The Blue Hello Kitty

“If you like her, if she makes you happy, and if you feel like you know her―then don't let her go.”
-Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

-

November 13, 2015

It had been a long night, and in my drunken state, I had just wanted to do two things- the first being to crawl into my bed, and cuddle up with my boyfriend, and the second being to get out of this dress and these heels. Friendsgiving had ended up being a total bust- and I didn't know what I was upset about more, the fact that my boyfriend's friends completely ruined the night, or that fact that my own boyfriend couldn't stand up for me. It was weird being in a relationship, but knowing that you weren't the only one- it seemed like his friends had been around too. He had always prioritized them, and let them tag along, or show up when we were having date nights. It was something I knew, but I had never thought that he wouldn't defend me.

But it was a long night, and it was finally coming to an end, as Chuck helped a very drunk Casey back to her apartment, and we had set off for mine. Kayresia and Regina ended up going to the strip club, and so, now, finally, it was just the two of us. As soon as we got into my room, I peeled off the burgundy dress, wrapped my arms around Chuck's neck, and pulled him into a kiss. He had wrapped his arms around my waist, and the two of us got on my bed, me straddling him in a black lacy ensemble. My bra was black lace and scalloped, and my matching black lace thong looked pretty sexy too- I flipped my perfectly curled hair over a shoulder, and bent down to kiss Chuck, and then, started heading downwards.

"Blair,-"

"Yeah?" I said, seductively, as I started to unbuckle his belt.

"We have to break up."

This was happening.

My boyfriend was breaking up with me, on one of the worst nights of my entire life. What would be considered one of the worst nights of my entire life, because of his friends. And he was doing this, as I was straddling him, half naked, about to give him oral sex. And the worst part about it- was that he couldn't even wait until after.

I'm going to leave out all of the nasty bits- especially the part where I begged my boyfriend, the person I thought I was going to be with forever, not to break up with me. I'm going to tell you though, that he told me that it wasn't me, and that he just didn't want to be in a relationship. He told me that he hated his job, school was stressing him out, and that he was having problems with his friends- he wasn't having problems with our relationship, but he just couldn't handle everything going on, and that he just copes by isolating himself. To this day, part of me still doesn't understand why he threw away the only functioning component of his life, and how it took me so damn long to realize that my boyfriend was bonafide crazy.

But this story isn't being told for us to go over the reason why Chuck and I broke up, no, because we all know why Chuck and I broke up, and we all know the aftermath of all of this (the Adele songs, the crying, the continual sex without a title, the promise of getting back together, and then that not happening....the list goes on). So, we're going to fast forward through the fighting, the crying, the arguing, until 3 am the next day.

"Are we ever going to get back together?" I asked, looking at Chuck. I wiped the tear running down his cheek, and he smiled.

"I don't know, maybe someday," He sniffled, as I kissed his shoulder, and then placed my head on his shoulder. We looked at each other in silence for a second, as he wrapped an arm around me.

"If you want to be with me, even if it's three years from now, you have to promise you'll say something- because you never say what you want to say."

"I promise, Blair."

"Even if I'm dating someone," I said, looking at him. "I'd want to know."

"Well, if you're dating someone I'm not going to-" I gave him a stern look.

"I'D WANT TO KNOW."

"Okay, okay, Blair," he said, laughing. "I just don't know what I'd even say."

I looked over at the corner of my shelf, and spotted a blue and black blob, with a matching pink blob next to it. I grabbed the two figures from my shelf, and sat down.

"Here's what we're going to do," I said, smiling at Chuck, "You're going to take the Chuck one," I placed the blue Hello Kitty figurine with glasses in his hand. I had made these for Chuck and I, as part of his birthday gift. "And I'm going to take the Blair one," I said, as I placed the pink painted Hello Kitty Figurine in my hand. "And whenever one of us decides that we want to be together again, or get back together, we'll just give our Hello Kitty back to the other person, so that the two them are together again. And the other person will just know." I said, as I started to cry. Chuck pulled me in closer, and kissed my forehead.

"Blair, please don't cry."

"And when they're together again, it'll mean that we're together again. But even if you forget him, and you decide you want to be with me, you have to tell me, I promise."

"I'll draw it on a sheet of paper," Chuck said, laughing. I put my pink Hello Kitty in my purse, and then tucked a curl behind my ear.

"I'll carry her with me," I whispered.

"Me too. I'll put him in my coat pocket."

"You promise me you'll say something?" I managed to say, as the tears started running down my cheek, and my voice started breaking up.

"I promise."

-

I gathered all of Chuck's things to be returned, and then, as I placed his Engineering World Health sweater, I noticed something on my shelf. The familiar pink and fuchsia blob was such a big part of that night, she represented the idea of hope, the promise of a potential future with Chuck, but did she even mean anything anymore? Chuck and I hadn't spoken to each other in weeks- and yes, I had made the initial choice to not talk to him.

I made the choice of leaving him behind, because I knew I could never move forward. And how could I move forward with him there, acting like he wanted to be with me, when he didn't? When you want to be with someone, you do anything for them- and that included making attempts to talk to them when they're trying to ignore you forever. Okay, maybe it was harsh that I hadn't said anything to him- but he also said nothing to me! Throughout our relationship it was always me caring too much, me trying, me doing anything and everything for him. And he had just let me go.

I grabbed the pink blob, placed it in his bag of things, and walked away. I had originally made the two of them as a gift for him, so he might as well have both of them.

-

"Are you looking for something?" Yael asked, as I rummaged through the bag.

I picked Godzilla out of my bag, and placed him in Chuck's bag. I had told Chuck that he should keep Godzilla, because he needed him more than I did. We had both gotten Godzilla a year ago, and he was this cute little tiny unicorn. Chuck took him when he went to Mexico, and I took Godzilla for the first month of our break up. But it didn't feel right to take him, as Chuck needed him more than I did.

"No," I said, as I rummaged through the bags. Nothing.

-

As I rummaged through the bag of things that Chuck had gotten me, I heard a clunk on my bed. I looked down, to see something I never thought I would again. The blue hello kitty figurine stared back at me, glasses and all.

Was he doing what I thought he was doing? As I picked it up, I felt blue duct tape on the back. I flipped it over, to see a message from Chuck.

Since you arn't taking to me, there is no point in me keeping this

He didn't spell aren't or talking right.

And he had no right to be mad at me for not talking to him. It had been 43 days since I stopped talking to him, as in 43 days since I stopped making the effort to talk to him. It had been 149 days since Chuck broke up with me, and smashed my heart to pieces. And not once did he make the effort to go out of his way to say something to me, until Serena went and asked for my stuff back. And I think that just says so much.

Yeah, he sent me a passive aggressive message, that happened. And he wrote another passive aggressive message on the back of a hello kitty figurine. But is that how you get someone back into your life? I deserved better than that, I deserved a real attempt, and real effort.

-

Blair: Has he picked his stuff up yet?
Yael: Not yet

I sat there, typing on my laptop, when my phone went off.

Yael: Just kidding he just did

I looked over to the blue hello kitty figurine beside me, I must have read that message hundreds of times since I had found it on my bed earlier that weekend.

Since you arn't taking to me, there is no point in me keeping this

When suddenly, I heard a notification.

Chuck: So you didn't want godzilla?

My heart started to beat, as I saw the little text bubble typing. What was happening.

Chuck: Also, why/how is this chat box pink????

What was I going to do?