It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves.
-Andre Gide
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For our first major gift giving holiday, I made Chuck an Adventure Book, much like the one Ellie has in Up. He was Carl, and I was Ellie- he was awkward and shy, logical and skeptical, and I was the crazy, spontaneous, wildly independent girl that pulled him out of his comfort zone. I bought all the supplies from Michael's and I was so damn excited about the gift that I gave it to him a whole month early. I'll never forget how he smiled, and how happy he was, as he turned each page of the hand-crafted scrapbook that I made, with pictures of each and every adventure we had. (Sometimes I think that if I ever see that book again, I'll cry so horribly that whoever is around me will be forced to do the noble thing, and pretend like I'm not crying at all- even though I will be bawling like a loser baby).
For our one year anniversary, Chuck purchased a framed print of a vintage-y and rustic watercolor painting of the globe, with cursive script that read, "Adventure awaits." He was supposed to hang it in my apartment, but he never did...because we shortly broke up.
And once we broke up, it broke my heart every damn morning when I saw that huge frame sitting on the ground, until one day I woke up, grabbed a neon colored post-it note, and scribbled, "WITHOUT HIM" and added it to the bottom of the cursive script.
That act of sass and defiance empowered me, when I had gotten flat out dumped on my ass. And now, it is months later, after all of the crazy nonsense that Chuck and I have gone through, when I once again have given up on his whack ass, and now find myself, with adventure awaiting, without him.
Blair and the Bald Hipster Girlfriend
Okay, so I was tremendously stupid for thinking that Chuck and I could just sneak around, and that we'd get back together after sneaking around, as if this was a romantic comedy or something. But my life isn't like a romantic comedy- at least, not the good parts of a romantic comedy. I haven't had sex with anyone except for Chuck, since that terrible encounter with Derek that I would rather forget forever. I have not been on a date since that terrible date with Derek that was accompanied with the terrible sexual encounter that I had with Derek, and I have no romantic prospects.
People say that this is your prime- your early twenties, when you're supposed to be running around like a little thot, meeting hot guys easily as hell, and being easy as hell. And as I watched Young and Hungry, that seemed to be true- I mean, they meet hot guys so incredibly easily, it's as if they show up out of no where. Maybe I'm just living in the wrong city. Or destined to be alone forever.
I used to really love romantic comedies, because they made me feel all magical and tingly inside- but after watching Bridget Jone's Diary the other day, and then crying embarrassingly uncontrollably, because Chuck will probably never do anything magical or tingly to win me over (he probably is torturing small animals in the woods, according to Serena), I've decided to enjoy sitcoms and Grey's Anatomy.
However, there is only so much avoiding social interaction you can do, and only so much shopping and lipstick buying you can do to pretend like your ex boyfriend didn't screw you over, for what possibly might be the millionth time. Matthew and Salvador (Sally) had their housewarming party, and I of course went, as I am Matthew's "girlfriend" aka, best lady friend for life.
As I stirred my Whole Foods inspired pasta salad (penne, olives, mozzarella, pepperoni, spinach, dressing and spices), Sally said something that made me nearly drop my pan of pasta.
"What time is Calvin coming?" Sally asked, looking over at Matthew.
Kayresia stopped, and laughed, "Blair and Calvin in the same room? Oh lord."
"What? Things between us aren't bad, we're cool," I said, hiding the fact that when we ran into Calvin last month at Jewel-Osco that he had noticed me, and totally pretended that he didn't know me. Kayresia was super obsessed with Jewel Monopoly at one time, and so we were there quite a bit, but I digress.
Long story short, Matthew used to work at Buffalo Wild Wings, and I may or may not have furiously and super obviously flirted with Calvin during my rebounding from Chuck phase...which means that I one hundred percent did. I definitely did. But that was a long time ago, kind of, sort of. ANYWAYS, regardless, I haven't flirted with him recently, and it's not like I was throwing my body at him or anything.
But putting on another coat of lipstick wouldn't hurt. I put on another layer of the dark brownish color I was wearing, as Kayresia gave me a look from across the room.
"What? It can't hurt."
And as soon as that last syllable of that sentence, the buzzer went off. I froze in place, as Matthew went over to the door, and opened it, revealing not only Calvin...but a girl. A girl that looked straight at me, scanning me from head to toe. Her head was shaved, and her dress was covered with a worn-in dark colored flannel. Her eyes narrowed into little slits, as she scanned me like a cyborg, from head to toe. She scanned me in the way that only a girlfriend, would.
Surely, she must have thought to herself, "This bitch- she's the girl who was all over Calvin, my boyfriend."
It's okay, this is going to be a great housewarming for one of my best friends, so I'm just going to politely be polite and pretend like I never vivaciously flirted with him. I sat, twirled a small curl, and waited, as Calvin and his girlfriend went around the entire room, saying hello. And as they passed each person, I smiled cordially, pretending as if I didn't have a care in the entire world. And as they made their way around, they stopped at Matthew, handed him a bottle of red wine, and walked off to the food... completely skipping yours truly.
Now, if this was the Old Blair, I would have shot him and her a dirty look and commented on how shitty their red velvet wine was, and how I think it's absolutely disgusting.
But I sat, kept pretending like I didn't have a care in the world, as Matthew walked over, and whispered, "I didn't know, I'm sorry."
"Wow, the adventures of Single Blair. This is it," I thought to myself, "Running into guys that I embarrassed myself in front of and having them and their bald hipster girlfriends snub the fuck out out of me."
And in that moment, I decided that there was one of two things I could do. Awkwardly sit in the corner and sip my Sangria, or walk around, still sipping Sangria, and to decide to have the most bomb time that I possibly could.
The Lonely, The Bitch, and Quinoa's Wardrobe
There is nothing in the entire world that annoys me more than persistent guys, except for entitled persistent guys. For whatever reason, Roger had found it impossible that I would not want to date him...despite the many, many, many signs that I wanted him to go fly a goddamn kite. I was completely unattracted and disinterested in him, and the fact that he eyed me like a bottle of Smartwater in the desert made it all the more disgusting.
"He keeps asking if you're single," Kayresia laughed, as we sat at her kitchen table. Quinoa took another bite out of her taco, and I shook my head.
"I don't like him, and I don't like that I was trying to ignore him and he kept asking questions about me....and calling me shawty!" I mixed up the tv dinner of beef stroganoff that I was about to have, and shook my head.
"Like last time, when he was here and Quinoa and I were talking about guys on Bumble," I said, "He kept making comments and saying that he was offended that I said he wasn't cute, when I was clearly holding my fucking phone in Quinoa's face," I added, sassily.
"That's right, he was just there," Quinoa laughed.
He wouldn't leave me alone, and he was completely persistent, and annoying. Suddenly, we heard footsteps coming, and I knew who it was, as I ran, and dived into Quinoa's closet.
"Blair are you really-"
"SHH."
In mere seconds, it had been confirmed- Roger was standing right in the kitchen, as I had escaped moments before. He asked about me, lingered around, and I had sat there, silently, avoiding him in Quinoa's closet. That's what my life had resorted to, hiding in Quinoa's closet to avoid a boy that I didn't like.
-
"She can stay here," Roger said, eyeing me. "And you can go back upstairs," he said, looking at Kayresia.
"Stop staring at her." Kayresia said, as we walked off. The two of us headed to the elevator. As I ran towards the elevator, there stood Louis Romney.
Blair and the Elevator
When I first met Louis Romney, I had met him in an elevator. I had actually met him multiple times in an elevator before that, but never gave him the time of day because I was so hopelessly in love with Chuck Cuevas. Hopeless and utterly in love with Chuck Cuevas.I pressed the elevator button, as he turned to face me.
"You guys have exciting plans tonight?" he asked, turning to look at me and Kayresia. She stifled her laughter, as he looked at me, waiting for an answer.
"We're making tacos," I responded, "...and beefy crunch burritos." I may or may not have had a packet of diablo sauce in the pocket of my denim jacket, as I said that.
"I can see that," Louis said, chuckling. He turned to the buttons, and then asked, "Blair, I was certain you lived on the sixth floor."
"I do...we're going to Kayresia's place," I responded. Of course Louis was certain that I lived on the sixth floor, because he threw the bra and panties I left at his place at my door when we stopped seeing each other, and then ran away.
Suddenly, the elevator dinged, and I turned to walk off to Kayresia's floor.
"Bye Louis."
-
Kayresia had piggybacked me three blocks, after I had fell completely and utterly on my ass. My flip flop had snapped, and after walking approximately 2.82 steps, I had decided not to risk my feet on the dirty Chicago sidewalk.
As we walked into the lobby, I stood around casually, barefoot, as Louis Romney walked out of no where, looked at me, and smirked. "Have a good night, Blair," he said, as he walked off.
-
As Quinoa and I ran to the elevator, she stopped instantly, as I got on, and the door closed. Louis Romney was once again standing there, nonchalantly.
"You know, for someone who's trying to avoid me, you're doing a terrible job at it," I said, as the doors closed. I looked over at him, sneaking a glance. I couldn't deny that he was ridiculously attractive, and in my new, Chuck-less state, I definitely noticed how hot Louis was.
"I'm not trying to avoid you," he laughed, looking at me. "Did you move to the tenth floor? I could have sworn that you lived on the sixth," he said, changing the subject quickly.
"You said that last time," I responded, sassily. Louis looked at me, blushing awkwardly for a brief moment.
"I meant it, when I said it was nice seeing you," I said, turning away slightly.
"It's nice seeing you too," he said, as the elevator we stood in probably changed into one of the sexual elevators in Grey's Anatomy. Both of us were feeling flirtatious, and I thought that I looked pretty darn freaking cute that day.
"We had fun last semester, right?" Louis asked, flirtatiously.
And as soon as I was about to answer, the door opened, to have Kayresia, standing right there.
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