Electrifying

“Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.”
 -John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

-

"Okay, tell me about Rafael now," Yael said, as he crumpled up the piece of foil next to his plate. I was still working on the chili chicken paratha that was in front of me.

I've thought about how specific I want to get about chronicling things that happen, of the...sexual persuasion. I'm no Lena Chen, after all. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, it makes me a bit...weary. And I just simply don't think that I can bring myself to write all the sordid details of my sex life. So this post is going to be rocky, and it's going to experiment with my writing style and my personal boundaries.

-

When I walked out of the lobby, Regina was nearby, just to stand and be a little bit of a creeper. We decided that since she was curious about Rafael and what he looked like. I walked up to the door, and as soon as I saw him, my knees got a tiny bit weak. He was tall, handsome, and stood there, smiling at me, as I walked up to him. Black pants, dark green t-shirt, and coat. He was definitely more handsome in person, and his smile was enough to make me go weak.

We hung out and watched Master of None for a while, we talked and laughed, getting closer and closer each time. We talked for a while, and hung out for a while, until he said that he probably should be heading out soon.

"You haven't even been here that long, you're going to go already?" I asked, looking at him.

"Yeah, I'd stay if I could, but I have that doctor's appointment tomorrow, and work."

"Are you sure?" I whispered, as he learned in a bit closer. His hands moved down to my waist, and he pulled me in closer.

There's always that moment you have before you're going to kiss for the first time. You always feel it, because your heart beats faster and you start to get butterflies in your stomach. It's the brief moment of panic, and then relief, before you both lean in and your lips touch.

Rafael and I kissed, as he pulled me in closer, and moved his hands down the side of my body, stroking my legs and pulling them around him. We were perfectly in sync, as his lips pressed against mine and our tongues intertwined, dancing around. As we pulled apart, we both smiled, as we kept kissing, and our bodies kept synchronizing in motion. I gently bit his lip, and pulled away, looking straight at him.

"We're not going to fuck tonight," I whispered, as he looked at me.

"I know, Blair, but that doesn't mean that we can't have fun." He pulled my shirt off, and started to move the waist of my yoga leggings downward.

OH FUCK.

Regina didn't trust my self control when I said that Rafael and I weren't going to have sex that night. So, in order to stop myself from sleeping with him, I kind of, sort of...didn't shave. I had shaved recently, but it was a bit stubbly, and not the most attractive looking.

I pushed him away for a second, and reached to turn the lights off, as he pulled my leggings, and my panties down.

He wasn't going to, was he?

He moved downwards, kissing the right of my hip, and then my inner thigh, reaching towards me, and then did something that completely surprised me.

After Rafael surprised me, he came back up, and placed his hand on the side of my face, pulling me into another electrifying kiss. We kissed, as he flipped us over, until I was on top, straddling him. And then, accidentally, spontaneously, it just happened.

-

"YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM, was it good?" Yael asked, leaning in closer.

"It was very good, and that's not all!" I said, with a smile.

-

As we laid there, I looked at Rafael, nudging him a bit.

"Move over, I want to lay down too!" I laughed.

"You can, just lay right here," he said, placing a hand on his shoulder, I laid down, and he wrapped his arm around my waist, as we laid, and talked. We talked about my brother, we talked about his line of work- we talked about a bunch of things. And I realized that there was definitely a chance that something could happen between me and this guy.

-

"So the conversation was good? Did he just go after that?"

"Nope. We kissed again, he ate me out again, and we hung out for a bit, because I was trying to get him to stay longer."

"AGAIN?"

"Yup," I admitted, with a sly smile.

-

"Okay, I really should get going," Rafael said, as he stood up. He put his shirt on, and pulled out his phone, calling an Uber, as he looked for his pants. As he looked, he stopped for a moment, looked at me, and kissed me, a lot lower than I expected. He looked up at me, smirked, and finally said, "Fuck it," before cancelling his Uber.

After the second round, we both got dressed, and he stuck around for a bit. I went into my room, and sat on my bed, as he emerged from my bathroom. He walked into my room, and up to me. Rafael looked at me, and then placed his hand in the small of my neck, pulling me into a kiss.

But it wasn't just a kiss.

There are some kisses in life that are so electrifying, that are so intense that you simply don't know what to do. It's electrifying, and you feel a chill down your spine, as this kiss has caught you completely by surprise. It's spontaneous, and you just....you just feel it.

And as it ended, and we looked at each other for a moment, he flashed me another sly smile, and pulled me into another kiss, this one gentler, and sweeter.

"Walk me out?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"Sure."

-

As I hung out with Yael, I couldn't help but think about what was going on with Chuck, and how he had become this shell of a person.

"You know how someone gets over their lover passing away?" I asked Yael, randomly, as I typed on my laptop.

"I don't know, I think that would really suck and it'd be incredibly hard. Why do you ask, Blair?"

"I guess it's because I know how it feels. Because Chuck died. He went from being incredibly happy, and so full of life, to the person he is now. It's like the Chuck that I fell in love with died, and now there's this guy running around who isolates himself and puts up a facade. And it's not Chuck, it's this ghost walking around, because the real Chuck died." I looked at Yael, and he stared back, slightly, horrified.

"Wow, Blair, that's deep."

"And I guess that's how I moved on, because I know that I'll never be with him again, because he just...died."

"Wow, I never thought of it like that," Yael said, looking at me. "But you should definitely talk to him.

-

"Not a lot of people would be friends with their ex boyfriend," I said, as Ariel and Yael mixed another cup of Baja Smash. "But I really care about him, as a friend."

"I can't imagine how hard that is, moving forward with your life, but also being there for him, and caring about him and making sure he's okay," Ariel admitted, as she took another sip.

"I just care about Chuck a lot, and I want to make sure he's okay," I admitted.

"You're a really good friend to him, Blair."

-

I had talked to Chuck that night, about everything that had happened, and that I was worried.

"I just want to make sure you're fine, you are my favorite person in the entire world," I admitted, as Chuck looked back at me.

"Even more than Rafael?" He asked, with a laugh. We were sitting comfortably on his bed, and I was a little more than drunk, but it was alright, because I was forming words.

"Yes, but I have only been on one date with him," I said, laughing. "It's actually become a qualification for the guys I date to be fine with us being friends, I don't think I could date someone who wasn't okay with it. You're very special to me, and I care about you a lot."

Chuck looked back at me, laughed, and smiled, for the first time, in a long time. It was like he was slowly being revived.

"You're one of my best friends too, Blair. And I care about you a lot, and you're special to me too."

-

As I laid in Chuck's bed, I felt arms wrap around me, as Chuck pulled me closer. I turned to face him, and he looked at me, as we laid, nose to nose.

"Blair, I care about you a lot, you're very special to me," he whispered, as we laid under his covers.

"I know, Chuck, I care about you a lot, and you're very special to me too." I wrapped an arm around him, and laid on his chest.

We talked a bit, before I fell asleep in his arms. Life was coming back into Chuck again, and I was glad that it was happening. Chuck and I have a special kind of friendship, it's something tricky to explain, but I'll try. Chuck and I are never going to get back together, and I love Chuck- in a special way. Not really in a romantic way, but in a way, where I care about him and he's special to me. But to reiterate, there is no way Chuck and I would ever get back together, based on some personal details about him I can't divulge. So innocently cuddling, or physical closeness is fine, as I am not in a relationship with anyone. It doesn't make me feel anything romantic, and it's just cuddling with Chuck- simple as that. Of course I would never do this, if I really liked another guy, but I'm just getting to know Rafael, and I haven't had that "damn moment."

So, because of the physical attraction I have to Chuck, I said that things like this are fine, until I have that "damn moment." Plus, Rafael is going to party this weekend, and I wouldn't be surprised if he did anything. Until you have that official talk, you can pretty much always assume that your potential partner could be boning or dating someone else.