Throat Punch

“Those who pretend as if they don't love you, are the ones who would hate to see you love another person.”

 -Michael Bassey Johnson 

-

I had decided that before the big event on Monday, it would be best to hang out with Johnson at least once, to make sure that there were good vibes between us- or more importantly, platonic vibes. The College of Medicine for my University was holding an event for a very prominent charity, a very casual event, but an event nonetheless. An event that would prove to be the perfect opportunity for me to network, and to meet new people. And also, you know, a few other minor things...

"Are you just going to this event to meet guys?" Johnson said, as we walked past Water Tower Place. I needed to go shopping and Johnson came with me, it was a casual kind of errand day. I threw on my dark wash skinny jeans, and a chic striped sweater earlier that day, and paired with my matching Nikes. I pulled my hair into a high pony, mostly because I wasn't feeling like doing my hair that day. It was a nice, casual vibe, which was definitely what I needed to enforce.

"No, that's a minor, minor priority. I'm ninety nine percent going to network and meet med students, and the other one percent is me going to flirt with cute guys, to look really hot because Romney's going to be there, to look really hot because Jason's going to be there, and to have you introduce me to your friend Dax." The wind blew, as I looked at the iconic Water Tower, for a brief second.

"I don't think you and Dax would get along," Johnson said, quite saltily. We had spent the entire time before this talking about him and his love of crazy girls, I had found out that Johnson was even more of a weirdo and douche bag than I thought previously. He basically thought that he had mad game for banging girls left and right- even though the girls he was banging were completely crazy, and that they thought his little gremlin man-child ass was attractive.

"That's fine, you can still introduce me to him" I said, sassily.

"Why didn't you want to go on another date with me? I just want to know what went wrong," he said, as I found my hand curling into a fist. We were having a perfectly nice time, and I had absolutely no idea why he had to bring this up.

"Dude, it's just like I told you before, I just didn't like you. I just wasn't attracted to you, and I just wasn't that into you," I said. We continued to walk, when he decided to ask me another question.

"Did you ever blog about me?"

"No, I never mentioned you, and I never gave you a name or anything." I turned to see him looking at me, completely offended and shocked.

"What? You weren't that important."

"I didn't even get a name? Did Romney get a name? Jason?"

I nodded.

"What?"

"I don't know why you think you're so special Johnson, I didn't like you, I wasn't attracted to you, and I wasn't into it. I was honestly more preoccupied with Rafael, who by the way, is super hot."

"But why weren't you attracted to me?"

Fuck, was he going to ask this the whole walk to Target?

"I told you," I said, annoyed, "I just didn't like you."

"I know, but I just want to know why."

For the entire walk to Target, from Water Tower Place to City Target, this kid non-stop asked me why I didn't like him. For whatever reason, he could not seem to fathom why I didn't like him, it seemed like an inconceivable thought.

"I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU, I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU AND IT HAPPENS, OKAY?!" I yelled, as pedestrians looked at me, and Johnson blinked.

"I know but-"

"I just wasn't attracted to you, okay? I just didn't like you like that. Stop asking me, and get over it. People aren't attracted to some people, people don't like some people. It's part of life."

"I guess I'm just salty because out of all the girls that I've tried to bang, I didn't get you."

Was he fucking shitting me.

"Okay, and you're never going to get me. I'm flattered, but you had no chance of banging me then, and you have no chance of banging me now. It's never going to happen."

"I'm just petty, I guess, because I usually get-"

"I don't care," I said, adamantly interrupting him. "Nothing's happening, we're platonic friends and you need to get the fuck over it."

"I just don't understand," he said, for the millionth time that night. I turned to face him, and my face was obviously extremely annoyed. My left hand was still curled in a fist, as I resisted the urge to slap him with my right hand.

Don't throat punch him, Blair.

"I TOLD YOU, I just didn't like you! I wasn't attracted to you, AND it's never going to happen. If you try anything, I will throat punch you."

"Yeah, but how could you like Romney and not me?"

"Because Romney was intelligent, funny, and charming, and I was just attracted to him, AND I WASN'T ATTRACTED TO YOU."

"I just don't understand, Blair."

I contemplated pushing him off that bridge for a moment, and then took a deep breath. "DUDE, I just am not attracted to you, it happens."

You guys, you don't understand how extremely cocky and extremely annoying this kid is- I mean, can you blame me for not being remotely attracted to him? Not to mention that when we went on a date, the kiss was so uneventful, and he fucking ate off of my plate. Who told you that you could eat off of my damn plate?!

"But Jason too?"

"I AM ATTRACTED TO HIM, I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU."

We finally arrived to Target, and I wish I could report that he finally stopped asking me, but no, he continued to ask me, and then added a sprinkling of insults to bring me down.

• "Blair, I didn't even really like you, I just wanted to bang you."
• "Blair, I just was physically attracted to you, that's it."
• "I am just surprised that you didn't want to bang me too."
• "I can't believe you banged Romney and not me."
• "I can't believe that you dated Romney."
• "You were attractive enough."
• "You weren't that hot."
• "On the binary scale, you would be a 1, you would be enough."
• "I don't really care that you didn't like me, I actually was relieved."
• "I thought at the time that you liked me too much."
• "You seemed like you were moving fast"
• "I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND"
• and the list goes on and on and on

And to all of those, I said the same thing, "I just didn't like you and wasn't attracted to you, it happens. Not everyone is attracted to you and not everyone is going to like you."

"I don't really care Blair, I'm over it. I just am petty bec-"

"OKAY," I said, interrupting him. We were finally headed home, and this walk to the pink line had been the longest. "JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. I didn't like you, I wasn't attracted to you, now we're platonic friends."

Johnson stared at me blankly.

"It's just that you're a little inconsiderate, that's all."

WAS HE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

And in that moment, after hours of having him nonstop ask me why I didn't want to date him, for making me feel like I was obligated to bang him and be attracted to him, and of of being blamed for not liking him, I finally couldn't take it anymore. I super-saiyan throat punched Johnson in the throat, and he flew against the wall.

Just kidding.

(I wish).

What really happened was that I felt the anger fume inside of me, the anger that I had been holding in since Johnson opened his stupid man-child gremlin mouth. I took a deep breath, and then responded.

"How am I inconsiderate?"

"It's just you're saying that other guys are hot and stuff, and that's inappropriate and inconsiderate."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"It's just inappropriate, considering the circumstances."

And as we stood there, me fuming from anger at the Pink Line stop, all these people watched me yell at Johnson Baker (who FINALLY got a fucking name on my blog for being the most annoying piece of shit I have ever met in my life).

"SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE GOING TO CALL ME INCONSIDERATE FOR THAT?"

"Yeah, maybe I'm not used to independent women or whatever, but you just have no filter."

"OKAY, FIRST OF ALL. You're just salty because I didn't like you, and I wasn't attracted to you. SO WHAT? We're supposed to be PLATONIC FRIENDS NOW. You need to get over it and stop being so petty, because you have no chance of banging me now, and you didn't have a chance back then. SECOND OF ALL, WE WENT ON LIKE TWO DATES, A MONTH AGO. It's not even that big of a fucking deal, it's not like we almost got married or anything, WE WENT ON TWO DATES. OKAY, AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M BEING INCONSIDERATE OR INAPPROPRIATE. I HAVE A FUCKING FILTER, it's not like I'm being sexist, racist, or inappropriate- because guess what? I THINK GUYS ARE HOT. RAFAEL IS FUCKING HOT. I'm a human- and I'm allowed to say guys are hot. People say that people are hot. My other guy friends say that girls are hot, I say that guys are hot. No one gives a fuck. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GIVE A FUCK. You talked about girls, I talked about guys. Because you can say girls are hot, and I won't give a flying fuck- and you shouldn't give a fuck- BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? WE AREN'T DATING, WE DIDN'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE FOR THE FUCKING MILLIONTH TIME I DIDN'T FUCKING LIKE YOU AND I WASN'T FUCKING ATTRACTED TO YOU, SO GET OVER IT. I'm not inappropriate OR inconsiderate, you're just being fucking petty because you want to bang me and you can't."

I gave no fucks at that point, I was just extremely tired of this stupid kid, and his annoying ass gremlin man-child face. He was so extremely cocky and douchey that for whatever reason, he couldn't understand, even though I said it a million times, that I just wasn't attracted to him. WHAT THE FUCK?

But that wasn't the end, it never was when you wanted it to be.