“It's hard to believe in coincidence, but it's even harder to believe in anything else.” 

-John Green

-

There is a universal law that whenever there is a guy you don't want to see, they will magically appear, and another that if there's a guy you really want to see- you won't. It's a well known fact, and probably one of the most frustrating things in the entire world.

-

"Yeah but insurance doesn't work that way," Kayresia said, as the two of us walked past the apartment mailboxes. I heard footsteps, and I had a weird gut feeling inside of me. I turned around, to see old ass Romney staring back at me, vneck sweater and all.

"Hello Blair," he said, smiling at me.

Why the fuck was he smiling me? As far as I knew, I had never wanted to see him again, for a variety of different reasons. It wasn't just that he embarrassed me two months ago at my staff holiday party by being a pompous asshole and running away, or that he made me basically un-dateable for every first year medical student. It wasn't even that when I had my first kiss with Tinder Guy #3 that Romney had seen us (seriously, it really isn't, I dumped TG #3, remember?). It was that I couldn't stand him!

Regina and Casey had made an effort to be extra antagonistic to him, and for good reason too! If any of my friends were involved with a nearly thirty fuck boy, I would be purposely bitchy to him too!

"Hi." I said, looking over at Kayresia. She looked back at me, clearly amused by this.

Louis then walked around us, and turned to Kayresia. "Hi Kayresia," he said, as he scurried off like a sewer rat. My eyes narrowed to little slits, as I gave him a death stare, as he walked off.

"Of course we would run into him," I said, as I took another deep glug of black coffee.

"Of course Blair, you always run into people you don't want to run into," Kayresia laughed.

-

As I walked out of the student center, I saw a familiar figure heading towards me. That stupid fucking Guess grey leather jacket. That jacket used to be one of my favorite things in the entire world, the first time I ever saw it was when Chuck and I went on one of the most magical dates of my entire life (no more detail on that later, that is the past), but now I felt like it was taunting me.

"Hey!" Chuck said, with a smile.

I looked at him, and quickly walked away. "Hey." I said, coldly, not even making a face.

I didn't even look back to see if he was surprised, but I had a feeling that he was after what had happened between us.

-

The Thursday before, Chuck asked me to come over to help him with his personal statement for his internship; the two of us had stayed up until three in the morning, and then woken up again at seven am to work on it. I was there for him, just like I always was. Before I had left to go over to his place, though, Kayresia, Casey, and Regina had all told me the same thing- not to tell Chuck that I fucked Zayn. For whatever, reason, they thought he was going to knock out Zayn, and care that we fucked. And I thought he wouldn't.

And guess what?

He didn't. Chuck never cared, he wasn't like some other ex boyfriend, harboring feelings or feeling some kind of way after the break up. If he had, we would've gotten back together by now.

I'm not going to lie, Chuck and I definitely slept together, a couple, multiple times. And as I walked through campus on that Friday afternoon, Yael had stopped me.

"Hey, are you on break from class?" Yael asked, curiously.

"Kind of. Not really. I spent the night at Chuck's place," I said, hiding behind my infinity scarf.

"I know, Blair," Yael said, looking at me. I stared at him, blankly. Was I giving off a sex smell or something?

"You have hella bed head right now," Yael added, laughing.

"Shut up, it's not that bad!"

As we walked and caught up with everything that happened, Yael turned to look at me. "You guys need to get back together," he said, adamantly.

"Wait, what?" I said, my jaw nearly dropping to the ground. Sure, Chuck and I were friends, but it was a well known fact that the two of us were not getting back together. Chuck wanted to be alone, he wanted to be completely alone. and he got what he wanted. He doesn't want to be with me, and there's some guy out there who does.

"You guys are acting like little kids, just stop it and get back together," Yael said. I gave him a look, and shook my head.

"No. We aren't."

"Blair, we all know that you and Chuck are going to get back together."

The two of us had plans to hang out that night, and as eight drew closer, I texted him.

And then he texted back, pushing it back.

And then, two hours later, he cancelled on me. Even though I had so much going on in my life, and I told him that I needed to talk. He cancelled, when he knew how important it was for me, and that I needed him to be there for me, like I had been there for him Thursday night. And of course, he said that something comes up, because something always came up, Whether as friends, or as lovers, Chuck never made me a priority. And that feeling told me everything that I needed to know.

-

I hadn't talked to him in days, and I was planning on not speaking to him, when he just magically showed up on campus.

"Of course I run into him, I can run into two ex boyfriends, but Rafael won't even text me back," I thought to myself.

I had gotten excited that weekend, because Rafael had texted me. And somehow, I misinterpreted him being a fuckboy, as genuine interest. There was just something about this stupid guy that made my brain temporarily stop functioning, something about him that bothered me- in the most annoyingly good way possible. He was annoying, and stupid, and he knew exactly how to mess with my mind.

Lackluster

"There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex." 

- Billy Joel

-

Zayn: Look, I get it. It was weird. I'm really sorry that it happened and frankly I'm embarrassed and already have been feeling like shit about it since you left. It honestly makes me feel like less of a man. I get it if you want to not see each other and if you need space, but I would like to just move past this and just go back to being friends. I value our friendship a lot and I know things have been difficult for you recently and I don't want you to have to go through it alone. If you still doing want to see me, that's fine just let me know and I'll leave you alone. Also if there's something else that's bothering you about it or you feel like it would be good for us to talk about it, let me know. I'll make time

The text had been the big white elephant in my life, and I didn't know how to politely say, "I never want to see you again, because that was fucking weird," in the nicest way possible. I smoothed my pencil skirt, and checked my outfit once more. My boss ass bitch curls from yesterday (rock-it waves, courtesy of my hairdresser Liz) had mellowed down into loose, casual waves, my pencil skirt and black blazer perfectly hid the atrocious Burger King-style work polos that my boss wanted everyone to wear at the VIP event, and my grey suede wedges clicked perfectly on the ground. I was going to get my groove back.

As Kayresia and Casey worked their stations, and the event unfolded effortlessly, I felt perfectly happy, and perfectly fine.

"Are you feeling better?" Casey asked, as I sat down next to the booth.

"Yeah, I'm alright."

"Why were you so sad?" She asked, as I pulled out my anally organized clipboard with names and notes scratched everywhere.

"I made a poor life decision and it left me feeling some kind of way," I sighed.

"Who did you fuck?"

-

As I walked through the room, I somehow got sucked into a conversation with this chatty older woman- she was in her early fifties, but she had the enthusiasm of a three year old. She kept yammering on and on, as I awkwardly looked at Casey and Kayresia for a bit of help.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked, expectantly. She looked up at me, as if she was a puppy at PetCo and I was a little kid.

"Um, no."

"SO YOU'RE SINGLE?" Her eyes lip up, as she whipped her phone out. I looked over at my coworkers, who were absolutely snickering at the current situation. Awesome. First, I bring a date to our staff holiday party that runs away, and now at our VIP event, someone tries to set me up with a random.

The rest of the conversation was a blur, up until..

"Oh my god, you're so cute! I have to get your contact information" she said, as she scribbled down her name and email.

"Okay, I'll be sure to call you," I said politely, as I looked over at my friends for help. Casey and Kayresia were so, so dead. Not only did this lady ask for a picture with me, but she genuinely thought that I was going to go on a date, that she and her friend were going to chaperone. As if!

She left the room, and I walked up to Kayresia and Casey.

"You guys are dead to me."

-

A fun fact about me and my friends is that we are in Target more than necessary- it's a habit that started when we all became a squad....basically when Chuck and I had broken up. It's embarrassing to admit, but I was that girl who disappeared into a urethra when Chuck and I were dating. And as I searched high and low for Starburst jellybeans, Kayresia stopped.

"Blair, just tell me who you fucked," she said, bluntly.

"I fucked...," I hesitated for a moment, and then took a deep breath, "I fucked-"

She looked at me, expectantly.

"I FUCKED ZAYN AND IT'S SO EMBARASSING AND HUMILIATING AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT AND I FEEL SO FUCKING ASHAMED." It all came out, all at once, like word vomit, and as I nearly felt like blowing chunks, Kayresia looked at me.

"So? He's not that bad, he's a nice guy."

"YEAH BUT HIS DICK WAS SMALL AND IT WAS WEIRD AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO TALK TO ME AND I JUST, I CAN'T KAYRESIA. WHENEVER SOMEONE MENTIONS SEX I WANT TO BLOW CHUNKS."

"Okay, listen, we all have that person that we regret sleeping with. And it's fine, shit happens. And yours is obviously Zayn. but don't feel bad. Shit happens." And just like that, she kept walking, and put a load of bread into our cart.

-

"Okay, so who did you fuck?" Casey said, as she grabbed some more Starburst jellybeans.

"The worst possible pers-"

"Rafael."

"No."

"Romney?"

"NO. Way worse."

"Ted."

"WORSER."

"Who could be worser than Ted....CHUCK?!" She put a hand over her mouth, in shock.

"No, and Chuck and I have had sex plenty of times since we broke up," I said, nonchalantly, as I picked out a single hunter green bean from the bag. "It's no biggie."

"YOU HAVE?!"

"Yes, Casey, we almost got back together at one point." Casey looked at me, in shock, as if I was telling her that I had shoved a twelve foot pole up her father's ass.

"You missed a lot when you got a boyfriend and disappeared," I laughed, as I picked out a blood red bean.

"Worse than Ted, not many guys are worse than Ted...not Chuck...YOU FUCKED ZAYN."

Casey turned and looked at me, in complete shock. It took a couple minutes of her freaking out, until we returned to somewhat normalcy.

"You know, out of all the guys you've dated after Chuck, they've all been a lot hotter and a lot better. The only reason that Zayn is under Chuck is because you said that Chuck was amazing at sex."

"Savage AF,"I laughed, "But now I am completely repulsed and completely disgusted by sex."

"Just fuck Chuck, and you'll get over it," Casey suggested. "Was that the worst advice you've gotten?"

"No, the worst was when Regina just laughed at Zayn's use of the word lackluster."

#RIPBlairAndRafael2016

“What's meant to be will always find a way”
-Trisha Yearwood

-

"So wait, you FIST BUMPED him goodbye? Your life is literally like a romantic comedy," Serena said, as I laid on my bed and recounted all the events of the day. I was still feeling pretty ashamed and pretty embarrassed that I had a one night stand with Zayn. OKAY, you know what? This wasn't even a one night stand, because we are supposed to be friends and everything, this is a bombtastic disaster.

It was literally the worst sexual experience, and the worst part about it was that I tried to LIE about it. I tried to pretend that it was enjoyable because Zayn hadn't fucked anyone in five and a half years, but it was weird and awkward. Ugh.

I was repulsed with myself, and I had decided to completely avoid Zayn for the rest of my life. Things were so awkward between the two of us that he APOLOGIZED for the "lackluster performance." And on my side of things, I wanted to blow chunks when I remembered that I had fucked Zayn. Just the thought completely grossed me out.

"Maybe you're supposed to feel ashamed, because it happens to everyone at least once!" Serena added. "It'll be totally fine, Blair."

"Except that he asked me if I was avoiding him..."

"Blair.."

"WHAT? I said I wasn't!" I did.

-

Earlier that day, Zayn wanted to stop by to grab a charger, and although I never wanted to see him again (at least for a couple days), I said it was fine. And then I proceeded to run and hide in the bathroom and have Regina give it to him.

"Regina, I need to be awkward and avoid him for a couple days!" I said, defending myself. "Okay, I'll be a better person next week or something, but today I'm going to hide from him and be awkward AF, because that was a terrible and awkward sexual experience and now I feel AWKWARD AND ASHAMED."

"Babe, everyone makes mistakes," Regina said.

"I know, and now I'm running from mine!" I responded, as I ran to the bathroom to hide.

Zayn: At the risk of sounding paranoid, are you trying to avoid me?

I stared at my phone, blankly.

Blair: No.

-

"THAT'S ALL YOU SAID?!" Serena yelled, as I told her everything that happened. "Oh my god Blair, oh my god. You fuck Chuck's boss, and it's so awkward that you fist bump him good bye and then you hide from him and just...No. NO, that's all you said."

"Yup, and I've been reveling in my feelings all day," I admitted, as I pulled my blanket closer.

"But you don't like him."

"Yeah, but I liked Jake Reagen and I liked Rafael," I admitted, as I pulled an Oreo thin from the pack. "And now that I know that Rafael wasn't trying to ghost me. I feel like I messed up, honestly. We had chemistry- and you know how hard it is for me to have chemistry with someone. Fuck, Serena, I rejected two perfectly nice guys because I didn't feel a spark."

"Yeah, but think of it like this- who knows if Rafael was telling the truth? And yeah, he was hot, but that doesn't mean shit when you remember that he went M.I.A! Maybe there's something there, or maybe this is fate and he was just meant to be a ridiculously amazing one night stand. PLUS- he's like the ultra sexy version of Chuck, imagine how Chuck would feel in group hang outs, with your sexy upgrade walking around."

I laughed, "Serena, you're right, #RIPBlairAndRafael2016."

The End of Rafael

"Looking back, of course, it was irresponsible, mad, forlorn, idiotic, but if you don't take chances then you'll never have a winning hand, and I've no regrets."
-Bernard Cornwell

One of the pettiest things I have ever done in my entire life was covering Johnny's door with lube after he dumped me, and made a total fool out of me. He had gone on and on about how I was this lovesick little puppy, and in my defense, I was actually truthfully. I'll never admit it, but sometimes, the stupidest and craziest things I've done in my life, were in reaction to being hurt.

When Romney got a girlfriend after running away from committing to me, when Rafael never answered my texts and ghosted me, I had done something ridiculously stupid and irresponsible, of the drunk texting sort.

And I hadn't given it any thought, until I had this feeling today, one that told me to find out what actually happened between Rafael and I. What Drunk Blair had actually snapchatted to Rafael on Valentine's Day, and what the truth was. Maybe it was because of the newfound truth bombs I was dropping everywhere (telling Zayn that we were never fucking again, dumping Tinder Guy #3, etc), but I just wanted to know the truth about Rafael and I. And I know it was a stupid thought, but I also knew that I would wonder what I had sent him, for a little while.

Blair: I want to know what I drunk snapchatted you last Sunday. Like I get it, you wanted to fuck, and you got to fuck, but I'm actually curious.

He read my message, and said nothing. Typical.

Blair: And you can laugh at how stupid I was, I was super stupid.
Rafael: Dude chill. I have no idea what you snapped me. I don't have you on snap so I didn't receive it.

And that was the end of that. I started to take notes, when, suddenly, my phone went off.

Rafael: And yes, you can be mad at me all you want. The funny thing is that I never planned on ignoring you and not hitting you up. I was gonna honor the whole date thing. Why not? But then you send some psycho ass text. And continue to text me shit insulting me. Whatever though, thanks for letting me know I dodged a bullet from the beginning.

And as comebacks came to my mind, I started typing furiously, and then erased everything that I had typed. Yes, he was being hyperbolic and exaggerating what actually happened, and yes, I could have torn him to shreds, but it wasn't about that. I was getting too old for petty bullshit like this. And in my heart, I knew exactly what I needed to do. There was no Willa goading me to do the right thing, like two years ago, I just knew what I had to do. It was part of growing up, and realizing that you can't pull the same petty shit anymore.

Blair: I'm not even mad at you, I'm honestly mad at myself because I was childish AF. Sorry for the overreacting and for the drunk texts, shit happens.

I didn't castrate Rafael, I didn't rip him to shreds, I just took the high route. And maybe eighteen year old Blair would have had a fit if she knew I did this to a fuck boy, but maybe, she would have been impressed at how much she matured. I sat there for a moment after, wondering what could have happened between Rafael and I.

Would we have been a thing? Could we have actually been something?

My heart felt heavy for a moment, as I analyzed all these situations inside of my head. And as much as I wanted to pretend that this was still an option, I knew in my heart that the ending with Rafael had disappeared long ago, when that book closed. But, truthfully, a gut feeling inside of me told me that this wasn't going to be the end.

Oh, Blair

"She is brazen and sure. She's driven, yet wild. Innocent, yet feisty. Scheming, and frankly, bossy. Imaginative, sassy … and a little bit drunk. Yeah, she'll probably blame it all on that last one." 

-green and yellow

I think the moment I realized that this whole online dating thing was a load of shit was when the third tinder guy kissed me, and I had felt absolutely nothing. My friends had judged me pretty hardcore, Tinder Guy #3 seemed like a pretty great deal- he dressed well, he was conventionally attractive, a first year med school student, AND Louis Romney's rival. It seemed like he was everything that I was supposed to want, kind of like Ted, but in reality, there was just no fire, passion, or chemistry. And even though Tinder Guy #3 thought that I would have ended up in his bed, I actually ended up in Zayn's.

I could go into extreme detail about how it happened, and everything. Or I could just say that we fucked, which is what I'm going to do. I FUCKED ZAYN.

ZAYN, as in Chuck's motherfucking boss, Zayn. Zayn, as in the supervisor for my ex boyfriend, Zayn. That Zayn.

And if it didn't make things any more awkward, it wasn't the world's best sex. I wasn't going to hold it against him- the guy was nervous, and hadn't done anything in like six years, but it was overall, terrible. And I completely lied, because I wasn't some heartless wench! I told him it was pretty good, reinstated that we were friends, and then awkwardly fistbumped him, because I definitely didn't want him to kiss me good bye. I grabbed my polka dotted pixie pants, my chic white blouse, and then walk of shamed my ass back to my apartment.

And as I went on with my life, I couldn't stop and think of how incredibly awkward I felt about this whole thing. I definitely wasn't going to have sex with Zayn again, and I definitely felt totally weird about all of this. Had fucking become such a meaningless thing to me, that I would just YOLO it and fuck Zayn? I definitely got caught up in the moment, but I didn't feel anything. It wasn't like fucking Rafael, or fucking Jake Reagen, or Chuck, it was honestly, nothing. It's just kind of left me feeling really awkward, and kind of like I'm a shit friend.

The rest of the day though..

I woke up, with a new attitude and a newfound happiness. I was going to focus on myself, and be, essentially, a boss ass bitch. I had never been the sad, lonely single friend, but now, that was going to be even more blatantly obvious. I guess, in a way, after all the shitty dates and guy's hearts I've broken, I've learned that I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Boyfriends are easy to find. I'm looking for someone special. It's hard to explain, apparently, since no one seems to get what I'm trying to describe, but I want to have insane chemistry with someone. I want to love someone so much that it hurts, and be absolutely head over heels. I want to feel chemistry, fire, and passion, and I know it exists, because I've felt it before. I've even felt it after Chuck- so I definitely know it exists.

Chuck, Romney, Rafael.

And before that- Haz, Jake Reagen, Sexy Drake.

Wait a fucking second.

Chuck Cuevas- thought he was the love of my life, spontaneously dumped me, kind of expected me to wait for his ass to be ready for a relationship.

Haz Krystal- thought he was the love of my life, spontaneously cheated on me, kind of expected me to wait for his ass to be ready for a relationship.

Louis Romney- thought he was going to be a legit thing, was the first guy I actually had feelings for after my break up with Chuck, and thought he was super handsome and dapper. Spent Winter Break 2016 pining for him. He definitely wasn't serious, and dipped out.

Jake Reagen- thought he was going to be a legit thing, was the first guy I actually had feelings for after my break up with Haz, and thought he was super handsome and dapper. Spent Summer Break 2014 pining for him. He definitely wasn't serious, and dipped out.

OKAY GUYS THAT'S NOT ALL

Rafael Mancilla- actually totally saw potential in him despite his douchieness, he acted super interested in me, we hooked up, and then he ghosted me.

Sexy Drake- actually totally saw potential in him despite his douchieness, he acted super interested in me, we hooked up, and then he ghosted me.

No more casually banging guys, no more Tinder. And as I deleted that stupid flame app icon (SERIOUSLY, TINDER? You started NO flames for me), I was relieved. No more ridiculous guys, no more terrible dates, and no more sex. I want something special, and I want something real, and this isn't how you find it.

And maybe I'm a little bit too much, and maybe I'm ridiculously sassy, too bold, and too blunt. And maybe, I'm picky as fuck and I'm sometimes a little bit messy, but there's this crazy feeling telling me that something amazing is about to happen.

The Day After Valentine's Day

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

-Marilyn Monroe

"What did you text him?" Johnny said, as we stood in the lobby of our building. The poor girl at the front desk just stared at us, enthralled by my story.

"I said, 'Romney, you're an asshole and old and I hate you.' and then, I said, 'I've been day drinking.'" I admitted, as I shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh my god, Blair, holy shit," Johnny laughed. "And what did he say to that?"

"He was like, 'Blair I'm going to have to ask you to stop messaging me.' And I said, 'I understand that I was immature but I was drunk. I'll be polite to you in the building, but I don't really want to be friends with you because you suck.'" Johnny's jaw dropped to the ground, as my answer came out.

"Holy shit."

"So, needless to say, Romney and I are not going to talk to each other anymore."

"Okay, so what about that date?"

"Basically, we met up, he ate 1/3 of his meal, stared awkwardly and waited for me to finish. Then, when I asked him what was next, he responded, 'Back to my place.' I said, 'I don't think so.' And he said, 'Let's just go.' He came off like a fuck boy, and as soon as I got up to leave the restaurant, I texted Casey and Zayn to call me, and get me a way out. Casey called pretending that her boyfriend cheated on her, and for the entire walk home I stayed on the phone with her. And then when we got to his lobby, I was like, 'Fuck! What if he tries to kiss me?' So I called Casey back, and when she didn't pick up, I called Chuck and he pretended to be Casey."

"How did he come off like a fuck boy?" Johnny said, looking at me. He has always thought that I was extremely picky, and I knew this was coming.

"He told me he fucked a sixteen year old when he was twenty two."

Johnny's jaw nearly fell off.

"WHAT?!"

"Johnny, he-"

"He just brought this up? You guys weren't talking about sex or anything?"

I gave him a look. "NO, he told me this story." I proceeded to tell Johnny all of the smarmy details, and he shook his head.

"I'm sorry your date sucked....but mine went really well!"

-

"Wow, why do you keep going on all these weird dates? The only normal date you've told me about is the one where you and that guy had no chemistry and you laughed and went to 7-11," Zayn said, as I sat in his apartment.

"Yeah, I don't really know, Zayn. Why don't you find out and you can tell me. I'm a lonely bitch, and I'm going to eat carbs by myself and watch Netflix, because I am perpetually single." I said, as I looked over at the heels on the floor.

"Oh COME ON, Blair, you've been single for like what, three months?"

I nodded.

"When was the last time you were single- not talking to a guy or ANYTHING?" Zayn asked.

"Last week."

"NOPE, because you gave up on Rafael and met Ezra the exact same day...WHAT!"

We hung out, as in we scrolled through Tinder and laughed, laughed at my OK Cupid messages, and honestly, just hung out. Zayn was a cool guy.

"Aren't you supposed to be in your yoga leggings and comfy right now?" Zayn asked, looking at me.

"I already am," I pulled up my top to reveal the aqua and coral floral print band. "I literally put no effort into this date," I admitted, as Zayn and I laughed. "You know, you're one of the few guys I can hang out with without them trying anything weird."

"But I would try something weird, Blair, the two of us would be in my room, and I'd be like, 'Blair, I'm going to change into something more comfortable,' and I'd come back with like, more clothes on, or like my Batman onsie, and you'd be like, 'Zayn, why are you so weird?'"

I laughed, and smiled. "Yeah, but you wouldn't try anything like, sexual," I said.

Zayn and I had met last year when he was Chuck's supervisor, but we had grown closer in recent months. He was genuinely a good friend, and I was learning more and more about him, since we had become friends.

Saturday and Valentine's Day

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle."
-Marilyn Monroe

On Saturday I woke up on Johnny's couch to an explosion of text messages. Serena, Casey, Audrey, Kayresia, Regina, Zayn, Chuck, Yael, everyone.

I had plans that day to go to Kayresia's birthday dinner, and also to hang out with Audrey. Serena had ended up rescheduling for that Sunday. After shopping with Audrey at Target, and being asked out by a random guy (I had said yes), I decided to go work out before the big dinner. I sported my yoga leggings and favorite pale aqua tank, and headed off to the rec center. And as soon as I walked in, there Johnny was, running on the treadmill.

As we walked on the treadmill, we both talked about our plans.

"So he literally just asked out out in Target?" Johnny said, as he grabbed his water bottle.

"Yup, he came up to me. He's 24, an algorithmic trader, and he lives downtown. And Audrey's boujie ass nearly scared him off, but somehow, it worked out."

"So Target's the place to meet people, huh?" Johnny laughed, as I pulled the band of my leggings up.

"Yup, apparently. We should go, I can be your wing woman."

"That wouldn't work, Blair, people would think that we're dating or something."

"No fucking way, Johnny, you're old and I'm a hot piece of ass." I laughed, pointing at my newly sculpted booty. Johnny and I had dated two years ago, when I was eighteen and when he was twenty six. Back then he had a six pack, and looked young and well, hot. Med school had taken its toll on him, because now Johnny was old, kinda flabby, and acted like his body was falling apart.

"You don't think I could get a young girl?" Johnny asked, a bit offended.

"No, Johnny, because you're past your prime." He was twenty eight, and honestly, when he was twenty six he wasn't necessarily at his prime either. I had seen pictures of him in high school....Johnny used to be hot.

We laughed about what had happened, and he was on his way out. I did my pilates for the day, and as I walked out of the gym, there he was, the asshole-ness oozing out of his pores.

Romney walked in, tight shorts and shirt, and all. His arms were muscular, and you could just sense his abs from under his shirt. Although I couldn't stand Romney, he was hot, and I couldn't pretend otherwise.

"What are you doing here?" Romney asked, laughing. He looked at me, in complete disbelief. Had someone told him that the gym was the safe zone from Blair Bui? Like the green zone?

"I actually go to the gym every day," I responded, snippily. How fucking rude. Just because I lived a sedentary lifestyle before I started going, doesn't mean that I'm out of shape! I left out the detail that I honestly did not go every day- I tried to go every day, but then my body basically fell apart and I decided up having to take a rest week. I was overworking myself.

ANYWAYS,

"Oh really?" Romney asked me, in disbelief. Stupid Hot Romney being hot and stupid.

"REALLY. I run and do pilates," I tooched my booty a bit, as if it were a reflex.

"Are you done with your work out?" Romney asked, curiously.

"Maybe, I'm at the point where I'm deciding if I want to do more." That was a lie, I was at the point where I was going to prove Romney wrong.

"Oh, well I'm about to go do some videos."

"P90X?" I asked, pretending not to know the answer. Romney was such a douche bag about his P90x, I'm pretty sure the mailmain for the zip code in Nebraska knew that Romney did fucking P90x.

"Yeah, you're welcome to join me, if you want."

"Okay," I said, walking with him. He looked at me, in even more disbelief than when I told him that I had worked out every day. "What? You think I can't handle it?"

"They're pretty intense."

We walked a little bit more, before he turned and looked at me. "Actually, I'm going to warm up on the elliptical for a while."

WARM UP ON THE ELLIPTICAL?!? FOR P90X?!

"I kind of had a plan, Blair."

"Well, part of being young and spontaneous is changing your plans for whatever happens."

"We know I'm not either of those things."

"Yeah, but I'm young."

"I think that young implies stupid," Romney said, looking at me.

"Yeah, well I'm young, and we both know I'm not stupid," I said, glaring at him.

"You're younger."

He got up on the elliptical and started working out.

"How's your lady friend?" I asked, politely. I made sure to shoot him a smug, sly, seductive look that said, "you could have had this."

"She's doing well, you know tomorrow's Valentine's day." AKA, he wanted to remind me that I'm a lonely bitch.

"What are your plans?" I asked.

"Flowers, dinner, the usual," Romney responded, cockily. "Just go do whatever, I'll find you after my warm up," he added, emphasizing that the elliptical was his warm up.

I walked away, down the stairs, and straight out the door out of the gym.

-

"SO YOU JUST LEFT HIM IN THE GYM?!" Serena said, nearly dropping her piece of pork into her ramen.

"Okay, so what happened was that I told myself that I'm too old to do petty shit like this anymore, and so I texted him and told him that I had left."

"We have matured so much."

Serena and I had a lovely lunch with her boyfriend, we went to the Vitamin Vault Walgreens, got donuts at Stan's, and we went to my favorite bar.

And then I woke up in my bed, hung over as fuck, at 9 pm. I remember drinking mimosas and Stellas, and having a ridiculous amount of Jell-O shots. Somehow I made it home, and somehow I found a half eaten donut inside my purse.

I checked my phone, to see that Rafael had screenshotted my Snapchat message, and to see a message from Romney.

What the fuck had I done?