“Now he was nothing to her, just a lesson in time, a wicked boy-man, incapable of wealth or prestige.”
-Coco J. Ginger
-
Let me tell you something about Rafael, guys. Rafael is 5'9, super hot, quite lazy, and frankly, kind of an asshole. And for whatever reason, I will admit that I am somehow attracted to this douchebag. To this guy who uses the word "shwag," can somehow barely take care of himself, and is honestly, completely refreshing. Rafael is a no bullshit, completely honest kind of guy, and he can take me being a sassy bitch, and asking loaded questions.
Not too long ago, I dated this architect that I kept trying to convince myself was going to be the perfect boyfriend. And then, reality hit, and I realized that he was honestly really meh and kind of a fool, and also that I just liked his car and the stuff that he got me. He was too clingy, too attached, and too fucking weird. Not to mention that I took him to The Art Institute and he didn't know what pointillism was.
I also dated this one guy who was twenty nine, in med school, and thought he was going to be the most bombtastic surgeon in the entire mother fucking world. But he was weird, and also super Republican, super conservative, and honestly, a complete fucking asshole. He mentioned my age, probably, fifty times per hour, and instead of just shrugging it off and saying "what up, bitches, I have a young, hot girlfriend," he just hovered on the fact that I was twenty and exceptionally more mature than he was.
Rafael and I had been texting since the whole kidney problem thing, after his crazy weekend in Champaign where he partied his balls off. We were still in the process of negotiating our second "date," and I had to tell myself a couple times, "Blair, you are not sleeping with him again, make him fucking work for it."
You know, being kicked out of your ex boyfriend's place with Saturday's hair, and yesterday's makeup really is a wake up call. Highly recommended for your single friends who are lost in the sauce.
"WAIT, you were in my building last night?!" Yael said, as we walked down the street.
"Yup, and that's when Chuck kicked me out." I admitted, as we passed another pedestrian. "JUST LIKE LAST NIGHT'S CHEAP ONE NIGHT STAND."
An elderly lady looked at me, giving me a dirty look. It wasn't that I was salty that Chuck had essentially told me to get the fuck out—okay, that was it. I was salty that he had kicked me out. I didn't expect him to be all, "Blair, I love you again let's fall in love together," but I definitely wasn't expecting him to be like, "Blair, go home. Get the fuck out."
...Okay, I paraphrased what had actually happened, but still! TF?
Blair, how are you ever going to be a writer if you write about everything so crudely?
It honestly blew my mind, how that happened, it was as if we had not spent a year and a half together, but maybe twenty seconds, before he kicked me out. I hadn't texted him, and hadn't talked to him. It had been a weird night, in general, and was frustrated with myself for even thinking that there was maybe a chance that Chuck had grew a heart, and that he had regretted ending things like that.
But anyways, back to Rafael. We had been texting like normal, and then suddenly, as I sat in my Physics lecture, I realized something.
RAFAEL WAS FUCKING GHOSTING ME.
He had not texted me back in 24 hours, and we did not make definite plans for a future date. He was fucking ghosting me. It didn't devastate me, but it wasn't a great feeling. I had been interested in him, and Rafael was actually pretty damn cool. You know, minus the whole fuck boy thing.
I walked out of class, to see Kayresia talking to a boy.
A cute boy. The three of us talked for a while, before I had to go off. He was cute, an old-timey dapper kind of cute.
Blair: He was cute
Kayresia: He said hit him up, he single
B: Give him my number. He's taller than me right? IS HE TALLER THAN ME?
Priorities, Blair.
Priorities.
And lo and behold, later that day-
Ezra: Hey Blair! It's Ezra. Kayresia gave me your number earlier in Physics class and told me to text you.
I stared at my phone, blankly.
Blair: YAEL WHAT DO I SAY
Yael: "Hi Ezra. I'm going to need you to rate yourself from 1-10. 1 being a fuck boi to 10 being a hopeless romantic." If he says 6-9 he's a keeper.
I had been texting Ezra a bit when Kayresia walked into my office, I had asked her everything that happened.
"....and then I was like, 'Blair's a thot. And then I was like, 'Blair's not a thot, she's just having a little trouble finding the right guy.'"
"YOU SAID I WAS A THOT!? I'M NOT A THOT!"
Kayresia looked at me, her eyes squinting. "And how many guys have you been with in January?"
"Romney, Ted...maybe Rafael." I said, adamantly.
She looked at me, "Really? What about, uh, Johnny, and Chuck?"
"Johnny is my friend with benefits, so he doesn't count. And Chuck and I dated already."
"Girl, that's how you know you a thot! You've got a friend with benefits. Anyways, tomorrow we're studying for Physics in the library, and he's going to be there! So there you go."
"He's probably only talking to me because you said I was a thot!"
"No, Blair, he's actually a really nice guy."
And as she walked out, I came to the realization that yeah, maybe it's been a crazy month, and yeah, maybe I'm not even remotely close to meeting the perfect guy. But that's okay, and it's not my fault, because there are so many fuckboys around here it's not even funny.
...Okay, I paraphrased what had actually happened, but still! TF?
Blair, how are you ever going to be a writer if you write about everything so crudely?
It honestly blew my mind, how that happened, it was as if we had not spent a year and a half together, but maybe twenty seconds, before he kicked me out. I hadn't texted him, and hadn't talked to him. It had been a weird night, in general, and was frustrated with myself for even thinking that there was maybe a chance that Chuck had grew a heart, and that he had regretted ending things like that.
But anyways, back to Rafael. We had been texting like normal, and then suddenly, as I sat in my Physics lecture, I realized something.
RAFAEL WAS FUCKING GHOSTING ME.
He had not texted me back in 24 hours, and we did not make definite plans for a future date. He was fucking ghosting me. It didn't devastate me, but it wasn't a great feeling. I had been interested in him, and Rafael was actually pretty damn cool. You know, minus the whole fuck boy thing.
I walked out of class, to see Kayresia talking to a boy.
A cute boy. The three of us talked for a while, before I had to go off. He was cute, an old-timey dapper kind of cute.
Blair: He was cute
Kayresia: He said hit him up, he single
B: Give him my number. He's taller than me right? IS HE TALLER THAN ME?
Priorities, Blair.
Priorities.
And lo and behold, later that day-
Ezra: Hey Blair! It's Ezra. Kayresia gave me your number earlier in Physics class and told me to text you.
I stared at my phone, blankly.
Blair: YAEL WHAT DO I SAY
Yael: "Hi Ezra. I'm going to need you to rate yourself from 1-10. 1 being a fuck boi to 10 being a hopeless romantic." If he says 6-9 he's a keeper.
I had been texting Ezra a bit when Kayresia walked into my office, I had asked her everything that happened.
"....and then I was like, 'Blair's a thot. And then I was like, 'Blair's not a thot, she's just having a little trouble finding the right guy.'"
"YOU SAID I WAS A THOT!? I'M NOT A THOT!"
Kayresia looked at me, her eyes squinting. "And how many guys have you been with in January?"
"Romney, Ted...maybe Rafael." I said, adamantly.
She looked at me, "Really? What about, uh, Johnny, and Chuck?"
"Johnny is my friend with benefits, so he doesn't count. And Chuck and I dated already."
"Girl, that's how you know you a thot! You've got a friend with benefits. Anyways, tomorrow we're studying for Physics in the library, and he's going to be there! So there you go."
"He's probably only talking to me because you said I was a thot!"
"No, Blair, he's actually a really nice guy."
And as she walked out, I came to the realization that yeah, maybe it's been a crazy month, and yeah, maybe I'm not even remotely close to meeting the perfect guy. But that's okay, and it's not my fault, because there are so many fuckboys around here it's not even funny.
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