Worth It

“It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.”
-Greg Behrendt

This has been the longest week of my entire life, actually.

Completely unrelated- this week has been so long, that today my body was begging for a Pedialyte. Yael and I finished half a bottle of 80 proof vodka together, and I ended up passing out on his apartment floor. Pro tip- Gatorade, sprite, plus vodka is a recipe for destruction. You will taste NONE of the alcohol inside of your drink.

With Casey's nonstop yammering about her boyfriend, my ex boyfriend (Louis) Romney somehow finding a girlfriend, and everyone I know magically somehow finding a significant other, it has been a tiring fucking week. I'm not even going to pretend like I'm so goddamn happy for them, because right now, everyone's just staring at me, thinking, "This bitch is lonely AF," as they nonstop talk about their significant others.

And I'm not lonely- I just don't have a romantic interest right now. I am completely, one hundred percent single, and it's something I didn't expect to be. Like, no cute boys around, or anything. And as this is happening, and I eat pasta and watch Netflix alone, everyone and their momma has decided to find their "soulmate," as I eat Italian carbs.

And it's just sad, honestly, because I want someone to care about me, to be thinking about me and wondering what I'm up to. I want to make someone smile, and to be in someone's thoughts. I want to be the reason someone's eyes light up and their heart beats faster, and I just want someone to honestly give a fuck about me. Because right now, as all my friends find other people, I don't even hang out with that many of them, because they are off being in love and whatnot. And I'm just here, by my fucking self, and eating carbs.

Okay, what fun is being single when your friends are all off being in love and talking nonstop about being in love? Like goddamn, if you tell me about your plans with your boyfriend again for the millionth time, I'm going to blow chunks. Because it's so incredibly hard, when you have one person that's there by your side, and out of no where, it's you versus the world, and you're here all alone, with no one else. And I'm incredibly independent, and I'm a strong ass lady, but right now, it kinda sucks.

I don't want to go on Tinder, and I don't want to let some rando into my life, I want another one in a million encounter, and I want to meet someone special. Someone that I see potential in, and want a future with. And I know that makes this whole thing a million times harder, and takes a crap ton more time, but why be with someone unless they're worth it? I know it's crazy to be this picky and to have all of these expectations, but there's going to be some phenomenal guy out there, and when I'm with him, I'm going to think to myself, "Damn, this was worth it."