“But she wished she had had the guts to go up to him and say hello. Or possibly break his legs, she wasn't sure which.”

-Stieg Larsson, The Girl Who Played with Fire 

***The following post continues from the previous post regarding Carter.

"No, she's talking about the shy guy!" Serena said, on the phone.

"You forgot about him!"

 "Guys, I haven't even gone on a date with him!"

 "You might as well put him down," Kayresia said, with a laugh.

 "I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted. And to be completely honest...I did too. 

-

ONE MONTH AGO:


I had been texting Ezra, and as I walked to visit Regina at work, I stopped completely in my tracks. Sashaying towards me, was Louis Romney.

"Was he always that short?" I thought to myself, as he walked closer. It was unmistakably him, Republican navy v-neck sweater, slacks, grandpa loafers, and all. Did he ever dress just casually?

He spotted me, said hello, and then turned around, stopping to talk to me. I looked at him, side eye and all, it was only until he was standing right in front of me that I realized that this idiot was holding a fucking banana. A FUCKING BANANA.

"Hey, Blair, how are you?" He asked, as he shoved the banana in his mouth.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

And then suddenly, I remembered something.

"Your friend's cute, set me up with him!" I said, looking at Louis. He looked at me, shocked, and I swear you guys, he nearly choked on that banana chunk in his mouth.

"Who, Muhammad?" Louis laughed awkwardly after that, as I probably made an involuntary bitch face.

"No, the one in your picture!" I took out Facebook on my phone, and showed him.

"OH, you're friends with Jason?"

Could he not understand English, or what?

"No, he's cute."

"OH, so you want me to set you up with him," Louis said, while completely judging me in the process. What did he care? He missed his chance to date me, and his friend was really cute and single.

As we said good bye, he gave me a judgy look, and then walked away.

-

I was casually scrolling on Facebook, when I saw a familiar face. I clicked on it, and Jason's profile pulled up instantaneously.

"Mutual friends," I thought to myself, "Johnson Baker (Tinder Guy #3), Azeem Awani, Louis Romney, and....JOHNNY BELCHER?!"

Blair: HOW DO YOU KNOW JASON?

I waited in anticipation, and was playing Neko Atsume, when suddenly,

Johnny: His brother is an M4.
Blair: Introduce me.
Johnny: I don't really know him that well. Just add him on Facebook!
Blair: No, that's what weirdos do! 

Okay, we can ignore that I did that to Louis Romney like, four months ago?

Johnny: Guys don't really care about things like that. Just add him, Blair.

So, somehow, I channeled my inner Kayresia, and I added AND messaged him.

Blair: Hey! We matched once on Tinder, but my friends got drunk and they unmatched me!
Jason: Haha now why would they do that?

I left out the part where we met a couple times in passing and that he was friends with my ex boyfriend. We talked for a little bit, and made some small talk...but he didn't make a move. And so, somehow, Louis Romney actually proved himself useful, and provided me with some pretty vital information.

"So, I'm trying to talk to your friend...is he usually shy and kinda awkward?"

"Yeah, he is. That's just his personality."

And so, in that case, I decided to take the initiative in this situation.


Blair: Okay, so, I'm gonna leave my number, because I'm definitely a lot more funny and cute in person- I'd love to hang out some time! And if you're not up for it, you don't have to say anything and I definitely won't take it personally. 630-555-1416! 
Jason: Hey thanks, sounds good. This is kind of a busy weekend for me but we'll find a time!

And so, we texted a tiny bit, and ended up making plans for later that week.

-

"I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted.

"I do too, it's a strange kind of feeling."

"He might just be exactly what you need."

When Zayn Finally F's Off

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
-Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss

The following post is definitely a more serious one- not the typical kind of humor/content.

A couple weeks ago, something traumatic happened to me. And I didn't know it was traumatic until it followed me around like a ghost, haunting me, and affecting me in ways that I didn't think that it could. It seemed so small and insignificant, really, especially since I consider myself to be a strong young woman, but after all of this, I've learned that strength does not come up from always being indifferent or holding yourself up, but from how you react when you allow yourself to fall down.

Being taken advantage of isn't just through physical means, there are so many ways that you can be taken advantage of emotionally. There are so many ways in which you can be swayed or taken advantage of, when you're in a weak emotional state, and you just tell yourself, "okay, I guess." And I shouldn't have let myself give in, because of a lackluster, "Okay, I guess." I shouldn't have let myself do the things I did, for, "Okay, I guess." I shouldn't have just gone with it, or let them touch me, when I was not one hundred percent in. You don't round up for these things, and I wish that I was stronger so that I could have said no.

And even though I never, ever, ever wanted to talk to Zayn again, and I wanted to ignore him for the rest of my life, Yeezy's word's kept following me.

Yeezy: I think you just need to close that chapter in your life.
Blair: I do too, which is why I'm not talking to him. But he texts me every week, and I ignore him every week.
Yeezy: Ignoring people is not a way to close that experience.

"Okay, I think I'm going to say something," I said, as I looked at my phone. Kayresia and I were sitting on her bed, watching Love and Hip Hop.

"OKAY, I've got it. I'm going to say, 'I would rather have it that way, it was a traumatic experience and I've moved on and I've been living my life, happily. I don't want to speak to or see you again.'" I smiled, and looked up at Kayresia, who was looking at me as if I had just throat punched her grandmother.

"What?" I asked, innocently.

"Blair, you finna make him jump off a building or kill himself with that shit."

"I'm just trying to be honest!"

"You're BRUTALLY honest." she said.

Okay, she had a point. Maybe it was a little bit mean considering that Zayn and I were friends.

"What's wrong with it?"

"First of all, don't use the word traumatic, and second of all, just say you would prefer not be friends with him."

"Can I still say it was traumatic?"

"NO, just say it was... different."

Blair: I would rather have it this way, it was a weird experience and I've moved on and have been living my life. I would prefer not to be friends.

And within seconds, my phone was blowing up.

"I thought this would go away!" I said, shaking my head. Kayresia looked at me, and laughed.

"It won't go away now, you already started it."

"Can't I just ignore him?" I asked, innocently. It was totally fine, I would just ignore him forever, and it would be-

WAIT.

I looked at the text again, to make sure I was reading things correctly.

Zayn: I must be not understanding something. Can you at least explain to me what it was that was so weird that you feel like we can't even talk anymore? I mean I know it wasn't the greatest experience but it's not like I'm asking for that again. We don't even have to hang out again like we used to. I just want to be able to walk past the desk and not be ignored. It makes me feel uncomfortable and even more so because it happens around people I work with as well. I don't know if that was something you wanted from me and are upset that I wasn't into it or that you feel like I violated your trust for allowing that to happen when we just wanted to be friends. If you at least tell me what's going on, maybe I would understand why you're so upset

DID HE JUST SAY THAT TO ME?!?!

"OH HELL NO," I yelled. I looked at Kayresia, and from the look I gave her, she knew I was going to insert the word traumatic into the conversation. I was completely disgusted and annoyed that Zayn would even THINK that I was acting weird because I wanted him.

"I don't know if that was something you wanted from me and are upset that I wasn't into it."

1. He was SO fucking into it.
2. I was SO fucking not into it.

Literally, the whole thing with Zayn traumatized me, and not even in a remotely funny way. For the two weeks after it happened, I was completely disgusted by guys. The mention or thought of sex made me want to throw up; I felt this terrible nauseous feeling inside of me. Whenever guys would come up to me and want to flirt with me, I felt gross. It was just this gross feeling that followed me around- this disgust and distrust of guys. I couldn't look at my other guy friends the same way, without thinking that they would lose my trust like Zayn did. That they would try to fuck me when I was down. It was a terrible, gross feeling, and it wasn't okay again, I wasn't okay again until I got over it. 

And I didn't even realize it was a problem until Johnny and I were hanging out one night, and he had the lights off in his living room, and I completely lost my shit. I really did. I completely lost my shit when Johnny had the lights off, and we were watching a movie, because I just felt so gross and so uneasy, anxious and upset. And after talking to him, and finally admitting the gross experience with Zayn was traumatic, it helped me realize what was going on. The disgust with myself (and guys) faded away.

But I couldn't be mean, I wasn't a mean girl.

Blair: It was a traumatic experience for me, I was going through something and I was upset and you were supposed to be there as a friend. Okay, it was weird and traumatizing and definitely not something that I wanted. And let's just leave it at that.

Zayn: And trust me, that was not something I was planning. I've felt like shit about it ever since. I really only wanted to be there for you as a friend. I let my loneliness get the better of me and I misread the situation because I thought you felt the same way. I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious when you asked me how my week was that I was depressed, considering I had just been shot down for the umpteenth time. At this point I'm not going to try to convince you to change your mind because I have no right to do so. I will say that I am truly sorry for being an asshole of a human being and ask that you think about forgiving me. Whether that's now, or later is completely your choice.

And I still haven't fully read what he wrote back, and to be honest, I don't really care. All I care about is that this happened, and it was in the past, and now I've moved on and closed that part of my life.

Even though I always write about the funny things that happen in my life, this is a very serious post, with a very serious message. Don't ever, ever do anything that you aren't sure of. Unless you're in it one hundred percent, don't allow yourself to do something that you are hesitant about. It doesn't matter what other people want or think, all that matters is you.

There have been times when I've slept with guys, even though I wasn't one hundred percent, even though I wasn't fully sure. I just said, "Okay, whatever," and did things that I shouldn't have. Zayn wasn't the first, and Ted was a monster in his own way. And I think sometimes that's why they are the worst experiences that I have had with men, because I shouldn't have done anything. I used to regret these experiences, but I've learned to be careful and to be sure. And even though I wasn't sexually assaulted, I still feel uneasy about both of them- because I was not into it; I didn't really want it. And that's what happens, when you allow someone in, when you aren't sure. It should never be, "okay, I guess." It really shouldn't.

But I'm okay, and I'm living my life, and I've learned to only be with anyone that you're absolutely enthusiastically super into. And for a little while, I wondered if I could ever be with another guy again, and I kissed Carter, and the was the first guy in a long time.

Slice of Apple Pie, Part Two

“Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.”
-William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

"Just so you know, it's hard to get attention from me, this kind of thing never happens," Carter said, as we walked down the street.

"You said that already, do I need to say that I'm not that easy and hard to get, for the millionth time too?" I said, as I held my umbrella. A pedestrian walked by, and completely gave Carter side eye for not holding my umbrella. The streets were slick with water, as it rained and scattered precipitation all over the brick buildings. Worms covered the sidewalks, and we walked down the street towards the restaurant.

"I'm just saying, I make girls crazy, Blair." I stopped in my tracks, and turned to face him.

"Yeah, well I don't play games Carter, because I don't have time for that."

He stared at me blankly, as it rained all around us.

As soon as we got to the place, Carter paid for his own food and ordered for himself. And I stood there, mouth open in shock as this all happened. As I ordered, he walked over to some girls, and started talking to them, glancing over to me to gauge my reaction.

"A turkey burger, no onion or tomato, and cheese fries," I said, as I handed over my card, and paid no attention to Carter. I walked over to the table, completely ignoring that he existed. And out of the corner of my eye, I knew that he was annoyed by that.

As we walked out of the restaurant, I turned to look at him.

"Is this considered a date?" I asked, completely blindsiding Carter. He looked at me, like I admitted like I was secretly a call girl.

"This is a hang out," he said, "I don't like calling something a date if I don't have my car."

"Yes I know, but earlier, you said that if you hang out with someone and you end up getting food, then it's a date." I responded, sassily.

"Shit, then you're right, it's a date." And as we walked about half a block, abruptly, he turned to me. "Why Blair, do you care if it's a date?"

I turned, and looked at him. "I'm indifferent, and besides, it's definitely not." I responded, as I continued walking.

"Why not?"

"Because you didn't pay."

-

"HOLY SHIT, what happened next?" Serena asked, as I was on the phone with her.

"He seemed hurt by it, and annoyed...I don't think he was expecting me to be so sassy. On the way home I said that I was cold, and he like...tried to wrap his arm around me. It was weird, because he definitely wasn't that type of guy."

"He's obviously hurt, Blair, he likes you!"

"Yeah, well if he does, then he shouldn't be playing games with me!"

As soon as I said that, Kayresia called my name.

"Blair, how many guys have you dated?"

"Dated or gone on dates with?" I asked, casually.

"This is a really good question!" Serena said, from the phone.

"Okay, I'm gonna count guys I've kissed, since I've come to college....I need a moment for this."

Kayresia gave me a funny look, and then started to laugh. "Damn, you thotlicious."

"There was...Haz, Bill, James."

"Shit, I forgot James was in there too," she said, laughing.

"Sexy Drake, Alejandro, Luke, Johnny." I paused for a moment, "Did I forget anyone else in there?"

Kayresia and Serena were erupting with laughter at this point.

"Jake Reagan, Toronto, Chuck, FOR A YEAR AND A HALF, I MIGHT ADD."

"Thot thot thotlicious."

"Romney, Ted (ew), Rafael, and-"

"Don't forget Tinder Guy #3," Kayresia said.

"Okay... Tinder Guy #3, and then Carter! That's it, you assholes!"

"You forgot the new guy!" Kayresia added.

"I didn't, I added Carter to the list!"

"No, she's talking about the shy guy!" Serena said, on the phone. "You forgot about him!"

"Guys, I haven't even gone on a date with him!"

"You might as well put him down," Kayresia said, with a laugh.

"I have a good feeling about shy guy," Serena admitted. And to be completely honest...I did too.

-

Neck in writhing pain, sore as fuck body, messy hair, no makeup, super obvious floral scarf to conceal the remnants of last night. That is how I walked into work the next morning, looking like an absolute fucking disaster, and feeling like an even bigger one. And as I checked my phone, to see the text waiting for me, I felt even more annoyed.

Zayn: Hey so I know you said you wanted to avoid each other for like a week but it's been almost a month. I know you feel like it's weird after what happened but it feels really weird for me that we're still not talking and that you are ignoring me when you see me. You're a good friend and I don't like to let one bad thing ruin a friendship. At the very least, I hope we can talk about it and figure something out instead of just going on the way it is.

Slice of Apple Pie, Part One

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
-Oscar Wilde 

Neck in writhing pain, sore as fuck body, messy hair, no makeup, super obvious floral scarf to conceal the remnants of last night. That is how I walked into work this morning, looking like an absolute fucking disaster, and feeling like an even bigger one. And as I checked my phone, to see the text waiting for me, I felt even more annoyed.

-

As I sat and typed up the conclusion to my Psych paper, I felt my phone vibrate from under my covers.

I looked at my phone, to see an apology text from Carter, and another one, where he basically begged me to hang out with him.

Carter: In like thirty minutes?

I pondered for a second, and then decided to answer him back.

Blair: Maybe at five, after I finish my paper.

Okay, maybe I was being a little bit mean to Carter, but if you knew what had been happening between the two of us, you would understand. We had been back and forth flirting, and back and forth Snapchatting, and I had thought that we would've gone out already by that point...but we hadn't. And after I told him that I didn't have time to wait around and that I didn't play games, he begged me to hang out again, and to meet up again.

Later that day, I buzzed apartment number three, and opened the door and headed up the stairs. And there he stood, waiting for me, smirk on his face and hat pulled backwards.

"Hey, I'm really glad the two of us could meet up again," Carter tried to say, smoothly.

"Yeah, well I Lyfted my ass over here," I remarked, watching Carter look back at me, completely shocked. "You should be glad that I did after everything that happened." I looked up at him, and casually flipped a curl over my shoulder.

"I really should be, I'm really sorry about everything."

For some guy that was supposedly a player, he seemed pretty easy.

The two of us sat on his couch, and talked for a while. We talked about what we had been up to, and what had been going on. Carter explained that he got arrested for speeding, and had to cancel our plans for the night before, and he actually told me a lot of things, which completely raised questions in my mind.

"Yeah, when I showed my friends pictures of you, they thought you'd be quiet and innocent too...but you're not. You're a, quote unquote, boss ass bitch."

Wait, he showed his friends pictures of me? I was completely surprised, as Carter didn't seem like the type to do things like that. I didn't even really know what to say, so I paused for a moment, and then tried to react nonchalantly.

I laughed.

Yes, I laughed.

 "I know, I'm bold and sassy, brazen and independent. And I definitely know what I want and I'm not afraid to speak my mind."

"And you're just, so chill for a girl. I normally make girls crazy."

I looked back at him, giving him a look. Did he really think he could just slide that in there?

"Yeah, well I make guys crazy," I said, as I put on a bit more of red lipsticks.

"Oh really?" he asked, as if he didn't believe me. I looked at him, eyes narrowing.

"I do."

And if you read Cliches in Chicago, you would fucking know, buddy.

"I thought you went crazy a bit back there, when you reacted like that the other night."

"I wasn't going crazy," I said, adamantly. I looked at Carter, my face inches from his, I wasn't going to lie or pretend like I wasn't going to say the truth. "I just don't play games and I don't waste my time with petty things like that. I'm hard to get, and you gotta work for it, point blank." Carter stared back at me, blankly, as if I had uttered profanities about his mother. He wasn't expecting this, and I definitely flipped the game on him.

"Okay, we'll see what happens, Blair."

"It was funny that we ran into each other last week while you were driving," I admitted.

"Yeah, it was nice seeing you."

"I looked cute," I said, laughing.

"You did. I was going to pick you up, because I was heading out to get food, but you were with your boyfriend," Carter commented, not-so-subtly. I gave him side eye, and then looked away.

LAST WEEK, MARCH 9, 2016/
SCENE: Blair and Yael are walking down Taylor Street, after a delicious meal.
"Who the fuck just cut me off?" I thought to myself. And as I squinted my eyes, and looked a little bit closer, I recognized him.
"Oh my god, it's CARTER," I said, as I smiled, and waved at him.
As Carter drove off in his jeep, I turned and looked at Yael. Yael looked back at me, with an annoyed look on his face.
"I have never seen you like that," he said, giving me side eye.
"I like him," I giggled. "Is he still looking at me?" I sneakily looked past my shoulder.
 "You just lost all your boss ass bitch-ness."

"You mean my guy friend?"

"I don't know what he is to you," Carter added, snippily. Was he really acting like this? I'm sure his apartment was busier than Ellis Island in the 1900's.

The two of us talked, and he ended up admitting that he had creeped on my profile after I was featured in campus news. (Long story short, this photographer had the biggest boner for me, and after I was featured, hella guys inboxed me and tried to add me on Facebook....awkward! I was still dating Chuck at the time so it was significantly more annoying than flattering).

"I'm hard to get attention from, Blair. You would know," he said, with a wink.

I looked straight at Carter, slightly annoyed that he was playing these games again.

"Carter, I wouldn't know, because I didn't try to get your attention. You've noticed me like, a bunch of times and you never came up to me, for whatever reason. You said you saw me two summers ago, when we both took Orgo 2, and a bunch of times in Cell Bio. And NADA."

"I may have checked you out a couple times," Carter confessed. I looked at him, expectantly.

"Okay, more an a couple times."

There is a pivotal transition in between the phase when you're casually conversing with a new person that you're interested in, and then you're making out furiously with each other and unleashing all your weird psychological sexual desires. Usually it happens when you're easing into talking about sex...and then things you like during sex. And that's what happened in this case.

"I like having nails scratching my back and chest, biting girls and being bitten, and kind of being hurt," he stopped for a moment and looked at me, to make sure that I was following him.

"And being hit in the face."

WHAT THE FUCK?

"Being hit...in the face?" I asked. I repeated the words, as if I was a little kid learning how to speak. What the actual FUCK?

"Yeah, just like being smacked across the face. Like SMACKED. Just try it."

I looked at my hand, and then I looked at his face. The thought of my hand smacking him across the face was just weird.

"You really like this?"

"Yeah."

"And you're not going to report me for like, assault or anything...are you?" I glanced over to Carter, where he shook his head, somewhat enthusiastically. This was getting kind of weird.

"Okay..." I looked at my hand, and then, I slapped him across his face. As I pulled my hand away, Carter looked back at me, emotionless.

"I'm sorry, did that hur-"

"Hit me harder."

I looked back at Carter, in complete shock.

HE WANTED ME TO HIT HIM HARDER?!

Needless to say, we made out. And as we made out, Carter kept trying to get a slice of my apple pie. And as he wanted it more and more, it was more and more fun to turn him down.

"Why are you such a tease?!" Carter groaned, as he pulled away.

"Because I'm hard to get," I whispered. I leaned in a bit, until we were nose to nose. "And I'm hard to get."

"Why can't I tease you back?"

"Because it doesn't work that way, Carter," I said, as I looked up at him. My body felt sore in different spots all over, from the crazy shit that Carter was into. We ONLY made out, and I still felt sore in the spots where he bit me, and I was a hundred percent that he bruised me.

"I'm hard to get Blair. It's hard to get attention from me." 

I looked at Carter, and then laughed. "Obviously not," I said, looking at him from head to toe. I pulled out a mirror, and nearly dropped it once I saw my body. There were red marks all over my body, and the cream on top was the massive dark purple and burgundy spot on my neck.

"HOLY SHIT!" Carter yelled, dropping his shirt on the ground. "I didn't think it'd be that bad, and you said I could!"

"I'm going to fucking kill you."

Peck Me, Get Me

"Hey, we got a good thing, don't know if I'mma see you again. But is that a good thing?"

-J. Cole

It had been exactly two weeks since I stopped talking to Chuck, and it had been a week and a half since I had started not-so-sneakily sneaking around with Carter. It didn't really matter, because Regina and I weren't friends anymore, but something was bothering me.

Why the fuck hadn't Carter made a move on me yet?

It had been a week and a half of him driving me to class, us sitting and flirting during class, and him bringing me coffee (he remembered my order). A week and a half of casual flirting, texting spontaneously, and chance encounter run-ins. But during this time there wasn't even a bit of hand holding, or even a peck on the lips, or anything. 

And it was driving me crazy. I knew I definitely wanted to take things slow after the traumatic experience I had with Zayn, but I liked Carter. He had stuck around a lot longer than the other guys had...and we hadn't even had our first date yet! He was funny, and cute, and proved to be much more of a challenge than I thought he would be. I was used to guys dropping everything to be with me, or to try and get me- Ted, Tinder Guy #3, all of the guys had been so easy. The only one that hadn't (that I also liked) was Rafael, but he ended up boning and disowning me, so there's that...

I knew that I had been driving him crazy too- with his terrible texting, his cancelling our first date, and other things, he had expected me to completely tweak like other girls did. He even embellished him cancelling the plans with a "you must hate me right now!" But I didn't give a fuck- and he himself had even told me that he was completely floored by how chill I was. I don't really sweat the small things and I don't really do drama.. but I definitely had to admit that he was starting to irk me.

How had he not kissed me yet?

It's not like I was wondering why he didn't fuck me yet- I'm not that type of girl, and I definitely learned my lesson after the whole Rafael thing. You never, ever, ever fuck someone that you're trying to date. Definitely not prematurely. And based on the type of fuck boys I've interacted with, if he was trying to just bang me, he definitely would have tried already to meet and "hang out."

Blair: I'm surprised you haven't made a move yet!
Carter: What?
Blair: The kiss that you said you wanted?
Carter: I want to, but life keeps getting in the way.

And then, this MF tried to tell me that he was just disorganized and busy. And as I looked at my phone, I couldn't help but think to myself,

"Is he fucking shiting me?"

Maybe it was because I was used to guys dropping everything for me- okay, not maybe, but definitely because I was used to getting attention and having to dismiss guys or get them to back off a bit. But the fact of the matter is, for a guy that's supposedly interested in me, shouldn't he be trying to...you know, get me?

The Floral Scarf

“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.”
-Dalai Lama XIV

In which Blair breaks a rule much, much bigger than the ones that she made for herself.

-

"He's not even that cute, so there's no harm in studying with him," I assured myself, as I took another step. Who cares if he and she had a thing, she's in love with her boyfriend now, so it's totally okay if I just study with Carter. And that's what I was going to do. I had a Cellular Biology exam the next day, and Regina had decided to sleep, while Kayresia was studying in her bed. 

PLUS, I didn't even look cute- I just had a ponytail and a casual striped top, very Parisian. And as I walked towards the orange couches, I realized that,

1. Carter was actually very, very cute.
2. This definitely meant trouble.

-

And as we laughed and talked, I knew there was something that I had to address. It's not like I could just pretend that this wasn't happening. Especially if there was a chance that I liked him- which I didn't, even though he was smart, and funny, and stupidly cute. Well...maybe I did.

"You know my friend Regina," I said, looking at him.

"Regina, the one that likes anime and heavy metal?" He said, looking at me. I stared back at him blankly. REGINA liking heavy metal? This was a whole other alternate universe to me. Was there a Blair that listened to country and liked sports in this universe too?

"She likes heavy metal?!"

"Yeah, she used to like A Day To Remember, but you guys are friends?" He asked, looking at me.

"Trust me, the only thing she and I have in common is that we both like makeup and Starbucks, and I'm a lot more low key than she is....I like drinking beer and just chilling." I laughed.

"You give off that chill vibe," he said, "Not that you're not sassy and demanding too," he added, jokingly.

"So I have to ask, what happened between the two of you?" I asked. Carter looked at me, as if he one hundred percent expected that this question was coming. In a way, I think it surprised him that we hung out for about two hours before it came up.

"Well, we hung out a bit freshman year. We went to a couple parties, hung out in her cluster, kissed once or twice but that was it. She ended up getting a boyfriend, and that was the end it of it. I met my ex afterwards and that was it," he admitted, as he flashed me with another smile. 

Why did he have to be cute?

"Oh, okay," I said, changing the subject.

"What's your friendship like?"

-

"....and she's always late, but that's just her personality. One time we were supposed to go to class together, but then I showed up late because of HER." I laughed, as my phone went off again. I looked around sneakily, to see if anyone could see us.

"I know, I actually remember that time," Carter admitted.

"Shut up, no you don't!" I looked at him. "Stalker, there's no way you remember that," I said, laughing.

"No, you walked into class, and you were wearing a lighter blue coat, and had this grey-yellow scarf on, and I just remember you looked so frazzled like you were having a long day. And your hair was all curled, and stuff." He looked at me, and smiled.

"Oh my god, yeah, that was definitely me. I can't believe you even remember my floral scarf," I said, laughing. It was a weird moment between us, not a weird bad moment, but a weird good moment. Definitely, a weird good moment. It was the moment in which I couldn't lie to myself- I was actually attracted to Carter, and definitely liked him.

"I'm really good with faces, and I definitely remember you," he said. My phone went off frantically, as I checked the responses to the text that I had sent.

Regina: 1. Why are you asking about a story I told you about 1000000x? If you don't remember, don't ask. I hate repeating myself.

What the actual fuck?

"Sorry, I have to answer this really quickly," I replied.

Blair: You told me you guys were involved and that's it! I was just curious.

I put my phone down, only to have it go off again.

Regina: I've told you the whole story before. Legit, next time actually listen. That's what friends do.

There was definitely more to this story than what I had thought.

The Rules of the Game

“Look for the exception to every rule and you'll find it."

-Proverb

I think that dating's an experiment, it's a bunch of trial and error, and a bunch of revisions to your experiment. Whether it's isolating a certain group to be your experimental group (no more dating hella old guys), or changing your control that you use for comparison (no more comparing to my failed relationship with Chuck), or adding procedures (first date should be a coffee date), dating for me has definitely been a bunch of trial and error.

Mostly error.

And so, as a result of everything that's happened for the past two months, I have decided that I am going to make a couple rules for myself, too ensure that I don't get lost in the sauce.

1. No sex. Sex used to be important and valuable to me, but I feel like it's lost it's meaning as I've gotten older. 
2. No sex with Chuck. Seriously, just because he's phenomenal at it, doesn't mean that you can sporadically and spontaneously have sex with with him. Sex with an ex is absolutely a terrible idea. 
3. Actually, don't even talk to Chuck. He doesn't deserve it, you're too good of a girlfriend AND friend for him. He's not worth it, because he fucking sucks. 
4. Avoid Zayn at all costs. At risk of projectile vomiting, running away to hide, or other embarrassing (for him) behaviors, it's probably best that you avoid him until you die, or until he dies. Whichever comes first. 
5. No dating guys until Regina's birthday on March 12th. That'll be like, almost three weeks without dating anyone. The longest you've gone without finding a new guy since the break up was like five days! Plus, if you start dating someone now it'll be awkward because when her party comes up, that whole "what are we?," "should I bring him?" thing comes up and that's just awkward, okay? 
6. No texting Rafael anymore. He's a lost cause who spontaneously is interested, disappears, and then texts you like two weeks later. Yes, he is super fucking hot, but he's also a fuckboy, and you always seem to catch the stupid when it comes to him.

Maybe'll I'll meet the Chuck Bass to my Blair Waldorf now?