"Trust me, I don't need you."
-Jack & Jack (Doing It Right)
-
I would like to think that I was supremely sexy and that we went at it again because he wanted me....not because he was trying to distract me from the guacamole.
I laid there, frozen against the mattress, as Rafael stood there, panting and practically gasping for air. I'm not going to go into more detail, I'll just say that Rafael likes making messes...on my chest and stomach area.
"Rafael, go get a fucking towel, this is disgusting!" I said, trying not to move. The last time he had made a mess (in February) it was the biggest mess I had seen in my entire life- it was like he hadn't beat it since he was twelve! This time wasn't as colossal, but it was still gross. I had no idea where he had been or what he's been doing, after all.
Rafael wiped me off with a mystery cloth, and chuckled a bit.
"Did you just wipe me with one of your dirty shirts?" I asked, as he chucked the mystery garment back on to Dirty Clothes Mountain.
"Even worse," Rafael said, grinning at me... "It's my boxers." I looked at him in shock.
HE WIPED HIS MESS OFF OF ME WITH HIS DIRTY BOXERS.
"Oh my god."
After a little post-sex chatting (We talked about grad school, and he told me about all the things he makes in his crock pot...and what his plans were before he just got a random degree), I excused myself to go to the restroom (Always pee after sex! It prevents UTIs!)
Upon finishing, I turned to reach for a piece of toilet paper, only to see that there was absolutely none.
Rafael lived in a house with two other guys, was there absolutely no one in this apartment that was quasi responsible? I looked in all the cabinets and drawers, hoping that some young lady that had previously wandered through this parts had been faced with my dilemma, and then placed some wipes or paper for the next poor unfortunate soul. Nothing.
To be honest, I was so annoyed with him that I contemplated wiping my lady parts off with a towel, but resisted.
I peeked outside to see Rafael scrolling through his phone, and snuck over to the next bathroom. There was nothing in the second as well.
"You have no toilet paper," I said, walking out of the bathroom.
Rafael looked up at me, and said, "Check the other bathroom."
Was he serious? I swear to you, there is no man more irritating than Rafael Mancilla.
I gave him a look, and responded, "I did. There's none."
"No way," Rafael said, getting up. He walked into each bathroom, and looked at them, in disbelief. "Where the fuck is the toilet paper?"
"I told you so," I said, standing in the hallway as Rafael walked through the living room, to the kitchen. He appeared moments later, and threw a roll at me, which I somehow managed to catch gracefully and without hesitation.
"Nice catch," Rafael said, with a wink.
I walked back to the bed, where he was laying, under the covers. He looked at his phone, and shook his head for a second, "Fuck, it's midnight already... I'm going to regret this later."
I turned to face him, and gave him quite possibly the evillest look that I have ever given anyone. I gave him phenomenal sex, and he couldn't wait until I left to say this shit. Almost immediately, Rafael fired back, "Not that you came over, but that I stayed up this late. Fuck, Blair." He pointed at the light, "You can stay or you can go, it's whatever you want," he added.
"It's whatever you want, I don't care" I responded. I really didn't, but if he wanted to cuddle all night or feed me guacamole, I wouldn't shoot it down.
"Me, I would go home and sleep in my own bed, but that's just me. I don't know, because you're a girl and shit. It doesn't matter to me."
"Is this your way of telling me to get the fuck out?"
"No, because if I wanted you to get you the fuck out, I would have told you to get the fuck out already."
Now, in any other situation, I would have been like, "Deuces! Byeeee!" and gone home, but I was laying naked in his bed, and I had been laying naked in his bed for a while, and I was comfortable and sleepy laying naked in his bed.
Plus, I didn't care what he thought about me. If I was trying to be his lady or whatever, I would have left in fear of looking too clingy or whatever, but I was tired and I gave zero fucks. I know that guys don't like girls staying because they don't want to confuse them, they don't want to give off the wrong idea, and they don't want to give them breakfast or whatever, but this was none of those situations! I wasn't confused, I didn't get the wrong idea, and I didn't want any breakfast from Rafael! I didn't need or want anything from him besides sex, guacamole, and toilet paper.
"Okay, then I'm sleeping because it's late."
"Okay, but I don't do any of that cuddling bullshit, plus it's hot in here."
I turned the other way, and then pulled the covers up, "That's totally fine, because I don't either, and I don't give a fuck." I could feel Rafael staring back at me in shock, although I was facing the other way. I knew that he was used to being the asshole back to the clingy and sad girls that wanted commitment or something more from him. But I wasn't clingy or sad, and I didn't want anything more from him.
Later that night...
I woke up, realizing as soon as I opened my eyes that Rafael had woken me up. The last time a guy I was casually sleeping with woke me up was when Johnny woke me up in the middle of the night because he was going to eat Poptarts or some stupid shit like that- which annoyed the living hell out of me.
There are only a few good reasons to wake Blair up-
- The apartment is on fire
- There is a murderer
- Blair didn't wake up when her alarm went off
- Someone is dying
"Ugh, this better be good," I grumbled, as I sat up.
"It's hot as hell in here, so I'm going to sleep on the couch now."
"You woke me up for this?" I stared back at Rafael in disbelief, half exhausted and half annoyed.
"Yeah, I wanted to tell you that I was going."
My face was now 100% disbelief...was he shitting me?
"Why'd you wake me up for this? Go ahead, more bed for me, I don't give a fuck," I mumbled, as I started to fall asleep again.
I was in disbelief, was he really waking me up to announce that he was going to sleep on the couch now? What the fuck? I didn't care where he was going or what he was doing, and unless he was leaving to catch a murderer or to go to Taco Bell, he should have just let me sleep! I didn't care that his ass was going to the couch. God forbid, did he expect me to go sleep on his nasty frat boy couch?
I made a mental note that just for that nonsense, I should leave when he was fast asleep.
Even later that night...
I woke up abruptly, immediately sensing that Rafael had woke me up again.
"Erghb, what do you want this time?" I groaned, as I rolled over to the left of the bed.
"I'm coming back to bed," Rafael said, as he crawled on the bed.
WHAT THE FUCK.
I gave him the most exhausted, but dirty look I could have. Did he really wake me up just to tell me that he was coming back to bed?
I resisted the urge to push him off his own bed. Plus, I was way too tired to even swat him away. I don't know why, even now, Rafael thought it was necessary to announce his presence and wake me up from my sleep to tell me that he was going to sleep on the couch, and then to tell me that he was coming back.
"Urgh, I don't care," I rambled, as I was falling asleep, "Stop waking me up...I don't give a fuck...sleep."
After that, I definitely was going to sneak out while he was sleeping.
Even more later that night...
I woke up to hear a weird clicking noise in the background.
"Fuck, I'm going to die now, and this is when this asshole doesn't wake me up," I thought to myself.
"What the fuck is that?" I said, as the clicking noise continued.
"Urgh, Blair.." Was he going to get mad for me waking his ass up now? SERIOUSLY? After he woke me up not only to tell me that he was going to sleep on the couch, but also to tell me that his whack ass was coming back to the bed...he was going to get annoyed?
"Go to bed, ergh."
"Go to bed, ergh."
That morning...
"You woke me up twice! I could have lived without knowing that you were going to sleep on the couch or that you were coming back," I said, as I searched the heaps of clothes for my floral printed romper.
"Yeah, well you woke me up all 'what the fuck is that noise,' it was my roommate and the crock pot," Rafael responded, as if his roommate cooking random shit in a crock pot at 3 am was a totally normal occurrence in 214.
What the hell was up with these guys and their crock pots? And what the actual fuck was his roommate making at three fucking AM in a crockpot. And why is this just a totally normal thing? Rafael literally told me that his roommate was cooking (I hope) with the crockpot at 3 am, as if it was nothing strange. Seriously though, what the hell was this kid making at 3 am? Fucking breakfast? Did everyone in 214 make absurb crock pot meals at inappropriate times of the day?
"Why the fuck was he using the crock pot at 3 am?"
Rafael looked back at me, as if I was the crazy one. He walked out of the room, and I pulled on my romper, and called my Uber. See, I was leaving his apartment, and I didn't even feel the need to announce it or tell him- he left the damn bed the night before, and woke me up!
Rafael walked into the room, and gave me a stern look, as he held up a travel sized tube of Korres moisturizer. He looked at me, as if I was an untrained puppy, and he was holding a torn apart shoe in his hands. SERIOUSLY, you would think that he was holding cocaine or something in his hand, but it was a tiny tube of face cream!
"Did you leave this here?" Rafael asked, in an accusatory term.
"Hell no, that's not mine." I fired back. Did he really think that I was,
- The type of girl that wanted to leave something at his place
- Dumb enough to leave that out of all things I could "accidentally" leave there.
- That I brought a tube of face cream? HELL, if I ever come back to that appointment the only thing I would bring is fucking toilet paper and a toothbrush (not to leave...I just don't want gingivitis!)
SERIOUSLY THOUGH. None of my actions hinted that I was even remotely interested in him. The only things I wanted from him this whole time were sex, toilet paper, guacamole, and for him to stop waking me up while I was sleeping!
"Well I found it in the bathroom, and it's not mine or any of my roomates.' I've never seen it before," Rafael shot at me, accusing me even more.
"What the fuck? It's not mine," I responded, coldly. I zipped up my Kate Spade, as his expression changed in a matter of seconds.
"Oh, okay, it must be one of the girls' that my roommates have had over," Rafael said, casually.
Okay, so there are hordes of women parading through this apartment. Ew. Maybe I should bring toilet seat covers next time...and get tested for STIs/STDs. I then wondered for a brief moment if it was Crock Pot Boy bringing these hordes of women back.
"Okay, well, my Uber is coming," I said, as I put my shoes on. If there was ever a great time for an Uber to come, it would be that exact moment.
"Let me walk you to the door," Rafael said. He sounded a little bit surprised, and I wondered for a brief moment if he expected me to announce that I was going to call an Uber beforehand. I wouldn't be surprised, because his ass seems to unnecessarily announce everything.
"It's fine, you don't need to," I said, as I headed to the door. It really wasn't necessary, it wasn't like he was my boyfriend or anything. He wouldn't even share his guacamole with me, or get me toilet paper without any snark, and now he wanted to walk me to the door? What happened to "I don't do this cuddling bullshit," or "why can't people have casual sex."
There was a little bit of back and forth ("you don't have to"), but he did end up walking me to the door, and I left, saying, "Okay, bye."
I didn't kiss him goodbye nor did I text him after that. Maybe I was mean, or maybe I seemed icy, but Rafael was trying to be caring one minute, and then heartless the second. Maybe it was because I knew that I couldn't confuse any bit of quasi-respectfulness as something sweet and considerate. Maybe it was because Chuck had left me feeling so jaded about romance and relationships. Or just maybe, it was a combination of the both.
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