The Moments

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” 

-Amit Ray

-

Days until Chuck comes back: 5
Amount of denial Blair is in about her feelings: more than she loves the macaroni salad from Aloha Eats

-

In the series premiere of Private Practice, Addison Montgomey (my favorite character on Grey's, FYI. Wait, no, Christina Yang is too. Shit. Well...regardless, they're both boss ass bitches) dances to Scissor Sister's I Don't Feel Like Dancing after she moves from dreary AF Seattle to sunny, bright and feisty Los Angeles. I mean, she dances naked and gets spotted by her best friend's ex-ish husband, but regardless, that new beginning and the whole dancing around thing, it really motivated me to get the hell out of my bed, to put the homemade Hawaiian-style macaroni salad away, and to get out of my apartment.

Sure, I wanted to sit in bed and stress about classes while doing online homework and hacking away at the massive amounts of PCAT preparation that I had on hand. And I wanted to eat my macaroni salad, and watch Netflix, but as I looked into the mirror, right across from my bed, and saw myself sitting there, I couldn't help but see how badly this stress was deteriorating me.

There used to be this girl with long, shiny, beautiful silky hair, with dozens of bright colored lipsticks, that was fearless and confident, restless and savvy, flirtatious and free-spirited. She laughed without a care in the world, had boundless energy, and was always down for adventure. She lived for the moments that would be unforgettable.

...she also was really naive, occasionally reckless, got inappropriately drunk, and dated questionable guys.

Not that I don't still date terrible men- but it's different now that I'm older, now that I'm older I go on dates with guys that seem quasi-normal that end up being terrible and weird. When I was younger, there were signs that they were assholes...I just didn't care!

Because they were really cute.

To be honest, now, looking back, Young Blair actually dated really, really terrible guys.

Haz- My first college boyfriend, we basically dated without labels, and he always talked about how he saw other hot girls, which of course made me feel extremely insecure. He was in a metal punk rock band, and there was this groupie who was highkey obsessed with him named Mandy. He ended up cheating on me with her, and he also had this extremely weird fetish with Asian girls. Was also a super entitled pretentious hipster asshole, and ended up confessing his undying love to me like, six months after we broke up.

Tom- Looked like a sexy, young version of Tom Cruise. He also had a thing for Asian girls, and invited me over to his dorm room where he got me drunk off of box wine, and his friend third wheeled. For whatever reason we went drunk bowling, where he snapchatted me, "dayum that ass is banging." He was too tired to wait for my drunk ass to walk home, so he fireman carried me and sprinted, and took me upstairs to his room. He carried me from the living room to his bedroom, where his roommate and another girl were. I guess Sexy Tom Cruise had dibs, because his roommate got the fuck outta there, and he took his shirt off. He had these ridiculous abs, and held me up against the walls when we made out, which made me swoon. And then he told me that he was on the top bunk (um, my drunk ass did not want to climb up there), and he had an extremely small penis. And he woke me up at like 3 am asking for head.

Bill- We met in freshman year General Chemistry, we went back to my place to work on a lab report, and then ended up making out while watching Archer. I got down to my undies, we were making out and he was doing things to me, and I told him to spank me- and then he lost it and told me he couldn't keep going because it was too much. I went to Chemistry lab the next day, and found out that he was my lab partner. We flirted for the rest of the semester, and the beginning of the next, but I stood him up and went on my first date with Chuck instead.

Sexy Drake- Met at Alejandro's party- god, Sexy Drake was so incredibly sexy. His friend was all over me that night too, as was Alejandro, but I went home with Sexy Drake that night. We only made out, but he definitely tried to do butt stuff with me, and was kind of sleazy. But I didn't notice any of it, because he was sooo cute. He never contacted me again.

James- Chuck's best friend that I fooled around with previously. This story has been told SO many times that I refuse to go over it, it ends up with JD and James telling everyone in our residence hall that I was a fucking slut, even though James had a girlfriend and cheated on her. AND ALL WE DID WAS MAKE OUT.

Alejandro- Disgusting guy that was high key obsessed with me, and told my friends that I was his girlfriend. One time he snapchatted me a picture of my residence hall and told me that he was "in the neighborhood" at 11 pm at night. I told him to go home, and that I was studying for a Biology midterm.

Luke- Stereotypical Jewish boy I thought I was dating. He went to Columbia and tasted like nacho cheese. He was really awkward and spoke with a thick New York accent- he ended up leaving for New York for the summer, saying absolutely nothing to me. He used to be in a ska pop punk band when he was like sixteen and got mad at me when we found out that he was in it. Like, REALLY mad you guys, he claimed that I humiliated him.

Johnny- Fuck, do I really have to tell this story? Okay, I was eighteen, he was twenty six, I was fooled and charmed by the fact that he was a med student. And this was back when he was attractive- he used to be really handsome and have a six pack (shut up, don't laugh, I swear he used to be really hot). Anyways, he high key stalked me after I started dating Chuck, and after I rejected him so many fucking times he would just flat out ignore me and not say ANYTHING. ANYTHING. After Chuck dumped me and he heard, he texted me and tried to talk to me. EW, Johnny.

Jake- The nerdy sexy, smart, and witty marketing intern that charmed me while we were drinking PBRs and having late night talks the summer before my sophomore year. He broke my heart and went back to Champaign for college. There was a brief moment when something could have happened, when I was supposed to go visit him at U of I, but instead of going I stayed home that weekend, and that was ultimately the weekend that Chuck would show up at my door drunk, and then confess his feelings for me.

Toronto- This never happened.

And yeah, some of them were terrible, but the stories are fun, and the memories are fun. And that's what it's all about- the moments. So, as I paused Netflix, I got up out of my bed, walked on over to my closet, and pulled out the bright blue bodycon that I haven't worn in ages.