I don't like boys. They're kind of annoying. 

-Michelle Wie

-

"It's a text from Johnny," I said, surprised. The last time I had seen him was when I was taking Cora's dog, Jughead for a walk. Johnny had tried to make conversation, and although I was polite, I clearly had no intention of ever talking to him again. The last time I spoke to Johnny, it was just him yelling at me, asking me why I wouldn't have sex with him and why I wasn't attracted to him. For Fuck's sake, why are men guys boys constantly asking me why I won't (insert action here) them?

...I won't get into this, or else I'll end up posting the exact same rant that I blogged about when I stopped talking to Johnson.

When Chuck and I broke up, I didn't feel anything- I was so desperate to feel something, and to fill a void in my life, that I LITERALLY tried to fill a void. As in I kind of, sort of, aka I did, sleep with quite a few guys. Some of them were rebounds, some of them I genuinely thought could be something... but all in all, it was a terrible idea. I ended up filling that void, and feeling something- by focusing on myself, my strengths, and working on things that made me passionate. I was happy from my friends and loved ones, and I never looked back at the indiscretions that I had made.

Johnny: What is your blog address?

"He's trying to fuck you," Chuck said, looking at me. Although I like Chuck, there are still some moments when I just want to laugh and say, "Well, yeah."

"Well, yeah, Chuck." I said, laughing. "But he's leaving soon."

"He's trying to get a good bye smash." Chuck commented, nodding.

"No way in fuck."

Chuck knows about my blog, obviously, but I'm definitely not at the point where I want him to read the things that I've written- even if we were both in a different place when I wrote them!

An excerpt from, Chuck Cuevas Stinks:

"And then I thought about it, he definitely stank when we dated, I just never smelled it. But he didn't physically stink (well... At least I don't think he did, he may have), but he stank metaphorically, he just had this glaring problem with him that I ignored because I was in love with (or at least I thought I was)."

I know, I'm so coy. But anyways, back to the story at hand.

There was no way that I was going to respond to Johnny, and part of me wanted to be the crusader for girls who are constantly harassed and annoyed by guys that think they're entitled to bang them, but I kept my mouth shut.

-

Shay: You tryin to get some or what

I looked at my phone, nearly dropping in it shock.

"FUCK, here we go again." I thought to myself, shaking my head. Why was this shit constantly happening?

Blair: What do you mean
Shay: You know what I mean
Blair: WTF SHAY

I screenshotted the message, and sent it to Shane and Kayresia.

Shane: Lol thirsty AF
Kayresia: Lol smh

SHAKING MY DAMN HEAD INDEED, SHAY. I thought that the two of us were purely platonic friends- after all, he did help me start my business! I had recently discovered that my guy friends were dropping like flies, namely after

1. Trying to bang me, and then getting rejected, then getting mad
2. Trying to date me, and then getting rejected, then getting mad
3. Constantly asking me why I won't date/fuck/WHATEVER with them
4. Constantly trying to tap me and then getting entitled when I tell them to go fly a fucking kite

Among other things.

And I know it sounds so typical female, but I genuinely did want to be friends with them! I just wanted to live in a world where I could hang out with them, drink beer, shoot some nonsense, and then watch terrible TV- like I did with Shane! He and Matthew were the only ones left standing after the Massacre of Spring 2016, as Zayn, Johnny, Johnson, Carter, Kevin, and Shay were voted off the island. It was tiring- having them annoy me, and then eventually, get mad and blame me for being at fault. Because apparently, it is wrong for a woman to refuse a man nowadays, APPARENTLY if guys put in effort with a woman, they are entitled to them.

Shay: I don't want it lo

Blair: No, I'm dating someone. Ew, no. You're gross, bye.

I mean, I wasn't dating anyone- the only thing I was committed to was Grey's Anatomy on Netflix- and I didn't really care, or want to waste energy on trying to define what was going on with Chuck and I. We aren't involved with each other...or anyone else really. But Shay didn't have to know that, it was none of his business, or really...anyone else's either.

It wasn't that I was ashamed of Chuck- I'm really not. As a matter of fact, I think a lot of people would be overjoyed. For god's sake, my brother Julius probably loves Chuck more than he loves me! It's just with things being so up in the air, there was really no point in saying anything about it, not to mention that when you start telling people things, that's when things get real. And I'm not ready for that, for other people to know or get involved, and for it to be a thing. 

OKAY, and maybe because it's kind of fun sneaking around. I couldn't deny that it was kind of exciting to have people ask where I'm going and where I'm at, and to sneak back into my apartment building early in the morning, or to pretend like I'm staying, when I'm throwing on a crop top and skinny jeans to go see Chuck. It's fun, and I know that eventually people are going to find out, and that this whole sneaking around nonsense will stop, but for right now, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't enjoying it.

Which is also why Johnny Belcher can stay the hell off my blog.

Shay: Who is that

And also why Shay can stop texting me.

Smiling at Me

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. 

-Mother Teresa

-

Blair: I'm not doing this
Chuck: Doing what

I had peeked at the message again, looking at it. It was natural for me to be a little bit mad, it wasn't crazy for me to be mad. But I knew that he had been locked inside his room coding for days, and I knew that if he could have come to get me off that bench, he would have. And so, I let it go. Relationships are a two way street, and I couldn't keep not talking to him whenever I got upset about something. Not that we're in a relationship or anything, because we definitely one hundred percent are not. 

I would be stupid to say that Chuck and I were purely platonic friends, because well, we obviously were not. But at the same time, we weren't sex pals either- we were... we're...I don't want to do this, I'm going to keep saying that we're friends. We are pals. Kind of.

After playing chess on my phone with Chuck for the whole afternoon, I ended up going over to his place to work on homework. We both worked on homework, until he confessed that he had four papers due at midnight, and three of them were only one page responses. Chuck had always believed in his ability, an immense amount, but even I knew that a one page response that would take me twenty minutes (or even less!) would take Chuck HOURS. Chuck didn't have a way with words- not one bit, and he was honestly kind of a horrendous writer. The boy could build flow hoods and engineer the shit out of anything, but he couldn't put his thoughts into words.

"Do you need my help?" I asked, looking at him.

"No, it's okay," he said, looking away awkwardly. He definitely needed my help, without a doubt he had needed my help, very much so.

"Chuck, if you need help, just ask for it, I can easily write a one page response in like, twenty minutes. I blog like, every day!" I looked at him, knowingly, "Just ask for help, you know I'm always willing to help."

"Okay, Blair, maybe one response, but I really owe you," he said.

-

As I typed up the second one, my fingers clacked on the second one, as I sang out loud, "doo, doo, dooo, clik, clik, clak, clak, tap, tap," slightly bobbing my head to the beat of the keys on my keyboard.

I froze in place, and turned to see Chuck looking at me. "You're cute, you know that, right, Blair Bui?"

"I do know that," I said, laughing. I blushed a bit, and then regained my composure, "And I also know that I completely saved your ass, and that you fucking owe me," I added, sassily. I continued typing, as I looked over slightly at Chuck, out of the corner of my peripheral vision.

"You did save my ass, and you're amazing and great," he said, smiling at me. Even something as mundane as typing papers was fun with Chuck, as the two of us sat arm to arm, sneaking in kisses, and talking as we both worked on something.

"I'm sorry," he said, awkwardly. He looked at me, as I stopped mid-sentence in a piece about Sweet and Lowdown. 

"That I'm typing this paper or what?" I said, looking at him.

"Everything, and especially the papers."

"You know, you could've asked me for help. I know you wanted to," I responded, as Chuck submitted the lab report he was working on. "We both know that writing comes very easily for me, and it's tricky for you. I would've come and helped you."

"I know, Blair, I just... I don't like asking for help, from anyone."

"You know I'm there for you, always," I said. It was the truth. As Chuck pulled me in closer, into his arms, he looked at me, leaning in for a kiss. "You're great."

"And, Blair, you know that if I could've showed up at that bench, I would have, and if I could have come last night when you were sick, I would have."

"I know," I said, nodding.

"But now that finals are ending, we'll both be around for summer, and Fall semester isn't that crazy," Chuck said, smiling. "And I definitely owe you," he said, as I leaned in for a kiss.

"We'll talk when you're in Mexico?"

"Of course."

-

"I thought that Grey Garcia's girlfriend would be hotter," I said, laughing, as we looked at the Snapchat story. "It's not that she's not pretty, it's just, he's Grey Garcia."

I turned to look at Chuck. "Don't worry, Chuck, someday you'll have a really hot girlfriend."

"Really, Blair? Maybe one that'll think I'm hotter than Grey Garcia," he said, smiling smugly at me, as I looked away for a brief second. I forgot that there was that mix-up last year regarding Grey Garcia (more on that later)

"You know, if I keep hanging out with you, my friends are going to be suspicious." I grabbed the fuzzy blanket, and brought it closer to my body.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, they're going to be definitely concerned because I haven't gone on a date with anyone in like, two months."

Chuck stopped in his tracks, and turned to face me. "You haven't?"

"Not really, not one where I liked anyone. And I don't foresee myself dating anyone else in the future," the words had slipped out of my mouth quickly and smoothly, as I laid, there, shocked that I had said that out loud. Chuck's mouth formed a mischievous grin, as he tried to hide the fact that he was smiling.

"CHUCK CUEVAS," I said, tapping him on the shoulder, "You like this. You like that I'm not going to date anyone else." I laughed, as he tried to hide his smile even further.

"I don't know what you're talking about Blair," he said, trying to make a serious face, as we both started laughing.

"Chuck Cuevas, you don't want me dating anyone else, and you're happy that I'm not going to." I laughed, as I placed my head on his shoulder. And even though he turned away for a brief second, I knew he was smiling, and I knew that he was happy about the information that had slipped out.

-

Chuck was relentless about me not getting cheese after my bout of Chipotle-induced food poisoning, but he caved and eventually agreed, saying that he was going to keep a full watch on me afterwards. As we walked back, we talked, and it honestly felt so nice to just spend time with him, to catch up on everything that had been going on. Time flew, as we talked all night, watched our usual shows, and just enjoyed each other's company. Before we knew it, it was four in the morning, and time for bed.

"I like you a lot, Chuck Cuevas," I whispered, as we laid in his bed, nose to nose.

"I like you a lot too, Blair Bui, you're amazing," he leaned in for a kiss, and wrapped his arm around me.

"We can talk, of course, but it's late, and you have to get to work," Chuck whispered. He was always taking care of me, and being responsible when I wanted to be a little bit reckless.

"If that's fine," Chuck added, fearing the wrath of Blair. It was cute, and I liked that he was always looking out for me- but I loved that he never forgot how fiercely independent and headstrong I was.

"You're right," I admitted, "If you need to lay on your back, I understand too. I know you don't sleep well."

"It's okay, we can cuddle if you want," Chuck said, turning to look at me.

"If you want," I said, trying to be as nonchalant and breezy as possible. I didn't want to be too easy to get.

"I do," Chuck responded, smiling at me. We kissed good night, as I turned so we could spoon, and Chuck wrapped his arms around me. I slept well, and woke up, to a sleeping Chuck, his arms still wrapped around my waist.

He got up, as kissed me goodbye, as I got ready for work. "Is there anything else you want to say to me, Chuck Cuevas?" I asked, as I looked at him.

"No, I don't think so," he said. Chuck stood there, in his soccer shorts, as I grabbed my bag. I headed towards the door, as my train of thought was interrupted.

"I like you, Blair."

I turned, and walked over, kissing Chuck one more time before I left for work. "I like you too. I'll talk to you later."

As I awkwardly tried to hide the fact that I was smiling like a little loser, I knew that Chuck was doing the exact same thing behind me.

27

Either you run the day or the day runs you. 

-Jim Rohn

-

Last week, Chuck's place

"Do you know what next week is?" I asked, looking at him. He shook his head, obviously confused.

"It's the 27th," I said, quietly.

October 27, 2014

Willa: You are so, so close to having a boyfriend- so close. 
Blair: Isn't he basically my boyfriend now, I mean... he told his friends about me! And he confessed his feelings yesterday **after he blew chunks in my apartment Friday night!

**a story for another time

Willa: Not yet, Blair. But you're so close.

Chuck Cuevas liked me, ME, ELIZABETH BUI. For whatever reason, he thought that I was the most bombtastic woman, in the entire fucking world. It was an exciting feeling, after months of Chuck and I being "just friends" to be able to walk around knowing that he liked me. I wanted to run around, singing and dancing like a total loser baby, because right now, life was good, because Chuck liked me.

I headed over to go see Chuck, and meet Taha, his supposed best friend. I threw on some makeup (I couldn't have his best friend commenting on how his almost-girlfriend's face looked beat), and headed over, short shorts and crop top, and all.

"Dude, you literally didn't do anything and somehow you ended up with Wonder Woman," Taha said, as he scanned me quickly. "How did you do this?"

Chuck shrugged. Now that I thought about it, how did Chuck get me? It didn't even matter, really, because even though he was unlike every other guy I had ever been remotely attracted to, it didn't matter. Because Chuck was smart, funny, sweet and kind, and nerdy and adorable. And quite honestly, if anyone was to be my boyfriend eventually, I'm glad that it was him.

After hanging out with Taha for a bit, we headed back to my apartment, and watched Bob's Burgers, until noticing that the time was really late.

"It's getting really late," Chuck said, awkwardly, looking at me. I looked up at him and smiled, as we laid together, cuddling and watching the show. It had been a good week since Chuck and I had simmered in our mutual attraction, but he still hadn't kissed me, or anything. I knew he thought that I was attractive, and he obviously liked me- but maybe he was just shy, or tremendously awkward. But that was perfectly okay, because he was worth the wait.

"If you want, you can stay over," I said, as I turned to face him. Chuck looked at me, as if he had been blindsided.

"I uh...erm, Ber- er, Bertram would get mad at me. Yeah, Bertram would get mad at me," Chuck said, stammering awkwardly. His face turned beet red, and he looked away awkwardly.

"Bertram would get mad at you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, he would."

"Okay, it's fine, you don't have to," I said, laughing. It was cute, it really was, how nervous and awkward he was. I placed my head on his chest, and we continued to watch Bob's Burgers. A couple of episodes later, the same thing was said.

"It's getting really late," Chuck said, awkwardly, looking at me.

"If you want, you can stay over," I said, once again, "But only if you want."

"Okay," he said, as we headed towards the pillows. Chuck turned off the light, and crawled up next to me, wrapping his arms around me. And as he closed his eyes, and said good night, I looked at him, as he innocently slept. I had never slept with a boy in the same bed, in my entire life without them trying anything weird, and for once, a boy had stayed over, and he had stayed over because of me. Not because he wanted to fuck me, but because he wanted to be with me. We slept comfortably, until I woke up, quite early in the morning.

"What's up?" He whispered, looking at me. I had never really looked at Chuck without his glasses, but he looked nice, he really did.

"Why haven't you done anything yet?" I asked, looking at him. "Like kissed me or anything?" I don't know why I asked him that, to this day, but I did, and the words came pouring out of my mouth, as if I was saying something casual.

"Because, I- uh, well, I-er, I haven't done anything yet," he said, looking at me. He was embarrassed, and he looked awkwardly, where his feet should have been. "Like made out or anything."

I smiled. "It's okay, we'll practice."

"Really?" Chuck said, leaning in torwards me. My heart beat faster with each millimeter that he moved towards me, in anticipation and excitement. We were nose to nose, chest to chest.

"Really." I said, as he leaned in for a kiss. There are some moments that take your breath away, when time and the universe surrounding you stop for a brief moment, when the stars align and everything in the world is still, for that moment. Moments that you will always remember, clearer than day, as if they just happened. Unforgettable, real moments. This was one of them.

We pulled apart, and he looked at me, smiling.

"This means you're my boyfriend now, right?"

"Yeah, Blair, it does," he whispered, before leaning in to kiss me again.

April 27, 2015

I sat on Chuck's bed, before he came in to the room. It had been six months, six spectacular months and I couldn't believe it. He was outside tutoring one of his friends, and even though it was our anniversary. Of course it bothered me, I had wanted to spend time with him and everything, but none of his friends really seemed to understand that concept. They'd take him out and never bring him back, snatch him away when it was just supposed to be the two of us, and to fully honest, I didn't even think they respected me. I sat on his bed, eating my half of our anniversary dinner, and watching Netflix.

"I'm sorry about that," Chuck said, as he walked in.

"It's fine," I said, as I cut off another piece of chicken enchilada.

"So I was studying with Reagan the other day, and she asks me, 'Do you love Blair?' And I looked at her, and I said, 'Of course?'"

I looked at Chuck, "Really?"

"And then she asked me all the things I love about you, and I told her, and then she asked me, 'Do you think Blair is the one?'"

I stopped eating, and then looked at him.

"So then I said, 'Yeah, I do.' And Reagan asks me, 'Can you see yourself marrying her?' And so I told her, 'I definitely can.'"

October 27, 2015

"So we're not going to-"

"Blair, it's late, and we have to be up early tomorrow for the half marathon," Chuck said, as he had taken off his button down. It's not like our one year anniversary wasn't great, it was sweet, and the gesture was nice, it just wasn't what I thought it would be.

"We'll have sex tomorrow," he said, looking at the expression on my face. There's a clear and distinct difference between fucking and making love (or having sex), it's one of those things that you don't understand until it happened.

And maybe I shouldn't have expected anything, because the anniversary of my dreams, was most definitely wasn't the anniversary of my reality. Chuck and I were supposed to have the greatest date together, and the greatest night spent together, but as I watched him climb into bed, I realized that wasn't the case.

February 27, 2016

After waiting the entire night for him, I looked at the message on my phone.

Chuck: Something came up, another time.

And as I looked at my phone, only one thought remained in my head. It was screaming at me, as I sat there, incapable of functioning in that moment. As Casey, Kayresia, and Matthew sat at the table, I got up and excused myself.

There was one of two things that I could do in that moment, I could say okay, and see him again. Or, I could just forget about him and walk away. I could take a deep breath, compose myself, and walk away. I could walk away, from disappointment, from heartbreak, and from feeling like this ever again. He couldn't even be there, when I needed him to be.

This wasn't the movies, this was real life, and he wasn't going to show up late at night and say that he was wrong, and we weren't going to fall in love with each other all over again. I had to take a deep breath, and simply just leave.

April 27, 2016

Blair Bui, 12:15 am:  Okay, I apologize. I'm just stressed and emotional and tired and hungry, okay. For whatever reason the universe is throwing every feeling that I refused to feel over the past six months at me and I just want to sit on that bench and cry. I'm going to be honest and say that I probably will sit on that bench and cry after I finish studying for this exam tomorrow. I don't know why I keep telling you things that you can live without knowing and I won't shut the fuck up, because I know it's annoying and I know it's weird but I just can't stop, maybe it's because I don't need other people knowing things about me, or maybe it's because I missed you, IDK. But I will try to be quiet and I will try to compose myself because you need to be tutoring children and Ryan and building engineer things and coding, I apologize So I am going to study for this exam now, and then cry on that bench, and then walk home, and sleep. And I will shut up and I will stop talking and it'll be fine.

And as I sat there, in the library, about to start uncontrollably sobbing, I took a couple minutes to reflect on everything that had happened over the past couple months. The sexual assault, the fact that people have taken up a hobby in telling me how inconsiderate and terrible I am, my mother being sick, all of it. Every single damn thing that happened over the past six months that should have made me feel something, that I dismissed and just acted indifferent about, it all hit me, and I just wanted to talk to that bench, and cry. Which is what I did.

I sat on that bench, and cried. I cried as engineering students walked past nonchalantly, as if a random girl sobbing uncontrollably was just a normal occurrence. I cried, and I sobbed, until I caved and called Chuck.

He was worried, and of course he asked if I was okay, but he said he was studying, and no, there was no magic. He just talked for me for a bit, told me to get up from that bench and to call and Uber home, and that was it. He did not dramatically rush over to my bench, nor was he already there waiting for me when I said I was going to walk home. None of that happened, because it's real life.

I eventually got up, reminded myself that all I have in this life is myself, and walked home. Simple as that.

I had secretly thought about this day, it was always approaching, and secretly, deep in the back of my mind. And when it finally came, it was just another day. It wasn't spectacular or mystifying like I secretly hoped it would be, it was just another day. Another day in my life, a normal and prosaic day, with work and school, exams and all. There was nothing spectacular and nothing special, as I say once again, it was just another day.

And as it got closer to the end, the hope I had for magic was dwindling dramatically, as I sadly realized that it was just another day, and that I shouldn't have hoped for otherwise.

I don't need Chuck, and I can take care of myself, and if anything from last night says anything, I should just take care of myself.

The Kindest Parts

"To be kind is more important than to be right. Many times, what people need is NOT a brilliant mind that speaks, but a special heart that listens." 

-

"Just give him some space, and you guys are going to be fine." Matthew had said.

"I am giving him space, by making the choice to never talk to him again." I said, cheerfully. I was just going to walk away again, it was totally going to be fine. Chuck could stop me if he wanted to. I continued to type up my notes for my Genetics exam, and drinking my Cranberry Red Bull. But no matter what I did, I just kept having this strange feeling inside of me.

It was this gut feeling telling me that this was not what I was supposed to do, this wasn't the real Blair. Running away from Chuck and just walking away- that is fine for the Chuck who was an asshole, but not for the one that's trying. He gave up a lab to be there for me when I was sad, and he is a human, and it entitles him to have space and time for himself, and to make small mistakes, and to be busy. So if he was trying, should I be too?

And as much as I didn't want to admit it, the whole thing scared me. That was why I didn't tell anyone that Chuck was back in my life, that was why I lost my shit and was about to dip- because this genuinely scared me. The feelings that I have, and what could happen, it terrifies me. I could be heartbroken even more than I was the first time, but also, at the same time, he made me feel something for the first time, in forever.

He brings out the kindest parts of me, the emotional parts, the parts that I would otherwise hide, in fear of being perceived weak. And so, was I really going to be mad, or was I going to be kind?

In the movies, the guy always shows up at the last minute to win her back, after she has not changed. She remains the exact same heroine as before, and the guy just shows up, and he's changed- even though she is untouched. But real life doesn't work that way, and in order to repair something that fell apart, or to travel alongside each other after such a long time, there must be change. There must be change in both, as the paces of life have slowed up or sped up, but to be alongside each other, you have to adjust and you have to change. You can't remain the same and expect someone to follow you.

And really, was this heartless, emotionless, indifferent (but still sassy, brazen, bold) person, the person I wanted to be? Of course not. I wanted to be the Blair that cares so much that she pours her heart out, the Blair who smiles when she wakes up, and laughs without worry. The one who isn't afraid of looking weak, and is still strong and fiercely independent. So if Chuck was going to try, I would too.

Blair: I'm sorry that I overreacted like that, I just would have appreciated if you had said something. Good luck on your code! Don't stress out too much/
Chuck: I know, it is really my fault, thank you

Although jaded and guarded, I just had to be kind. When there's someone that you care about, you can't just assume that they're going to drop everything and accommodate you, there has to be compromise and there has to be understanding. And so, I decided that the attitude and the expectation of Chuck needed to prove that he deserved me, I let it go. Because deep down, I knew that he was trying to.

"So we are friends, now, and I use that term loosely. I like him, and I'm very attracted to him, but at the same time I don't know," I admitted to Shane, as we walked through the streets. It was okay that things weren't crystal clear, sometimes a little mystery is a good thing.

"Oh my god, he's your Abner," Shane said, laughing uncontrollably. I gave him side eye and shook my head.

"Chuck is not Abner. Abner is gross."

"Well let's see here, he is socially awkward, his face looks goofy, he is a scrawny little man, and he smells offensive, who does that sound like? ABNER."

"Chuck is not Abner!"

"He's Abner, Blair, he's Abner."

The Elizabeth Bui Resignation Letter Because The Odyssey Online Fucking Sucks

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”
-Aldous Huxley, Complete Essays 2, 1926-29

-

"But you've only written an article, Blair, how can you possibly make this decision?"

People always say that I am a very perceptive writer, that I'm insightful and that I have a way with words. I am always clearly and concisely conveying what I intend, and never have I doubted the things that I write or the things that I say. And for the first time, in a long time, I felt doubtful, as the article that was posted on the Odyssey Online made me feel like my poignant piece of writing had been belittled to rookie fluff.

I have no problems with fluffer pieces, I have no problem with entertainment pieces that make people laugh, pieces that fill up lunch breaks and random mornings. Little lists, little blurbs, little pieces that are a little break in mundane life, they are imperative to our daily lives, whether we realize it or not. I love fluff, fluff is life, but fluff is not what the piece I submitted to the Odyssey Online. But what should I expect, from an unprofessional organization and the unprofessional editor-in-chief that was promoted.

I know about writing. I know about journalism. I have years of experience, as I have blogged (quite successfully, if I may add) vividly about my personal experiences since I could type. I was Editor-in-Chief of my school paper for my high school paper for two years, Features Editor for one, and a staff writer my freshman year. Those years of experienced made me tremendously capable when it came to InDesign, editing, and editorial work, among many other things. Those life skills have carried me, and taught me and immense amount about journalism, and professionalism. Neither of which The Odyssey Online contains.

I have never worked for a place that has begged their employees to get them to apply- that does not pick the cream of the crop, but merely allows anyone who wishes to enter the membrane of the organization. I have never worked for a place who does not genuinely and seriously interview their candidates, or fully process them.

I have never worked for an organization that is so rushed to hire a leader that they push aside all other canidates, as Leah Gay said to me, "I have an EIC candidate I am on the second round of interviews with right now, I know this is all moving super fast! Super exciting! I will let you know if I am still looking for one."

Moving fast- to fill a role of a leader? And to not even consider other candidates, just because you are so desperate to fill a role, that you would just give it to the person furthest along in the interview process? It is not exciting to be dismissed or not given an opportunity because ONE PERSON is further along in the interview process. It is not exciting that everyone is so hurried and rushed that the desperation reeks from this organization to keep it functioning.

Which is no wonder that the person rushed into the role lacks professionalism and cannot fill their role- I have NEVER worked for an organization that cannot spell the name of an individual properly. And of course, the person chosen to fill the coveted leadership role cannot spell my name correctly, nor can they properly consult me when editing my article.

When you write something, you put your name out on it. And to publish something that someone wrote, without showing someone the shreds remaining of their work, covered by your rushed editing and fluff, that is disrespectful to me, and that reeks of unprofessionalism. Writers don't even get to see the final product that their name is attached to? What is that? To comment that someone's piece, written from their heart and soul is not captivating and needs "added pictures" to enthrall people- that's pathetic. I don't write fluff and I don't write lists, I write seriously and earnestly.

And with that, I must say that I am choosing to resign from my position. The lack of professionalism and lack of respect, it's not something that I would ever willingly participate in.

Elizabeth Bui

Couldn't and Wouldn't

“If you want to call it quits, just tell me. Man up and say it to my face. Don’t just skulk around.” 

-J.M. Richards

-

In about two seconds, Serena went from "aww," to, "what the FUCK?"

"BLAIR, WHAT THE FUCK? HE JUST DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?"

"Yeah, after he kissed me goodbye and said he'd message me, and having sex with me, after I messaged him he just read all my messages and ignored me," I said, shaking my head. I couldn't believe that I was so fucking stupid. How could I ever think that Chuck had changed? What was I thinking? I wasn't this stupid girl, I was Blair fucking Bui, a boss ass bitch and a strong ass woman.

"Oh my god, I would have gone off on him, that fucking dumb ass."

"WELL, that's why I called him four times at like, one in the morning, I was going to yell the fuck out of him but his dumb ass didn't answer back."

"OH MY GOD, He's such a fucking dumb ass."

Serena never failed to call or be there during the hard times, even though she was miles and miles away in Minnesota, it felt like she was right there with me in my apartment, watching late night infomercials and eating dark chocolate gelato.

"Yeah, I know, he's fucking stupid, but I'm fine, I was sad, like I cried for five minutes and then I was like, 'fuck him, he's stupid.'" I said, as I scooped out another perfectly domed scoop of Talenti. I had been eating healthier recently, but fuck it, this was an emergency.

"Yeah, he's getting cut off."

"Yeah, I'm sure he's going to wonder what I was going to say, and he's going to expect me to message him or say something, but fuck him, I'm never talking to him again." I smelled the pants and sweatshirt he had given me from across the room. UGH, I had forgotten that this asshole had given me his smelly ass clothes- and I had gone to class in them!

"I think he used you Blair," Serena said, as I was completely silent. "I think he used you and he didn't even know it, his dumb ass didn't even know it. Because he slept with you and now this is happening."

There was no way, Chuck didn't know how to use people, that would require actual knowledge and street smarts. He was the school smart, street stupid one, he always ways. He never knew  how to say what he wanted to say, he never knew what he was supposed to say; he was socially awkward and he didn't know how to use people. Chuck could never manipulate anyone- me on the other hand, I knew how to get what I wanted.

"But he isn't smart enough to manipulate anyone."

"He's a dumbass. I would tell you to have sex with him one more time, and then never talk to him again, but his dumb ass probably wouldn't even catch on. He's a dumb ass."

-

I woke up in the morning, and saw that he had seen my calls. No way in fuck was he going to do this to me, no way in fuck was he allowed to do this to me. He couldn't and he wouldn't.

"What's up?" Chuck said, as he picked up the phone. He voice was stern and serious.

"You didn't say anything back."

"I've been busy," he said, as there was a space of silence between the two of us.

"When people say things to other people, you say something back."

"What?"

"You couldn't have said anything?" I responded, obviously upset. Chuck Cuevas wasn't allowed to do this to me, he couldn't.

"I was busy, I told you I was going to be busy. I told you I probably wasn't going to call or respond because I'm busy and I'm going to be busy for the next four days," Chuck responded irritated. That boy did not tell me he was going to be busy, because if he had told me he was busy, I would not have almost lost my shit.

"You did not."

"I did, right before you left my room."

"You said you were going to code but that's it," I said, snipply. Chuck had always thought I could read this mind, or something. And I couldn't, and wouldn't. He needed to learn to express how he felt, because it was exhausting trying to analyze his whack ass. And I couldn't and wouldn't.

"I thought that implied that I was busy, Blair."

"That's it? You're busy?"

"Yes, Blair."

I took a deep breath, trying to stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't help it. They came out, as I held on to dear life on my phone.

"You're not doing this, you don't get to do this to me. You don't get to be an asshole." My voice was loud and clear, and I was loud and clear.

"How am I an asshole?"

"You ignored me and didn't say anything- I'm not an unreasonable person, you could've just said you were busy and that would have been it- but you ignored me, Chuck."

"Next time," he responded, quietly. Next time? I didn't even get an apology.

"Next time?" I asked, sassily. Was there even going to be a next time for Chuck?

"Yes, Blair."

"Is that all you have to say?" I wanted an apology, and I wanted him to stop being such a dumb ass, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah-"

"Well, I'm going to let you get back to coding," I said, interrupting him, "And maybe you'll think of something to say."

Concrete Proof

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

-

TWO years.

TWO YEARS.

I mean I like him a lot and he makes me happy and everything, but TWO YEARS. TWO YEARS. And it's not like I didn't miss him, and it's not that I'm not happy that he's back, but two years is a really, really long ass fucking time. And I know that he said he'd wait for me, and I know that he said he doesn't care if I can't have kids, and I know that when he kisses me it's absolutely magical and electrifying, and just... everything about him.

He brings out this side of me, this sweet, romantic, kind girl who thinks that waiting for someone is romantic, and that people deserve second changes. This girl who gives people second chances, and gives people the benefit of the doubt. A girl who smiles when she sees him, and has her heart beat faster and faster. This girl who thinks about him, wonders what he's been up to, and can't wait to see him again.

AND I'M NOT THIS GIRL, okay? I'm suppposed to be Blair Bui, who is cynical and tough, strong and a lone wolf. A girl who walks away and doesn't wait for anyone. A woman who flips her hair, puts on her lipstick, and acts like she doesn't have a single care in the entire world.

And I don't know what I want or what I'm supposed to want, it's like everything that I've been preaching doesn't fit my puzzle, and god, I can't believe that no one has made me feel a damn thing for months except for Chuck Fucking Cuevas.

And I know why, and I hate why, but it's the reason why, and it's always been the reason why. And I know it's because no one else is Chuck, and that's why I've been missing that fire. Because they're not Chuck, no one is Chuck.

And now I'm sitting here, stuffing Caesar salad in my mouth, wondering what he's thinking and what he's been up to, and what I'm even supposed to do. And my heart screams to listen to it, and my mind screams to listen to it, and they're both screaming at me and I just can't take it.

I took a deep breath, and sighed. "Okay, well what would you tell a client, if they came to you in this situation?"

Client Profile

Name: Blair Bui
Contact Information: (xxx) xxx-xxxx
Type of Consultation: Relationship/Break Up
Summary: Blair and her ex-boyfriend broke up spontaneously after approximately a year and a half of dating bliss. They tried to be friends after they broke up, but they kept sleeping together, as she dated (and slept with) other guys. She felt like her ex, Chuck, wasn't there for her like he should be, when she always always there for her. She thought he was a piece of shit, and that if he really wanted to be with her, he would. He told her that he couldn't be with anyone at the moment, because he had to figure himself out- if he could date her, he would. If he were to be with anyone, he would be with her. But she felt like if he really wanted to be with her, he would. She stopped talking to him, and he never fought for her or said anything about it. He never tried to talk to her, or to say anything to her, until her friend asked for her things back, and he kept messaging her with passive-aggressive messages that were kind of petty. She eventually contacted him, and they talked, he told her that he had never said anything to her because it seemed like she didn't want to talk to him. He told her that he wouldn't be ready for like, two years, and that he would think of a good plan to get her back. She saw that he was kind of falling apart without her, and she wanted to be there for him, but was too afraid of having feelings for him again, so she said no. Two weeks later, she decided they could be friends anything. Chuck put everything aside to be there for her, and to talk to her. He told her that he missed her, and if he really could be with her, that he would. They both have feelings for each other, and really missed each other. Chuck said that if she asked him to wait, he would, and he told her that he doesn't care if she can't have kids. But now, Blair doesn't know what she should do- part of her is telling her that if he genuinely wanted to be with her, he would make it happen. Another part of her is telling her that she needs to consider the fact that he genuinely cannot be with him, and if she really cared for him, she would at least consider waiting for him, if he is worth it to her. 

Okay, Blair, now what would you tell a client that presents this problem to you?

You two definitely have a complicated past, and it's clear that he's trying to put forward effort in order to show you that you mean something to him. But did you really climb out of the ditch he threw you in, and climb the mountain of moving forward with your life, to go back to him? Sure, he might act like he cares and that he wants to move forward with you, but who knows if this is just a phase? He seems a little bit wishy-washy, and you need concrete evidence and concrete proof that he is worth it to you, if he is worth going back, especially when you could be hurt even more than you were before. He might have hurt you once, but if he hurts you again, it's going to be a lot more painful, especially since you gave him a second change. You need to wait for a definite and clear sign that he is worth going back for, especially when you've moved forward so much in your life.

BUT at the same time, you have to consider the fact that he might not understand what is going on- I mean, he might not understand that you think if he wanted to be with you, that he would. He might genuinely not be able to- even if he really, really wants to. He might not be able to give you what you (and he) wants right now, even if he wants to, because it's clear that he needs to figure out how to handle and balance things in his life right now. But just because there's a promise that was made- one of two years, by the way- doesn't mean that it's going to definitely happen that way, he could wake up one morning and decide that he's changed his mind and doesn't want to be with you at all! That is why you need genuine evidence that he is worth risking this for- you seem very scared, and nervous, and that's okay, it happens. People don't always know what to do. Be kind with him, be patient with him, but don't make any decisions regarding him until you have proof that he's worth it. Because you've gone so far, and you've done so much, and moving back could have serious consequences that you don't realize, because you're so excited to have him back in your life.

I just needed to know if he was worth it, but how can you tell these things?

If I Asked

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” 

-Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters 

-

And I walked out on to the street, my tote on one arm, I crossed the street wearing Chuck's jeans and his 5k sweatshirt, hurrying to class.

-

And as I cried on the powder blue armchair, Chuck looked back at me, holding my hand, and I swear to you, I felt like everything was going to be perfectly fine.

"I've just been taking the Chuck Cuevas approach to handling things, things happen and I'm supposed to be mad and sad and upset, but I'm just indifferent, and I ignore it and move on with my life," I admitted.

"Shit, you have been taking my approach," he said. He laughed for a bit, and then squeezed my hand.

"And it makes me feel like a terrible person, but I'm trying to be strong and I'm trying to not be weak, and when you care it makes you weak."

Chuck looked at me, and then moved his chair a bit closer. "Blair, you are one of the strongest people I know, and you can still be strong and care about people."

"I can't believe that you have a lab due in like an hour and you're talking to me right now," I laughed, as I wiped the tears from my cheek. I looked over at Chuck, who smiled right back at me, and chuckled.

"Don't worry about it, you needed to talk."

I really couldn't believe it, Chuck genuinely forfeited his lab to be with me. CHUCK. He hadn't sacrificed something to be with me, in a long, long time. The reason that I stopped talking to him months ago was because of the exact fact that he wasn't there for me that one night.

I regained my composure, and got up. "You can't forfeit all of it, come on, you can work on it right now and I'll work on homework."

We sat and worked on homework, talking and laughing like there was never any distance between the two of us. It felt like I had just seen him the night before, and not months ago. We talked, we laughed, and it was great.

I'm completely blanking on how this happened, but I remember sitting as he worked on his lab, pulling his navy fuzzy blanket over me, and then just starting to BAWL tears. I genuinely don't know how it happened guys, I'm sorry. It wasn't because Chuck upset me or made me mad- he was working on his lab report just casually typing when suddenly there was a fuzzy blanket burrito with ex-girlfriend filling bawling tears on his bed. I guess my meltdown wasn't complete, but I just kept bawling.

As I cried, I felt Chuck's arms wrap around me, pulling me into a hug.

"Blair, please don't cry."

I kept sobbing uncontrollably, of course.

"We're going to be okay, we're going to get through this, there's going to be good times and bad times, but we're going to get through this. We're going to be fine," he said, rubbing my shoulder.

DID HE JUST SAY WE?

BLAIR HE JUST SAID WE.

BLAIR HE JUST SAID WE.

We as in YOU AND ME. Chuck and Blair. THE TWO OF US.

I popped my head out of the blanket burrito, like a turtle coming out of it's shell or the head of an uncircumcised dick popping out.

"Chuck...did you just say we?" I turned to look at him, and looked at him, expectantly.

"Yeah, I did. Because it's going to be okay," he said, with a smile. And in that moment, I felt the force between us more than I had in the past couple months. It wasn't the ghost of a person, Chuck that was holding me in his arms, it was real Chuck. It was Chuck that looked at me like no guy ever did in my entire life, the Chuck that ran across campus because he was afraid of being late for a date, Chuck that showed up at 2 am belligerently drunk once because he didn't want to skip movie night (even though he had told me he had plans), the Chuck that stole my heart and whose hands fit mine perfectly.

And in that moment, a question popped in my brain.

"What is it?"

I turned to face him. I had forgotten how Chuck knew me so incredibly well, despite the fact that I had changed so much in the past couple months.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head.

"Come on, you have to tell me," he said, smiling back at me.

"I was just wondering something," I admitted, as I pulled the blanket closer to me. "But I changed my mind, because I'm scared."

Chuck paused, and pondered things for a moment. "Blair, what could you possibly be scared to ask?"

He looked back at me, and we sat for a moment, "Blair, I'm not dating anyone, I haven't fucked anyone, and I'm not interested in anyone, if that's what you're wondering...I wouldn't."

"Yeah, because if you were, it would be me," I said, laughing.

"Someone's confident in herself," Chuck laughed.

Chuck and I laid in bed, and we talked all night. We talked about what had been going on in each other's lives over the past few months, our plans for summer, and everything and anything under the sun.

"I missed you," I said.

"I missed you too, it's nice to have someone to talk to," Chuck said, with a smile. I had completely forgotten about that, I was the closest person to him, and Chuck had never confided anything in anyone before I skipped into his life.

"I know, I missed talking to you too, and hanging out with stuff." He looked at me, smiling, as we laid in his bed, cuddling, and laying face to face, nose to nose. But even as this happened, I still felt that question looming over me.

"Chuck."

He pulled me in closer, looking at me, as I continued to whisper, "My question is, if I asked you to wait two years for me, would you?"

"Of course."

My voice started to break a little, as the next words came out of my mouth, "Even if I can't have kids?"

With my mother's hysterectomy, due to her uterine fibroids, I was learning more and more about my body and my reproductive health. And as I learned more and more, the signs and flags became clearer and clearer, there was a very strong chance that I could be infertile. I knew that I had to get tested to be sure, but a gut feeling in my stomach just knew. 

"Yeah, it's okay, we'll figure it out," Chuck said, as he played with my hair. He looked at me, with the greatest sincerity than anyone had ever looked at me, in my entire life.

"It won't stop you from wanting to be with me?"

"No, Blair, of course not."

I looked at him, and asked, "Chuck, why didn't you fight for me? Why didn't you stop me from leaving? You just let me go," I said, voice breaking and tears running down my face. "You just let me never talk to you again like it was nothing."

"Blair, I don't ever want to stop you from doing anything that you want to do." He pulled me in, close to his chest, and I looked up at him.

"I said that I was sorry and I asked you to reschedule for another time, and then I never heard from you again," he said, hurt. "I just didn't know what to do. I'm sorry."

"I missed you," I said, smiling at him. "I'm sorry, Chuck."

There are so many things in my life, where I take the ballsy, indifferent bitch approach. It's a part of me that I'm not ashamed of, but sometimes, when I take that approach, I will admit that I can do wrong. And when it comes to being with someone, you can't just be a ballsy bitch, sometimes you have to be kind, and that's what I needed to be.

"Chuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a bitch, and for constantly saying that if you wanted to be with me, you would, and for acting like you didn't want me and that you didn't care about me. Because you do, and you want to be with me, but you can't because you can't handle school and everything. You can't right now and that's okay, and I'm sorry for being a bitch." I took a deep breath, gasping for air, as it call came out of me. Chuck pulled me in closer, as we looked at each other, right in my eyes.

"Blair, you're not a bitch. You know if I could be with someone, it would be you."

"I like you a lot, Chuck."

Chuck smiled, with his stupidly perfect boyish charm, and gave a little chuckle.

"I like you a lot too."

"Why?"

"Well, because you're very pretty, beautiful actually. You're smart and great and I love talking to you and hanging out with you, and spending time with you, and we always have a great time."

And even though those words sounded so simple, as Chuck spoke very simply, they meant the world to me.

"Chuck, I really missed you."

I spent the night (yes, we had sex and it was fucking bombtastic), and after laying in bed in and cuddling in the morning (yes, we had morning sex and it was fucking bombtastic), I got up to get dressed. Because I didn't want to wear the same dress as the day before, and the weather magically transformed to 40 degree freezingness, Chuck gave in and gave me a pair of his smallest jeans, and his Turkey Trot 5k sweatshirt.

"Are you going to message me later or am I going to have to do it?' I laughed, as he pulled me in for a kiss. It was magic, and it was electrifying, I felt it right down to my toes. My arms lingered around his neck, as I pulled him in for another kiss.

"I will message you later, and you have to get going to class," he said, smiling.

We said good bye, and I started heading to class.

And I walked out on to the street, my tote on one arm, I crossed the street wearing Chuck's jeans and his 5k sweatshirt, hurrying to class.

Okay, maybe I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I was going to do, but that was okay.

In Which Blair Has A Breakdown

“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.”

 -C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

-

Current Problems in my business, 

a definitive list by Elizabeth Bui, Owner and Operator of Blair Bui Consulting

1. I have absolutely no business assets, whatsoever. I actually am out thirty dollars for all the Starbucks runs and business cards that I ordered off of Vista Print. Damn chai tea lattes.
2. I have no design person on my team, and even though I know what my aesthetic and brand is- I have no idea how to design a fucking logo.
3. The person I interviewed for the job asked ME more questions, and ended up telling me, "Sorry your business is stupid, I'm not interested."
4. Okay, he didn't say it like that, but still. I have haters.
5. Chuck could very easily make me a free logo right about now.
6. I have no clients- the only clients in my database are Kevin, "Chad Fuxington," and Blair Bui Test Booking.
7. I am ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE THAT "CHAD FUXINGTON" IS A FAKE PERSON.
8. OKAY, so that means I have even more people than I thought who think that my business is stupid as hell.
9. I am making no profit. I am losing profit.
10. No one wanted their free consultations from my email list.
11. Okay, my email list consists of Zayn and Chuck, my friends and team members, but still, this shit was FREE.
12. Chuck is probably more successful than me right now.
13. Fuck Chuck, actually.
14. No one wants to work for me, or endorse me, probably.
15. Guys keep using my business as a courting device.
16. MY FIRST CLIENT EVER AKA KEVIN TRIED TO FUCK ME AND NOW HE'S STOLEN MY ADVICE I GAVE HIM AND HE'S STARTING HIS OWN CONSULTING BUSINESS.

"DO YOU SEE THIS?" I said to Shane, as Kevin's snapchat announcement video kept playing. Shane just looked at me, and laughed.

"ADVICE FROM THE YEARS OF EXPERIENCE HE'S HAD?! Fucking bullshit. More like advice from the few sessions I had with him," I yelled, shaking my damn head. For whatever reason, it turned out that Blair Bui Consulting wasn't happening, and that it wasn't a thing. It didn't help and reform people, it turned them into thieving business stealing assholes.

"Can you believe that he's going to start giving advice and consulting people? HE STOLE MY IDEA."

"Well, it happens," Shane assured me, as he kept laughing.

"I know what you're thinking," I said, sassily, "OF COURSE this would happen to Blair, she would have her very first client try to fuck her, and then steal her advice and start his own rip-off business," I groaned, as I took another sip of beer.

"You said it, not me," Shane said.

And I thought guys using my business as a courtship device was worse. I went to bed, and for whatever reason, I thought that things would magically fall together the next day. But they didn't, because as I checked Facebook on my phone, there was a nasty surprise waiting for me.

HEY GUYS, CHECK MY VLOG OUT.

Kevin was posting his advice, and pitifully trying to actually consult people.

Blair: This keeps getting worse 

I attached a screenshot of the post, and sent it to Shane.

And as I sat there, there was this feeling that just hit me.

You miss Chuck. You miss Chuck and seeing him yesterday shook you because you miss his ass.

And as that voice spoke to me, another one yelled, "If he wanted to be with you, he would." 

You know he can't be with you right now, he needs to figure his shit out. You know he loves you and wants to be with you.

Yeah, well he thinks I'm going to wait two years for him, so fuck him.

No he doesn't, he told you that you're free to do what you wish, but he doesn't want to be with anyone except for you, YOU, ELIZABETH BUI. And you know there's fire between the two of you, and you know that he cares about you. Stubborn bitch.

You miss him.

And as I realized all the things that were happening around me, and how stressed I've been- how I have barely reacted to anything to me, how I've become completely indifferent, how I haven't reacted emotionally to anything happening around me. How Ted and Zayn sexually assaulted me, and all I could say was, "ew, they're gross." How I've lost friends and I've been like, "Okay, whatever." How my mother had major surgery and I wasn't losing my mind like I should have been. How so many things have happened, and I'e been indifferent or slightly unreactive, when a year ago, I cared so much about everything and everyone. I felt so many things that I was completely transparent with my emotions and completely obvious, and I cared so much, I cared too much.

And now, for the first time in months, the first time I really felt something was when I ran into Chuck's ass.

I missed him.

And that is how, I, Elizabeth Bui, started crying uncontrollably on a park bench on campus. Sobbing uncontrollably, at 10:00 pm at night, as people walked past coming from the library. I was crying for the first time in months, I was feeling something real for the first time in months, and I was completely and utterly breaking down.

-

"Are you okay?" Chuck said, as I walked into the lobby of his building. It was so familiar but so strange, at the exact same time. I looked up at him, and saw him looking back at me, concerned. Chuck looked different, he was skinnier than before, and seemed a little bit lost. But then again, we both were.

"I just sobbed uncontrollably on a bench for the past fifteen minutes. And then I had to gain my composure so I wouldn't be walking through your apartment building looking like shit," I responded, as I wiped my wing.

"Alright, well let's get upstairs. I have a lab due at midnight, but I'm definitely going to listen to you talk, and we can definitely get cheese fries later."

Why Chuck?

"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often ... deep-burning and unquenchable." 

-Bruce Lee 

-

"This is going to be a fucking shit show," Kayresia said, as we sat in the back of the event. I had chosen a black a-line dress with floral print on top, and a sweetheart neckline that made my boobs look spectacular. Of course, I had on my signature black as fuck cat eye liner and mauve lipstick (Benefit's They're Real! Eyeliner and NYX's Matte Lipstick in Whipped Caviar). Kayresia and I had ended up being each other's plus ones for the work events, after my not-so-lovely experience bringing Romney, and the tragic fact that everyone thought Chuck was going to be my permanent plus one at work events. The two of us decided to sit in the back for this event.

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," I said, as Zayn appeared out of no where, looking at me the whole time he "coincidentally" walked past us. He made sure that I saw that he was looking at me.

Kayresia turned to look at me, and started laughing uncontrollably. "I forgot that was your own personal shit show," she said, laughing.

And as soon as she said that, Chuck emerged, from the doors. And I felt like the world stopped for a brief moment, and I felt my left hand curling up into a fist.

"I'm just going to smile, flip my hair, and pretend like I don't have a care in the world and that everything is okay." Chuck had on possibly my favorite outfit of his, when it comes to "businessy,' he had these grey pants that made his ass look spectacular (that I had to tell him to start wearing, FYI), this black button down (that I bought him, FYI), this silver tie that perfectly pulled the outfit together, and of course he always wore these brown shoes that never matched any of the cool toned outfits that I picked out for him. His hair was done, and until I saw him, I had forgotten how well he cleaned up.

I don't know why I thought he'd wear one of his basic ass v-necks and his Asics. He looked good, and me, being petty, I didn't want him to look good. Because I was the one who was supposed to look good. The fact that the two of us matched perfectly annoyed me even more.

Blair: Matthew, my ex is at this event and he's dressed well right now. FUCK.

Physically, I was um, really attracted to him, but emotionally I wanted to punch his sorry ass in his face.

I turned to Kayresia, "This is my own personal shit show. Especially since Chuck looks really hot."

Kayresia looked at me, in disgust.

"But he's still scrawny and skinny and greasy!" Shane had told me, later that night.

Something that people never really understand is, "WHY CHUCK?"

When we broke up, my friends admitted that they thought he was exceptionally scrawny and not that attractive, that had deemed him a four to my ten. Whenever I tell people we dated, their minds are always blown as to why I dated Chuck Cuevas. When we were dating, guys still wanted to tap me, because they didn't see my boyfriend Chuck as a threat. Yael once told me that I was a sex symbol and that Chuck was just, "Ew, Chuck," and that it didn't make sense. But I don't believe in leagues and when we dated I genuinely thought that Chuck Cuevas was a complete and utter fucking hottie. And it always surprises people when they find out that he broke up with me. 

But that's what happened, and now, I'm going to answer the question, "Why Chuck?"

-

There were always sparks between Chuck and I, not when we first met, but once we became friends. There was always this little force between us, and twinkles between the two of us. I was attracted to Chuck, I had liked him for a bunch of different reasons, even though I never thought that in a million years that I would like him. He was completely unlike any guy that I had ever dated before, and even though we were just friends, my heart always beat a little bit faster around him and he was the only person I ever clicked with, right off the bat.

But it wasn't Chuck, and it wasn't a full blown blazing fire, a huge major force that could tear Chicago apart, until the moment that it ignited, until the moment that I knew.

And I'll never forget the moment that I, myself, learned the answer to, "Why Chuck?"

I had been stressed from finals, stressed about school, and I had been doubting myself a lot. And I really wanted a fucking cupcake. After joking about wanting a cupcake, Chuck and I planned to get a late night cupcake from the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM, I had gone earlier that day to get a blow out, because of the stress and everything that was going on, and as I sat on my bed, there was a knock on the door. I had on a chunky knit dark teal sweater from H&M, leggings, and brown riding boots. I threw on my red peacoat, and grabbed my bag to open the door. And there he was.

Grey GUESS leather jacket, dark wash jeans, perfect v-neck.

He looked at me, silently.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey."

I had never seen him outside of a basic cotton v-neck and his Asics before, Chuck dressed pretty simply and pretty basically- a typical nerdy guy combo. He had looked good.

The two of us left the building, and that was the beginning of one of the most unforgettable nights in my entire life. We walked around downtown, to the lake and all around. Laughing, talking, as if it was just the two of us in this sleepless city. As the city lights shone, we walked all around, talking all night, and honestly, falling in love. My heart had never beat faster, and I knew, that I had really, really liked Chuck.

But I wouldn't know that I was falling in love with Chuck, until later that night.

“Do you have any idea where we’re going?” I laughed, as I played with the white flower that I held in my hand. As we walked along the lake, I had picked off a white hortensia off a bush. They were my favorite flowers, and this one was immaculate.

“Not really, but we’ll figure it out!” Chuck said, giving me a mischievous smile. He led the way, as we wandered the city- lost, but still found. As he led me up the stairs, I finally reached the top, only to see the glittering sky shining right back at me. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life, I looked over at Chuck, only to see the moonlight shining on him, as he smiled right back at me.

“This way?” I said, pointing to the path in front of us. He nodded, as we walked.

“I love this spot, actually, I think it’s one of the coolest things ever- how the road divides into two paths, and one is above and one’s below. I’ve only been here once before.”

“The last time I was here was when I went with Perrie and Rhett to go to the theaters last year,” Chuck admitted, as we walked forward. Our hands brushed against each other, for a brief second, as Chuck turned to look at me.

We kept walking, and somehow, magically, what is now my favorite spot in the entire city appeared. It was a circular plaza, with four benches arranged around in a circle. There was a single, lone spot in the center, which was missing something. I walked over, and placed my flower right in the center. What was empty before, was now complete.

I looked back, to see Chuck smiling back at me. Walking over, I sat down, as the two of us looked up at the sky in front of us. The stars glistened brightly, as the city lights illuminated the stage for the sky. He pointed at the buildings in front of us, pointing out little details as we sat.

We sat, and we talked. We laughed, and smiled. And as we sat there, everything was perfect.

“I didn’t get my first kiss until college,” I admitted. Chuck stared back at me, blankly.

“It was with Haz, and it’s one of the few things I don’t regret that he did.”

“That surprised me, actually. I thought it would have been sooner. And you know that I haven’t been with anyone,” he said, looking at me. I knew Chuck Cuevas was a virgin before I had even spoken to him, it was glaringly obvious and very clear.

“A lot of guys think girls are sluts if they’re not virgins, and if they’ve been with guys before them,” I said, quietly. A lot of guys, as in Chuck's friends. After a terrible experience with James, he and JD had taken it upon themselves to tell everyone in our building freshman year, that I, Elizabeth Bui, was a slut. And I secretly worried that Chuck thought that too.

And in moment, as he was about to answer, Chuck looked at me, like no guy ever had, in my entire life. He didn’t look at me like I was some hot piece of ass, or just some other girl, he looked at me like I mattered, and like I was an actual person.

“Yeah, um, some guys are like that, but, uh, I don’t really care.” He said awkwardly, but very sweetly. Chuck looked at me, giving me a smile, and awkwardly brushing his hair. We looked at each other, and in that moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, as we sat underneath the stars, and the wind gently blew my hair to the side. It would have been the perfect moment.

But this is not only real life, but Blair's life, so he responded, “It’s like on the Cleveland show, where Cleveland tells his son it’s like drinking a coke after some guy’s put his dick in it, instead of having a new coke.”

I SHIT YOU NOT- HE SAID THAT TO ME.

IN THE MOST ROMANTIC MOMENT. IN THE MOST ROMANTIC PLACE CHUCK CUEVAS SAID THAT SHIT TO ME.

And honestly, I thought it was pretty cute. I started laughing, and he did too.

“But it’s not like that,” I responded. “Yeah, it’s not.”

And in that moment, as he looked at me, all awkward and nervous, that's when those sparks turned into a raging fire, and when I knew that I was falling in love with Chuck. Chuck was the one for me (you know, until he threw me in a ditch)

Nothing Except For A Courting Device

“A #GIRLBOSS is someone who’s in charge of her own life. She gets what she wants because she works for it. As a #GIRLBOSS, you take control and accept responsibility. You’re a fighter – you know when to throw punches and when to roll with them. Sometimes you break the rules, sometimes you follow them, but always on your own terms. You know where you’re going, but can’t do it without having some fun along the way. You value honesty over perfection. You ask questions. You take life seriously, but you don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re going to take over the world, and change it in the process. You’re a badass.” 

-Sophia Amoruso

-

"Blair Bui Consulting has launched!

Running on hopes, dreams, and dedication (more like blood, sweat, tears), Blair has officially launched her business, Blair Bui Consulting.

Thank you to everyone for their support, and for the BB team (Shay, Shane, and Blair)

Special thanks to Cora, Matthew, Kevin, and everyone who listened to me talk nonstop about how excited I was."

-

I looked at the launch email, and smiled. This was happening. 

My only client was a guy that wasn't paying me a penny, but that was okay, because I had a business and she was mine, all mine. 

As I walked down the street, Anders appeared out of no where, waving at me. Still cute as I remembered, hair still sandy blonde, still ridiculously handsome.

I awkwardly waved, and then was abruptly interrupted.

"EY, you!"

I turned around to see a random European man. It was about 9 pm at night, and I was wandering the streets of Chicago alone. Within the two seconds that I had said hello to Anders, there seemed to be no one in a one mile radius of me and this sketchy European man.

"FUCK, I just started a business and I'm about to die already," I thought to myself, as I called the most recent person that I had texted.

"I have faith in you, I think you're going to make it happen. You don't seem like a lazy person at all, and you're motivated."

"And I'm a bitch," I added.

"Well, that's necessary in business," Will said. I was glad that Serena's boyfriend (basically husband) was such a rad guy, and he gave me a little bit of motivation in my current client-less state. Although we were running on faith and dreams, hope and magic, I couldn't help but wonder why I wasn't rollin' in Benjamins Jeffersons already. I had put up the posters, I had made a plan, and I was determined! I know that businesses take time to set off, but I really was excited.

Not to mention, I already sent that launch email out to people, including my ex boyfriend, who absolutely cannot know that my business is stagnant. 

Although I was loving the fire that I had found within myself, I couldn't help but feel a little bit lonely. I hadn't gone on a date in a long, long time. And my strings hadn't been really plucked (as in I enjoyed it) since Rafael and I hooked up in early February. 

"Maybe you should meet someone rad?" I thought to myself. It wasn't a crazy idea, having a boyfriend wouldn't be the worst thing ever. I'm a very particular lady, and I gave up on dating after going on so many dates that left me feeling disappointed. It's not like the guys weren't nice...ish. Or decent- there was just no fire or magic. No sparks. And that's what I want. As I thought about it, my train of thought was interrupted.

Blair: CAN WE ACKNOWLEDGE HOW CARTER TOLD ME HE'D GET ME FIVE CLIENTS IF I BANGED HIM?

Will: Aren't you giving away free consultations anyways?

Oh, right. In a desperate attempt marketing strategy genius idea to get clients, I sent out a blast saying that I was going to give out free consultations to the first 16 people from our email list that signed up for consultations. So far, none of them bit.

Blair: Just to people in our email list. The first 16!

Will: Tell him ten clients and you'll have a deal.

Never!

Kevin: I'm well aware us guys are fuckers. I'm guilty as charged hahaha

Blair: I'm going to print my posters, and I know because you tried to tap me freshman year

He really did, though. The cliffnotes version is that Thirsty Kevin went around telling people that we were a thing, and that I was his girlfriend...when I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WAS NOT. During that time I was dating Haz, and Kevin was constantly trying to tap me- his attempts were weird and desperate. Long story short, I eventually told him that I was dating Haz and that I didn't like him, and he got mad and claimed that he never liked me. And this is after he tricked me into a date, and told everyone we were a thing!

BUT that is a story for another time.

Kevin: Lol nahhh

He did, you guys. He's totally lying.

Kevin: Not that there's anything wrong with you. I just don't consider myself that thirsty

He is, you guys. Don't be fooled.

Blair: Lol okay Kevin.

Kevin: If I wanted to sleep with you, I'd make it happen hahahahahah

I took a deep breath. 

Time and time again, I always find myself in the position where I have to tell an entitled guy that just because he wants to bang me, doesn't mean that he gets to bang me. Just because he likes me, does not mean that I am obligated to like him too. LIKE HOLY FUCK, is this such a hard concept to grasp?! Just because you want to stick your peen inside of me, doesn't mean that I magically want you.

BOY, BYE.

Blair: Uh, no.

Kevin: I'd get all Romeo and Juliet romantic

This goes to show further how he does not pay attention to me, other than trying to tap me. If you've read even a sentence off of this blog, you would know that I hate cheesy mushy romantic garbage. I hate the weird moments of magic that people try to force, and I hate long ass good morning texts. I hate weird romantic gestures, because the fact of the matter is, they never come from guys you want. 

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

I would have loved a weird romantic gesture from Chuck, or Rafael, or Louis. But I've never gotten them from them, I've only gotten them from cheesy desperate losers who need to use weird romantic shit as a crutch to get me to like them. Because girls are blinded by that shit (not me), and seem to believe that if a guy does cheesy shit for you, then that is love, and that is magic. And that is not the case.

Blair: You've already tried that. That definitely doesn't work on me. You need to read women and their personality.

God, Kevin better start paying me if I'm going to teach him how to get women.

Kevin: My version will be on point.

Ew. 

Kevin: I'd get you with corny one liners baby

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

Blair: Read at 11:35 pm

I screenshotted the messages and sent them to Shane and Shay.

Shay: Lmfao is he for real! No wonder his relationship didn't work out... Sounds like a complete ass smh

Shane: Lol I've been away from my phone and come back to whatever the hell is going on here

Awesome, now I have absolutely no clients. At least before I had one client. He just wasn't really paying me anything. My business was not a courting device, I wasn't going to deal with Kevin anymore. Of course I was glad that he had gotten better and we helped him...I just didn't want to help him like that.

I went back to my list of desperate attempts marketing strategy genius ideas. I had attempted to get an endorsement from the guy who ran Humans of UNI, but he just politely said, "Fuck you, Blair, you didn't let me tap you so screw you and your business."

OKAY, I'm paraphrasing, but that's kind of what happened. The guy that ran Humans of UNI, long story short, was basically obsessed with me last year when I was dating Chuck. He would message me every week asking for photoshoots and to meet up with him- he wanted to make an album and portfolio of just pictures of me! He would not stop messaging me, or leaving me alone, even when I didn't answer his messages and tried to swerve him. He knew I had a boyfriend, but he literally would not go away. Of course I was kind of flattered, it was kind of sweet in a super annoying and creepy way, but his persistence was ridiculous. It was gross.

I stopped for a moment.

WHAT IF I'M GOING TO NEED JOHNSON'S HELP IN LIKE A YEAR?

I groaned. At this point, if I'm going to progress my business, I might as well decide to never date again.

I had asked one more person for help, as my team needed a design person. I asked Derek for help. And spoiler alert, he tried to use my business as a courting device too.

Derek: I'll need to hear more about the company first haha when can you meet up to talk more about it?

Um, never?

I knew what Derek was trying to pull, he was trying to lure me into a "business meeting" so he could get his second chance at dating, and banging me. This wasn't happening.

AND, he definitely did not need to hear more about the company because the concept was pretty damn simple. I, Blair Bui, do relationship consultations in all aspects.

Blair: This should be sufficient.

I texted him the site link, and thought it would appease him. It did not.

In the shortest way possible to explain this, Derek basically decided to send his criticisms and judgmental bullshit, questioning my company and how I ran it. Just because I wouldn't meet his ass to give him another chance! 

I groaned.

I decided after all of this that I would take care of it myself. I wouldn't need any help from any guys that I swerved- I didn't need UNI guy's endorsement (well, I kinda do, he has hella influence on campus), or Derek's design skills. I was going to do this all by my damn self, and it was going to be perfectly okay.

"Blair, your business is literally nothing except for a courting device used by creepy guys. Your assets are -$30."

I sighed. I walked out of the library, and looked up to see Chuck's apartment building. A light was on in his window, although it was late at night. Even though the fire I found from my business was satisfying me emotionally, I definitely was lacking physically.

I looked at the window, and then looked away. Although for a split second, I will admit that I doubted myself, I didn't go through all of this to go back to square one. And I made this business for a reason, to help people be strong enough to move forward and pave their own paths- and I wasn't going to give up on it. I valued it, and I believed in it, even if it seemed like every damn guy only saw it as a courting device.

The Fire Within

“If you believe that what you’re doing will have positive results, it will— even if it’s not immediately obvious.” 

-Sophia Amoruso 

-

"Fuck, you're so hot," Chuck said, as he pulled me in for a kiss. He came from behind, pulled my hips backwards, and then-

"Chuck, oh my fucking god," I gasped. This wasn't happening. We kept kissing, as Chuck kept going and I kept gasping.

"I can't believe it's been this long," Chuck said, as he pulled me in for another kiss. "Blair, you have no idea how much I needed this. How much I need you."

Was he fucking serious?

I gave him a look, and he corrected himself, "Not just like, physical sex stuff, but like taking care of me and shit."

I looked at him, and said,

"CHUCK I NEED TO GET CLIENTS."

I woke up, nearly gasping for air. My hair stuck to the sweat on my neck, and my inner thighs were also sweaty from the blazing Chicago heat. Of course, my apartment building still had not turned on the air conditioning.

I hadn't been on a date in a while, or wanted to go on a date for a while. My company was keeping me busy and I was focusing and working on myself. Yeah, Chuck was out and about going to parties and having the time of his life, but that didn't matter. That knowledge and that boy had absolutely no part in my future. Although, there was a slight problem regarding Chuck.

You know, the whole spontaneous- AND COMPLETELY UNWANTED- sex dream thing. But that wasn't the biggest concern I had, as a matter of fact that was just a small blip on my radar.

Because my business had kind of hit a tiny bump.

Okay, so maybe I had no laptop, no clients, and everyone probably thought that I was absolutely and utterly crazy...but that wasn't going to stop me.

Actually, no, I had a client. I just wasn't getting paid to help him. Kevin had started to fall a little bit backwards, and it made me worry, and lose a little bit of faith in myself. What if I wasn't helping him? What if I was absolutely delusional and this whole thing was a bad idea?

I laid there, in bed, analyzing the entire situation around me. It was actually okay if Kevin slid back a little bit- getting over break ups are never easy. Hell, I was trying to make a business because of break ups! It's never a straight forward process, there's a lot of back and forths, falling back into old ways, getting lost in the sauce, and being a total mess. And if you're not- then it hasn't hit you yet! Chuck had never gone through any of this, and it was because he was still in his crazy kind of denial where he locked himself in his room and talked to no one, only doing homework.

I looked at my phone, to see a text back from Carter.

Carter: I see you're in a motivated mood...I feel like I'm dtf.

Gag.

Blair: You're not going to F me. 
Carter: You can't blame me for trying. :)
Blair: You're not getting a slice of this apple pie.

I hadn't gone on a date for a minute, and I was actually one hundred percent perfectly okay with that. I wasn't single, I wasn't taken (definitely not), but I was building my empire. Working on this business had given me an even greater sense of fulfillment than any guy had ever given me. I was in charge, and I was passionate about something that had made me feel absolutely fucking amazing. Butterflies in my stomach, heart beating faster, ridiculously cheesy excitement...I had found fire. And I had found it within myself.

"But your only client isn't paying you except in coffee, you have no laptop to run your business, and you haven't really made any progress since you made the website and ordered fancy business cards."

Reality never fails to hit.

I crawled out of my bed, and decided that I was going to finally be ballsy and put up the posters that I had made the day before, for my business. With tackboards all over campus, I'm sure my posters would have appealed to someone out there.

-

As Kayresia and I sat on the bus, a familiar face appeared. Bertram got on, immediately making eye contact with me, and then turning away.

"FUCK, I am not in the mood to see Chuck's ass after having that freaky deaky dream," I thought to myself, as the door closed.

Bertram turned around, only to end up sitting right next to me. That's right, buddy, the only seat available is next to yours truly.

"Hi, Blair, Kayresia."

"Hey Bertram," I said, as Kayresia also said hello to him. This was only sufficiently quite awkward. He scanned me from head to toe, acknowledging my spaghetti strap eyelet romper and my bare face. I had woken up late that morning, so makeup had not been a priority for me. Especially in this eighty degree weather- I did not have time to schedule my face melting in this heat.

Bertram looked at me with judgey eyes- it's not like I looked like I was falling apart. For god's sake, Chuck was practically bursting at the seams and smelled like death. And he was judging me?

"Just you wait and see, buddy, I have a business now and even though I have no computer to run it on, and no clients, and people probably think I'm crazy- I'm going to take over the world."

-

I printed out 36 posters...which transformed into 18 back-to-back posters, and then purchased some colorful push pins to put these posters all around campus.

As I posted these posters, and walked around campus, I have to admit that I actually felt productive. I ended up going to Ulta to get a brow wax. I was feeling like a girl boss, and I felt like I could take on the world with my new sense of motivation and dedication. I had the hustle, and the passion. She flattered me, talking about how I'm going to do big things and whatnot, but the problems still loomed over my business.

No clients.

No laptop.

And so, I decided to do something about it. And by do something, I mean that I decided to drag Shane to Best Buy to get a computer. I was going to take charge of my own destiny, and I was going to make my business boom. Because if I didn't, who would?

Me, Elizabeth Bui

“There are secret opportunities hidden inside every failure.”

-Sophia Amoruso, #GIRLBOSS

-

And even though that snapchat of Chuck stared right back at me, of him at that party, all I could do was smile, because I knew that I was exactly where I should have been. In less than a week, my life has completely changed. Not only now was I completely off guys, but I was in charge- I was my own boss, not that I wasn't before.

-

I felt great helping Kevin with his break up, it was this crazy weird sense of accomplishment that I had in helping him. He was in a place that I had been in before- it wasn't a place you wanted to be in either. There were so many mistakes that I had made, so many experiences that I wished I hadn't had to go through. But now, being able to help and guide him, in a way that made it worth it. I steered him away from the mistakes that I had made, and was able to tell him everything that I wished that I could hear. And trust me, in loving Chuck Cuevas and being thrown in a ditch, I had learned a hell of a lot.

The last time I saw Carter he and I had talked about our insane incompatibility, but he told me that he was glad all of this happened, because every person that you meet is a puzzle piece. They play a role in the grand puzzle of things, Carter wasn't just there to try and get a slice of my apple pie, he played a crucial role in me realizing that my friendship with Regina wasn't the best. And after that conversation, I couldn't help but wonder what role people play in my life, and what role I play in theirs. And the most obvious role I was playing was in Kevin.

Somehow, I was helping him, and it seemed like I was genuinely making an impact. And I loved it.

Kevin: Well still wanting that TLDR to send to Callie about the housing

Even though Kevin seemed so confused and perplexed, I just somehow knew exactly what to do. Callie was a petty bitch, and I knew how to handle a petty bitch.

Blair: You say, "Callie, you need to leave. You're the one who broke up with me- I want to stay here, and I want my friend to live with me. I've accommodated you for the past two years and I'm not going to do it anymore. You need to find a new room." And then she’ll say, "But don't you want to get back together Kevin blah blah blah..” And then you say, "No, I don't see us getting back together, especially after you hurt me like this. You need to find a new place.”
Kevin: WOW. Thank you, you are the best. Here goes nothing!
Blair: You're welcome, tell me what happens!

And as crazy as it sounds, I actually felt this overwhelming sense of happiness for him. I had helped Kevin and guided him towards dealing with his shitty ex. It wasn't hard for me to know what to do, from the experiences I had I knew exactly how to had someone like Callie. I knew how to word things exactly to convey what Kevin was thinking and feeling- even when he was completely lost in the sauce.

“Wow, I’m really making a difference,” I thought to myself.

My phone went off with a notification, it must have been Kevin thanking me for my help!

Kevin: Well nothing was accomplished.

Shit. Maybe I wasn't as helpful as I thought.

Blair: What happened?
Kevin: She said, "Well you can't always get what you want. you need to leave, Noah and you wanting to live with him is not my problem. You have the ability to leave, where as I do not. This isn't accommodation, I was trying to accommodate you. I didn't even need to this in the first place, you're being unfair.” And then I said back, “I dont always get waht i want. it is your problem cause im going to be your roomie. yeah you do. go to another building. of course it is. and you wanna talk about unfair?”
Blair: Okay and then what happened?
Kevin: “Im not going. live in another room, you werent even gonna be able to live with him if i hadt broken up with you. (LIKE I WOULD RATHER HAVE THAT WTF?) This is a compromise, i tried to help you guys, but couldnt. i tried to move out before but you didnt coordinate me. This is on you. (she didnt try that hard)” And then I said back, “Okay ill see you next year then!”

I knew my shit, Kevin standing up for himself and being assertive should have been enough to get her to do something. Callie had been used to him accommodating her for a year and a half, there was no way that him standing up for himself, finally, didn't shake her. Not to mention that no self-respecting girl would want to live with her ex-boyfriend that she dated for almost two years!

Blair: You both suck at arguing. Tell her, "If you think you're doing this to annoy me, you're not. We aren't getting back together and I don't care. You really want to live with your ex boyfriend next year? I'm not leaving and you need to find a new place, I don't care where you go or what you do, you can't stay with me. I'm not moving, you have plenty of other rooms you can go to."
Kevin: Oh god, I don't know if I can.

I knew that he couldn't, because I was once in the position he was. I had always been there for Chuck for emotional support, even after we broke up- I was there for him. And when he finally wasn't there for me, instead of standing up for myself and telling him to fuck off, I just stopped talking to him and sneaked away. And God, I wished that I had stood up for myself and told him to fuck off.

Blair: I know you can't, because you still care about her, even though she doesn't give a fuck about you.

Harsh, I know, but the poor guy needed to hear the truth.

Blair: Do you really wanna live with her, and not be able to move on?
Kevin: I do not, but i dont want to be push around. I want that room
Blair: Exactly.
Kevin: Worst case we have the same unit. I think by then ill be strong enough to get over her and not give a shit.

Oh hell no- that just opens up the idea of getting back together and having sex and all the other nonsense that comes with exes.

Blair: No. Worst case you move and don't tell her.

I went to bed, having faith in my advice and Kevin. Things were going to work out- they just had to!

As I crawled out of bed, I saw a text from Kevin.

Kevin: Blair, we won
Blair: I knew we would lol. I told you to listen to me!
Kevin: But your methods were great
Blair: She was shocked that you actually stood up for something
Kevin: Yeah feels thrilling
Blair: And that's just the beginning.

It was. Kevin's newest chapter was just beginning.

Kevin: She can bitch to her friends all she wants about this
Blair: She will...but you won!
Kevin: Put me in coach! You deserve coffee most definitely on me.
Blair: I'll take it. What's your next step?
Kevin: Ignore her. Delete her from my life
Blair: Good. Delete those pictures!
Kevin: Today's a good day.

I remembered my first good day after my break up, it made me feel happy knowing that I had helped Kevin reach his first good day after his break up. It was the beginning, the start of a new chapter, and the point where he could finally leave his shitty ex and move on with his life. And I had helped him- me, Elizabeth Bui.

Blair: Don't delete her on social media though you want her to see that you're doing great without her lol.

Okay, guys, I didn't say that my advice was perfectly perfect.

Blair: And off course it's a great day, it's the beginning of a new chapter!
Kevin: And I even got my friend in
Blair: I know. You just gotta be strong


I guess I never really thought about it, but I had always really liked giving relationship advice and helping other people with their relationships and loved ones. For god’s sake, I was a relationship and love centric blogger, whether I wanted to admit it or not. All the guys I've dated, all the situations that I've found myself in, the crazy, the ridiculous, and the unbelievable, it all actually taught me a lot.

After only two phone calls and a couple long chat conversations, I had Kevin from crying over his ex to happy as a clam, starting the newest chapter of his life. Not only starting- but he was genuinely happy and genuinely enthusiastic about what the future held! And somehow I had helped with that.

And then I sat there, in my Cellular Biology lecture, thinking, “what if there's other people out there as lost as I was? As lost as I was?” People out there who needed some real, genuine, flat-out honest advice about whatever situation they were in. I had given real, honest, and genuinely good advice to Kevin- which had worked! And had helped him!

And then the idea appeared in my head- I could be a break up coach…. or a relationship consultant.

Blair: Am I really helpful
Kevin: You tell me?
Blair: Lol what I'm asking you if I'm helping you
Kevin: I'm asking a rhetorical question, because it's obvious you are ahahah
Blair: I know but to what extent


I took a deep breath, before moving forward.

Blair: Like good enough to help other people?
Kevin: Yeah, I'd say so
Blair: Hmmmmmm
Kevin: You are saving me from traps in the future
Blair: Thank you, Kevin.
Kevin: Nah thank you!

The idea was in my mind, and once it was planted I couldn't stop thinking about it. So, excitedly I texted Yael.

Yael: Oh god.

What a hater.

Was the idea of me being a relationship consultant/break up coach really that crazy? I had the experience, and I gave real, genuine, honest advice! And good advice too- look at Kevin! I looked down at the scribbles on my notebook- was my idea really that crazy?

My thought was interrupted by my friend Shay walking out of our lecture hall. Shay had his own business, and he had plenty of advice.

And so, after Starbucks, having a business meeting, thinking of a game plan, conjuring name ideas, designing a website on Wix, ordering business cards, and a whole lot of nonsense, Blair Bui Relationship Consulting was born.

And I was just starting when it came to building my empire. It felt so good- I was the owner and operator, CEO, this was my baby. My daydream and crazy idea, it had been born. And I wouldn't have been there, hair in a mess and business cards on the way, if all of this hadn't happened.

If Chuck dumping me on Friendsgiving hadn't happened, if Rafael hadn't ghosted me, if Johnson hadn't followed me twenty blocks, and if Derek didn't end up being a total dud. Each and every person I had met, every guy that had dumped me, every guy I had dumped, every terrible date and embarrassing hook up, had led to this moment. Every relationship I had seen or witnessed. All these experiences had shaped and given me knowledge. All the things I learned, all the hard lessons, they led me here.

And I couldn't help but feel more excited than I had in months.