A Cocktail of Terrible Stereotypes

“The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.”
-Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You

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I remember going to a St. Baldrick's event, and having Shane say, "Is this a fundraiser or a gathering of guys you went on dates with?" Because literally, this College of Medicine event turned into a collection of a bunch of guys that I had gone on dates with. I've dated quite a few med students, and I know a little bit too much about the people in the COM at my school (more than I care to). As a result, I consider myself a little bit of an expert (unfortunately), when it comes to dating med students. I've pretty much dated them all, and the weirdest/worst thing about med students, is that they don't just fall under one of these categories, no, they're like a cocktail of terrible stereotypes and douchebaggery. Romney was a mix of at least three of these things, Johnson Baker as well, they're like a potpourri of asshole-ness.

Oh med students, the most transparent and easiest to spot of men.

But all in all, here we go-

The Different Types of Guys You'll Date From Med School

The One Who Thinks He’s God’s Gift to Humanity- Not to be confused with “The One Who Thinks He’s The Next Surgeon General,” although they both think that they’re tremendously phenomenal in different ways. This guy thinks that he’s an absolute God- and that each and every woman will bow down in chances that he will date that lucky, average female. Because he is SOOOO spectacular, he is unable to comprehend the word “no,” and is incapable of handling rejection, because he thinks he’s hot shit. He thinks he’s McDreamy, and will be completely incapable of understanding why you won’t date/sleep/bow down to him.

The One Who Thinks He’s The Next Surgeon General- He thinks he’s a medical GOD, and that he is going to be the best damn doctor in the entire world. He believes that he is a medical genius, and on the path to revolutionizing medicine. He probably will talk shit about his classmates, and how incredibly amazing and intelligent he is. Will probably want to go into some sort of surgery, most likely cardio-thoracic.

The Gunner- He lives, eats, breathes, anatomy, and spends all of his time studying, day and night. You will be rendered useless and unnecessary to him, because you are not going to advance his medical career. He will pay more attention to his anatomy textbook than you. All he cares about is med school, and all he talks and thinks about is….med school.

The One Who Probably Has A Wife and Kids- A little (or a lot) older than the conventional med student, he's re-living his undergrad years by dating hella females. His Facebook profile is squeaky clean, and he deletes tags on the regular. You never know that he's thinking, or what he's up to, and he definitely always acts like he's hiding something... after all, he is old enough to be someone's father... maybe even yours. He dresses like he works a 9-5 job, and is extremely secretive.

The One With Side Hos For Days- He is basically dating four girls at once, most likely all from the College of Medicine. Skillfully, and carefully, he will make sure they are all in different social groups so that they never come across each other. Think John Tucker, but in wannabe scrubs. He is most likely overcompensating for something, whether it's his lack of game in undergrad, feeling inferior to classmates, or that he's incapable of adult relationships. Will most likely be banging nurses in residency.

The One That Every Girl Has A Crush On- Super handsome, super suave, and super dreamy- this is the guy that everyone in med school thinks is the hunkiest and handsomest. The real McDreamy, his ridiculous attractiveness will have you questioning how someone like him could possibly exist. Unfortunately, he probably is still with his girlfriend from undergrad...sorry.

The Rebounding Mess- Recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend from undergrad, and now he's banging everything that he sees in sight. Will use the fact that he's a future doctor to score girls (but then again, every guy on this list does...), and uses the um, "companionship" of other women to pretend like he's not absolutely hurt and heartbroken.

The One That’s “Perfect”- Handsome, smart, intelligent- everyone says he's a great guy, a nice guy, a phenomenal person, and that's what he is, right? Definitely not. You will think every guy on this list, is "perfect" when you first meet them, and then you will be sadly awoken to realize that there is most definitely, something wrong with them.

But all in all- this is not a definitive list (although pretty damn close, if I do say so myself), and of course, like men in general- not all guys in med school are terrible. Just a hell of a lot of them.