Maybe one day I can have a reunion with myself. 

-Sebastian Bach

-

Before I blogged on Cliches in Chicago, I blogged on a tumblr called Sass of Chicago. I unfortunately, and stupidly deleted all of the writings on that blog, in a moment of dramatics. I cursed that blog, and my previous single life, because I was sooo in love with Chuck Cuevas. Now, as a quasi-adult, I understand that you should never give anything up, especially your poignant, beautifully written and hilarious blog about your adventures in dating (okay...maybe kissing..) terrible boys. But now I'm an adult, and I know to never delete your blog for anyone. 

I have a story for all of you. In my fit of annoyance/fed uppance with Chuck, I signed up for Tinder. I remember my fondest foray into Tinder, meeting Jake Reagan and becoming completely infatuated with him. And of course, I remembered my worst- meeting that stupid architect Ted, that called that painting crispy and having him annoy the fuck out of me.

When I downloaded it, of course I wasn't serious about it- I was just curious. I mean, can you blame me? I had the earth shattering realization (once again) that Chuck Cuevas was a fucking asshole, and was completely embarrassed that I thought for even a split moment that things would be sunshine and rainbows. And the realization that regardless of how long we've been together or how much fun we have, Chuck may never stop spontaneously disappearing. And can you imagine that? ME, ELIZABETH LEONA BUI dealing with this bullshit when I have kids with him or something?

"Sorry, kids, your dad just disappeared because he can't deal with shit...again."

My daughter would look back at me in her Kate Spade for girls dress, and throw her mini Maisie bag on the fucking ground. As my son sits there, in his J.Crew button down and bright Chubbies shorts and baby Sperries. They'd be like, "Um, mom, are you really putting up with this bullshit?"

And as I sat there, I realized, "HOLY FUCK, I've been through a lot with Chuck."

Yeah, he was all, "We're going to be okay, we're going to get through this, there's going to be good times and bad times, but we're going to get through this. We're going to be fine," but holy fucking shit, this MF has a lot of fits. And I understand, there's been times when I get mad or upset, but I've never just disappeared or not talked about it.

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyways, so I made a Tinder, and then promptly deleted it.

Blair: What kind of tacos?
Guy on Tinder: It's a simple recipe. I just wrap a tortilla around my dick and stick it in your mouth until the secret sauce comes out, most girls find it delicious ;)

EW.

BOY, BYE.

Maybe the universe just wants me to be alone forever, and to be in Chuck Cueva's crazy limbo. Just watch, guys, I'll be fifty years old and Chuck will still be telling me, "I need you to wait two years for me."

Okay, I feel like my life has the makings of a romantic comedy- I've met so many guys in quasi-cute ways, and spontaneously. It just is missing the part where I fall in love and meet the perfect guy. In my romantic comedy, these meet-cutes end in me going on a date with them, finding out that I don't like them at all in about .26 milliseconds, and then having the date end in them begging me for a second chance or another date.

I've been reunited with a guy from three years ago, I've been asked out randomly in Target, I've even met a guy on a fucking elevator (and we have had MANY moments in said stupid elevator), but this is real life. In real life, perfectly handsome guys aren't everywhere, and in real life you go months without having sex or going on a date. And when you do go on a date...it's definitely not like you thought it'd be like.

And as I sat there reminiscing, I couldn't help but wonder...what exactly have these guys been up to?

-

Haz- He is on my Do Not Social Media Stalk list- he is probably still living with the girl he dated as soon as we broke up, who he claims he's super in love with. Yes, he did confess his undying love to me like two years ago while they were dating.

Tom- He and his girlfriend recently broke up, and he's just been posting pictures of him being alone or with friends, broing it up. How awkward.

Bill- Has a girlfriend as awkward, condescending, and fake artsy/wannabe hipster as him.

Sexy Drake- Oh my gosh, why is he still super freaking hot. It's okay, guys, I'm just going to keep reminding myself about how he tried to do butt stuff with me, and that he's not that super hot (but he is)

James- Still dating this girl, is going to be living with Chuck... whatever.

Alejandro- Oh my god, even this thirsty MF has a girlfriend...what the hell?!?

Luke- HOW ARE ALL THESE GUYS GETTING GIRLFRIENDS?!?

Johnny- In Peoria for his residency, pining after Elizabeth Bui. Just kidding guys, he's in residency and probably macking on nurses.

Jake- Living in Milwaukee, being stupidly charming and handsome.

Toronto- I don't even need to Google this one- he has a girlfriend now too! I see him all the time when I go to work, because his job is working facilities in the building where our office is located. He actually is the only guy on this list that I'm on great terms with!

Chuck- I refuse.

Louis- He's busy wearing stupid J.Crew cardigans and dressing like a Kennedy while being an asshole and offending people, probably.

Ted- Besides creeping on my Snapchats, who knows? Probably still desperately searching for love.

Rafael- Probably out banging half of Chicago- without using a condom.

Ezra- Probably still heartbroken over his ex- but I heard he's transferring schools!

Target Guy- Who knows, and who cares?

Johnson- WHERE ARE ALL OF THESE TERRIBLE MEN FINDING GIRLFRIENDS?!

Jason- UGH, he still looks stupid handsome too. I ran into him last week while I was buying tacos and I walked away.

Carter- Still dealing drugs, and showing up in Blair's summer classes.

Derek- Still single, and still not getting back with his three year ex girlfriend even though he clearly loves her.

Nash- Still creeping on Snapchat, and hoping that Chuck and I don't get back together.

-

And the person I know you're all curious about...

Blair- Living life, working towards her goals and being undeniably sassy. Still going on adventures, still dating terrible men, and still blogging about it.

A Thousand Fucking Dollars A Month

“I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him.” 

-Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

-

Chuck: Blair, you aren't broke.... you just have to budget. Just don't spend a thousand fucking dollars in a month and you will be fine.

I am fiscally responsible- I am very fiscally responsible. Except Audrey is super luxe and hanging out with her comes at a very high, high price. But after I had my mini meltdown (one of many to come), Chuck actually sat down and budgeted (and calculated) for me, how much I can spend after paying for housing and tuition. He had come through, which had totally surprised me, but I knew not to let my guard down- how could I after everything that has happened between the two of us?

Work has been stressful- due to the nature of my occupation and HIPPA and whatnot, I'm not allowed to fully disclose details about everything...but trust me, it's been stressful. So, of course, I needed to relax. With a terrible love life, a stressful job, and other problems attacking me like a rabid Pokemon, I had planned a nice little taco dinner with Kayresia, and a relaxation night. I was going to give myself a blow out, and do a face mask.

However, I was woken up from my nap by a phone call.

"Blair, I'm going to have to cancel...Matthew is in the hospital and so is Titus," Kayresia said.

"Can I come with?"

-

As I sat in the hospital, I tried to distract myself. I literally threw on my high waisted jeans, a bright pink blouse, my red flats (Kate Spade colors!) and pulled my tortoiseshell sunglasses on my head, like a Blair Waldorf headband.

Titus and Matthew were seeing the doctors, and as Kayresia and I sat and waited, I couldn't help but think to myself- life is too damn short. Things happen so unexpectedly, so randomly, and completely without any notice. But that's part of the adventure, and it's what keeps things interesting. Meeting some of the most special people in my life, they were the most unexpected and spontaneous things that happened. I never thought that I'd meet Serena in the way I did, or Kayresia in the way I did.

And even though I don't like admitting it- Chuck caught me completely off guard, and I was really surprised by him.

You know, old Chuck that was sweet and considerate, not the quasi-insane asshole that threw me in a ditch.

And life is unexpected, and you can't just go around stressing about things. So, I put on some liquid lipstick, took a deep breath, and pretended that one of my closest friends wasn't back there practically dying from some bad Mexican food.

The two of us stayed there until 3 am, when we finally headed home...and got I a few hours of sleep before work.

-

I had been running around all day like a chicken with her head cut off, it had been one of the most stressful days at work, and I was completely ready to just go home and take a nice, long nap. It was truthfully exhausting, and as I sat down, I got a text.

Nash: What time do you want to meet up?

Oh, fuck.

I had completely forgotten that he had begged asked me to go on another "hang out," and in my desperation to avoid confrontation, I had agreed.

"Blair, be strong," I told myself, There was no benefit in dragging myself on this date, with this guy that I was completely uninterested in. It would just be more conflict and time wasted.

Blair: I don't think this is going to work out, sorry. I'm not going to waste either of our time.
Nash: Alright. So did you want to reschedule for another day? Or are you more or less referring to hanging out in general as friends?

Of course I didn't want to reschedule, and of course the two of us couldn't hang out as friends! I had been down this road before, and I could forsee myself losing my shit on a train platform, just like with Johnson Baker. And so, in typical Blair Bui fashion, I came up with a thinly veiled and completely preposterous excuse.

Blair: Well my ex is coming back and he's been thinking about things so we're getting back together.

Total lie.

Total complete and utter fucking lie.

I know, y'all, I'm the worst.

Nash: Okay, that's good. I mean, you two do love each other and working about what decision to make won't be the case anymore.

I looked at the text, and rolled my eyes. I don't love Chuck Cuevas. I mean, that would be stupid to do- he after all, smashed my heart into fifty million pieces and is completely not ready for a relationship.

I pushed the thoughts out of my head, as I had a lot to do at work that day.

-

I ran around the building, and as the pressed the elevator button, and got on, Louis Romney stood there, stupid crazy hot and all. If seeing Louis Romney irritated me to this extent, I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like when Chuck got back from Mexico. I stared at Louis Romney for a brief second, until it hit me that I looked like a complete and utter mess.

I had a messy bun because my hair was unwashed, my red hipster frames as I did not put on makeup, and a completely random outfit I threw on at six am.

"Hey," I said, breaking the silence.

"Hey Blair, how are you?"

"Super busy, running around at work stressed," I rambled, incapable of forming complete sentences.

"That's good, you're keeping yourself busy," Louis said, with a smile.

"Your," I paused and looked at him, in partial shock, as he was wearing probably the brightest and most floral printed shorts I have ever seen in my entire life, "Your shorts are so Hawaiian," I responded.

"Hahaha, yeah they are," Louis said, smiling, as I got off the elevator.

-

Blair: Hey, Louis, I have some questions about med school and applying and stuff- do you have some time this week?

AKA, my name is Blair Bui and that text reeked of thirst. And even though I sent that message, I knew that Louis Romney wasn't what I wanted, there was only one person that could give me what I wanted.

But I wasn't ready to admit or acknowledge that...at least until he got back.

The New Adventures of Old Blair

It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves.

-Andre Gide

-

For our first major gift giving holiday, I made Chuck an Adventure Book, much like the one Ellie has in Up. He was Carl, and I was Ellie- he was awkward and shy, logical and skeptical, and I was the crazy, spontaneous, wildly independent girl that pulled him out of his comfort zone. I bought all the supplies from Michael's and I was so damn excited about the gift that I gave it to him a whole month early. I'll never forget how he smiled, and how happy he was, as he turned each page of the hand-crafted scrapbook that I made, with pictures of each and every adventure we had. (Sometimes I think that if I ever see that book again, I'll cry so horribly that whoever is around me will be forced to do the noble thing, and pretend like I'm not crying at all- even though I will be bawling like a loser baby).

For our one year anniversary, Chuck purchased a framed print of a vintage-y and rustic watercolor painting of the globe, with cursive script that read, "Adventure awaits." He was supposed to hang it in my apartment, but he never did...because we shortly broke up.

And once we broke up, it broke my heart every damn morning when I saw that huge frame sitting on the ground, until one day I woke up, grabbed a neon colored post-it note, and scribbled, "WITHOUT HIM" and added it to the bottom of the cursive script.

That act of sass and defiance empowered me, when I had gotten flat out dumped on my ass. And now, it is months later, after all of the crazy nonsense that Chuck and I have gone through, when I once again have given up on his whack ass, and now find myself, with adventure awaiting, without him.

Blair and the Bald Hipster Girlfriend

Okay, so I was tremendously stupid for thinking that Chuck and I could just sneak around, and that we'd get back together after sneaking around, as if this was a romantic comedy or something. But my life isn't like a romantic comedy- at least, not the good parts of a romantic comedy. I haven't had sex with anyone except for Chuck, since that terrible encounter with Derek that I would rather forget forever. I have not been on a date since that terrible date with Derek that was accompanied with the terrible sexual encounter that I had with Derek, and I have no romantic prospects.

People say that this is your prime- your early twenties, when you're supposed to be running around like a little thot, meeting hot guys easily as hell, and being easy as hell. And as I watched Young and Hungry, that seemed to be true- I mean, they meet hot guys so incredibly easily, it's as if they show up out of no where. Maybe I'm just living in the wrong city. Or destined to be alone forever.

I used to really love romantic comedies, because they made me feel all magical and tingly inside- but after watching Bridget Jone's Diary the other day, and then crying embarrassingly uncontrollably, because Chuck will probably never do anything magical or tingly to win me over (he probably is torturing small animals in the woods, according to Serena), I've decided to enjoy sitcoms and Grey's Anatomy.

However, there is only so much avoiding social interaction you can do, and only so much shopping and lipstick buying you can do to pretend like your ex boyfriend didn't screw you over, for what possibly might be the millionth time. Matthew and Salvador (Sally) had their housewarming party, and I of course went, as I am Matthew's "girlfriend" aka, best lady friend for life.

As I stirred my Whole Foods inspired pasta salad (penne, olives, mozzarella, pepperoni, spinach, dressing and spices), Sally said something that made me nearly drop my pan of pasta.

"What time is Calvin coming?" Sally asked, looking over at Matthew.

Kayresia stopped, and laughed, "Blair and Calvin in the same room? Oh lord."

"What? Things between us aren't bad, we're cool," I said, hiding the fact that when we ran into Calvin last month at Jewel-Osco that he had noticed me, and totally pretended that he didn't know me. Kayresia was super obsessed with Jewel Monopoly at one time, and so we were there quite a bit, but I digress.

Long story short, Matthew used to work at Buffalo Wild Wings, and I may or may not have furiously and super obviously flirted with Calvin during my rebounding from Chuck phase...which means that I one hundred percent did. I definitely did. But that was a long time ago, kind of, sort of. ANYWAYS, regardless, I haven't flirted with him recently, and it's not like I was throwing my body at him or anything.

But putting on another coat of lipstick wouldn't hurt. I put on another layer of the dark brownish color I was wearing, as Kayresia gave me a look from across the room.

"What? It can't hurt."

And as soon as that last syllable of that sentence, the buzzer went off. I froze in place, as Matthew went over to the door, and opened it, revealing not only Calvin...but a girl. A girl that looked straight at me, scanning me from head to toe. Her head was shaved, and her dress was covered with a worn-in dark colored flannel. Her eyes narrowed into little slits, as she scanned me like a cyborg, from head to toe. She scanned me in the way that only a girlfriend, would.

Surely, she must have thought to herself, "This bitch- she's the girl who was all over Calvin, my boyfriend."

It's okay, this is going to be a great housewarming for one of my best friends, so I'm just going to politely be polite and pretend like I never vivaciously flirted with him. I sat, twirled a small curl, and waited, as Calvin and his girlfriend went around the entire room, saying hello. And as they passed each person, I smiled cordially, pretending as if I didn't have a care in the entire world. And as they made their way around, they stopped at Matthew, handed him a bottle of red wine, and walked off to the food... completely skipping yours truly.

Now, if this was the Old Blair, I would have shot him and her a dirty look and commented on how shitty their red velvet wine was, and how I think it's absolutely disgusting.

But I sat, kept pretending like I didn't have a care in the world, as Matthew walked over, and whispered, "I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"Wow, the adventures of Single Blair. This is it," I thought to myself, "Running into guys that I embarrassed myself in front of  and having them and their bald hipster girlfriends snub the fuck out out of me."

And in that moment, I decided that there was one of two things I could do. Awkwardly sit in the corner and sip my Sangria, or walk around, still sipping Sangria, and to decide to have the most bomb time that I possibly could.

The Lonely, The Bitch, and Quinoa's Wardrobe

Roger was one of Kayresia's employees, an employee in fact which made it glaringly obvious that not only did he want to fuck me, but that he definitely thought he did. Despite my constant attempts to avoid him, snub him, and ignore him, he wouldn't leave me the fuck alone.

There is nothing in the entire world that annoys me more than persistent guys, except for entitled persistent guys. For whatever reason, Roger had found it impossible that I would not want to date him...despite the many, many, many signs that I wanted him to go fly a goddamn kite. I was completely unattracted and disinterested in him, and the fact that he eyed me like a bottle of Smartwater in the desert made it all the more disgusting.

"He keeps asking if you're single," Kayresia laughed, as we sat at her kitchen table. Quinoa took another bite out of her taco, and I shook my head.

"I don't like him, and I don't like that I was trying to ignore him and he kept asking questions about me....and calling me shawty!" I mixed up the tv dinner of beef stroganoff that I was about to have, and shook my head.

"Like last time, when he was here and Quinoa and I were talking about guys on Bumble," I said, "He kept making comments and saying that he was offended that I said he wasn't cute, when I was clearly holding my fucking phone in Quinoa's face," I added, sassily.

"That's right, he was just there," Quinoa laughed.

He wouldn't leave me alone, and he was completely persistent, and annoying. Suddenly, we heard footsteps coming, and I knew who it was, as I ran, and dived into Quinoa's closet.

"Blair are you really-"

"SHH."

In mere seconds, it had been confirmed- Roger was standing right in the kitchen, as I had escaped moments before. He asked about me, lingered around, and I had sat there, silently, avoiding him in Quinoa's closet. That's what my life had resorted to, hiding in Quinoa's closet to avoid a boy that I didn't like.

-

"She can stay here," Roger said, eyeing me. "And you can go back upstairs," he said, looking at Kayresia.

"Stop staring at her." Kayresia said, as we walked off. The two of us headed to the elevator. As I ran towards the elevator, there stood Louis Romney.

Blair and the Elevator

When I first met Louis Romney, I had met him in an elevator. I had actually met him multiple times in an elevator before that, but never gave him the time of day because I was so hopelessly in love with Chuck Cuevas. Hopeless and utterly in love with Chuck Cuevas.

I pressed the elevator button, as he turned to face me.

"You guys have exciting plans tonight?" he asked, turning to look at me and Kayresia. She stifled her laughter, as he looked at me, waiting for an answer.

"We're making tacos," I responded, "...and beefy crunch burritos." I may or may not have had a packet of diablo sauce in the pocket of my denim jacket, as I said that.

"I can see that," Louis said, chuckling. He turned to the buttons, and then asked, "Blair, I was certain you lived on the sixth floor."

"I do...we're going to Kayresia's place," I responded. Of course Louis was certain that I lived on the sixth floor, because he threw the bra and panties I left at his place at my door when we stopped seeing each other, and then ran away.

Suddenly, the elevator dinged, and I turned to walk off to Kayresia's floor.

"Bye Louis."

-

Kayresia had piggybacked me three blocks, after I had fell completely and utterly on my ass. My flip flop had snapped, and after walking approximately 2.82 steps, I had decided not to risk my feet on the dirty Chicago sidewalk.

As we walked into the lobby, I stood around casually, barefoot, as Louis Romney walked out of no where, looked at me, and smirked. "Have a good night, Blair," he said, as he walked off.

-

As Quinoa and I ran to the elevator, she stopped instantly, as I got on, and the door closed. Louis Romney was once again standing there, nonchalantly.

"You know, for someone who's trying to avoid me, you're doing a terrible job at it," I said, as the doors closed. I looked over at him, sneaking a glance. I couldn't deny that he was ridiculously attractive, and in my new, Chuck-less state, I definitely noticed how hot Louis was.

"I'm not trying to avoid you," he laughed, looking at me. "Did you move to the tenth floor? I could have sworn that you lived on the sixth," he said, changing the subject quickly.

"You said that last time," I responded, sassily. Louis looked at me, blushing awkwardly for a brief moment.

"I meant it, when I said it was nice seeing you," I said, turning away slightly.

"It's nice seeing you too," he said, as the elevator we stood in probably changed into one of the sexual elevators in Grey's Anatomy. Both of us were feeling flirtatious, and I thought that I looked pretty darn freaking cute that day.

"We had fun last semester, right?" Louis asked, flirtatiously.

And as soon as I was about to answer, the door opened, to have Kayresia, standing right there.

Be Nice To The Boys in Chicago, Elizabeth

“Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with”
-Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You

-

"You're a three for three, do you know what that means?" My uncle asked, drunkenly, as I stood there awkwardly, trying to escape his grasp.

He looked deep into my eyes, and stared at me, intensely.

"You're young, you're beautiful, and you're intelligent."

I thanked him, and as I tried to walk off, he grabbed my forearm.

"Be nice to the boys in Chicago, okay, Elizabeth?"

-

Hell fucking no, I wasn't going to be nice to the boys in Chicago, because they were completely NOT nice to me. I had thought about it, in retrospect, all the guys that I've dated (or not dated), and at first I thought to myself, "Elizabeth Bui, maybe you're being a little bit harsh on these guys, maybe they aren't so terrible," and then I thought about it for a couple more seconds, and came to the realization that actually, the guys that I've met since the beginning of this blog, are actually pretty damn terrible. If anyone should be getting nice treatment, it should be me, Blair fucking Bui, for all the nonsense that I've had to deal with from these fuckers.

Ted Chang

• Was excessively clingy and weird, and said that he could see me as his wife after like, three dates.
• Was a neanderthal and embarrassed me in the Art Institute
• Got me drunk off moscato, and banged me, even though I didn't really want to
• Used disgusting adjectives to describe normal things- called my dress yummy, called a PAINTING crispy. UM, IS A MANET PAINTING FRIED CHICKEN NOW?
• Could never talk to him, so I always had to go see movies so I could ignore him
• Bossed me around, like a typical stereotypical weird Asian guy

Louis Romney

• Sent me a list of problems he had with me, like what?
• Was super cocky, super Republican, and always mentioned how much older he was than me
• Ran away during one of my work events, when Kayresia asked him what his intentions with me were
• Has five hundred side hos, and probably a secret wife and kids in Hawaii
• Always talked about how he hated Hispanic, and poor people

Rafael Mancilla

• Claimed that he had kidney problems, and that he couldn't go on a sushi date with me, but then still came over and banged me
• AND then totally tried to ghost me
• Basically a twenty three year old fuck boy, with a schwag job, that smokes weed day and night

Target Guy

• Asked me on a date in a grocery store
• Basically told me that he's a pedophile, and that he banged a fifteen year old when he was twenty two
• And then he thought I would go home with him after that???

Johnson Baker

• OH MY GOD
• DON'T GET ME STARTED
• ON THIS MOTHER FUCKER
• Thinks he's the bomb dot com, and can't seem to understand that there's (a fucking lot of) women out there who don't want to date him
• Followed me for twenty blocks, asking me why I wouldn't date/bang/WHATEVER him
• And then in Target too
• And then called me inconsiderate and acted like I was at fault
• Non-stop asked me why I wouldn't date him
• Didn't know what foccacia bread was
• Didn't know what sugar packets were
• Kept acting like something was wrong with me, just because I wouldn't date him
• Basically was an idiot, and a gremlin man-child that would not let shit go, and nonstop asked me why I wouldn't date him, and obviously had weird feelings for me, but was incapable of moving the fuck on

Zayn

• BASICALLY, he took advantage of me when I was really, really, really sad and depressed, and he slept with me even though I wasn't into it, and then he wouldn't leave me alone and kept acting like I was acting weird because I liked him
• WHICH I FUCKING DID NOT EW

Carter Chavez

• Literally a fuck boy, and an idiot
• Sent me pictures of him smoking with his foot
• HIS FOOT
• WHO DOES THAT?!
• Would not stop trying to tap me

Jason

• Basically told me he didn't have to time to "cultivate" (TF?) a relationship, but he's literally on every dating app imaginable
• Talks like a 70's frat star, and the first time he met me, he punched me on my right upper arm, and sometimes I still think it hurts to this day

Derek

• Kept asking me for another chance, and acted like he deserved one, was annoying and super persistent

Kevin

• Got like, $100 worth of free consultations
• Basically tried to tap me, got rejected, and then stole my business idea

Chuck Fucking Cuevas

And then I sat there, incapable of making that last list. I looked at that name, and I didn't even know what to say. Chuck and I really have had our ups and downs this semester, and we really have been through a lot. He sat there, and watched me date (and bang) other guys, right in front of him, and he didn't say anything. And I understand that he didn't say anything because he didn't think it was his place, but in the end, it bothered the hell out of him, and he just didn't say anything. And don't I deserve someone that will say something? Someone that cares so passionately about me, that they'd go after me and say something?

And it's not like Chuck never says anything- there was the time that he was adorably annoying as fuck, and kept sending me passive-aggressive messages in order to talk to me, when I was ignoring him. But I had only ignored him, and walked away because he wasn't there for me, when I needed him to be. And I walked away because he didn't say anything, and because he let me.

And he's been around recently, as much as I want to pretend like everything is perfect and dandy, and magical between us- it doesn't change the fact that he can't be with anyone right now. AND YES, it's sweet that if he could, it would be me, in a heartbeat, but I just... I need him to say anything. I need him to say something, and I need him to give me something that's worth waiting and fighting for. Because right now, I honestly just don't know. 

And the last thing I said to him was on Thursday morning, and he didn't say anything back. And now it's the night before he's going to leave, and he still hasn't said anything. And I know it's silly, and I should just say something- but I'm always the one who says something. It wasn't even a big crazy message, I literally just messaged him back something normal- and he just didn't say anything! 

And maybe it's because we both don't know what this is, or what's going on. I mean, I really don't...I've been sneaking around secretly with Chuck, but who knows what's going to happen, or if it's worth it. And I wish that I was as fearless as I used to be, and that I could just dive headfirst, and belly up. But the same question keeps asking me, "Did you crawl out of the pit he threw you in, and climb that mountain...just for this?"

Is Chuck really it, Blair?

And I wish I could say I knew, but I don't. I just know that he hasn't said anything- and I need him to say anything.

A Cocktail of Terrible Stereotypes

“The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.”
-Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You

-

I remember going to a St. Baldrick's event, and having Shane say, "Is this a fundraiser or a gathering of guys you went on dates with?" Because literally, this College of Medicine event turned into a collection of a bunch of guys that I had gone on dates with. I've dated quite a few med students, and I know a little bit too much about the people in the COM at my school (more than I care to). As a result, I consider myself a little bit of an expert (unfortunately), when it comes to dating med students. I've pretty much dated them all, and the weirdest/worst thing about med students, is that they don't just fall under one of these categories, no, they're like a cocktail of terrible stereotypes and douchebaggery. Romney was a mix of at least three of these things, Johnson Baker as well, they're like a potpourri of asshole-ness.

Oh med students, the most transparent and easiest to spot of men.

But all in all, here we go-

The Different Types of Guys You'll Date From Med School

The One Who Thinks He’s God’s Gift to Humanity- Not to be confused with “The One Who Thinks He’s The Next Surgeon General,” although they both think that they’re tremendously phenomenal in different ways. This guy thinks that he’s an absolute God- and that each and every woman will bow down in chances that he will date that lucky, average female. Because he is SOOOO spectacular, he is unable to comprehend the word “no,” and is incapable of handling rejection, because he thinks he’s hot shit. He thinks he’s McDreamy, and will be completely incapable of understanding why you won’t date/sleep/bow down to him.

The One Who Thinks He’s The Next Surgeon General- He thinks he’s a medical GOD, and that he is going to be the best damn doctor in the entire world. He believes that he is a medical genius, and on the path to revolutionizing medicine. He probably will talk shit about his classmates, and how incredibly amazing and intelligent he is. Will probably want to go into some sort of surgery, most likely cardio-thoracic.

The Gunner- He lives, eats, breathes, anatomy, and spends all of his time studying, day and night. You will be rendered useless and unnecessary to him, because you are not going to advance his medical career. He will pay more attention to his anatomy textbook than you. All he cares about is med school, and all he talks and thinks about is….med school.

The One Who Probably Has A Wife and Kids- A little (or a lot) older than the conventional med student, he's re-living his undergrad years by dating hella females. His Facebook profile is squeaky clean, and he deletes tags on the regular. You never know that he's thinking, or what he's up to, and he definitely always acts like he's hiding something... after all, he is old enough to be someone's father... maybe even yours. He dresses like he works a 9-5 job, and is extremely secretive.

The One With Side Hos For Days- He is basically dating four girls at once, most likely all from the College of Medicine. Skillfully, and carefully, he will make sure they are all in different social groups so that they never come across each other. Think John Tucker, but in wannabe scrubs. He is most likely overcompensating for something, whether it's his lack of game in undergrad, feeling inferior to classmates, or that he's incapable of adult relationships. Will most likely be banging nurses in residency.

The One That Every Girl Has A Crush On- Super handsome, super suave, and super dreamy- this is the guy that everyone in med school thinks is the hunkiest and handsomest. The real McDreamy, his ridiculous attractiveness will have you questioning how someone like him could possibly exist. Unfortunately, he probably is still with his girlfriend from undergrad...sorry.

The Rebounding Mess- Recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend from undergrad, and now he's banging everything that he sees in sight. Will use the fact that he's a future doctor to score girls (but then again, every guy on this list does...), and uses the um, "companionship" of other women to pretend like he's not absolutely hurt and heartbroken.

The One That’s “Perfect”- Handsome, smart, intelligent- everyone says he's a great guy, a nice guy, a phenomenal person, and that's what he is, right? Definitely not. You will think every guy on this list, is "perfect" when you first meet them, and then you will be sadly awoken to realize that there is most definitely, something wrong with them.

But all in all- this is not a definitive list (although pretty damn close, if I do say so myself), and of course, like men in general- not all guys in med school are terrible. Just a hell of a lot of them.

Nothing Except For A Courting Device

“A #GIRLBOSS is someone who’s in charge of her own life. She gets what she wants because she works for it. As a #GIRLBOSS, you take control and accept responsibility. You’re a fighter – you know when to throw punches and when to roll with them. Sometimes you break the rules, sometimes you follow them, but always on your own terms. You know where you’re going, but can’t do it without having some fun along the way. You value honesty over perfection. You ask questions. You take life seriously, but you don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re going to take over the world, and change it in the process. You’re a badass.” 

-Sophia Amoruso

-

"Blair Bui Consulting has launched!

Running on hopes, dreams, and dedication (more like blood, sweat, tears), Blair has officially launched her business, Blair Bui Consulting.

Thank you to everyone for their support, and for the BB team (Shay, Shane, and Blair)

Special thanks to Cora, Matthew, Kevin, and everyone who listened to me talk nonstop about how excited I was."

-

I looked at the launch email, and smiled. This was happening. 

My only client was a guy that wasn't paying me a penny, but that was okay, because I had a business and she was mine, all mine. 

As I walked down the street, Anders appeared out of no where, waving at me. Still cute as I remembered, hair still sandy blonde, still ridiculously handsome.

I awkwardly waved, and then was abruptly interrupted.

"EY, you!"

I turned around to see a random European man. It was about 9 pm at night, and I was wandering the streets of Chicago alone. Within the two seconds that I had said hello to Anders, there seemed to be no one in a one mile radius of me and this sketchy European man.

"FUCK, I just started a business and I'm about to die already," I thought to myself, as I called the most recent person that I had texted.

"I have faith in you, I think you're going to make it happen. You don't seem like a lazy person at all, and you're motivated."

"And I'm a bitch," I added.

"Well, that's necessary in business," Will said. I was glad that Serena's boyfriend (basically husband) was such a rad guy, and he gave me a little bit of motivation in my current client-less state. Although we were running on faith and dreams, hope and magic, I couldn't help but wonder why I wasn't rollin' in Benjamins Jeffersons already. I had put up the posters, I had made a plan, and I was determined! I know that businesses take time to set off, but I really was excited.

Not to mention, I already sent that launch email out to people, including my ex boyfriend, who absolutely cannot know that my business is stagnant. 

Although I was loving the fire that I had found within myself, I couldn't help but feel a little bit lonely. I hadn't gone on a date in a long, long time. And my strings hadn't been really plucked (as in I enjoyed it) since Rafael and I hooked up in early February. 

"Maybe you should meet someone rad?" I thought to myself. It wasn't a crazy idea, having a boyfriend wouldn't be the worst thing ever. I'm a very particular lady, and I gave up on dating after going on so many dates that left me feeling disappointed. It's not like the guys weren't nice...ish. Or decent- there was just no fire or magic. No sparks. And that's what I want. As I thought about it, my train of thought was interrupted.

Blair: CAN WE ACKNOWLEDGE HOW CARTER TOLD ME HE'D GET ME FIVE CLIENTS IF I BANGED HIM?

Will: Aren't you giving away free consultations anyways?

Oh, right. In a desperate attempt marketing strategy genius idea to get clients, I sent out a blast saying that I was going to give out free consultations to the first 16 people from our email list that signed up for consultations. So far, none of them bit.

Blair: Just to people in our email list. The first 16!

Will: Tell him ten clients and you'll have a deal.

Never!

Kevin: I'm well aware us guys are fuckers. I'm guilty as charged hahaha

Blair: I'm going to print my posters, and I know because you tried to tap me freshman year

He really did, though. The cliffnotes version is that Thirsty Kevin went around telling people that we were a thing, and that I was his girlfriend...when I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WAS NOT. During that time I was dating Haz, and Kevin was constantly trying to tap me- his attempts were weird and desperate. Long story short, I eventually told him that I was dating Haz and that I didn't like him, and he got mad and claimed that he never liked me. And this is after he tricked me into a date, and told everyone we were a thing!

BUT that is a story for another time.

Kevin: Lol nahhh

He did, you guys. He's totally lying.

Kevin: Not that there's anything wrong with you. I just don't consider myself that thirsty

He is, you guys. Don't be fooled.

Blair: Lol okay Kevin.

Kevin: If I wanted to sleep with you, I'd make it happen hahahahahah

I took a deep breath. 

Time and time again, I always find myself in the position where I have to tell an entitled guy that just because he wants to bang me, doesn't mean that he gets to bang me. Just because he likes me, does not mean that I am obligated to like him too. LIKE HOLY FUCK, is this such a hard concept to grasp?! Just because you want to stick your peen inside of me, doesn't mean that I magically want you.

BOY, BYE.

Blair: Uh, no.

Kevin: I'd get all Romeo and Juliet romantic

This goes to show further how he does not pay attention to me, other than trying to tap me. If you've read even a sentence off of this blog, you would know that I hate cheesy mushy romantic garbage. I hate the weird moments of magic that people try to force, and I hate long ass good morning texts. I hate weird romantic gestures, because the fact of the matter is, they never come from guys you want. 

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

I would have loved a weird romantic gesture from Chuck, or Rafael, or Louis. But I've never gotten them from them, I've only gotten them from cheesy desperate losers who need to use weird romantic shit as a crutch to get me to like them. Because girls are blinded by that shit (not me), and seem to believe that if a guy does cheesy shit for you, then that is love, and that is magic. And that is not the case.

Blair: You've already tried that. That definitely doesn't work on me. You need to read women and their personality.

God, Kevin better start paying me if I'm going to teach him how to get women.

Kevin: My version will be on point.

Ew. 

Kevin: I'd get you with corny one liners baby

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

Blair: Read at 11:35 pm

I screenshotted the messages and sent them to Shane and Shay.

Shay: Lmfao is he for real! No wonder his relationship didn't work out... Sounds like a complete ass smh

Shane: Lol I've been away from my phone and come back to whatever the hell is going on here

Awesome, now I have absolutely no clients. At least before I had one client. He just wasn't really paying me anything. My business was not a courting device, I wasn't going to deal with Kevin anymore. Of course I was glad that he had gotten better and we helped him...I just didn't want to help him like that.

I went back to my list of desperate attempts marketing strategy genius ideas. I had attempted to get an endorsement from the guy who ran Humans of UNI, but he just politely said, "Fuck you, Blair, you didn't let me tap you so screw you and your business."

OKAY, I'm paraphrasing, but that's kind of what happened. The guy that ran Humans of UNI, long story short, was basically obsessed with me last year when I was dating Chuck. He would message me every week asking for photoshoots and to meet up with him- he wanted to make an album and portfolio of just pictures of me! He would not stop messaging me, or leaving me alone, even when I didn't answer his messages and tried to swerve him. He knew I had a boyfriend, but he literally would not go away. Of course I was kind of flattered, it was kind of sweet in a super annoying and creepy way, but his persistence was ridiculous. It was gross.

I stopped for a moment.

WHAT IF I'M GOING TO NEED JOHNSON'S HELP IN LIKE A YEAR?

I groaned. At this point, if I'm going to progress my business, I might as well decide to never date again.

I had asked one more person for help, as my team needed a design person. I asked Derek for help. And spoiler alert, he tried to use my business as a courting device too.

Derek: I'll need to hear more about the company first haha when can you meet up to talk more about it?

Um, never?

I knew what Derek was trying to pull, he was trying to lure me into a "business meeting" so he could get his second chance at dating, and banging me. This wasn't happening.

AND, he definitely did not need to hear more about the company because the concept was pretty damn simple. I, Blair Bui, do relationship consultations in all aspects.

Blair: This should be sufficient.

I texted him the site link, and thought it would appease him. It did not.

In the shortest way possible to explain this, Derek basically decided to send his criticisms and judgmental bullshit, questioning my company and how I ran it. Just because I wouldn't meet his ass to give him another chance! 

I groaned.

I decided after all of this that I would take care of it myself. I wouldn't need any help from any guys that I swerved- I didn't need UNI guy's endorsement (well, I kinda do, he has hella influence on campus), or Derek's design skills. I was going to do this all by my damn self, and it was going to be perfectly okay.

"Blair, your business is literally nothing except for a courting device used by creepy guys. Your assets are -$30."

I sighed. I walked out of the library, and looked up to see Chuck's apartment building. A light was on in his window, although it was late at night. Even though the fire I found from my business was satisfying me emotionally, I definitely was lacking physically.

I looked at the window, and then looked away. Although for a split second, I will admit that I doubted myself, I didn't go through all of this to go back to square one. And I made this business for a reason, to help people be strong enough to move forward and pave their own paths- and I wasn't going to give up on it. I valued it, and I believed in it, even if it seemed like every damn guy only saw it as a courting device.

Plus One

"To be an ideal guest, stay at home."

 -E. W. Howe

-

"Are you coming to the dessert party my wife is throwing?" my boss asked me, as I walked into his office.

"Yeah, of course!" I said, as I realized that I had completely forgotten about it. My boss was a rich older man who lived right across the street from Millennium Park. His building was full of basketball players and celebrities, as he was basically loaded. His wife was the typical successful older lady as well, throwing fancy parties and events to network and impress people.

One of them being this dessert party, with prosecco and wine.

"You know you have a plus one, right?" He said, eyeing me carefully. I looked at him awkwardly, and nodded. He made a small face before saying his next response.

"But you don't have to bring one if you don't have one."

I stood there, awkwardly. His response to this could have been one of two things-

1. Blair, you bring a different boy to every event.
2. Blair, last time you brought a plus one, he ran away.
3. Blair, you are lonely AF.

"I'll bring one," I said, adamantly, as I walked off. My red ballet flats tapped across the surface of the wood floor, as I scurried off to my desk.

"FUCK, BLAIR, why did you say that?"

-

Blair, you bring a different boy to every event.

To be fair, there have only been two big work events that have occurred, and the boy I brought to the first one I thought was going to be my plus one for life. I literally thought that Chuck and I were going to be forever, because I was young and naive, and I thought that he was going to be my plus one from then on forward. To infinity and beyond.

And okay, I kind of, sort of thought that the second boy that I took to the second work event was going to be attending a couple more, but then he ended up running away! Not my fault.

OKAY, and I'm twenty and relationships aren't forever, so no one should really be expected to bring the same person, unless it's their spouse, to every single freaking event. ESPECIALLY if they're months apart!

Blair, last time you bought a plus one, he ran away.

I'm going to make this as painless as possible, by stealing the little snippet of a story from a previous blog post. I'm not going to go into crazy detail- I think if I do, it'll make me want to throat punch Louis Romney.

*coughs and opens up storybook (aka blog archives)*

I ended up taking him to this fancy work event, and as we all sat there in Carnivale, casually enjoying our dinner, Louis decided to offend a lot of people. He acted super classist, super sexist, and well...super conservative. He asked people if they were lower level employees, and it was just a huge mess overall. 

Louis is... ultra conservative. He only cares about the economy, hates poor people, hates Hispanic people, doesn't believe in feminism, He is actually Romney and Trump in twenty nine year old youngish man form. 

Anyways, we were all somewhat casually enjoying this nice dinner, when suddenly, Kayresia turned to Louis, and asked, "Louis, what are your intentions with Blair?"

A gut wrenching feeling hit me, as I turned and looked at him, noticing that he looked like Kayresia just smacked him in the head with a frying pan.

I didn't need for Louis to say that he wanted to be with me forever, I just needed him to not care that she did that, but instead Louis got up, and ran away. Louis completely disappeared, and then reappeared twenty minutes later with two HUGE drinks. In front of my entire staff.

And to this day, I don't know what was more embarassing about that incident...him running away in the middle of dinner, or him acting ultra conservative during dinner.

Everyone at work laughed at the fact that Louis ran away, and thought that he was an asshole. That's how that saga ended. No one ever said anything to my face really, except Cora when she said he was a fucking asshole. But I'm sure everyone talked about it plenty behind my back, all, "Poor Blair."

Blair, you are lonely AF.

Okay, first of all, I am not lonely AF. I am living a good life where I watch Grey's Anatomy and eat kale in my bed. And where I hang out with my friends, drink beer, and do Pilates. I just have no boyfriend or romantic prospects (although people would tell you otherwise), and I'm single AF.

I scanned my brain, and ended up going through every guy I've been on a date with in the past six months.

Chuck Cuevas:

I shook my head immediately. That can't and won't be happening. Because then the two of us would laugh and reminisce about the last time we went to a fancy rich people party, feel the feels about the good times, and then things would be messy and weird. And also, my coworkers would tell him that they've missed seeing him around, and they would assume that we are getting back together.

Plus, even though most people think that Chuck is skinny and awkward, not the hottest, and kinda gross, there's just something about him in nice clothes that makes me weak at the knees, and think, "DAYUM." I can't explain it, for whatever reason, I think Chuck Cuevas is a hottie.

Louis Romney:

Hell to the no, did you not read that previous story? Plus, besides the fact that he is an asshole, he's been pretending that he doesn't know me, because I was the side ho when he had a med school girlfriend.

I am still convinced that he has a wife and kids.


Ted Chang:
People joke that I dumped him because he didn't know what a painting was, but in reality we had absolutely nothing in common, he was weirdly in love with me, and a complete neanderthal. He was SO incredibly stupid, and also short. No way in fuck am I ever talking to him again. He was also incredibly cocky and really weird and annoying, entitled as well.

Sometimes I wish I had told him the truth and that I couldn't stand his ass, instead of chickening out and saying that it was because I still had feelings for Chuck.


Rafael Mancilla:
God, he's sexy. But also a twenty three year old fuck boy. So, pass.

Ezra:

Literally went on one date. No thanks.

Target Guy:

He told me that he banged a fifteen year old when he was twenty two, and then friend to bang me...no thanks.


Johnson:
There are sooooo many reasons why this is an immediate no, besides his annoying gremlin man-child ways, the fact that he's short, and that he's absolutely entitled and crazy. Also if I can't stand him at a nice brunch place, no way in fuck is he going to a fancy AF party at my boss' condo. I can't have him asking me what petit fours are. SORRY NOT SORRY.


Carter Chavez:
He would probably show up high, and then I would slap him across the face, and then he would be sexually aroused by that. I don't really want to be seen or associated with him, and also he's basically classless.


Jason:
Ugh, he's hot. But he also talks like a 70's frat star and is kind of an asshole.

Derek:
Also into me, definitely not into him. No thanks.

Maybe I needed to put an ad out or something.

WANTED: a plus one for a fancy party that my boss is throwing that will impress and dazzle everyone, and more importantly not embarrass me. The last guy I brought was embarrassing, my coworkers are still laughing about it.

You:
-are smart, educated, and intelligent
-have culture and class
-but can also joke around, be funny or a little ridiculous
-have a good career (or path)
-are funny, charming, and a great conversationalist
-taller than 5'9 (I'll compromise)
-do not have any glaring problems
-are not an asshole or Neanderthal

Me:
-is 5'5, 105, and adorably petite
-drinks beer, does Pilates, and is chill AF
-Asian American (but looks ethnically ambiguous)
-is clever, funny, and a pretty great conversationalist
-has hilarious and ridiculous stories
-watches the same terribly funny tv shows you do
-dresses fashionably and very well, has refined style
-will laugh at your terrible jokes
-sassy, brazen, bold, and sure

Pros:
-delicious desserts
-alcohol
-great networking and conversation
-potentially fall in love....or make a great friend (I'm a great wing woman!)

The Ditch

"Because I didn't pull myself out of the ditch that Chuck threw me in, I didn't climb that mountain of shit, and get over his crazy ass, for this"

-Blair Bui

-

One time, Chuck got tremendously drunk (I'm not going to lie, I did too...), and as I woke up from my drunken slumber, and looked over at him, he just looked straight at me, right into my eyes.

"Blair, you are always in my thoughts," he whispered, as I moved a bit closer. We were laying nose to nose, and the moonlight shined in through his window.

"Really?" I leaned in for a kiss, and felt my heart beat faster. This was what being in love is, and I had been in love, and I was lucky to be in love.

"I'm always thinking about you, always. You're always in my thoughts." I looked at him, and I smiled. Chuck grabbed my hand, squeezed it, and gently placed it on his bare erection.

You would think that in that moment, that I would realize something was up.

It had been two weeks since I had gone on a date with a guy, and about half a week since I officially gave up on them. I mean, I'd like to think that it had been a week, but when I drunkenly wanted to climb Jason like a tree, that kind of reset my timer again. I really genuinely had given up on guys though, I had spent my time working, cleaning my apartment, running and doing pilates, and just spending time with friends.

With Yael being in Canada, the only men I had in my life were Shane and Johnson, which I really think says a lot. Somehow Johnson had finally given up on being immature and petty, and Shane had always been a great friend. Even when I fell asleep on his bedroom floor- which happens more than it should, to be honest.

But all of this has given me plenty of time to think about love, life, and relationships, and I've come to the crazy conclusion that I'm a strong independent woman, and that finding the next guy isn't going to come easy. Because I didn't pull myself out of the ditch that Chuck threw me in, I didn't climb that mountain of shit, and get over his crazy ass, for this, to be with any of the guys that I've dated over the past few months. They were hot, and they were alright, but I didn't go through everything I did for this. They weren't the end to my story.

Louis Romney was a total asshole, and he just wanted to hook up with me. Even though he spoon-fed me everything that I wanted to her, or that I thought that I wanted, in the end he was a total jerk. He was a complete and utter asshole, who ended up making me realize a lot of things about myself, and relationships. I guess from him, the biggest thing I learned is that you can't be with someone who wants you to give up everything for them, and to accommodate them. You can't be with someone who doesn't want you to be independent, who wants you to be a caged bird with a taped-together beak. Someone who wants the diluted version of you.

As for Rafael, as much as I wanted something to happen, he just didn't try. And that's one of the harder things to learn, honestly. When someone wants to be with you, they will do everything in their power to make it happen. ESPECIALLY guys. And the fact of the matter is, Rafael didn't try because he didn't want to be with me enough. If he had, he wouldn't have given up so easily and he wouldn't have just straight up dipped.

I've dated the good guys, I've dated the bad guys, and I've drunk texted my heart out and drunkenly flirted with guys. I've had sex, I've fucked, and this whole time all I've wanted to do is dance in the moonlight and sail into the sun. But the fact of the matter is, I don't need someone to do that, I really don't. There's some equally ridiculous person out there, but for right now, it's just me, dancing in the moonlight and sailing into the sun, all by myself.

And the biggest lesson through all of this is exactly that- I didn't go through hell and back to settle. And I didn't do it for anyone less than amazing. I did it for me, because even though it was shitty, and even though I went back to Chuck a couple times, I finally put that part of my life behind me. And I'm ready.

Blair, Just Try To Understand

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”

-Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

-

Shane: I think you should go have fun. Also are you sure this is a st. Baldricks event or a gathering of guys you went in dates with lol 

I won't go into detail about how long I stood there, awkwardly, in a room full of people that I one hundred percent did not know, awkwardly holding my scarf and pea coat. I won't go into detail about how I awkwardly tried to make conversation with people, only to have them awkwardly kind of brush me off, and look at me like I was totally weird and balls out crazy. What made this extremely awkward situation even more awkward was that Jason, yes that Jason definitely recognized me, and definitely saw me...standing there, by myself, awkwardly.

It didn't matter that my hair was perfectly cute, and that I had on the cutest outfit (cute blush blouse, dark wash skinny jeans that made my ass look banging, and flats), all that mattered is that I basically was totally being judged and definitely shouldn't have thought that Hakeem would've stood and talked to me. It turns out that he was helping run the event, and ran away to talk to people, and left me with this gem-

"It's kind of a College of Medicine event."

What a way to make me feel even more welcome, buddy.

It was after forty minutes of feeling awkward and weird that I finally caved, and texted Johnson. And luckily for me, he showed up. With my favorite guy squad too, if I may add. I said hi to all of them, officially met Heath, and had Nico show me that there had been a coatrack all along. Which had made me feel even more awkward...I had just stood there awkwardly holding my coat the whole time!

Johnson surprisingly acted normal, and Heath was actually super accommodating and cool too! As the three of us walked towards the other side of the room, I suddenly felt a punch on my right shoulder, and turned.

"Hey, are you Blair?" he asked, looking at me. I blinked, and for a brief moment, everything paused. I was standing by Shy Guy, and it turned out...he wasn't that shy.

The tragic thing about Shy Guy was that he and I never even went out on a date- he had told me that he didn't have time to start anything; basically he had flat out rejected me. I had believed him for a second that he was truly busy, but then I saw him on Tinder, and Bumble, and heard that he was on a bunch of other dating apps.... he wasn't busy. He was just an asshole.

“I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”
-Greg Behrendt

This had made this current encounter that more awkward.

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you," I said, politely. Although his voice sounded like a 1970's frat boy douche lord, I couldn't deny that he was definitely hot. One hundred percent hot. Like, weak at the knees hot.

"Wow you know everyone, huh?" he said, gesturing to Johnson.

"Yeah, I know a lot of people in your class," I responded, awkwardly. The two of us made a little small talk and whatnot, and did that whenever we ran into each other for the rest of the night. It was a little bit awkward, but I didn't care, I looked cute and he had his chance.

Johnson was supposed to introduce me to Dax, who had not even remotely noticed me the entire time we were there! He gave off this asshole Draco Malfoy vibe, and when the opportunity finally arose for the two of us to meet not-so-organically, things didn't work out like I thought they would in my brain.

One of the things I learned about guys in med school is that they seem to think that they're hot shit. And trust me, I'm the expert, guys, because I dated Louis Romney, and Jason Baker- PLUS i could've possibly, maybe had a thing with Jason.

But that's besides the point. Guys in med school are all cocky and narcissistic, they're under the impression that they are the bomb dot com. All they do is sit in anatomy lab, try to impress foolish undergrads with the fact that they're going to be doctors, and go to the gym. Any other time that's not spent doing anything else is making other people feel inferior, because they aren't going to be a doctor. They're entitled, and they think that they deserve every damn thing in the world, and guess what? They don't.

Am I the only one concerned that these guys are the future of medicine? And you would think that it was after I was completely alienated by these assholes that I would realize that I need to stop dating med students. Or maybe, when Johnson Baker interrogated me for like, twenty blocks about how I didn't want to date him and was not attracted to him. Or MAYBE, when Jason LITERALLY went out of his way every time we were in a group setting to purposely ignore me or turn his back to me, perhaps in the hope that I would spontaneously disappear. Or perhaps, it was when I said hello to Dax, in an attempt to be polite, and he literally just fucking walked away, like a total asshole. Or maybe, just maybe, it was when I accidentally drank half a pitcher of Schmidt's beer, and was drunkenly flirting with Jason, probably coming off as a thirsty ass bitch.

No, guys, my revelation occurred much later than all of these terribly embarrassing events, that I will admit, in that moment, made me feel like a piece of old gum smeared on the back of someone's Louboutin.

It was when I walked out of the room, and towards the bar, and saw stupid Louis Romney standing there, with his black blazer with red accents, and dress pants. He looked like a 1920's midget mobster, and that definitely was the cherry on top of my night.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, looking at me strangely.

"Um, I was invited, by like Hakeem and Johnson and stuff." I looked at Louis, only to have him give me a judgmental look. Maybe his face was just like that.

"I know them." I said, asserting myself.

"Were you the only non-med student there?" He said, laughing. The intensity of his judgmental look increased ten-fold.

"No, there was other people there, and I had fun. I met a bunch of people, learned a lot of things, and I think Betty is pretty cool!"

"That's nice," he said, taking a sip out of his geriatric drink. "You know, after tonight I'm going to have to pretend that I don't know you, for my sake."

Did he just say that?

I felt the beer well up inside of me, and my heart beat faster. This gut feeling in my stomach sank, and I felt like someone had knocked me in the belly.

"What? Why?"

"You wouldn't understand. It's because of the girls in my class. I'll tell you later."

"No, tell me now," I said, insisting.

"NO, BLAIR, JUST TRY TO UNDERSTAND." Louis said, angrily and adamantly. He was furious, and he gave me one last look, before he started to walk away.

"Well, you got lucky, because I'm about to leave." And despite Heath and Johnson telling me to ignore him, I couldn't. I had felt like a complete and utter fool, and a total mess. I was embarrassed, and felt like everyone had been laughing at me this entire time, I mean- who did I think I was? I should have known though, no place is a good one, if Johnson Baker is one of the best people there.

The Shy Guy

“But she wished she had had the guts to go up to him and say hello. Or possibly break his legs, she wasn't sure which.”

-Stieg Larsson, The Girl Who Played with Fire 

***The following post continues from the previous post regarding Carter.

"No, she's talking about the shy guy!" Serena said, on the phone.

"You forgot about him!"

 "Guys, I haven't even gone on a date with him!"

 "You might as well put him down," Kayresia said, with a laugh.

 "I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted. And to be completely honest...I did too. 

-

ONE MONTH AGO:


I had been texting Ezra, and as I walked to visit Regina at work, I stopped completely in my tracks. Sashaying towards me, was Louis Romney.

"Was he always that short?" I thought to myself, as he walked closer. It was unmistakably him, Republican navy v-neck sweater, slacks, grandpa loafers, and all. Did he ever dress just casually?

He spotted me, said hello, and then turned around, stopping to talk to me. I looked at him, side eye and all, it was only until he was standing right in front of me that I realized that this idiot was holding a fucking banana. A FUCKING BANANA.

"Hey, Blair, how are you?" He asked, as he shoved the banana in his mouth.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

And then suddenly, I remembered something.

"Your friend's cute, set me up with him!" I said, looking at Louis. He looked at me, shocked, and I swear you guys, he nearly choked on that banana chunk in his mouth.

"Who, Muhammad?" Louis laughed awkwardly after that, as I probably made an involuntary bitch face.

"No, the one in your picture!" I took out Facebook on my phone, and showed him.

"OH, you're friends with Jason?"

Could he not understand English, or what?

"No, he's cute."

"OH, so you want me to set you up with him," Louis said, while completely judging me in the process. What did he care? He missed his chance to date me, and his friend was really cute and single.

As we said good bye, he gave me a judgy look, and then walked away.

-

I was casually scrolling on Facebook, when I saw a familiar face. I clicked on it, and Jason's profile pulled up instantaneously.

"Mutual friends," I thought to myself, "Johnson Baker (Tinder Guy #3), Azeem Awani, Louis Romney, and....JOHNNY BELCHER?!"

Blair: HOW DO YOU KNOW JASON?

I waited in anticipation, and was playing Neko Atsume, when suddenly,

Johnny: His brother is an M4.
Blair: Introduce me.
Johnny: I don't really know him that well. Just add him on Facebook!
Blair: No, that's what weirdos do! 

Okay, we can ignore that I did that to Louis Romney like, four months ago?

Johnny: Guys don't really care about things like that. Just add him, Blair.

So, somehow, I channeled my inner Kayresia, and I added AND messaged him.

Blair: Hey! We matched once on Tinder, but my friends got drunk and they unmatched me!
Jason: Haha now why would they do that?

I left out the part where we met a couple times in passing and that he was friends with my ex boyfriend. We talked for a little bit, and made some small talk...but he didn't make a move. And so, somehow, Louis Romney actually proved himself useful, and provided me with some pretty vital information.

"So, I'm trying to talk to your friend...is he usually shy and kinda awkward?"

"Yeah, he is. That's just his personality."

And so, in that case, I decided to take the initiative in this situation.


Blair: Okay, so, I'm gonna leave my number, because I'm definitely a lot more funny and cute in person- I'd love to hang out some time! And if you're not up for it, you don't have to say anything and I definitely won't take it personally. 630-555-1416! 
Jason: Hey thanks, sounds good. This is kind of a busy weekend for me but we'll find a time!

And so, we texted a tiny bit, and ended up making plans for later that week.

-

"I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted.

"I do too, it's a strange kind of feeling."

"He might just be exactly what you need."

Of Course

“It's hard to believe in coincidence, but it's even harder to believe in anything else.” 

-John Green

-

There is a universal law that whenever there is a guy you don't want to see, they will magically appear, and another that if there's a guy you really want to see- you won't. It's a well known fact, and probably one of the most frustrating things in the entire world.

-

"Yeah but insurance doesn't work that way," Kayresia said, as the two of us walked past the apartment mailboxes. I heard footsteps, and I had a weird gut feeling inside of me. I turned around, to see old ass Romney staring back at me, vneck sweater and all.

"Hello Blair," he said, smiling at me.

Why the fuck was he smiling me? As far as I knew, I had never wanted to see him again, for a variety of different reasons. It wasn't just that he embarrassed me two months ago at my staff holiday party by being a pompous asshole and running away, or that he made me basically un-dateable for every first year medical student. It wasn't even that when I had my first kiss with Tinder Guy #3 that Romney had seen us (seriously, it really isn't, I dumped TG #3, remember?). It was that I couldn't stand him!

Regina and Casey had made an effort to be extra antagonistic to him, and for good reason too! If any of my friends were involved with a nearly thirty fuck boy, I would be purposely bitchy to him too!

"Hi." I said, looking over at Kayresia. She looked back at me, clearly amused by this.

Louis then walked around us, and turned to Kayresia. "Hi Kayresia," he said, as he scurried off like a sewer rat. My eyes narrowed to little slits, as I gave him a death stare, as he walked off.

"Of course we would run into him," I said, as I took another deep glug of black coffee.

"Of course Blair, you always run into people you don't want to run into," Kayresia laughed.

-

As I walked out of the student center, I saw a familiar figure heading towards me. That stupid fucking Guess grey leather jacket. That jacket used to be one of my favorite things in the entire world, the first time I ever saw it was when Chuck and I went on one of the most magical dates of my entire life (no more detail on that later, that is the past), but now I felt like it was taunting me.

"Hey!" Chuck said, with a smile.

I looked at him, and quickly walked away. "Hey." I said, coldly, not even making a face.

I didn't even look back to see if he was surprised, but I had a feeling that he was after what had happened between us.

-

The Thursday before, Chuck asked me to come over to help him with his personal statement for his internship; the two of us had stayed up until three in the morning, and then woken up again at seven am to work on it. I was there for him, just like I always was. Before I had left to go over to his place, though, Kayresia, Casey, and Regina had all told me the same thing- not to tell Chuck that I fucked Zayn. For whatever, reason, they thought he was going to knock out Zayn, and care that we fucked. And I thought he wouldn't.

And guess what?

He didn't. Chuck never cared, he wasn't like some other ex boyfriend, harboring feelings or feeling some kind of way after the break up. If he had, we would've gotten back together by now.

I'm not going to lie, Chuck and I definitely slept together, a couple, multiple times. And as I walked through campus on that Friday afternoon, Yael had stopped me.

"Hey, are you on break from class?" Yael asked, curiously.

"Kind of. Not really. I spent the night at Chuck's place," I said, hiding behind my infinity scarf.

"I know, Blair," Yael said, looking at me. I stared at him, blankly. Was I giving off a sex smell or something?

"You have hella bed head right now," Yael added, laughing.

"Shut up, it's not that bad!"

As we walked and caught up with everything that happened, Yael turned to look at me. "You guys need to get back together," he said, adamantly.

"Wait, what?" I said, my jaw nearly dropping to the ground. Sure, Chuck and I were friends, but it was a well known fact that the two of us were not getting back together. Chuck wanted to be alone, he wanted to be completely alone. and he got what he wanted. He doesn't want to be with me, and there's some guy out there who does.

"You guys are acting like little kids, just stop it and get back together," Yael said. I gave him a look, and shook my head.

"No. We aren't."

"Blair, we all know that you and Chuck are going to get back together."

The two of us had plans to hang out that night, and as eight drew closer, I texted him.

And then he texted back, pushing it back.

And then, two hours later, he cancelled on me. Even though I had so much going on in my life, and I told him that I needed to talk. He cancelled, when he knew how important it was for me, and that I needed him to be there for me, like I had been there for him Thursday night. And of course, he said that something comes up, because something always came up, Whether as friends, or as lovers, Chuck never made me a priority. And that feeling told me everything that I needed to know.

-

I hadn't talked to him in days, and I was planning on not speaking to him, when he just magically showed up on campus.

"Of course I run into him, I can run into two ex boyfriends, but Rafael won't even text me back," I thought to myself.

I had gotten excited that weekend, because Rafael had texted me. And somehow, I misinterpreted him being a fuckboy, as genuine interest. There was just something about this stupid guy that made my brain temporarily stop functioning, something about him that bothered me- in the most annoyingly good way possible. He was annoying, and stupid, and he knew exactly how to mess with my mind.

Oh, Blair

"She is brazen and sure. She's driven, yet wild. Innocent, yet feisty. Scheming, and frankly, bossy. Imaginative, sassy … and a little bit drunk. Yeah, she'll probably blame it all on that last one." 

-green and yellow

I think the moment I realized that this whole online dating thing was a load of shit was when the third tinder guy kissed me, and I had felt absolutely nothing. My friends had judged me pretty hardcore, Tinder Guy #3 seemed like a pretty great deal- he dressed well, he was conventionally attractive, a first year med school student, AND Louis Romney's rival. It seemed like he was everything that I was supposed to want, kind of like Ted, but in reality, there was just no fire, passion, or chemistry. And even though Tinder Guy #3 thought that I would have ended up in his bed, I actually ended up in Zayn's.

I could go into extreme detail about how it happened, and everything. Or I could just say that we fucked, which is what I'm going to do. I FUCKED ZAYN.

ZAYN, as in Chuck's motherfucking boss, Zayn. Zayn, as in the supervisor for my ex boyfriend, Zayn. That Zayn.

And if it didn't make things any more awkward, it wasn't the world's best sex. I wasn't going to hold it against him- the guy was nervous, and hadn't done anything in like six years, but it was overall, terrible. And I completely lied, because I wasn't some heartless wench! I told him it was pretty good, reinstated that we were friends, and then awkwardly fistbumped him, because I definitely didn't want him to kiss me good bye. I grabbed my polka dotted pixie pants, my chic white blouse, and then walk of shamed my ass back to my apartment.

And as I went on with my life, I couldn't stop and think of how incredibly awkward I felt about this whole thing. I definitely wasn't going to have sex with Zayn again, and I definitely felt totally weird about all of this. Had fucking become such a meaningless thing to me, that I would just YOLO it and fuck Zayn? I definitely got caught up in the moment, but I didn't feel anything. It wasn't like fucking Rafael, or fucking Jake Reagen, or Chuck, it was honestly, nothing. It's just kind of left me feeling really awkward, and kind of like I'm a shit friend.

The rest of the day though..

I woke up, with a new attitude and a newfound happiness. I was going to focus on myself, and be, essentially, a boss ass bitch. I had never been the sad, lonely single friend, but now, that was going to be even more blatantly obvious. I guess, in a way, after all the shitty dates and guy's hearts I've broken, I've learned that I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Boyfriends are easy to find. I'm looking for someone special. It's hard to explain, apparently, since no one seems to get what I'm trying to describe, but I want to have insane chemistry with someone. I want to love someone so much that it hurts, and be absolutely head over heels. I want to feel chemistry, fire, and passion, and I know it exists, because I've felt it before. I've even felt it after Chuck- so I definitely know it exists.

Chuck, Romney, Rafael.

And before that- Haz, Jake Reagen, Sexy Drake.

Wait a fucking second.

Chuck Cuevas- thought he was the love of my life, spontaneously dumped me, kind of expected me to wait for his ass to be ready for a relationship.

Haz Krystal- thought he was the love of my life, spontaneously cheated on me, kind of expected me to wait for his ass to be ready for a relationship.

Louis Romney- thought he was going to be a legit thing, was the first guy I actually had feelings for after my break up with Chuck, and thought he was super handsome and dapper. Spent Winter Break 2016 pining for him. He definitely wasn't serious, and dipped out.

Jake Reagen- thought he was going to be a legit thing, was the first guy I actually had feelings for after my break up with Haz, and thought he was super handsome and dapper. Spent Summer Break 2014 pining for him. He definitely wasn't serious, and dipped out.

OKAY GUYS THAT'S NOT ALL

Rafael Mancilla- actually totally saw potential in him despite his douchieness, he acted super interested in me, we hooked up, and then he ghosted me.

Sexy Drake- actually totally saw potential in him despite his douchieness, he acted super interested in me, we hooked up, and then he ghosted me.

No more casually banging guys, no more Tinder. And as I deleted that stupid flame app icon (SERIOUSLY, TINDER? You started NO flames for me), I was relieved. No more ridiculous guys, no more terrible dates, and no more sex. I want something special, and I want something real, and this isn't how you find it.

And maybe I'm a little bit too much, and maybe I'm ridiculously sassy, too bold, and too blunt. And maybe, I'm picky as fuck and I'm sometimes a little bit messy, but there's this crazy feeling telling me that something amazing is about to happen.

Bananas

"This shit is BANANAS. B-A-N-A-N-A-S."
-Gwen Stefani

I had been texting Ezra, and as I walked to visit Regina at work, I stopped completely in my tracks. Sashaying towards me, was Louis Romney.

"Was he always that short?" I thought to myself, as he walked closer. It was unmistakably him, Republican navy v-neck sweater, slacks, grandpa loafers, and all. Did he ever dress just casually?

He spotted me, said hello, and then turned around, stopping to talk to me. I looked at him, side eye and all, it was only until he was standing right in front of me that I realized that this idiot was holding a fucking banana. A FUCKING BANANA.

"Hey, Blair, how are you?" He asked, as he shoved the banana in his mouth.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

And then suddenly, I remembered something.

"Your friend's cute, set me up with him!" I said, looking at Louis. He looked at me, shocked, and I swear you guys, he nearly choked on that banana chunk in his mouth.

"Who, Muhammad?" Louis laughed awkwardly after that, as I probably made an involuntary bitch face.

"No, the one in your picture!" I took out Facebook on my phone, and showed him.

"OH, you're friends with Jason?"

Could he not understand English, or what?

"No, he's cute."

"OH, so you want me to set you up with him," Louis said, while completely judging me in the process. What did he care? He missed his chance to date me, and his friend was really cute and single.

As we said good bye, he gave me a judgy look, and then walked away.

"Regina did you-"

"Blair, I watched you guys in the reflection of the windows and eavesdropped on everything, and when he walked past here I wanted to throw a stapler at him."

"I know, I'm a savage bitch," I laughed, pulling out my phone from my bag. Another text from Ezra.

"I don't blame you, his friend's hot."

New Year, New Men

Blair Bui's Men of January- a complete list and time frame, plus analysis.

Louis Romney (January 2nd-January 9th)- The republican, classist, sexist twenty nine year old fuckboy that made me think that we were going to be serious, and in a genuine relationship. He was a continuation of the "dating" we did from December 2nd to December 16th). The most notable thing about him was that he was "soooooo serious" that he gave me a $200 cashmere sweater (that I should have kept, tbh), and then proceeded to run away during a work dinner that I had when Kayresia asked him how serious he was. He was not.

Ted Chang (January 9th-January 18th)- The architect that was too fucking serious for me. He was weird, and hands down the worst person that I have ever slept with. HE is my "courtesy removal" (the one guy you can remove from your list of partners, then reducing your count by ONE. You will have never slept with them, once decided that they are a courtesy removal). He was really annoying, really weird, and honestly, the worst. All of this was clouded by the fact that he had a dope ass apartment, and a car. I miss the car. Anyways, most notable thing about him was that he was the most annoying human in the entire world in The Art Institute, and proceeded to repulse the fuck out of me when he didn't know what pointillism was, and embarrass me in front of tiny children.

Chuck Cuevas (January 18th-January 25th)- The quite possibly insane, "love" of my life, ex-boyfriend that I was potentially going to get back together with. We both decided it would be best to stay friends, as he is going to essentially be alone, and riding solo. I could go on endlessly, but I won't. Most notable thing about him is that yesterday morning, he kicked me the fuck out of his apartment. BAM.

Johnny Belcher (throughout the very beginning of January)- Johnny doesn't even really count, because he wasn't a romantic interest. he was my friend with benefits.


REALLY FEBRUARY, But I'll Consider it January


Rafael Mancilla (January 31st-February 9th)- Long story short, he was this hot guy that I met on Tinder, he was funny, cute, and charming. He magically had kidney problems, cancelled our first date. We met up regardless, accidentally slept together, and then he ghosted me. Most notable thing about him was that he joked about ghosting me, and then actually did it. Funny how that works.