Romney's Ex

"I usually make up my mind about a man in ten seconds, and I very rarely change it."
-Margaret Thatcher

-

As I walked out of the crowded bar, heeled ankle booties clicking on the pavement, I looked around for a curly mess of hair. And as soon as I turned to face a flickering street light, Johnson appeared, waving at me. I was glad that the two of us could be friends, even though there was no reason we couldn't be. 

We went on two dates- and after the awkward kiss on the second, I immediately knew that I had absolutely no interest in him. He was weird and cocky, and just...I wasn't attracted to him at all. He was like this little gremlin man-child to me, a perfect candidate for a friend, but definitely not even close to being in the running to be my boyfriend. He had asked for another chance and for another date after I had not-so-casually suggested that I didn't like him, and I told him that my decision was adamant. But he was a cool guy, and the fact that he invited me out with his friends had suggested that he was cool.

"Hey what's up?"

"Not much, are your friends in there?" I asked, as he directed me to the crowded, dive-y bar across the street.

"Yeah, but I'm going to introduce you as Romney's ex, because that'll make you seem cooler," Johnson said, as we headed to the back. 

It turns out that Romney is not only ridiculously and extremely unpopular among women, but also among men. 

The bar was full of people, green beers being passed around and plastic beads clattering everywhere. What did I expect, going out on St. Patrick's, anyways? As we approached the group, I immediately noticed him. He was tall, cute, and extremely handsome- his sandy blonde hair perfectly clashed with his pistachio green button down and navy blue Land's End sailing vest. He was wearing navy Sperrys, and he exuded the swagger of an old-timey sailor. 

"This is Romney's ex," Johnson said, gesturing to me.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you!" I said, as I shook his hand. "I'm Blair."

"I'm Anders, so you dated Romney, huh?"

"Unfortunately," I said, laughing. "Are you in the same class as Johnson?" 

He took another swig of his bottle, and nodded. "Yeah, I want to go into pediatrics," he said, "What about you?"

"Me too! I want to go into pediatrics, because I think children are so incredibly innocent. And the majority of the unfortunate things that occur to them, which end up in the ER, are not by their choice or mistake, but the mistakes of adults."

"I agree completely. And I think that when you save a child's life, it's just so much more meaningful. That's why I want to go into pediatric surger-"

And in that moment, the gremlin man-child magically appeared. He introduced me to his other friends, Nate, Rohan, and Shah, and then quietly pulled me away.

"SO?"

"What do you mean, so?" I said, giving him side eye, and taking a sip of my lime sparkling water.

"So, what do you think?"

I looked over at the motley crew of guys he attempted to pawn me off to. "Did you really think I'd like any of them?" They were definitely not my type, at all. It was as if I had envisioned a Kate Spade bag and someone threw an Ed Hardy at me. I was a bit insulted, because I felt like he purposely was throwing these guys at me.

"I mean, I thought you'd like Shah...or Rohan, or maybe Randy," Johnson said, shrugging. I looked over at the 5'5 tiny Caucasian male looking back at me, and then gave Johnson a dirty ass look.

"So how do you know Johnson?" 

I turned around, to see Anders standing there, looking at me.

"I went on a couple dates with him that didn't work out, and so I, uh, we decided it'd be better off as friends."

"Really?" Anders said, looking at me. "So you aren't a thing with him?" Anders leaned in a bit, and I laughed.

"Definitely not," I said, leaning in a bit. Anders looked at, and as all the commotion happened, we kinda just stood there, for a brief second.

"He's uh, actually supposed to be my wingman," I added, making it even more obvious that I was very much single.

"Really?" 

I looked at Anders expectantly. Score, Blair, you've been out for like fifteen minutes and you've already met a perfectly perfect guy.

"Then you should talk to Rohan," Anders responded, "He's a good guy."

I stood there, in shock. Did he just say what I thought he was saying?

TALK TO ROHAN?

"One second, where Johnson?" I nonchalantly asked, walking over across the bar.

"I think Anders is cute," I whispered. I turned to see Johnson, giving me the dirtiest look.

"I know you do, and he's taken," Johnson said, walking off. I casually flipped my hair over my shoulder, and headed back to Anders, who was sneakily checking me out.

Even though Anders was taken, I still had fun talking to the guys, telling them embarrassing stories about when I dated Romney and just talking in general. It was a little bit annoying because they were all inconspicuously trying to spit game, or pawn themselves off on me. But I tried to dodge it as best as I could....by making it very clear that we were platonic friends. 

After pulling another one of them off, I turned to see Anders, holding a green beer.

"You know you've been holding that beer for like an hour," Anders said, snarkily. He pushed a bit of his hair back.

The two of us stood and talked, and suddenly, as we talked, I felt a presence next to me.

"He has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend, you look thirsty as fuck," Johnson whisper-yelled, as I stood right in front of Johnson.

I had no idea why he was so obviously annoying, but I decided to ignore it.

"You really should talk to Rohan though," Anders said, as he broke the silence between us. "He really is the best one out of all of us."

-

The rest of the night was a mixture of Johnson trying to pawn his unattractive (but very cool!) friends off on me, and his friends trying to pawn him off on me. But regardless, as I sat on that couch, and had all these ridiculous guys around me, and Anders sitting across from me, it seemed like that was exactly what I needed. The New Girl references, the beer, the pizza, and the gossip, it was all perfect. And even though I definitely didn't meet the next blog-worthy guy, it didn't matter, because I was having fun.and having a good ass time.

The universe always seems to have a ridiculous sense of humor, and instead of sending me the perfect guy, it instead sent me four imperfect guys- who ended up being exactly what I needed.