Concrete Proof

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

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TWO years.

TWO YEARS.

I mean I like him a lot and he makes me happy and everything, but TWO YEARS. TWO YEARS. And it's not like I didn't miss him, and it's not that I'm not happy that he's back, but two years is a really, really long ass fucking time. And I know that he said he'd wait for me, and I know that he said he doesn't care if I can't have kids, and I know that when he kisses me it's absolutely magical and electrifying, and just... everything about him.

He brings out this side of me, this sweet, romantic, kind girl who thinks that waiting for someone is romantic, and that people deserve second changes. This girl who gives people second chances, and gives people the benefit of the doubt. A girl who smiles when she sees him, and has her heart beat faster and faster. This girl who thinks about him, wonders what he's been up to, and can't wait to see him again.

AND I'M NOT THIS GIRL, okay? I'm suppposed to be Blair Bui, who is cynical and tough, strong and a lone wolf. A girl who walks away and doesn't wait for anyone. A woman who flips her hair, puts on her lipstick, and acts like she doesn't have a single care in the entire world.

And I don't know what I want or what I'm supposed to want, it's like everything that I've been preaching doesn't fit my puzzle, and god, I can't believe that no one has made me feel a damn thing for months except for Chuck Fucking Cuevas.

And I know why, and I hate why, but it's the reason why, and it's always been the reason why. And I know it's because no one else is Chuck, and that's why I've been missing that fire. Because they're not Chuck, no one is Chuck.

And now I'm sitting here, stuffing Caesar salad in my mouth, wondering what he's thinking and what he's been up to, and what I'm even supposed to do. And my heart screams to listen to it, and my mind screams to listen to it, and they're both screaming at me and I just can't take it.

I took a deep breath, and sighed. "Okay, well what would you tell a client, if they came to you in this situation?"

Client Profile

Name: Blair Bui
Contact Information: (xxx) xxx-xxxx
Type of Consultation: Relationship/Break Up
Summary: Blair and her ex-boyfriend broke up spontaneously after approximately a year and a half of dating bliss. They tried to be friends after they broke up, but they kept sleeping together, as she dated (and slept with) other guys. She felt like her ex, Chuck, wasn't there for her like he should be, when she always always there for her. She thought he was a piece of shit, and that if he really wanted to be with her, he would. He told her that he couldn't be with anyone at the moment, because he had to figure himself out- if he could date her, he would. If he were to be with anyone, he would be with her. But she felt like if he really wanted to be with her, he would. She stopped talking to him, and he never fought for her or said anything about it. He never tried to talk to her, or to say anything to her, until her friend asked for her things back, and he kept messaging her with passive-aggressive messages that were kind of petty. She eventually contacted him, and they talked, he told her that he had never said anything to her because it seemed like she didn't want to talk to him. He told her that he wouldn't be ready for like, two years, and that he would think of a good plan to get her back. She saw that he was kind of falling apart without her, and she wanted to be there for him, but was too afraid of having feelings for him again, so she said no. Two weeks later, she decided they could be friends anything. Chuck put everything aside to be there for her, and to talk to her. He told her that he missed her, and if he really could be with her, that he would. They both have feelings for each other, and really missed each other. Chuck said that if she asked him to wait, he would, and he told her that he doesn't care if she can't have kids. But now, Blair doesn't know what she should do- part of her is telling her that if he genuinely wanted to be with her, he would make it happen. Another part of her is telling her that she needs to consider the fact that he genuinely cannot be with him, and if she really cared for him, she would at least consider waiting for him, if he is worth it to her. 

Okay, Blair, now what would you tell a client that presents this problem to you?

You two definitely have a complicated past, and it's clear that he's trying to put forward effort in order to show you that you mean something to him. But did you really climb out of the ditch he threw you in, and climb the mountain of moving forward with your life, to go back to him? Sure, he might act like he cares and that he wants to move forward with you, but who knows if this is just a phase? He seems a little bit wishy-washy, and you need concrete evidence and concrete proof that he is worth it to you, if he is worth going back, especially when you could be hurt even more than you were before. He might have hurt you once, but if he hurts you again, it's going to be a lot more painful, especially since you gave him a second change. You need to wait for a definite and clear sign that he is worth going back for, especially when you've moved forward so much in your life.

BUT at the same time, you have to consider the fact that he might not understand what is going on- I mean, he might not understand that you think if he wanted to be with you, that he would. He might genuinely not be able to- even if he really, really wants to. He might not be able to give you what you (and he) wants right now, even if he wants to, because it's clear that he needs to figure out how to handle and balance things in his life right now. But just because there's a promise that was made- one of two years, by the way- doesn't mean that it's going to definitely happen that way, he could wake up one morning and decide that he's changed his mind and doesn't want to be with you at all! That is why you need genuine evidence that he is worth risking this for- you seem very scared, and nervous, and that's okay, it happens. People don't always know what to do. Be kind with him, be patient with him, but don't make any decisions regarding him until you have proof that he's worth it. Because you've gone so far, and you've done so much, and moving back could have serious consequences that you don't realize, because you're so excited to have him back in your life.

I just needed to know if he was worth it, but how can you tell these things?