking into the kitchen, as Johnny followed me, awkwardly, as I threw things into my bag, and closed it.

"Now? At four in the morning?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving."

-

After a few Calculus study sessions, a few visits at work, and a little bit of obvious flirting, it was time for Chuck and I to go on our first date. I wore a flowery blouse, a casual cardigan, skinny jeans and flats. Chuck had worn a sweatshirt and jeans, and we met up outside of the library. The two of us walked, and talked until we reached the restaurant.

One of the things you might have noticed about me, is that I'm a little stubborn. One of my favorite food places near campus is this indian food joint called Khwaja Chishti, it is connected to a book store, and a total dive. Willa and I have gotten food poisoning there numerous times, and still continued to eat there, because how much we love the food.

After a lot of hesitation, Chuck agreed to go there for lunch, where we ran into The Chinese Diaper, and actually ended up having a phenomenal date. We talked about so many things that I can't even begin to remember what we had talked about, so I'll fast forward to the part I remember-

"We're not going to find a park," I laughed, as we walked towards a bench next to the Engineering building (yes, the same bench that I've sat on and cried uncontrollably on).

"I climbed that tree once!" Chuck said, pointing to a tall oak tree a couple feet away from us. I looked at him, smiled, and just laughed. I wasn't going to lie and say that he wasn't really awkward, shy and nerdy, because he definitely was, but he was also charming, smart, sweet, and funny. I had a great time hanging out with him, and talking to him.

My heart beat faster, as we sat on the bench and continued talking, I had never been this excited or this nervous before, for a date. We sat on the bench, and talked for a while, before we headed off for class. As we reached my lecture hall, I turned to look at him.

"Okay, bye Blair," he said, turning and walking away.

I stood there, in shock.

"UM, WHY ISN'T HE TRYING TO KISS ME?" I thought to myself, as Chuck disappeared into a lecture hall. I didn't even get a hug? Was Chuck not into me? I was used to guys being over zealous and immediately making a move, and Chuck just walked off...he didn't even hug me!

-

"Blair, you know he's awkward, for god's sake you had to make the first move!"

That was what Willa told me, and that was what I kept in mind, as I headed to Chuck's building for our second date later that week. Chuck had suggested a Disney movie marathon, and so, that was the plan! It was sweet, in a way- he had picked probably the cutest, and most innocent date someone could have.

I sat there and waited in the lobby for a couple minutes, waiting for Chuck to show up. And then I waited some more. I didn't want to seem overzealous, but after fifteen minutes, I texted him.

Blair: Okay, it's been like fifteen minutes, I'm going home
Chuck: No, wait, I'm so sorry, I'll be right there

And in about five minutes, Chuck came running through the door, all sweaty and gross. I looked at him, in disbelief- what exactly was going on?

"I uh, didn't want to be late for our plans, so I- er, ran back from the other side of campus. I'm late. I'm sorry, I'm sweaty and late."

I got up from the chair, and looked at him, "It's okay," I said, as I started to laugh.

-

HOLY FUCK. 

We had been watching The Lion King, when his friend Bertram showed up out of no where, and decided to join along. So now, the three of us were sitting, and watching the Lion King.

"I love this movie!" Bertram said, grinning like a little kid, and clapping his hands. I looked over at Chuck, who was just as enthusiastic as Bertram was.

"I know, right?"

I sat there, silently and awkwardly, as I got up.

"Where are you going?" Chuck asked, as I looked over and gave him a look.

"I'm going to use the bathroom," I said, as I started to walk away. Was I absolutely crazy? Did Chuck not like me?

I paused for a moment and thought about  it.

I mean, he had paid for the lunch date we had, and he ran across campus because he didn't want to be late to see me. He and I had been very obviously flirting, and I had given him my number, for god's sake! It was obvious we were on a date, and I thought it was really clear that we weren't platonic friends. But then again, Chuck probably never went on a date before in his entire life, and he definitely hasn't touched a girl. I stood there, checking my hair in the bathroom mirror, and then put on another layer of matte liquid lipstick.

I walked out of the bathroom, pretending like I didn't have a care in the world, and headed back to the living room, where Chuck, Bertram, and now JD were sitting there, and waiting for me. JD was in my seat, as I awkwardly walked through, and then sat down in the lone, single armchair.

I knew that JD and Bertram, and also James thought that I was a slut. And I knew that it wouldn't be long before James showed up too, making this more substantially awkward than it was already. Long story short, my freshman year of college, I got drunk and made out with James- who had a girlfriend. Because he didn't know what to do, he and JD told everyone in our building that I was a total slut, and tried to do things with him, even though he had a girlfriend. Everyone in our building looked at me like I was Hester Prynne, and no one believed me when I said otherwise, they just believed James and JD. I knew that Chuck was friends with them going into this, but I thought that he was a sweet and genuine guy, and that nothing could go wrong from it.

And finally, after the four of us sat awkwardly, it was just Chuck and I.

"Come back and sit here," Chuck said, patting to the spot next to him. I sat down, where he still had not made a move! I moved a little bit closer, until we were arm to arm, and thigh to thigh.

"Make a fucking move," I thought to myself, peering over to him.

"Bertram was here for a while," I commented, not-so-casually.

"He was only here for like, two songs!" Chuck said, as he pulled up Aladdin.

"He was here from The Circle of Life to Can You Feel The Love Tonight." I said, giving him a look.

The two of us sat and watched Aladdin, we talked and laughed, and he even got me to sing with him, to A Whole New World, I couldn't explain it, but somehow, I just was happy. It was so easy to talk to Chuck, and to be myself around him, without even trying. It didn't matter that he wasn't the smoothest, or that he was awkward and didn't make any moves on me, none of it did- in that moment, all that mattered was that we were having an awesome time together. As we finished laughing from a shared joke, we sat there, as the movie played.

I don't remember how we got to this conversation, but, this is what happened next,

"Guys always have to make the first move, always." I said, as I looked at Chuck, expectantly. He stared back blankly. Was he really this inexperienced that he had never put his arm around a girl before?

"Always?"

"Not always, sometimes girls do too," I said, as I put my head on his shoulder. I've put my head on Chuck's shoulder probably ten million times, but I'll never forget the first time I did, because of the fact that he smelled absolutely terrible. He was sweaty, nervous, and smelled like a mixture of sweat, meat, and weed. But it was okay, even though he smelled like death, because I liked him. I looked up at him, and he awkwardly put his arm around me. We looked at each other for a moment, until a door slammed, and James appeared out of no where.

James looked at me, and then he looked at Chuck, and then he picked Chuck up, and carried him away. Chuck looked back at me, as James carried him off into the distance.

After finishing the movie, Chuck walked me downstairs, and we stood there.

"I'll see you later," Chuck said, awkwardly, as he fumbled with his keys in his hands.

"Yeah, next time," I responded, awkwardly, as I started to walk away. I looked back, and saw him, then turned.

"Wait, Chuck!"

I walked back, and gave him a hug good bye. As as I pulled away, I looked up at him, smiled, and walked away.

-

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HIM," Willa said, as I sat on my bed, eating a Hostess Ho-Ho and some Kettle-cooked Wasabi Ginger chips.

"What did you expect? It's James," I shrugged. Willa read the ridiculously long text that James had sent me, berating me, bitching at me, and telling me that Chuck didn't like me.

"He can't stop Chuck from dating you, he definitely likes you. Eeek, Chuck!" She said, laughing. "Awkward, adorable, nice Chuck."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" I said, giving her a smirk. It was the day after our movie date, and I was still floating in my own alternate universe. And we hadn't even kissed yet.

"He's meeting you later to give you back your ID, so who knows?" Willa said.

-

"He shouldn't have said that, but uh, one thing he- uh, er said was true. I don't, um, like you like that," Chuck said, as we sat at Dunkin Donuts. He looked at me, half smiling, as I sat there, in silence.

"I'm sorry, Blair, I-"

"YOU DON'T LIKE ME?" I said, looking at him. Everyone at Dunkin Donuts turned and looked at me, as I curled my fingers into a fist. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I uh, don't know why you thought-"

OH HELL NO.

I looked at him, giving him a look. "OKAY FIRST OF ALL- you took me ON A DATE. YOU PAID. CHUCK, YOU PAID FOR ME."

"I uh, treat my friends all the time," Chuck stammered, cowering down a bit in his chair.

"I had told you before that, that it's a date if the guy pays! Would you pay for James?"

"Yeah, sure, um,"

"AND WE WERE TEXTING AND OBVIOUSLY FLIRTING," I said, glaring over at him. "DO YOU FLIRT WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS?"

"That wasn't flirting, I um, uh, we were talk-"

"AND YOU CUDDLED WITH ME LAST NIGHT, WE CUDDLED AND WATCHED A MOVIE, DO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS DO THAT TOO?"

Chuck stared at me, blankly. "Blair, I-"

"AND YOU OBVIOUSLY THINK I'M HOT, CHUCK. YOU ACT LIKE YOU LIKE ME AND NOW YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU DON'T?!?" I got up, and grabbed my bag, and gave him the meanest look I had ever given someone, in my entire life. Was he fucking shitting me?

"Blair, please, please sit. I really like hanging out with you, and being friends with you, can we please be friends? Please?" Chuck said, stopping me from storming off. I sat down, and then looked at him.

"Okay, we can be friends."

Chuck smiled. "Blair, I'm glad, I-"

"But you are NEVER getting a chance with me again, Chuck Cuevas, NEVER." I said, looking at him. "And if you think I'm going to be this nice to you again, I'm not."

-

Chuck and I had been kind-of friends, until it became overwhelmingly obvious that he clearly had feelings for me. He had done little things, that my friends had found absolutely adorable, and I had found positively annoying (but secretly adorable). He brought me a lamp to my apartment, when I didn't have one, he helped me unpack, Chuck and I would hang out almost every night, watching movies, and sitting arm-to-arm.

I had been stressed from finals, stressed about school, and I had been doubting myself a lot. And I really wanted a fucking cupcake. After joking about wanting a cupcake, Chuck and I planned to get a late night cupcake from the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM, I had gone earlier that day to get a blow out, because of the stress and everything that was going on, and as I sat on my bed, there was a knock on the door. I had on a chunky knit dark teal sweater from H&M, leggings, and brown riding boots. I threw on my red peacoat, and grabbed my bag to open the door. And there he was.

Grey GUESS leather jacket, dark wash jeans, perfect v-neck.

He looked at me, silently.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey."

I had never seen him outside of a basic cotton v-neck and his Asics before, Chuck dressed pretty simply and pretty basically- a typical nerdy guy combo. He had looked good.

The two of us left the building, and that was the beginning of one of the most unforgettable nights in my entire life. We walked around downtown, to the lake and all around. Laughing, talking, as if it was just the two of us in this sleepless city. As the city lights shone, we walked all around, talking all night, and honestly, falling in love. My heart had never beat faster, and I knew, that I had really, really liked Chuck.

But I wouldn't know that I was falling in love with Chuck, until later that night.

“Do you have any idea where we’re going?” I laughed, as I played with the white flower that I held in my hand. As we walked along the lake, I had picked off a white hortensia off a bush. They were my favorite flowers, and this one was immaculate.

“Not really, but we’ll figure it out!” Chuck said, giving me a mischievous smile. He led the way, as we wandered the city- lost, but still found. As he led me up the stairs, I finally reached the top, only to see the glittering sky shining right back at me. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life, I looked over at Chuck, only to see the moonlight shining on him, as he smiled right back at me.

“This way?” I said, pointing to the path in front of us. He nodded, as we walked.

“I love this spot, actually, I think it’s one of the coolest things ever- how the road divides into two paths, and one is above and one’s below. I’ve only been here once before.”

“The last time I was here was when I went with Perrie and Rhett to go to the theaters last year,” Chuck admitted, as we walked forward. Our hands brushed against each other, for a brief second, as Chuck turned to look at me.

We kept walking, and somehow, magically, what is now my favorite spot in the entire city appeared. It was a circular plaza, with four benches arranged around in a circle. There was a single, lone spot in the center, which was missing something. I walked over, and placed my flower right in the center. What was empty before, was now complete.

I looked back, to see Chuck smiling back at me. Walking over, I sat down, as the two of us looked up at the sky in front of us. The stars glistened brightly, as the city lights illuminated the stage for the sky. He pointed at the buildings in front of us, pointing out little details as we sat.

We sat, and we talked. We laughed, and smiled. And as we sat there, everything was perfect.

“I didn’t get my first kiss until college,” I admitted. Chuck stared back at me, blankly.

“It was with Haz, and it’s one of the few things I don’t regret that he did.”

“That surprised me, actually. I thought it would have been sooner. And you know that I haven’t been with anyone,” he said, looking at me. I knew Chuck Cuevas was a virgin before I had even spoken to him, it was glaringly obvious and very clear.

“A lot of guys think girls are sluts if they’re not virgins, and if they’ve been with guys before them,” I said, quietly. A lot of guys, as in Chuck's friends. After a terrible experience with James, he and JD had taken it upon themselves to tell everyone in our building freshman year, that I, Elizabeth Bui, was a slut. And I secretly worried that Chuck thought that too.

And in moment, as he was about to answer, Chuck looked at me, like no guy ever had, in my entire life. He didn’t look at me like I was some hot piece of ass, or just some other girl, he looked at me like I mattered, and like I was an actual person.

“Yeah, um, some guys are like that, but, uh, I don’t really care.” He said awkwardly, but very sweetly. Chuck looked at me, giving me a smile, and awkwardly brushing his hair. We looked at each other, and in that moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, as we sat underneath the stars, and the wind gently blew my hair to the side. It would have been the perfect moment.

But this is not only real life, but Blair's life, so he responded, “It’s like on the Cleveland show, where Cleveland tells his son it’s like drinking a coke after some guy’s put his dick in it, instead of having a new coke.”

I SHIT YOU NOT- HE SAID THAT TO ME.

IN THE MOST ROMANTIC MOMENT. IN THE MOST ROMANTIC PLACE CHUCK CUEVAS SAID THAT SHIT TO ME.

And honestly, I thought it was pretty cute. I started laughing, and he did too.

“But it’s not like that,” I responded. “Yeah, it’s not.”

And in that moment, as he looked at me, all awkward and nervous, that's when those sparks turned into a raging fire, and when I knew that I was falling in love with Chuck.

-

It was the night of James' birthday party, and even though Chuck and I had made plans to hang out that night, I told him it was fine if we didn't hang out that night. I went to bed, perfectly comfy, and went to bed.

At about two in the morning, I woke up to the sound of scratching on my door, and soft pounding.

"Who the fuck?" I thought to myself, as I grabbed some shorts and put them on, and brushed my hair to the right side, with my fingers. I picked up my phone, to see a bunch of texts waiting for me.

Chuck: Let's watch a movie do you want to watch a movie
Chuck: I'm coming to watch a movie
Chuck: Let's hang out
Chuck: I'm outside your door
Chuck: Open your door

Oh. My. God. In that moment, I didn't know whether to laugh uncontrollably, or what I was possibly supposed to do. Chuck kept knocking, so I walked over, and opened the door. As soon as that door opened, a rush of of vodka, beer, and whisky flooded my apartment. A very drunk Chuck stumbled in, wearing a crumpled version of the shirt he was wearing before, and some random pajama pants.

"Hey Chuck, why are you here?" I asked, stifling my laughter.

"Yooouuu, u, Blaaaair, you said lesss watch a mooovie," Chuck said, as he swayed from side to side.

"OKAY!" I grabbed his arm, stopping him from falling on my kitchen floor. I led him to my room, and sat him on my bed, where he nearly fell off.

Oh god.

"Okay, here is your bag, please do not throw up," I said, hanging him an empty plastic Target bag.

"Blair, I was like, 'I gotta go, I gotta go see Blair, I have plans with her, I have to go see her,' and they were like 'No,' and I was like 'I have to talk to her, I have to go see her, I have to,' and I came here," Chuck said, drunkenly, as I propped him up against a pillow.

"Does Bertram know where you are?"

"Yea yea yea, he knows where I am but I dunnnoooo where thesss pants came from" Chuck said, laughing. "I threw up alll over his apartment, like five times."

Ew.

"You probably fucked someone, and forgot about it," I said, sassily, as I scanned my phone for Bertram's number.

"NO!"

"How do you know?" I responded, laughing at him.

Chuck firmly placed a hand on my shoulder, and looked at me, and said, "Because you weren't there."

DID HE JUST SAY THAT? CHUCK CUEVAS WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME.

"Oh, really? Because I wasn't there?"

"You weren't....weren't there, so I didn't fuck arrryone," Chuck said, groggily. "I don't need this-"

And then suddenly, Chuck started projectile vomiting, as he sat on my bed. By luck, Chuck had projectile vomited into the Target bag that I gave him, as I sat there, in shock. "Oh my-" he kept vomiting, "God, Blair, I'm so-" kept vomiting, "Sorry," he threw up once more. "I'm so embarrassed," he mumbled, as he kept throwing up.

"It's okay," I said, as I ran to get him a cup of water. He sipped on it, as Grease played in the background. His phone kept vibrating, and I reached into his pocket and grabbed it. Bertram was calling, and I looked at Chuck.

"They're just text messasses, isss okay," Chuck said, reach for his phone. I swatted his hand away, and answered the phone.

"OH MY GOD CHUCK, WHERE ARE YOU?!" Bertram yelled.

I put my hand on the receiver, and turned to Chuck. "You didn't tell him you left?!" What the actual fuck was going on?

Chuck nodded, "I did, I left and I told him."

"Bertram? This is Blair. Calm down."

"Oh my god, we've been looking everywhere for him!" Bertram yelled, as he panted. "Are you with him?"

No, buddy, I just casually have your friend's phone, and I'm just casually chilling.

"So you didn't know where Chuck went." I said, turning to look at Chuck. "He's with me."

"THANK GOD, WE'VE BEEN ON EVERY FLOOR OF OUR BUILDING TWICE, I turned around and he was GONE."

Our building has sixteen floors. Bertram checked every single one of them, twice. I started laughing, thinking about poor Bertram waddling through every floor in search of Chuck. Considering that Chuck wouldn't shut up about going to see me at the party, I was surprised he didn't ask me if I knew where Chuck went.

"Well, he's here, and he-"

"IS HE FINE?"

What did he mean, is he fine? Did they think that I was going to kill him or something?

"YES, he's fine. Except he projectile vomited when he was sitting on my bed."

"Oh my god, did he make a mess? I'm so sorry Blair," Bertram said, "If he made a mess, I'll clean it. I just didn't want him coming to see you....in this state...so I was trying to stop him, but he kept talking about it."

"Bertram, that's really sweet. He didn't make a mess, he threw up in the bag, and he's perfectly fine, he's just sitting here drunk while Grease is playing."

"If it's fine, can I check up on him later?"

"Yeah, that's totally fine." I looked over to see a wobbling Chuck, and I pointed at the bag.

"Okay, Blair," Bertram said, hesitantly, "Please call me if you need anything." I hung up the phone, and turned to look at Chuck.

"YOU JUST LEFT? HE'S BEEN SEARCHING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU."

"NO, I TOLD HIM" Chuck said, arguing back, he picked up the vomit bag, and nearly threw it all over my bedroom.

"NO," I said, holding on to the bag, "No."

"I don't need this bag," Chuck grumbled, as he tried to throw it out. Literally, two seconds later, he opened the bag and started projectile vomiting- even MORE than he had before. I looked at him, in terror, as he nonstop vomited into this bag, and I scootched away, reaching for my phone.

"Uhh, Bertram?"

"Yeah, Blair?"

"Can you come get him now... he's projectile vomiting..and I just can't."

I looked over, hoping that Chuck wouldn't drop the plastic Target bag, that held the thin boundary between me and losing my sanity. He looked up at me, embarrassed, and bright red. "Blair, I'm so sorry."

-

The next day, I woke up, and walked into the lobby to grab mail, when I saw Chuck, Bertram, and JD walking into the building. The two of them had come to take Chuck back to his room, you know, because he had been projectile vomiting everywhere.

"Hey Chuck!" I said, as Chuck looked at me, and then ran away.

-

The two of us were sitting, and watching Bob's Burgers, as I turned to face Chuck.

"You know, you said a lot of things when you showed up here drunk," I admitted. Chuck turned to face me, and blushed.

"Like what?"

"I'm not going to tell you," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Blair, you can't just say that I told you something while I was drunk, and then not tell me!" Chuck protested, as I pulled my phone out of my bag.

"Well, I kind of just did," I responded, giving him a look. Chuck stared back at me, completely speechless.

"Why, do you think you said something?" I asked, giving him a look.

"Yeah, I think-"

This was it. This was happening. Chuck was going to finally admit that he liked me, after months of this whole charade.

"I think that I said that I like Natalie," Chuck said, awkwardly.

And I sat there, completely unresponsive, completely silent, in shock. What the actual fuck was going on?

A million thoughts ran through my head, and even though I didn't know what was going on, one thing I knew was for sure- I was going to kick Chuck Cuevas the fuck out of my apartment.

"Blair, look," Chuck laughed, pointing at the screen. He turned to face me, still laughing at what was happening on the show. He froze, and looked at me, with the same look that he always had.

"Blair, I... there's something else that I thought I said, to be honest," Chuck said, nervously, as I looked up from my phone.

"I thought that, maybe, possibly.."

I sat there, in anticipation, as Chuck fumbled with his words.

"That I said that I like you."

"You've liked me this whole time, haven't you?" I said, looking at him.

"Yeah, I don't really like Natalie, I just-"

"So you lied before?"

"Yeah, Blair, I just didn't know how to say it."

"You lied, and you liked me this whole time and thought I was hot."

He looked at me, and smiled. "Blair Bui, I like you, you're funny and pretty, and absolutely ridiculous, but I like you."

-

And that was how it all began, how this all began.

Slice of Apple Pie, Part Two

“Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.”
-William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

"Just so you know, it's hard to get attention from me, this kind of thing never happens," Carter said, as we walked down the street.

"You said that already, do I need to say that I'm not that easy and hard to get, for the millionth time too?" I said, as I held my umbrella. A pedestrian walked by, and completely gave Carter side eye for not holding my umbrella. The streets were slick with water, as it rained and scattered precipitation all over the brick buildings. Worms covered the sidewalks, and we walked down the street towards the restaurant.

"I'm just saying, I make girls crazy, Blair." I stopped in my tracks, and turned to face him.

"Yeah, well I don't play games Carter, because I don't have time for that."

He stared at me blankly, as it rained all around us.

As soon as we got to the place, Carter paid for his own food and ordered for himself. And I stood there, mouth open in shock as this all happened. As I ordered, he walked over to some girls, and started talking to them, glancing over to me to gauge my reaction.

"A turkey burger, no onion or tomato, and cheese fries," I said, as I handed over my card, and paid no attention to Carter. I walked over to the table, completely ignoring that he existed. And out of the corner of my eye, I knew that he was annoyed by that.

As we walked out of the restaurant, I turned to look at him.

"Is this considered a date?" I asked, completely blindsiding Carter. He looked at me, like I admitted like I was secretly a call girl.

"This is a hang out," he said, "I don't like calling something a date if I don't have my car."

"Yes I know, but earlier, you said that if you hang out with someone and you end up getting food, then it's a date." I responded, sassily.

"Shit, then you're right, it's a date." And as we walked about half a block, abruptly, he turned to me. "Why Blair, do you care if it's a date?"

I turned, and looked at him. "I'm indifferent, and besides, it's definitely not." I responded, as I continued walking.

"Why not?"

"Because you didn't pay."

-

"HOLY SHIT, what happened next?" Serena asked, as I was on the phone with her.

"He seemed hurt by it, and annoyed...I don't think he was expecting me to be so sassy. On the way home I said that I was cold, and he like...tried to wrap his arm around me. It was weird, because he definitely wasn't that type of guy."

"He's obviously hurt, Blair, he likes you!"

"Yeah, well if he does, then he shouldn't be playing games with me!"

As soon as I said that, Kayresia called my name.

"Blair, how many guys have you dated?"

"Dated or gone on dates with?" I asked, casually.

"This is a really good question!" Serena said, from the phone.

"Okay, I'm gonna count guys I've kissed, since I've come to college....I need a moment for this."

Kayresia gave me a funny look, and then started to laugh. "Damn, you thotlicious."

"There was...Haz, Bill, James."

"Shit, I forgot James was in there too," she said, laughing.

"Sexy Drake, Alejandro, Luke, Johnny." I paused for a moment, "Did I forget anyone else in there?"

Kayresia and Serena were erupting with laughter at this point.

"Jake Reagan, Toronto, Chuck, FOR A YEAR AND A HALF, I MIGHT ADD."

"Thot thot thotlicious."

"Romney, Ted (ew), Rafael, and-"

"Don't forget Tinder Guy #3," Kayresia said.

"Okay... Tinder Guy #3, and then Carter! That's it, you assholes!"

"You forgot the new guy!" Kayresia added.

"I didn't, I added Carter to the list!"

"No, she's talking about the shy guy!" Serena said, on the phone. "You forgot about him!"

"Guys, I haven't even gone on a date with him!"

"You might as well put him down," Kayresia said, with a laugh.

"I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted. And to be completely honest...I did too.

-

Neck in writhing pain, sore as fuck body, messy hair, no makeup, super obvious floral scarf to conceal the remnants of last night. That is how I walked into work the next morning, looking like an absolute fucking disaster, and feeling like an even bigger one. And as I checked my phone, to see the text waiting for me, I felt even more annoyed.

Zayn: Hey so I know you said you wanted to avoid each other for like a week but it's been almost a month. I know you feel like it's weird after what happened but it feels really weird for me that we're still not talking and that you are ignoring me when you see me. You're a good friend and I don't like to let one bad thing ruin a friendship. At the very least, I hope we can talk about it and figure something out instead of just going on the way it is.