You Could Do Without Shitty Pasta and Mcds Breakfast

"A woman is unstoppable after she realizes she deserves better."
-Pinterest Proverb

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The next morning, we went to grab breakfast (at McDonald's), and he asked if I had time to hang out with him a bit. We went thrifting, he walked me to the bus stop, and kissed me goodbye. He told me to text him when I got home safely, and I left the date thinking that it was the beginning of something cool.

Emerson: I don't think its going to work out between the two of us

And when I got that text, a few days later, after radio silence and nothing from him, I honestly was like whatever.

(You know, after I was like "how the fuck did I get dumped by someone who's not even my fucking boyfriend?!")

And yeah, I was attracted to him, and yeah we were having fun...but something just felt off.

The fact that I paid for his McDonald's breakfast (and who takes a girl to get McDonald's breakfast), the fact that he had nothing in his fridge except for beer and...old Little Caesar's pizza, the crappiest pasta I've ever had in my life... it...it just wasn't what I envisioned. It's not what I imagined for myself and not what I wanted for myself. Yeah, I was ready to consider dating again, but I didn't want to date Emerson.

You know, especially after he dumped me.

Smoking on the daily, having random ragers at any possible moment, having no idea what he was doing with his life (not in a cute, millennial way), being careless, and having no idea about anything...I just couldn't see myself fitting in his life.

And more importantly, I couldn't see him fitting in my life.

I dated the guy who didn't try, and got by. And it ended up terribly. And so, to date the guy who doesn't try, that has no idea what he's going, and smokes day and night, I just can't see myself dating him. He treats the random jacket that he found at Potbelly like gold, he can't even buy his own condoms like an adult and gets them given to him by his friends. Emerson's a slacker, he's careless, and even though in the moment things were fun and unexpected, he's not for me.

Blair: You should have just been straight up
Emerson: I am

Not to be a total Johnson Baker--but he wasn't. The way he acted was not like he wasn't interested. You know, except for the shitty pasta he fed me, the lazy ass Netflix date, and the fast food breakfast (can you believe I thought that was cute for a brief second in my life?!)

Blair: I meant after we hung out
Emerson: We weren't talking so I figured you knew

(We had been a little, I just thought he was leaving me alone because I had so much going on).

I screenshotted the conversation, and sent it to Serena.

Blair: To be honest I can't date someone that makes shitty pasta, thinks McDonald's breakfast is legit, and smokes day and night so I'm kinda glad.

Literally, he didn't add anything except to the hard-ass noodles besides cold-ass sauce.

Serena: Let's go key his car. What a dick.
Serena: But I mean you could do without shitty pasta and Mcds breakfast. Everyone could do without it.
Blair: YES. And CLOUDS of marijuana.
Serena: UGH who wants that? Only a pot head would think Mcds breakfast is legit, that makes sense now.
Blair: And how he kept the free jacket he found at Potbelly's.
Serena: EW. K. Lol fuck him. Radio silence him and block the number.
Blair: Sashmi was like "fwb him?" and I was like "not worthy." Lol he found an orchid and coral ombre jacket at Potbelly's and it's his prized posession.
Serena: Ew definitely not worthy of FWB. Please don't.
Blair: AND he loves Little Caesar's.
Serena: Emerson why. He's not Blair worthy. Ick okay.

My other friends had felt the same way..

Sashmi: What a cunt. You don't need him.
Blair: I will admit that I like having sex with him.
Sashmi: Ask him if he wants to be FWB?

Although he fit the attractive, no respect thing, he just...as bad as it sounds, I just didn't think he was worth sleeping with again.

Blair: He doesn't get the honor of fucking me again. 

Subtle, Blair.

Blair: To be honest I can't date someone that makes shitty pasta, thinks McDonald's breakfast is legit, and smokes day and night so I'm kinda glad.
Sashmi: EWWWWW HE WAS A SMOKER?
Sashmi: How about no, Blair?

And the thing is, I wasn't even mad. The only permanent damage done to me was the pain in my neck that hadn't gone away (he thought that grabbing me by the neck was cute), the permanent damage to my stomach lining that his shitty-ass pasta did, and the damage to my lungs from being in Emerson's crack house.

But on the emotional front, I was just fine. I had some pretty great sex, and he was fun company while it lasted. But the best part about Emerson was that I discovered that I was capable of liking someone, of having a crush, and of having my heart beat faster after everything that happened. And the fact that I literally just shrugged it off, and chalked it up as an experience, it showed me how much stronger and resilient I had become in such a short amount of time.

When Rafael faked kidney failure, fucked me, and then tried to ditch me, I completely flipped and sent some pretty immature texts... and it actually kinda sucked! But now, I am perfectly fine, and to be honest, the shitty pasta story, it makes for a good one.

If we had gone on dates, it would have been fun...but ultimately, I would have felt like this wasn't what I wanted. I would have felt like I was settling, and like I was misplaced. I don't belong in a crack house, and I don't eat shitty pasta, and I don't want to wear a jacket that Emerson probably stole from someone at Potbelly.