Two Types of Nothing

“I like to think I'm helping them by hating them. I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind.”

-Veronica Roth, Divergent

-

March 17th, 2016

I stood there, just me and Rohan, as we waited for the Uber that he had called. It was St. Patrick's Day, and Anders and Johnson had completely disappeared. Shah was still in the bar, trying to get the waitress' number. And we stood there, just the two of us. Rohan was definitely cute, and Anders had suggested that he was the best one out of their whole group...

"So what's the deal with you and Johnson?" he asked, as a drunken mob walked past the two of us. People were still going pretty hard, as it was St. Patty's day. Rohan was on my wavelength though, where beer and pizza at one's apartment sounded much better than navigating through Lincoln Park, past the hordes of drunk people.

"We went on a couple dates, and then I-" I paused for a moment, and coughed. "I mean, we decided that we were better off friends, so he invited me out tonight!" 

Rohan looked at me, curiously.

"Nothing ever happened between the two of us, we never banged," I insisted, adamantly. Not even if Johnson was the last man in the entire would would I EVER consider even giving him a high five. (And this was before he had followed me twenty blocks, now I am tremendously disgusted by him). 

"So you friendzoned him? Are you sure you don't want to bang him?"

And with those two questions, the coffin was nailed shut. My chances of dating any first year med students had been sealed, especially the one standing right next to me.

-

It had been almost a month since Johnson and I became friends again, and for whatever reason, I seemed to think that he could be somewhat useful, and somewhat a decent friend.

"No way in hell he's going to give your number to that guy," Matthew had said, that night at the bar.

"Maybe he's gotten over it, and he's going to be a good person and give my number to Rohan," I responded, as I took a bite out of my cilantro chicken tacos. "He's not that terrible." Matthew gave me a look, as he picked up another couple friends.

"Really, he's not terrible." 

"You know he likes you, and you know he can't tell the difference between pepper and brown sugar!"

That was a very valid point. Very legitimate. I took a sip out of my water and shrugged my shoulders. Maybe Johnson wouldn't be a terrible person about it?"

-

Johnson: Like I've never been in this position before. It's unorthodox.

I groaned. Matthew and Shane were right- was I really expecting Johnson to be normal about it? Johnson Baker is a simple minded, and incredibly entitled man. He's tremendously annoying, and if you couldn't tell by the fact that he followed me twenty blocks interrogating me as to why I didn't want to date him and why I wasn't attracted to him, he is, and was the worst type of guy possible. I have never understood guys that think they have claim on a woman- like how Johnson thought there was this whole huge thing between the two of us, as if we were lovers and now I was being a huge bitch about it. 

I'm not some stupid girl who thinks she can be friends with everyone- hell, do you see me never talking to Chuck again? But there's the difference there- Chuck and I were in love for almost two years, if any of this stuff happened between us (which it wouldn't, because we aren't friends, I would never think any of his friends are cute, and I wouldn't try to be friends with him), he would have every damn right to be upset or act weird. 

But Johnson and I literally went on like, two dates. I gave him like, one peck that was absolutely disgusting, and I wasn't attracted to him. And we are friends- to the point where he talks about banging what he considers to be MILFs, I talk about dates, and he has absolutely no fucking claim on me, whatsoever. BECAUSE WHAT WE HAD WAS LITERALLY NOTHING. And I don't know why it is so hard for his tiny brain to understand this concept, but he literally has no reason to act as if I'm off limits, or his, or as if this is some crazy weird situation. 

And it's not just on the whole me thinking his friend is cute thing, it's also a general thing that he does. Every time I turn down a guy, he acts like a vigilante for them, as if he is their masked hero, under the rude and completely uncalled for rejection by Blair Bui. He judges me, and acts like I'm this huge bitch that just rejects guys for my amusement- and guess what? I'm not! I'm just looking for that magic- and I damn well deserve it! 

I had known our friendship wouldn't last for long, considering the fact that he obviously is feeling some kind of way, and he is such a petty asshole about it, but there was a small part of me that hoped he could be just a normal dumb ass, and that we could be friends. And not this petty, entitled, annoying, stupid, dumb asshole.

Blair: What position?

I bet you five hundred dollars, that he says "setting up a girl that I went on dates with, with someone I know" or something along those lines.

Johnson: Idk like trying to hook someone up with people in the same social circle. Particularly someone I went on a couple dates with.

HE LITERALLY HAS NO CLAIM ON ME WHATSOEVER. 

Okay, I would be mad too in his case if we were madly in love, or dated, or he was my boyfriend, or something VALID. Or even if we had sex or made out!

BUT WE LITERALLY WENT ON LIKE TWO DATES AND I DIDN'T LIKE HIM AND HE CLAIMED HE ONLY WANTED TO BANG ME.

OKAY, and the fact that he acts weird about it, really annoyed me and blew my mind. I had refrained from yelling at him, or bitching at him many times before. All the times that Kayresia, Serena, Shane, Matthew, etc had told me that they would have been completely done with Johnson's ass, I just bit my tongue and didn't say anything.

Johnson: I'm not jealous/mad or even uncomfortable about that part, but like I said it's unusual.

"What a fucking liar," I had thought to myself. I must have said it to myself too, because Carter stopped listening to his lecture, and turned to face me.

"Are you okay?"

I must have been extremely stupid that day, because not only did I think Johnson would do me a solid without being a complete asshole about it, but I had also agreed to study with Carter. Who also, was annoying as fuck. 

"I'm fine," I said, ignoring him.

"You really should be studying," he said. I gave him a dirty look too, because he was THREE lectures behind me. Carter and I had been done, long before his whack ass told me that he would finally take me on a date when school ends. As in, when the semester is over, a month from now. He was entitled, just like Johnson, except whereas Carter didn't find ways to remotely annoy me like Johnson did. But he was still on the same level of annoying, where he thought he was so great, that I would wait a month for him.

BITCH, I didn't even wait for Chuck's ass, and I was with that mofo for a year and a half!

I started to type up my response, and at this point, I knew that our friendship was over, and that I wouldn't be able to date anyone else from his class either. With all the nonsense he said to my face, who knew what this jerk said about me behind my back?

Blair: Okay literally for like the ten millionth time we went on three dates, I didn't like you and I wasn't attracted to you. Life moves on, people aren't attracted to people and people don't want to date people. It's a normal phenomenon and it happens. And it shouldn't be considered unusual because shit happens, unless you take personal offense, which you shouldn't because it was three tiny dates and not a big deal at all.

Johnson: And like I said for the millionth time I don't care or have an issue with hooking you up with my friends, I really don't, otherwise I would have said no. It's just a position I've never been in before. I have no problem with it, I've just never done this before.

"BITCH PLEASE!"

Carter turned and looked at me, as I ignored him again.

Blair: You've never set people up before? It's like a normal thing that normal humans do.

Johnson: Yeah I've done it before.

Blair: Then it shouldn't be unusual at all!

And this is the part where Johnson Baker, the gremlin man-child nearly dies.

Johnson: I mean here's I think what gets me. Literally right after I said I'd be friends with you, you start asking me to hook you up with people, and I really get the feeling that's my only use to you. I really don't care who in my school you see or bang, but if I'm just an accessory to that then I see nothing in it for me.

"I see nothing in it for me."

I won't be friends with guys I've dated or gone on dates with, or whatever, because they are never cool about it. They are never chill, and at some point, these assholes always make me uncomfortable by asking me (or interrogating me) about why I won't-

1. bang them
2. date them
3. both

And it's something that genuinely bothers me, because the agreement of being friends with your previous date (or whatever), WITHOUT any romantic vibes, is that you are literally fucking friends, and that's it. It's not like I cuddle or go on dates with these mofos, I literally do normal friend activities, and talk about guys, and they talk about girls. And I always hope and pray for a normal friendship, and it never happens, because they always say they see nothing in it for them- because apparently, me being their friend is nothing. Me, sitting there, talking to them, listening to them, hanging out with them is "nothing in it for them." Me, being a friend- "nothing for them." And they say this, because do you know what they would consider something to them?

ME BANGING THEM.

OKAY, when was it impossible for guys and girls to become friends? To hang out normally without asking weird shit, or interrogating someone for twenty blocks? Because Johnny did the exact same shit, and he asked me why I wouldn't have sex with him, and once I told him I wasn't going to- he said he was out, because there was nothing in it for them. 

Am I missing something there? Because when I tell someone that WE ARE LITERALLY PLATONIC FRIENDS AND NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN, it means, WE ARE LITERALLY PLATONIC FRIENDS AND NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN. It is not pre-foreplay. It is not a segue-way to fucking. It is the friends path, where we hang out, drink beer, eat pizza, and guess what- ARE FRIENDS. 

And I promise I don't flirt with them, or walk around half naked. I always meet them in public places, pay for my own shit, and insist that we are friends. FRIENDS. And I swear to you- Johnson Baker is a terrible wingman. He would literally announce to EVERYONE that I wanted to meet a specific guy and make me look thirsty as hell. LITERALLY. But I'm not here to talk about how he obviously likes me, and is an embarrassing man-child.

Blair: 

1.  I know I did that, I did that to reinforce that I didn't want to date you and wasn't interested in you. And I thought I would be able to set you up with some of my friends but none of them are interested. Oh well.
2. We were on the track of being normal friends until you followed me for twenty blocks? Do you not understand how absolutely crazy and ludicrous that is- especially calling me inconsiderate and acting like I was at fault??? Because I definitely wasn't and that was weird as hell and also quite rude as hell.
3. I have plenty of guy friends and if you need a reference they'll tell you that I'm a pretty chill lady and that I like beer, but none of them weirded me out and offended me like that, which is why I think I have the not-so-subtle hint of coldness and sass.
4. Idk why you expect me to be something more than a friend because this whole time it seems like you've got some unresolved feelings and it's awkward, it's obvious from how rude AF you are when it comes to me and guys, the false assumptions and judgment and questions of my character
5. I don't need anyone to meet people, I just said he was cute! It happens, life happens.

 Johnson: Look, I really don't care to point fingers and argue

That's because all the fingers are pointed at you.

Johnson: I think it's best we just cut things off.
Blair: Good, because I don't think I can tolerate any more accusations and interrogations of my character.

I put down my phone, done talking to that asshole, and looked at the asshole next to me. Carter looked at me, shocked. And that stupid look on his face simply irritated me, if we're going to be honest. My phone went off, with another text from Johnson, attempting to converse further and to end things on a good note.

But I knew that my fate was sealed, I would not be going on a date with Rohan, or possibly any other med student at this school.