Still

“Just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
-Blair Waldorf

-

 As we waited for the Lyft, Chuck and I talked, as he so obviously knew that something was bothering me, and I tried to conceal my feelings.

"Come on, I know you, Blair. What's wrong?" he asked, for the millionth time.

"I'm fine," I insisted, for the millionth time. My heart knew what I had to say, but my mind was trying to hide the fact that it was happening.

"What do you think it is?" I asked, as Chuck and I sat there, at another familiar place we had been.

"Well, it could have been something I said, or perhaps something you want to say but can't, or something that you're hiding," he said, as he looked at me.

"I still have feelings for you," my heart whispered, as my body said that I was falling apart, and my mind said, "Blair, pull yourself together."

"Well, I am fine," I remarked, as we waited for the car.

"I would have opened the door for you," Chuck said, as we got into the car. My heart skipped a beat, as I tried to pull myself together.

The rest of the dinner was more of the same, talking about what had been going on with our lives, and a bit of how we fell apart, and my ruse was working, until something had ruined it.

I have songs that remind me of each and every guy that I have dated. When Louis and I were talking about how we were at different points in our lives, Adele's "Hello" played in the background, so I've always associated that song with him.

But as the familiar song played in the restaurant, and Chuck and I stared at each other, my heart beating faster, and my feelings rising to the surface, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started crying, as Chuck looked back at me, with the same face he always had, every time that I have cried in front of him.

As I ran out, everything came out at once, as tears streamed endlessly down my face, and my heart ached so much it hurt.

"Blair, wait!"

As Chuck appeared by my side, I turned away, attempting to hide what was going on.