Couldn't and Wouldn't

“If you want to call it quits, just tell me. Man up and say it to my face. Don’t just skulk around.” 

-J.M. Richards

-

In about two seconds, Serena went from "aww," to, "what the FUCK?"

"BLAIR, WHAT THE FUCK? HE JUST DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?"

"Yeah, after he kissed me goodbye and said he'd message me, and having sex with me, after I messaged him he just read all my messages and ignored me," I said, shaking my head. I couldn't believe that I was so fucking stupid. How could I ever think that Chuck had changed? What was I thinking? I wasn't this stupid girl, I was Blair fucking Bui, a boss ass bitch and a strong ass woman.

"Oh my god, I would have gone off on him, that fucking dumb ass."

"WELL, that's why I called him four times at like, one in the morning, I was going to yell the fuck out of him but his dumb ass didn't answer back."

"OH MY GOD, He's such a fucking dumb ass."

Serena never failed to call or be there during the hard times, even though she was miles and miles away in Minnesota, it felt like she was right there with me in my apartment, watching late night infomercials and eating dark chocolate gelato.

"Yeah, I know, he's fucking stupid, but I'm fine, I was sad, like I cried for five minutes and then I was like, 'fuck him, he's stupid.'" I said, as I scooped out another perfectly domed scoop of Talenti. I had been eating healthier recently, but fuck it, this was an emergency.

"Yeah, he's getting cut off."

"Yeah, I'm sure he's going to wonder what I was going to say, and he's going to expect me to message him or say something, but fuck him, I'm never talking to him again." I smelled the pants and sweatshirt he had given me from across the room. UGH, I had forgotten that this asshole had given me his smelly ass clothes- and I had gone to class in them!

"I think he used you Blair," Serena said, as I was completely silent. "I think he used you and he didn't even know it, his dumb ass didn't even know it. Because he slept with you and now this is happening."

There was no way, Chuck didn't know how to use people, that would require actual knowledge and street smarts. He was the school smart, street stupid one, he always ways. He never knew  how to say what he wanted to say, he never knew what he was supposed to say; he was socially awkward and he didn't know how to use people. Chuck could never manipulate anyone- me on the other hand, I knew how to get what I wanted.

"But he isn't smart enough to manipulate anyone."

"He's a dumbass. I would tell you to have sex with him one more time, and then never talk to him again, but his dumb ass probably wouldn't even catch on. He's a dumb ass."

-

I woke up in the morning, and saw that he had seen my calls. No way in fuck was he going to do this to me, no way in fuck was he allowed to do this to me. He couldn't and he wouldn't.

"What's up?" Chuck said, as he picked up the phone. He voice was stern and serious.

"You didn't say anything back."

"I've been busy," he said, as there was a space of silence between the two of us.

"When people say things to other people, you say something back."

"What?"

"You couldn't have said anything?" I responded, obviously upset. Chuck Cuevas wasn't allowed to do this to me, he couldn't.

"I was busy, I told you I was going to be busy. I told you I probably wasn't going to call or respond because I'm busy and I'm going to be busy for the next four days," Chuck responded irritated. That boy did not tell me he was going to be busy, because if he had told me he was busy, I would not have almost lost my shit.

"You did not."

"I did, right before you left my room."

"You said you were going to code but that's it," I said, snipply. Chuck had always thought I could read this mind, or something. And I couldn't, and wouldn't. He needed to learn to express how he felt, because it was exhausting trying to analyze his whack ass. And I couldn't and wouldn't.

"I thought that implied that I was busy, Blair."

"That's it? You're busy?"

"Yes, Blair."

I took a deep breath, trying to stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't help it. They came out, as I held on to dear life on my phone.

"You're not doing this, you don't get to do this to me. You don't get to be an asshole." My voice was loud and clear, and I was loud and clear.

"How am I an asshole?"

"You ignored me and didn't say anything- I'm not an unreasonable person, you could've just said you were busy and that would have been it- but you ignored me, Chuck."

"Next time," he responded, quietly. Next time? I didn't even get an apology.

"Next time?" I asked, sassily. Was there even going to be a next time for Chuck?

"Yes, Blair."

"Is that all you have to say?" I wanted an apology, and I wanted him to stop being such a dumb ass, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah-"

"Well, I'm going to let you get back to coding," I said, interrupting him, "And maybe you'll think of something to say."