“I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him.”
-Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
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Chuck: Blair, you aren't broke.... you just have to budget. Just don't spend a thousand fucking dollars in a month and you will be fine.
I am fiscally responsible- I am very fiscally responsible. Except Audrey is super luxe and hanging out with her comes at a very high, high price. But after I had my mini meltdown (one of many to come), Chuck actually sat down and budgeted (and calculated) for me, how much I can spend after paying for housing and tuition. He had come through, which had totally surprised me, but I knew not to let my guard down- how could I after everything that has happened between the two of us?
Work has been stressful- due to the nature of my occupation and HIPPA and whatnot, I'm not allowed to fully disclose details about everything...but trust me, it's been stressful. So, of course, I needed to relax. With a terrible love life, a stressful job, and other problems attacking me like a rabid Pokemon, I had planned a nice little taco dinner with Kayresia, and a relaxation night. I was going to give myself a blow out, and do a face mask.
However, I was woken up from my nap by a phone call.
"Blair, I'm going to have to cancel...Matthew is in the hospital and so is Titus," Kayresia said.
"Can I come with?"
-
As I sat in the hospital, I tried to distract myself. I literally threw on my high waisted jeans, a bright pink blouse, my red flats (Kate Spade colors!) and pulled my tortoiseshell sunglasses on my head, like a Blair Waldorf headband.
Titus and Matthew were seeing the doctors, and as Kayresia and I sat and waited, I couldn't help but think to myself- life is too damn short. Things happen so unexpectedly, so randomly, and completely without any notice. But that's part of the adventure, and it's what keeps things interesting. Meeting some of the most special people in my life, they were the most unexpected and spontaneous things that happened. I never thought that I'd meet Serena in the way I did, or Kayresia in the way I did.
And even though I don't like admitting it- Chuck caught me completely off guard, and I was really surprised by him.
You know, old Chuck that was sweet and considerate, not the quasi-insane asshole that threw me in a ditch.
And life is unexpected, and you can't just go around stressing about things. So, I put on some liquid lipstick, took a deep breath, and pretended that one of my closest friends wasn't back there practically dying from some bad Mexican food.
The two of us stayed there until 3 am, when we finally headed home...and got I a few hours of sleep before work.
-
I had been running around all day like a chicken with her head cut off, it had been one of the most stressful days at work, and I was completely ready to just go home and take a nice, long nap. It was truthfully exhausting, and as I sat down, I got a text.
Nash: What time do you want to meet up?
Oh, fuck.
I had completely forgotten that he had
"Blair, be strong," I told myself, There was no benefit in dragging myself on this date, with this guy that I was completely uninterested in. It would just be more conflict and time wasted.
Blair: I don't think this is going to work out, sorry. I'm not going to waste either of our time.
Nash: Alright. So did you want to reschedule for another day? Or are you more or less referring to hanging out in general as friends?
Of course I didn't want to reschedule, and of course the two of us couldn't hang out as friends! I had been down this road before, and I could forsee myself losing my shit on a train platform, just like with Johnson Baker. And so, in typical Blair Bui fashion, I came up with a thinly veiled and completely preposterous excuse.
Blair: Well my ex is coming back and he's been thinking about things so we're getting back together.
Total lie.
Total complete and utter fucking lie.
I know, y'all, I'm the worst.
Nash: Okay, that's good. I mean, you two do love each other and working about what decision to make won't be the case anymore.
I looked at the text, and rolled my eyes. I don't love Chuck Cuevas. I mean, that would be stupid to do- he after all, smashed my heart into fifty million pieces and is completely not ready for a relationship.
I pushed the thoughts out of my head, as I had a lot to do at work that day.
-
I ran around the building, and as the pressed the elevator button, and got on, Louis Romney stood there, stupid crazy hot and all. If seeing Louis Romney irritated me to this extent, I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like when Chuck got back from Mexico. I stared at Louis Romney for a brief second, until it hit me that I looked like a complete and utter mess.
I had a messy bun because my hair was unwashed, my red hipster frames as I did not put on makeup, and a completely random outfit I threw on at six am.
"Hey," I said, breaking the silence.
"Hey Blair, how are you?"
"Super busy, running around at work stressed," I rambled, incapable of forming complete sentences.
"That's good, you're keeping yourself busy," Louis said, with a smile.
"Your," I paused and looked at him, in partial shock, as he was wearing probably the brightest and most floral printed shorts I have ever seen in my entire life, "Your shorts are so Hawaiian," I responded.
"Hahaha, yeah they are," Louis said, smiling, as I got off the elevator.
-
Blair: Hey, Louis, I have some questions about med school and applying and stuff- do you have some time this week?
AKA, my name is Blair Bui and that text reeked of thirst. And even though I sent that message, I knew that Louis Romney wasn't what I wanted, there was only one person that could give me what I wanted.
But I wasn't ready to admit or acknowledge that...at least until he got back.
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