The Wolf of LaSalle Street

“Our moral economy went bankrupt long before our financial one.” 

-Steve Maraboli

-

"Janet, what's a hedge fund trader?"

NOW, before you start harping on me about not knowing what a hedge fund trader is, I knew the general bits about being a hedge fund trader...I just wanted to know the specifics. Janet went on to explain what a hedge fund trader was and what they did. As soon as she finished explaining everything, she turned and looked at me.

"Why, are you thinking of dating a finance boy?"

"Yeah, actually, I am."

Janet looked at me, and then started laughing. "Well, good luck to you, then."

"What do you mean?" I asked, instantly, giving her a look back. What was she talking about...JFK was PERFECT. He and I were destined to walk around in Lincoln Park together, he would wear a Ralph Lauren plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of shorts from J.Crew, and boating shoes. I would wear a sundress from Anthropologie, with Tory Burch sandals, and a cute bag from Kate Spade (Fordham Court Marielle, perhaps?)

"Finance guys....let's just say they're their own type of people. They are always busy, always working, and they work hard, play hard." She said it in such a warning kind of way that it made me nervous. I quickly typed it into Google, and found TONS OF ARTICLES warning me about Finance guys and the dangers of falling into their traps. I quickly envisioned The Wolf of Wall Street, and then took a breath. Could JFK really be that bad? Was he secretly The Wolf of LaSalle Street? I ignored the premonition, and continued just living my life and sitting at work, drinking my Pamplemousse La Croix.

I had gone through JFK's profile at least five times ("Chicago, NYC, and Boston. Hedge fund trader, world traveler emeritus, and industrial tourist.") before I came to the realization that he had not messaged me back yet.

-

A summary of our conversation:

Blair (around the time I got off of work yesterday): Why'd you come to Chicago?
JFK (7:23 PM): I didn't choose Chicago--Chicago chose me!

He used an em-dash. How intellectually sexy.

JFK (7:23 PM): (jk)
JFK (7:23 PM): Chi wasn't a natural place to move but I had a very compelling job offer here so it seemed like the right call
JFK (7:23 PM): What about you? Are you a bonafide native?
Blair (7:46 PM): My family lives in the suburbs, and I've always loved Chicago since I was a little girl so it made perfect sense to move here for college! So I guess I'm a native hahahah

And then, in a Tavern at the Park food coma, I did something, in a moment of weakness (and fullness from risotto). I double messaged him.

...I know, save the lecture.

Blair: Where are you from?

I decided that it was fine because he had previously sent me four messages in a row.

It would not be until 6:24 am the next day when he would answer me, something that I found strange within itself. He was twenty two- did he really not check his phone except for six in the morning? Why is he awake at six in the morning? Was Harvard being bombarded by so many women that he just didn't know what to do?

JFK (6:24 AM): Yep I would say that counts...native status is now yours!

Um, okay, am I playing a video game and unlocking accomplishments? I guess dating could be considered a game, in a strange kind of way. Except it's one where you never win!

JFK (6:24 AM): (unfortunately in this case I do not think it comes with any special preferences for hiring, university admission, etc)

In the case of me dating him? In the case of us talking to each other? In the case of me moving to Chicago to go to college? Why did he talk like an old entitled white man, and what on earth is he babbling about? Was he going to be like this on our date?

I decided to give him a pass, although he did have hours to come up with something witty to say back to me.

JFK (6:24 AM): I grew up in DC and went to school in Boston, and my spiritual home is New York although I reside here
Blair (7:52 AM): I've never been to DC, but I have a couple friends that grew up in that area! I also love San Francisco and Dallas-Fort Worth feels like a second home, although I would never live there (my grandmother does and I visit a couple times a year when she's feeling sick and for holidays)

-

It was noon now, and I had heard nothing. Was my response weird? Was I not Ivy League enough to date JFK, who spoke with the tone and dialect of an older Southern man (imagine Jody from The Mindy Project)

I texted Rafael, in an attempt to distract myself.

Blair: Are you really going to pretend like you don't know my name? I was just trying to be nice.
Rafael: Blare. I know your name, idk why I didn't just ask that
Blair: Savage AF, I was about to say. Blair.
Rafael: My bad, it autocorrected.
Blair: It's okay, that Mexican boy from Tinder
Rafael: That's me. So what's up, why did you just text me?
Blair: I was at the bars and my friend mentioned "that guy from Tinder with kidney problems" and I felt bad for being a bitch

Total lie. Complete and utter lie. But Rafael didn't need to know that.

Rafael: Turns out my kidneys are good.
Blair: I'm glad, that day of fasting and date cancelling didn't go to waste
Rafael: Yeah I'm glad I got that check up lol
Blair: What have you been up to?
Rafael: Not much. Working, chilling, how about you?
Blair: Working, drinking La Croix, school, PCATs. I blog now too.
Rafael: Fun fun fun

Was I really going to do this?

Blair: Read at 2:07 pm

-

It was now fifteen minutes before I would leave work, and as I realized that Audrey cancelled plans with me, I took a deep breath. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad... falling into the rabbit hole, that is. I swallowed my pride, and I sent Rafael a text.