Burned, Again and Again

"Never let an old flame burn you twice."

I might have, maybe, possibly done something.

Let me tell you something about Chuck and I- what happened between us, it was not a love story. Chuck and I are not a love story, the story of Chuck and I is a story about love, but not a love story. But it's okay, because I've learned so much about love and relationships, about what I want and don't want. 

There is another story that has to be told- the story of a handsome young(ish) man, and a delightful young lady, and an elevator. Um, and the stupid stuff that happened afterwards.

As Casey and I walked into the elevator, I felt the La Croix shift in my bag. I could not believe that it had been a month and a half since that night, when Chuck and I broke up. But I was genuinely happy, and I felt a new beginning on the verge.

“Ugh, we should have totally gotten booze,” I admitted, looking down at the sparkling water in my bag.

“Yeah, whiskey would have been perfect!” Casey said.

“No, Stella and Blue Moon!”

“No, whiskey!” she responded, as a laugh emerged from the corner.

 I turned to see a guy laughing at us, in full capacity. He was built, tall, and actually pretty cute. He had dark hair, which was brushed cleanly against his head. It was the first time that I had even looked at a guy, in a while.

“Are you laughing at us?” I said, sassily.

“Yeah, just a little, it’s funny,” he admitted. As the elevator arrived on another floor.

“Whiskey is good!” Casey added, stating her point,

“Yeah, I like whiskey,” the guy admitted, as we arrived on my floor. “But Blue Moon’s good too,” he admitted, as we walked away.

“Who’s that guy?” I asked, as we walked away.

Casey sighed for a moment, confessed, “He’s so hot.” “His name is Louis Romney, he’s a med student, and he always worked out when I worked the desk on Thursdays. He lives on the eleventh floor, and he’s so nice, and soooo hot!”

“He could be,” Casey said, as we walked around the corner.

“I think I’m going message him.”

Later, as I looked at the chat box, Kayresia was on the verge of smacking me across the head.

“Okay, Blair, all you have to do is type, ‘hi, how are you?’ THAT’S IT,” she said, as she pointed at the laptop screen. I was nearly in the fetal position, hiding behind my hands.

“I can’t do this- I’ve been out of the game for too long!”

“BLAIR, JUST SAY IT.”

“NO!”

"What if I'm just like, 'oh hey, I recognized you from the elevator and-"

"BLAIR, just say, 'Hi. How are you?'" Kayresia said, losing patience.

"Or I say, 'I saw you on my suggested friends side bar and I recognized you from the elevator and-'"

And as I looked at the screen, noticing that Kayresia was done with my shit and that she had sent the message for me, I crawled into the fetal position.

"Oh my fucking god, you salty bitch,"

You see, Louis and I were perfectly fine, he became the "cool older guy" that I was dating, until over winter break he sent me a list of problems he had with me. Like, an actual list.

"Well your stories are often times kind of superficial and about silly teenage dramas. And since I'm not used to the sass, it feels a little like bossiness. And you kept saying that the $10 beer in a can was low maintenance. I'm not sure what high maintenance is..."

1. I have bomb ass stories, and sure they aren't about me doing my taxes or some boring adult nonsense, but they're definitely not superficial.
2. MY SASS IS LIFE.
3. The beer in a can was $5, as in he paid twice the amount for a drink and he didn't notice. AND we were at a local bar, not even a high-end bar! And I was drinking the beer....IN A CAN.

I don't know what kind of entitled asshole thinks that he can just send lists of problems that he has with people to them. It didn't surprise me- Louis was a conservative asshole, who didn't believe in feminism and went against my core principles in life. And after that experience, Regina was going to tear him apart (she already had, with comments about his McDonald's M shaped hairline). He was a total asshole, and a complete jerk!

....and I totally fell for it after break when he gave me this long, crazy speech. Long story short, we ended up dating...again.. because he gave me this dramatic speech (while Adele's Hello played in the background) about how he was afraid to commit because I was so much younger and going places, but he liked me so incredibly much. And that he didn't do anything with anyone over break (side note- I totally started hooking up with Johnny again at that point...oops.), except think about me! And I must have caught stupid, because when that happened, I took the cashmere sweater he gave me ($200), and totally agreed to see him again. 

And of course, that ended exactly how you thought it would- in complete and utter chaos. 

"And then he dumped me," I cried, as I sat on Regina's bed. "Regina, I really thought it was different this time, no wonder none of you liked him."

She pulled me into a hug, and then admitted, "I am going to be so rude to Louis Romlazang and his disappearing hairline. Just wait and see, Blair, his old crusty ass is going to get it. I'm going to check him out of this building!"

I am a boss ass bitch, I swear, you guys. I just temporarily caught the stupid. 

The way it ended the second time, was probably the worst, actually. I ended up taking him to this fancy work event, and as we all sat there in Carnivale, casually enjoying our dinner, Louis decided to offend a lot of people. He acted super classist, super sexist, and well...super convervative. He asked people if they were lower level employees, and it was just a huge mess overall. 

Louis is... ultra conservative. He only cares about the economy, hates poor people, hates Hispanic people, doesn't believe in feminism, He is actually Romney and Trump in twenty nine year old youngish man form. 

Anyways, we were all somewhat casually enjoying this nice dinner, when suddenly, Kayresia turned to Louis, and asked, "Louis, what are your intentions with Blair?"

A gut wrenching feeling hit me, as I turned and looked at him, noticing that he looked like Kayresia just smacked him in the head with a frying pan.

I didn't need for Louis to say that he wanted to be with me forever, I just needed him to not care that she did that, but instead Louis got up, and ran away. Louis completely disappeared, and then reappeared twenty minutes later with two HUGE drinks. In front of my entire staff.

And to this day, I don't know what was more embarassing about that incident...him running away in the middle of dinner, or him acting ultra conservative during dinner.

After that whole debacle, we hung out once, where he proceeded to act super sexist and super racist, which begs the question, "Blair, what the fuck did you do?"

I texted him, potentially suggesting that I could be kinda sorta friends...with benefits...with this super conservative asshole.

OKAY, you guys, you don't get it- shit has been annoying recently in the world of Blair Bui. Chuck and I are never going to have sex again because he thinks it's morally wrong to sleep with someone who you aren't dating, and Johnny is out being interviewed for residencies for the next MONTH.

ANYWAYS, back to what happened, this is what I got back:

Louis: Haha, omg Blair you can do way better than a hook up buddy! To be honest I'm kind of seeing someone. Otherwise I'd be down for sure. Besides, this semester is so busy I'd hardly be around.

Oh yes, universe.

LOUIS ROMNEY IS SEEING SOMEONE.

Not only has Casey managed to scrounge up a boyfriend, but now even LOUIS has one.