Mrs. Blair Harvard

“Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.” 

-Julie Spira, The Perils of Cyber-Dating

-

Karley Sciortino. Sinderella. All the fearless, bold, effortlessly chic and sassy women out there who blog about terrible guys that they date. And of course, yours truly.

After a weekend in the suburbs, an accidental haircut, a new Kate Spade purchase, and a spontaneous break up, I knew that my rom-com was just beginning. Cue Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. After making a Tinder, deleting it, and then remaking it again, I promised Matthew and myself that I would keep it for at least a week. After finally leaving Chuck behind (translation: I tried to be cute, I realized that he was still being a stupid little bitch, and then text-yelled at him and accidentally butt dialed him twice, then proceeded to post a cryptic Snapchat), and embarrassing myself with Rafael and Jason (translation: I tried to text them both being cute, Rafael was confused because he had long deleted my number...and Jason didn't text me back) I realized that I needed to expand my horizons.

Despite my fear of guys with Asian girl fetishes and weird finance guys, I downloaded Tinder and told myself that I wouldn't delete it after a week. I mean, I haven't had the worst experiences...right?

Um, besides Jason Cross, Johnson Baker, Ted Chang, Jake Reagen, Rafael Mancila....every guy that I've met on Tinder.

OKAY, Jake Reagan was not that bad! Except for the part where he broke my eighteen year old heart into pieces and then moved to Milwaukee, never to be heard from again.

Okay, you guys, if I had gone to U of I instead of staying that weekend where Chuck showed up drunk, things could've ended up not completely terrible! I could have been one of those Buzzfeed listcle people, and talked about how I met the love of my life on Tinder, again. Or I would have gone back from U of I, and realized that Chuck and I were meant to be (at that time).

Okay, I fucking admit it, I have met some shitty guys on Tinder. But I've met some shitty guys in real life too! It doesn't take an app to date terrible men, although people might think otherwise.

I was trying to be a better person, I mean, you get what you give, right? I had decided to let go of the fact that I had sacrificed and did so much for Chuck, only to have him treat me like complete and utter shit. Karma could do my dirty work for me, as I was focused on being positive, happy, and kind.

Rafael: I'm confused lol but alright
Blair: I'm pretty sure if you remembered who I was you'd be like, "what the actual fuck?"

Mostly because I yelled at him and called him a schwag fuck boy- but he deserved it! He lied about kidney failure and I had to go and buy Plan B by myself! AND PAY FOR IT BY MYSELF. It wasn't like in Master of None- no Martinelli's was given to me! I did not receive an Uber ride home courtesy of a nice Indian actor man. I mean yeah, he was an asshole, but I was trying to be cute or something when I texted him.

Rafael: I'm already thinking that because you have my number, know who I am, and I don't lol
Blair: I figured, and I actually hit you up because I felt bad for being such a bitch about everything...my ex and I broke up like a few weeks before we met and I acted ridiculous. I'm really not terrible! And you get what you give, right?
Rafael: Lol are you that asian girl from tinder?

-

"But didn't you guys know each other?" Audrey asked, as we walked around City Target. I had decided to not respond to Rafael, because I was trying to be a good human being, and the only response I could think of was, "You know damn well that you know my name, asshole."

"YES, Audrey, we did know each other. For fuck's sake, the two of us talked for like a week before we had sex! And how many Blairs exist in the city of Chicago, come on."

"Maybe he for-"

"AUDREY, he knew my name, we talked and flirted and it was like a week and a half of build up before the sex! He even knows Chuck's name. He's just being a little piece of bullshit because he is a fuck boy."

"Maybe he's heartbroken because you think he's a fuckboy and he genuinely had feelings for you."

I burst out in laughter, laughing uncontrollably in the middle of City Target. "Yeah right, Rafael?" As I took another step towards the chocolates and candies, my phone went off.

"UGH, it's probably another match." 

I had agreed to keep Tinder for a week, and it wasn't a terrible idea. The dating pool in my social network seemed to be non-existent, considering that I can't date any of the med students at my school after the whole Louis, Johnson, Jason, St Baldrick's thing, and because all the guys at my school seem to know about the Chuck Cuevas and Blair Bui romance....and every guy in this zip code. I needed to expand my horizons, and keep an open mind. I couldn't help but fear what psychopath Tinder had in store for me...

Johnathan. Harvard. Hedge Fund trader. Twenty two...and ridiculously handsome. As I mentally imagined that our relationship would be like, Audrey interrupted.

"Blair, he has pictures with Korean BBQ, maybe he has an Asian fetish," Audrey said, bursting my bubble.

I gave her a look, and shook my head, "Audrey, don't burst my bubble, Harvard and I could be soulmates!"

"He seems too good to be true, he might be a Catfish."

I typed in 'Johnathan Harvard' into Facebook, and he popped up immediately.

"Johnathan Fa-Kassam."  He was definitely hot enough for me to throw on a little green dress and some wedges...but would he be fun enough to stick around past the third date?