“I delete the picture of him from my phone; I delete his number. I think that if I just delete him enough, it will be like none of it ever happened and my heart won't hurt so badly”
-Jenny Han
-
I recently had a real-ass realization about things with Chuck...I'm sure you all are aware of this, after reading that ultra serious post that I put up the other day. It's hard, when you romanticize the past, but when you really look at things in hindsight, you realize what you have been missing...and it's not that phenomenal.
Coincidentally, I saw this Thought Catalog article this morning that really shined a big fat fucking light on my life, 20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You, and it genuinely broke my heart when I realized that I had been the subject of all of those tactics, at one point or another in my relationship with Chuck. That, coupled with the very real advice that Ramona gave me about how ridiculously unhealthy Chuck is for me, has made me really think about things.
And to think all of you laughed at me, and thought, "There's no way that she's really leaving his whack ass forever...she even accidentally messaged him!" BUT NO, REALLY, this time I'm actually serious.
Of course, there's times when I miss the good times, but quite honestly, we never yearn for the terrible parts, and the terrible outweighs the good. I've been trying to think about what to blog about since this whole Chuck drama subplot is over, and so, I think I've found something to blog about...at least for a little while...
I'm going to blog about discovering myself, loving myself, and my whole journey of eat, slay, love. Anyways, here's the first post after the genuine end.... please bear with me, because I'm not sure how this is going to exactly work. I promise it'll still be funny, ridiculous, and sassy here on Cliches of Chicago, though. I PROMISE.
OKAY, anyways.
When do you know exactly to cut the cord with an ex-boyfriend? The social media cord, of course, that links the two of you together. With so many forms of social media, it's not hard to keep tabs on your ex, whether you're trying to or not. No, but guys, I'm serious.
So, I have a really, really embarrassing confession to make. When Chuck and I weren't talking from March-April, I 100% social media stalked him. Not the normal social media stalk where I'd open up his Facebook profile...but the weird social media stalk where I would type "photos liked by Chuck Cuevas" and "posts liked by Chuck Cuevas" into the search bar. OKAY, you guys, don't judge me...we dated for a really long time, okay?
And I bet you guys didn't even know that Facebook had that feature- but I totally did, and I totally used it to creep on Chuck. On the completely reverse side, Chuck (or his friends) would always be the first people to view a Snapchat story once I posted one. And I'm sure you're thinking, what's the harm of having your ex as a Facebook or Snapchat friend?
Well, because it's so easy for you to creep on them! Once you start falling down that social media rabbit hole, I guarantee that you'll be listening to sad Drake songs and contemplating calling them on the phone...which is a terrible idea. (NOTE- future blog post on this)
Seriously, you don't want to be that weirdo trying to keep tabs on your ex (even if you're in a weird situation where they ask you to wait two years for them and you think you're going to get back together!).
Plus, by having your ex as a Snapchat, Instagram, or whatever follower, you totally end up stunting for the camera. You send up posting cute selfies, and videos of yourself out having fun. Whether or not it's intentional, you totally end up showing them how great you're doing in order to evoke something out of them! Take it from the girl who has posted multiple videos of her out in Boystown, cute hair and bodycon.
Plus if you post pitiful Snapchats of you eating hot cheetos...or on a date, do you really want them to see that? C'mon now.
And now, here comes the question, "When exactly do you delete them?"
This wise girl I used to be friends with, named Willa told me you have to, as soon as you delete them so that you don't see them over your timeline. I myself am a weird case, as things with Chuck and I were a weird case, but this is what I think- you delete them when you are done. (PS, which should be right when you break up).
You delete them when you move forward, for real. Even if it requires you playing Fight Song by Rachel Platten in the background when you delete them from Facebook. Only to realize your phone is dead, so you have to wait for it to charge before you dramatically delete them from Snapchat too. (I'm not going to lie, I hesitated for a moment with Snapchat, wondering to myself, "But what's the harm of him seeing my cute selfies?"
THE HARM IS YOU SENDING HIM DRUNK SNAPS, BLAIR.
AND THAT IS ANOTHER THING- you gotta lose them because we all know how people (aka me) get when they're drunk. Alcohol and late nights at the club in a super tight dress with skeezy guys just brings out that sad person that misses being kissed and cuddled by who they think is the bioengineer of their dreams (spoiler alert: your knight in shining armor is a fool in tin foil). Drunk texts are always terrible, and showing up drunk is never cute (I know, this is coming from a girl who still dated Chuck after he showed up at 3 am and threw up everywhere).
And because I am a truly candid person, I will post all of the concerns that I had before finally growing some lady balls to delete Chuck outta here.
(If you are truly strong like Willa, then you block them also...but I'm not that mean or strong, okay.)
BUT HOW WILL THEY EVER CONTACT ME, BLAIR?
The point is that they're not supposed to! That's the point of deleting them out of of social media...deleting them out of your life! Okay, this is how I view things- if they didn't want to be deleted, then they wouldn't have dumped you! They should have known that this was a possibility. Trust me, guys don't dump girls that they want to keep, no matter how long they ask you to wait for them, or how nicely they say it.
Especially if they come back from Mexico and pretend like they never said they had a lot of favorite things about you.
Plus, if the guy on Twitter whose girlfriend messaged him on DirectTV taught us anything, it's that when there's a will, there's a way. If they really wanted to contact you, they'd find a way. And don't try telling me otherwise- they're not living under a rock. If they have Wifi (or even dial-up, tbh), they will find a way to contact you. Or if they have DirectTV!
If not, they'll send a friend or carrier pidgeon.
Plus, c'mon, let's not be dramatic, you didn't block them, they can still try and send you shit. There's a whole industry based on exes sending unwanted messages- there's a book!
BUT BLAIRRRR, HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO KNOW I'M DOING BOMBTASTIC?
OKAY, if you really are doing bombtastic then you shouldn't give a fuck as to whether or not your ex knows it or not. Who cares about that plebeian? They're a peon, they suck, and now they're not part of your life anymore! Live your life for you, because if you care about them seeing how you're doing, you're living your life for them. And trust me, you don't owe them anything else! In the words of Rihanna, and T.I., "just live yo life."
Plus, tbh, social media and gossip spread like wildfire, so if you marry the CEO of Tinder or something, even his mother is going to know.
REMEMBER- guys don't dump girls that they want in their lives...so why do you want them in yours?
BUT I WANNA SHOW OFF MY UPGRADED BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!
Who TF do you think you are, Taylor Swift? Remember that she got her ass handed to her by Kim K, because she's a fake ass snake...
C'mon, this is just petty. And chances are, if you want to show off your new man to your ex, you don't really like him... trust the girl who dated an architect even though he was really really annoying because she liked the free dinners, the flowers, and the snapchat brags!
God he was annoying.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET BACK TOGETHER IF I DELETE HIM?
"REMEMBER- guys don't dump girls that they want in their lives...so why do you want them in yours?"
No, but seriously, if he wanted you, he wouldn't have dumped you. He knew what he was risking, and this is just one of the minor things...
Plus, like DirectTV Twitter man, if he really wants to find you, he will. I promise. (PLUS, I'm just talking about deleting them, your girl said nothing about blocking them!)
(Please don't start thinking about how he hasn't tried to find you, that's just a sad hole you don't want to go into).
But on a serious note, trust me, I know it's hard. It was hard for me, and I lowkey almost cried when I did it. It's closing the book on someone who once was the most important person in the entire world to you, and giving up the hope that the two of you will ever reconcile (at least that's how I viewed things when I did it). But sometimes you need closure, and to not see the stupid videos that your ex keeps sharing with everyone, or the pictures of him tagged by his aunt at their family wedding in Mexico.
No one deserves that.
So, take a deep breath, blast your power anthem, and just press that button.
And please, tell me if you get a message on DirectTV.
(On the subject of deleting their number, I delete the number but send it to a reliable friend in case I ever need it, for a serious reason. Said reliable friend will decide if it is necessary. As for their photos, I upload them all to a Dropbox that I never open).
No comments:
Post a Comment